"Yesable" Propositions

It’s all around us!

Where do we encounter persuasion?

“Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion”

-Aristotle

What Doesn’t Work WellArm TwistingGuiltingThreatsLogic that is not shared or understood

Others???

Overcoming BarriersI don’t care

I don’t like it

I don’t like you

“Not brute force but only persuasion and faith are the kings of this world”

-Thomas Carlyle

Getting others to want what we want!

First, we have to know what do we want of them – Be Clear!

Then how can we make it easier for them to agree Win-Win

Before MarriageJohn: Ah… at last, I can hardly wait!Jane: Do you want me to leave?John: No! Don’t even think about itJane: Do you love me?John: Of course! Always have and always willJane: Have you ever cheated on me?John: NO! Why are you even asking?Jane: Will you kiss me?John: Every chance I get!Jane: Will you hit me?John: NO!, Are you crazy?Jane: Can I trust you?John: YesJane: Darling!

After Marriage (Read from bottom to top) John: Ah… at last, I can hardly wait!Jane: Do you want me to leave?John: No! Don’t even think about itJane: Do you love me?John: Of course! Always have and always willJane: Have you ever cheated on me?John: NO! Why are you even asking?Jane: Will you kiss me?John: Every chance I get!Jane: Will you hit me?John: NO!, Are you crazy?Jane: Can I trust you?John: YesJane: Darling!

Law of Reciprocity: If you give away something “for free,” people are inclined to reciprocate. It doesn’t always have to be stuff!

Maurice Gilbert @ 2010-12-24

Law of Commitment and Consistency: Get your audience to say “yes” in little ways before asking them for the big “yes.”

Law of Liking: When was the last time you bought something from somebody you didn’t like?

“If you wish to win a man over to your ideas, first make him your friend”

-Abraham Lincoln

Law of Authority: Having a weighty institution in support of your premise can win over a skeptical audience.

Law of Social Proof: This is the “everybody else is doing it” argument.

“The mind is no match with the heart in persuasion; constitutionality is no match with compassion”

-Everett Dirksen

Motivational Interviewing Basic PrinciplesEmpathyAvoid ArguingDevelop DiscrepanciesRoll With Resistance

EmpathyEmpathy is NotSympathyAgreementYour opinion

Empathy is…Carefully listening to the other person

Sorting it through your “filters”Responding in a way that allows the other person to say “you get me”

And it increases their awareness and insight

Express EmpathyGenuine, Non-Possessive, WarmIt is not

AgreementSympathyStating your feelings (a word about self-

disclosure)

What does it do?Communicates CaringValidates the individual and their experiencesBuilds rapport

Avoid ArgumentationArguments require a loser…Who will that be?

Arguments are counterproductive

Defending breeds DefensivenessArguing is a predictor of failure

Appealing to NatureValues mapping involves the parties in imaging a future that reflects important value preferences they have

“I would rather try to persuade a man to go along, because once I have persuaded him, he will stick. If I scare him, he will stay just as long as he is scared, and then he is gone”

-D.W. Eisenhower

Develop DiscrepancyMotivation for change is created when a person perceives a discrepancy between their present behavior, and their goals

Developing Discrepancies

Create or heighten the internal conflicts of the person

Increase their awareness of a discrepancy between where they are currently versus where he or she wants it to be in the future

Rolling with ResistanceLike Verbal Martial ArtsResistance is not challengedUse the person’s energy to take you where you want to go

Decreases their tendency to play devils advocate

“The best way to persuade people is with your ears… by listening to them”

Dean Rusk