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Workaholics 01x04 English Subtitles

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Workaholics English subtitles

Text of Workaholics 01x04 English Subtitles

100:00:02,330 --> 00:00:05,980[Alarm beeping]

200:00:11,290 --> 00:00:12,930Aah!

300:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,560Morning, Champ.

400:00:14,590 --> 00:00:17,460[Laughs]

500:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,480Funny how things...Work out.

600:00:28,030 --> 00:00:31,500 I need a fix

700:00:31,530 --> 00:00:34,640 I need to fix my ignition

800:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,450Flower power, dude.

900:00:37,480 --> 00:00:38,980Anders,why are you messing around?

1000:00:39,020 --> 00:00:40,520We're gonna be late for work.

1100:00:40,550 --> 00:00:42,450What is going on?Why are you guys doing this?

1200:00:42,490 --> 00:00:44,050Why do I love my mom so much?

1300:00:44,090 --> 00:00:46,130Why do kids startat different reading levels?

1400:00:46,160 --> 00:00:47,630Why are girls pretty?

1500:00:47,660 --> 00:00:49,160Why do I get sleepyafter I touch myself?

1600:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,970No more pranks, okay?

1700:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,240We're not in college anymore.

1800:00:52,270 --> 00:00:54,670We're grown-ups!So act like it.

1900:00:54,710 --> 00:00:58,080Just--just actlike grown-ups, please, okay?

2000:00:58,110 --> 00:01:00,120Thank you.

2100:01:00,150 --> 00:01:02,190Ow!

2200:01:02,220 --> 00:01:03,990Oh, this is not even funny!

2300:01:04,020 --> 00:01:06,090Oh, what, are you gonna breakon through to the other side?

2400:01:06,130 --> 00:01:07,860Jim morrison?The doors?

2500:01:07,900 --> 00:01:09,430'Cause of the...There's a door frame.

2600:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,730And the...'Cause if y--

2700:01:11,770 --> 00:01:14,800[hip-hop America the beautiful]

2800:01:14,840 --> 00:01:21,310

2900:01:23,780 --> 00:01:25,250Hey, buddy.

3000:01:25,290 --> 00:01:27,450Hey, can you get your dad'scredit card out?

3100:01:27,490 --> 00:01:30,720Yeah, there you go.Chief.

3200:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,020Does it start with a four?Guys.

3300:01:32,060 --> 00:01:33,360Jesus.

3400:01:33,390 --> 00:01:34,690Can I call you back?They hung up.

3500:01:34,730 --> 00:01:36,230Thanks, Jillian.Every time.

3600:01:36,260 --> 00:01:37,600I'm really sorry, you guys.

3700:01:37,630 --> 00:01:39,700I just--I haven'treally been the same

3800:01:39,730 --> 00:01:41,600since Michael Jacksondied in that knife fight.

3900:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,610Mm, that's what big mediawants you to think.

4000:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,910He's on a beach with Brad Renfroand heath ledger

4100:01:45,940 --> 00:01:48,210drinking beers.This guy.

4200:01:48,250 --> 00:01:49,710Look it up.

4300:01:49,750 --> 00:01:52,220Oh, in other news,I overheard Alice say

4400:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,220that she's gonna createa senior sales position.

4500:01:54,250 --> 00:01:56,120It's a pay raise,it's health insurance,

4600:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,860and a keyto the executive bathroom.

4700:01:58,890 --> 00:02:02,330Basically a pay bumpand a comfy dump.

4800:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,670Wow. Gross.Why are you telling us this?

4900:02:05,700 --> 00:02:07,670'Cause I think one of you guyscould totally get it.

5000:02:07,700 --> 00:02:08,770Really?

5100:02:08,810 --> 00:02:10,270Yeah, you guys have been here

5200:02:10,310 --> 00:02:13,280for, like, forever,and you're not waymond.

5300:02:13,310 --> 00:02:15,010Can I help you?

5400:02:16,980 --> 00:02:18,650A pay raise.

5500:02:18,680 --> 00:02:19,920Sounds like someone's finally

5600:02:19,950 --> 00:02:22,150gonna get that 401k started.

5700:02:22,190 --> 00:02:24,890- Oh.- What's a 401k?

5800:02:24,930 --> 00:02:26,460I'm glad you asked.

5900:02:26,490 --> 00:02:28,460Basically, it's aretirement plan so you can...

6000:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,700Oh, no.Never mind.

6100:02:29,730 --> 00:02:31,360Totally thought it was a laser.

6200:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,370Okay, can I talk now?

6300:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,970Because with my pay raise,

6400:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,870I get a flying squirrel suitto go base jumping with,

6500:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,470and that health insurance?

6600:02:37,510 --> 00:02:38,970Ooh, boy!

6700:02:39,010 --> 00:02:40,380I wouldn't mind

6800:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,180taking a growlerin that executive bathroom,

6900:02:42,210 --> 00:02:43,680but, uh,not the promotion thing.

7000:02:43,710 --> 00:02:46,580You know, mo' money,mo' problems.

7100:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,350Why don't we all justbe honest with each other?

7200:02:48,380 --> 00:02:49,780We all want the promotion.

7300:02:49,820 --> 00:02:51,490- No, I really don't.- I do.

7400:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,120But only one of us can get it,

7500:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,220so let's make a supportivething happen here.

7600:02:55,260 --> 00:02:56,660Sure, I can--we can do that,

7700:02:56,690 --> 00:02:58,130'cause we arekings of friendship.

7800:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,190- Exactly.- Friendship titans.

7900:03:00,230 --> 00:03:03,200Yeah, I think the onlypromotion I'm interested in

8000:03:03,230 --> 00:03:06,340is promoting you guys togenerals in my friendship army.

8100:03:06,370 --> 00:03:08,240Yes, sir.Well said.

8200:03:08,270 --> 00:03:10,510'Cause in no way is that,Alice,

8300:03:10,540 --> 00:03:11,670gonna affect this.

8400:03:11,710 --> 00:03:13,840'Cause this right here, bros,

8500:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,880is why I love coming to work,hanging out with my partners.

8600:03:16,910 --> 00:03:19,650My chiefs.Best friends for life.

8700:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,150You'd have to bea real scumbag to mess that up.

8800:03:22,190 --> 00:03:24,490The thing everyonehates about Anders

8900:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,990is his disrespect for women,you know?

9000:03:27,030 --> 00:03:29,760He treats chickslike second-grade citizens.

9100:03:29,800 --> 00:03:30,830And they're not.

9200:03:30,860 --> 00:03:32,530Natalie Portmanwent to Harvard,

9300:03:32,570 --> 00:03:34,370and she's smart as [Bleep].She's super smart.

9400:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,000How did you get in here?

9500:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,800If I were Anders,I'd punch you in the face

9600:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,670for asking something like that.

9700:03:39,710 --> 00:03:41,340But I'm not.

9800:03:41,380 --> 00:03:44,480Thank God I'm Adamand I love women.

9900:03:44,510 --> 00:03:46,850All women.All shapes and sizes.

10000:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,020I just love 'em.Love 'em.

10100:03:50,050 --> 00:03:54,020Blake asked me the other dayhow to spell "if."

10200:03:54,050 --> 00:03:55,460Gonna trustthat level of smartness

10300:03:55,490 --> 00:03:56,890with a multi-thousand-dollar corp?

10400:03:56,920 --> 00:04:00,390Adam, I think we're done.

10500:04:00,430 --> 00:04:02,900Oh, and, Alice, it's...

10600:04:02,930 --> 00:04:05,230I-f.

10700:04:08,900 --> 00:04:11,610"I," if you didn't know.

10800:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,210I hate my life.

10900:04:19,050 --> 00:04:20,320Hey, Alice,do you have a second?

11000:04:20,350 --> 00:04:21,520For you?No.

11100:04:21,550 --> 00:04:23,080Okay, I'll be really quick.

11200:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,020Uh, I put together a binderof new sales techniques

11300:04:25,050 --> 00:04:26,650that I've been usingon my calls,

11400:04:26,690 --> 00:04:28,390and they've turned outto be super fruitful.

11500:04:28,420 --> 00:04:30,690You know I don't like peoplegoing off my script.

11600:04:30,730 --> 00:04:33,060Alice, Mr. Benson'son the line.

11700:04:33,090 --> 00:04:34,360I just think wecould do better.

11800:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,560Please take a lookat my binder.

11900:04:37,600 --> 00:04:41,530[Sighs]

12000:04:41,570 --> 00:04:45,400All right, I'm pretty sure thesenumbers are wildly inaccurate.

12100:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,040But put together a powerpoint,and I'll look at it or whatever.

12200:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,440Okay. I'll work on itover lunch.

12300:04:49,480 --> 00:04:50,840You're notgonna be disappointed.

12400:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,110Did you want this, uh,open or closed?

12500:04:53,150 --> 00:04:55,280- Hi, Mr. Benson.- Did you want this open, or--?

12600:04:55,310 --> 00:04:57,010Oh, halfway.

12700:04:57,050 --> 00:04:58,450Uh, yeah,did you get those numbers?

12800:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,280Right.They look good, huh?

12900:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,350Oh!

13000:05:02,390 --> 00:05:05,960Yeah, but imagine itway, way hairier.

13100:05:05,990 --> 00:05:07,960Oh, man.That--that's a problem.

13200:05:07,990 --> 00:05:09,360- Right?- Got to see that in person.

13300:05:09,390 --> 00:05:10,530Oh, well, well, well.

13400:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,660Look what we got here.

13500:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,770Blake schmoozing with the help.

13600:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,800Think your way to the top'sthrough the bottom, buddy?

13700:05:1

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