Workaholics Spec Script - A SUBER Good Time

8/18/2019 Workaholics Spec Script - A SUBER Good Time

1/32

A sUBER Good Time

By

Adam Goldberg

Workaholics, Comedy Central

Registered with WGAW (1786973)4812 Craig AveMetairie, LA 70003

[email protected]


2/32

INT. ALICE’S OFFICE.

ALICE panics at her desk as her phone and email are goingoff uncontrollably.

ALICE (TO HERSELF)

Where is Anders?

She dials ANDERS’ work number and his phone rings.

DERS (VOICEMAIL)Hi, this is Anders, usually I wouldlove to converse with you. However,today I am unavailable due to aprior engagement.

ALICEPrior engagement?

She dials ADAM’s work phone.

INT. BLANK ROOM IN THE OFFICE BUILDING - CONTINUOUS

Ders, Adam, and BLAKE sit around, drink beer, laugh, andmake funny faces. Adam’s phone goes through an abbreviatedring cycle.

ADAM (VOICEMAIL)What’s up it’s Adam, I’mba-ba-ba-busy today so call backanother time.

Alice becomes enraged. She dials Blake’s work number and hisphone goes straight to voicemail.

BLAKE (VOICEMAIL)Hi, this is Blake and today (Blakewhispers, "what are we saying?")(pause) Today I’m booked all day atthe JcPennys convention downtown.Wait why-

INT. ALICE’S OFFICE. - CONTINUOUS

Alice slams the phone down before Blake’s voicemail isfinished. She storms out of her office and goes to the guy’scubicle where they aren’t present. Alice exhales and headsfor the bathroom.


3/32

2.

INT. MEN’S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

She busts open the men’s bathroom door to find WAYMONDgently touching himself in front of a urinal.

ALICE(screams)

Waymond looks at her, continues, then looks at her again.

WAYMOND(screams)

Alice leaves the bathroom traumatized. She startsaggressively opening all of the doors she sees.

INT. BLANK ROOM IN THE OFFICE BUILDING - CONTINUOUS

Ders, Adam, and Blake are all sitting in chairs, each

nursing a beer, watching a recording of the Daytona 500 on a30-inch television.

ADAMAnother lap.

Adam and Ders swing back their beers.

BLAKEAren’t there 500 laps in this?

DERSWill you chill out? We’re only onlap 4.

The guys stare at the TV.

ADAM (TO BLAKE)All I’m saying is, if she had ayeast infection, I wouldn’t evenadd her on LinkedIn.

BLAKE (TO ADAM)Not even for the connection?

On the TV, two cars get into an ugly crash.

ADAMBOOM!

DERS AND BLAKEWoah.

Adam stands up with a shot of tequila.

(CONTINUED)


4/32

CONTINUED: 3.

ADAMLadies, we have our first crash.Grab a shot of tequila!

Ders and Blake stand up. All three stand in a circle as ifthey’re giving a toast.

ADAMWe gather here today in memory of-

Adam glances at the TV.

ADAMThat car...and its sick paint job.To the paint job!

BLAKE AND DERSTo the paint job!

All three guys down the shot and grimace. They then focustheir attention back on the TV.

BLAKEPit stop! You know what that means.

DERSNo, I don’t believe we do.

Blake reaches on the floor and grabs a blow up doll withDanica Patrick’s face taped to it.

DERS (CON’T)

Oh no, you shouldn’t have.

ADAMThis is perfect.

BLAKEJust wait.

Blake picks up an old boombox.

BLAKEThought I’d give this bad boyanother run.

Blake sets the boombox on the table and hits play."Confessions Part II" by Usher begins playing.

DERSUh oh.

(CONTINUED)


5/32

CONTINUED: 4.

ADAMPart 2. How did you know?

Blake begins dancing with the doll. Adam struts over to thedancing couple.

ADAM (CON’T)

May I share this moment with you?

BLAKEHell yeah!

ADAMWasn’t talking to you.

Adam places his index finger on the doll’s mouth. Adam andBlake hump the doll from both sides.

DERSGet it! Yeah, get it!

Alice busts open the door.

ALICEWhat the fuck!?!?! What the fuckare you guys doing?!

The guys freeze.

DERSYeah! What’s going on here!?!?

ADAMWe were actually just dancing withsomeone we admire.

ALICEHow did you even find this place?!A prior engagement, Anders?

DERSI can explain-

ALICEBlake’s voicemessage explained for

itself.

Blake steps forward.

BLAKEI can explain.

Alice crosses her arms.

(CONTINUED)


6/32

CONTINUED: 5.

ALICEGo ahead.

Blake shrugs and looks down.

BLAKE

I mean...we were-

ALICEMy office, right now!

DERSAll of us?

ALICEYes, now!

ADAMAt the same time?

Adam winks while thrusting his hips. Alice grabs Adam by theear and begins dragging him to her office.

ADAMOwww Owww stop!

MAIN TITLES:

END OF COLD OPEN

INT. OUTSIDE ALICE’S OFFICE

Ders sits outside while Adam and Blake are in the office.Adam and Blake walk out of the office.

DERSWhat’s the dealio?

Adam turns to Blake.

ADAMYou tell him.

BLAKEWhy me?

Ders playfully smiles.

DERSWhat’s going on?

(CONTINUED)


7/32

CONTINUED: 6.

BLAKEWe’re suspended without pay for therest of the week. Something aboutsexual harassment in the workplace.

DERS

It’s just a doll!

ADAMThat’s what I said! It’s the facethat got us.

BLAKEI knew I should’ve used JeffGordon’s face.

DERSDamnit Danica...(beat) it’s only 4days without pay. C’mon that’s not

so bad!

Adam and Blake look away.

DERS (CON’T)I know this is hard on both of you,but there are plenty of ways tomake easy cash that I’d be happy toteach you both.

Blake starts chuckling.

BLAKE

You’re suspended too..

Anders chuckles along with Blake.

DERSYou’re kidding.

ADAMYou were with us the whole time.

Anders gets into Adam’s face, followed by Blake’s.

DERSBut it wasn’t my idea! I didn’t dothe humping! I’m number one insales in this entire office. Seethis back?

Ders hunches over, points to his back, and begins to walk.

(CONTINUED)


8/32

CONTINUED: 7.

DERS (CON’T)I’m carrying the team right here.They can’t let me go.

ADAMWell, I guess we’re all gonna have

to figure something out.

Anders points to Adam.

DERSNo, you’re wrong. (beat) If I’msuspended, why did I stay out herewhile you both went into theoffice?

BLAKEThere’s only two chairs in there.

DERSThat’s it. I’m out. To hell withall of these hip-hop handshakes andr&b fist-bumps. I need to move onwith my life.

Ders sits down and put his head in his hands.

MONTAGE

Ders graduates high school, moves into college, and saysgoodbye to his parents. Before leaving, his dad tells him

"I’m so proud of you, I know you won’t let us down."

INT. OUTSIDE ALICE’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Adam and Blake stand over Ders.

DERS (CON’T)Can I have some privacy here?Jesus!

ADAMOh yeah. That’s cool.

BLAKETotally cool yeah.

Adam and Blake start walking away.

(CONTINUED)


9/32

CONTINUED: 8.

ADAMPrivacy with Jesus? I’m not goingto ask questions.

Adam turns back to Ders.

ADAM (CON’T)Car Keys?

DERSAre you really going to ask for aride right now?

Adam and Blake leave the office. Ders pulls his hair.

DERS (TO HIMSELF)I’m just wasting my life.

Ders gets up. He turns around and punches the wall, hitting

a thumbtack.

DERS(grimaces)

Ders grabs his hand in pain. He stares at the flyer on thewall.

DERSWhat do we have here?

The flyer reads, "Want to make some easy cash? Learn how tobecome an Uber Driver! Report to Palm Springs International

Airport for Uber Driver Training Orientation. Friday’s atnoon." Ders rips off a contact information slip.

EXT. FAR SHOT OF THEIR HOUSE

Fast forward of the sun coming down, the moon rising up, andthen the sun coming back up. Ders’ car leaves the drivewayand then the Grape Van arrives.

INT. THEIR KITCHEN

Adam, Blake and KARL are in the middle of the kitchen.

KARLSo he just left?

ADAMHe’s been really down ever since wegot suspended from work.

(CONTINUED)


10/32

CONTINUED: 9.

Karl spots a warm, half-eaten cheese stick on the counterand puts it in his mouth.

KARLWhere’d he go?

ADAMWe don’t know.

BLAKEHe seemed serious when he said he’smoving on.

ADAMI’ve never seen him like that.

Adam begins breaking down.

ADAM

I thought someone would have warnedme before this happened.

BLAKEThis is all my fault. I brought thedoll and then-

KARLListen. Are we just going to sithere with our dicks still in ourpants or are we going to look forsome clues?

Blake stands up and nods his head.

BLAKEKarl’s right.

ADAM(claps) Let’s do it.

The guys split up. Adam walks into Ders’ room and scans theroom with his hands ready to grab anything in sight.

ADAMIf I were Ders, I would put all ofmy secrets...on my dresser becauseI’m so professional!

Adam gets on his back with his chest facing the bottom ofthe desk as if he were repairing a car. Blake and Karl stopand watch Adam.

(CONTINUED)


11/32

CONTINUED: 10.

ADAMGotta start from the bottom. Draketaught me that.

Blake approaches the desk and fumbles through all of thepapers. He stumbles upon a yellow post-it note and reads

what is on the note.

BLAKE6 fashion mistakes you can’t affordto make. Cutting your nails: ahow-to guide. Paying taxes:Overrated or Nah?

KARLI’ve never seen a suicide note likethis.

BLAKE

Is he trying to tell us something?

ADAMIt sounds like he’s trying to writefor Buzzfeed. (chuckles) Did anyonecheck the roof yet?

Adam begins walking away.

BLAKEStop. We need to figure out hismotive.

ADAMSomeone’s been watching Law andOrder...

BLAKECriminal Intent. Never got intoSVU.

Blake reaches for his small notepad in his back-pocket andbegins jotting notes down.

BLAKEDers wants to be a writer.

ADAMNice try Goren. These are writingsamples for when he applies to be asocial studies teacher. I can senseit.

(CONTINUED)


12/32

CONTINUED: 11.

KARLFor high schoolers?

ADAM4th grade.

BLAKE

Ders isn’t a teacher. He’s a writerand he’s going to be a columnistfor Playboy magazine.

KARLI’m pretty sure it’s just pictures.

BLAKENope! I read the articles, and sodoes Ders! That was the first thingI learned we had in common.

ADAM

The thought of reading when giventhat magazine is making my headhurt. Doesn’t matter because,you’re wrong.

BLAKEWhat makes you so sure of yourself?Anyone can be a 4th grade socialstudies teacher.

ADAMHow dare you say that. Ms.Lowenstein was not like anyone elseI know in the entire world.

BLAKEKarl, is Ders a social studiesteacher, or a writer for playboy?

KARLHe could be both.

Adam and Blake brush off the comment and resume looking forclues.

BLAKEYeah, ok.

KARLWhat if he’s a 4th grade socialstudies teacher during the day, andwrites for playboy in his freetime.

(CONTINUED)


13/32

CONTINUED: 12.

ADAMThat would make for a revolutionaryinsight into teacher-studentroleplay.

BLAKEKarl, that’s brilliant.

ADAMWe’re off to a good start. Let’skeep looking for clues, boys.

Karl scans the desk and picks up a thin strip of paper. Thestrip of paper reading, "Contact Information: 623-972-1403"blends into a bunch of random symbols as Karl tries to readit.

KARLGuys, I think I found something.It’s some kind of code.

Adam grabs the strip from Karl.

ADAMOh this is good. We need to callthis number. I bet he’s alreadytutoring some munchinks.

Blake rips it from Adam’s hand.

BLAKEThis could be Hugh Hefner.

ADAMNo way, Hefner’s number wouldn’t beon a thin slit of paper.

BLAKEYou’re right, I bet it’d beengraved inside one of thosedesigner fleshlights.

KARLI’d kill for one of those.

ADAMLet’s call it.

BLAKEAnd give ourselves away? We can’tdo that. We need to follow himstep-by-step and then, we catch himin the act.

(CONTINUED)


14/32

CONTINUED: 13.

ADAMHe’s not a child sex offender.

KARLNo, but how do you think all childsex offenders start off?

BLAKEThat’s a good point.

ADAMDamn, Karl. You’re on fire today.

KARLThat’s why I’m here.

ADAMBlake’s right. We can’t use thisyet.

BLAKEBut where would Ders go?

ADAMI bet he’s at that coffee shoppretending to read the newspaperwhile he just uses his phone.

BLAKEWhy does he do that anyways?

KARL

I think it’s pretty badass.

Adam stands up and points towards the door.

ADAMTo the coffee shop! I said it once,and I’ll say it again, "we gottafind that boy."

CLOSE ON: Vintage picture of Ders, Blake, and Adam on thefridge. Camera focuses on Ders.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:


15/32

14.

EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE COFFEE SHOP

Blake, Adam, and Karl’s heads are peeking outside the coffeeshop corner. Karl’s head is on top, followed by Blake’s headin the middle, and Adam’s on the bottom.

BLAKEWhere is he?

All of their eyes scan the area.

ADAMFound him! Winner-winner Chai-lattedinner.

Ders sits with his legs crossed in the coffee shop with anewspaper in front of him as he scrolls on his phone. Asmall cup of coffee is on the table.

BLAKEOh wow, you called it. He’s noteven reading the newspaper. I don’tget it.

KARLHey guys, look up.

Blake and Adam look up at Karl who’s looking down on them.

KARL (CON’T)Boobies.

BLAKEDamnit Karl, this is serious.

ADAMAre we just going to stay like thisuntil he leaves?

KARLI’m comfortable.

Ders stands up and folds the newspaper.

ADAMGuys, guys, he’s leaving!

BLAKEWhat’s he doing with the newspaper?

Ders stands above the compost and trash bins with hisnewspaper and a puzzled look on his face.

(CONTINUED)


16/32

CONTINUED: 15.

ADAMC’mon compost it!

Ders places the newspaper in the trash bin.

BLAKEDamnit Ders...such a waste.

ADAMWorst Social Studies teacher ever.

KARLShame.

ADAMOh ok, here he comes!

Adam jets for the Grape Van behind Karl and Blake.

INT. THE GRAPE VAN - CONTINUOUS

They all pack into the van. Karl is driving, Adam is sittingin the passenger’s seat, and Blake is in the back. Derswalks out of the coffee shop and gets into his car.

ADAMGet ready boys. Our lives won’t bethe same.

Ders starts his car and begins moving. Karl follows behindhim.

ADAMWe can’t just tailgate right behindhim. We have to be more cautious.

BLAKEYeah, we have to keep a horse’sdistance.

KARLI don’t see any horses.

BLAKE

No, you have to pretend there’s atleast one horse in between you andthe other car. I learned it atchurch camp.

KARLIt says that in the Bible?

Adam points to a car on the highway.

(CONTINUED)


17/32

CONTINUED: 16.

ADAMJust get behind that car.

Pause.

BLAKE

I don’t know guys, what if we’rewrong? What if this is bigger thanjust the teacher thing? What if themafia is involved? They would killme and take my hair.

Adam turns around to face Blake and reaches out his hand.

ADAMI’ll protect you.

Blake reaches for Adam’s hand and holds it for a second.Karl stares blankly ahead at the road as he blows a bubble

with his pink gum.

KARLHere we go guys.

BLAKEWhat’s up? Did we find out wherehe’s going?

KARLI just blew a sick bubble. Did yousee-

A sign indicating that the airport is 1 mile away appearsand quickly passes under them.

ADAMLooks like we’re going to theairport.

BLAKEIs he leaving for good?

ADAMBut all of his stuff is still atour place.

BLAKEMaybe he’s leaving us all behindand creating a new identity. Peopledo that.

(CONTINUED)


18/32

CONTINUED: 17.

ADAMHe’ll keep his name.

BLAKEMr. Holmvik? That’s atounge-twister for 3rd graDers.

ADAMIt’s 4th graDers. And he’ll be Mr.H. Guarantee it.

Ders’ car slows down along the outside of the airport andthen comes to a complete stop.

ADAM (CON’T)He’s stopping.

Adam, Blake, and Karl lean in. Ders gets out of his car andleans against it.

KARLIt doesn’t look like he’s goinganywhere.

BLAKEIf you’re not going anywhere, whywould you go the airport?

ADAMIs he gonna turn into a taxidriver?

KARLHis car isn’t yellow. Impossible.

ADAMHe’s probably picking up studentsat the airport.

KARLTeachers really go above and beyondthese days.

Medium close-up of Ders leaning against his car andwaving to an old woman as she walks by. The woman walksaway feeling violated. The camera then pans to a large signmissed by everyone reading "Uber Training Orientation inTerminal C." Adam, Blake, and Karl remain inside the carcontemplating what to do.

BLAKEDo we just wait here?

(CONTINUED)


19/32

CONTINUED: 18.

ADAMAnd let him get away? Not achance.

BLAKEWe need to see this play out.

ADAMWe can bust him right here! NYPDStyle. I wish I had zip ties.

KARLZip-ties are in the trunk.

ADAMFuck yes!

Ders shakes hands with a MIDDLE AGED MAN wearing a Hawaiianshirt. Ders opens the backseat door for him and the man gets

into the car.

ADAMSome old guy just got into the car!It’s probably the student’s father.

BLAKEWe gotta go! Follow him!

EXT. OUTSIDE AIRPORT - CONTINUOUS

Karl gets out of the van.

BLAKEKarl, what are you doing?

KARLIt’s time we prove ourselves toDers. We can responsibly escortpeople too! If you dream it, youcan do it!

BLAKE (TO ADAM)Did he dream about this?

INT. DERS’ CAR - CONTINUOUS

The man buckles his seatbelt. Ders looks at the man throughhis rear view mirror.

(CONTINUED)


20/32

CONTINUED: 19.

DERSYa know, I really like that shirtyou got there.

MIDDLE AGED MANTake me to Sky Valley please.

DERSDo you mind me asking where youscored that shirt? I’ve been on themarket for one like it for quitesome time.

MIDDLE AGED MANHow about I tell you once the rideis over. Sound fair?

DERSI like this guy. Making me sweat

this one out. Speaking of which,how’s the air back there? I’ll giveyou three levels, you tell when tostop.

Ders slowly intensifies the air conditioning.

DERSJust tell me when.

MIDDLE AGED MANWhen what?!

Ders sets the air conditioning.

DERSFigured you were a medium blower.

EXT. OUTSIDE AIRPORT - CONTINUOUS

Karl approaches a TEENAGE GIRL with a backpack and asuitcase.

KARL (TO GIRL1)Wanna ride?

Teenage Girl swiftly walks away.

TEENAGE GIRLCreep.

(CONTINUED)


21/32

CONTINUED: 20.

KARL (TO BLAKE AND ADAM)She doesn’t know what she’smissing.

An ELDERLY MAN walks past Karl.

KARL

Would you like a ride sir?

The elderly man stops, looks at Karl, then the van, thenback at Karl and shakes his head and walks away. Karl kickshis tire in frustration. Adam and Blake get out of the car.

ADAMWoah, easy there Andre the Giant.

They spot a very PREGNANT WOMAN waiting alongside the curbwith two suitcases. Adam puts his arms around Blake andKarl, forming a huddle.

ADAMDers is still in sight. Our time isnow. Fellas, I’m going in.

Dramatic music plays non-digetically. Adam breaks from thehuddle and approaches the pregnant woman.

ADAMHi ma’am, my two buddies and I areoffering a free ride today to onelucky participant. Would you liketo accept our offer? (winks)

PREGNANT WOMANNo thank you, I’m waiting for myex-husband.

Adam turns around emotionally scarred and begins walkingtowards the van.

PREGNANT WOMANScrew it! Count me in!

Adam celebrates as he swiftly grabs her luggage and loadsthe van.

PREGNANT WOMANI’ve got to warn you. I’m expectingany day now. My water may-

ADAM (HURRIED)Totally cool, don’t worry about athing!

(CONTINUED)


22/32

CONTINUED: 21.

PREGNANT WOMANI’m not sure if you heard me, my-

BLAKE (HURRIED)We got it all under control.


The pregnant woman gets in the car.

PREGNANT WOMANCan you take me to Lakeview?

ADAMYes, we’re on our way!

Karl begins driving.

BLAKEAha! I spot Ders!

Blake points him out to Karl.

PREGNANT WOMANWho is Ders?

BLAKEJust our friend we’re following.He’s going to Lakeview as well.

ADAM

So tell me about yourself.

PREGNANT WOMANWell, my name is Cynthia. I’moriginally from Arkansas.

Adam listens intently.

PREGNANT WOMANI am a school teacher.

ADAMThat’s crazy, our friend Ders is aschool teacher. We’re teacherstogether actually. 4th grade.

PREGNANT WOMANWell, I am a 7th grade teacher!

Adam’s fingers begin climbing up her arm.

(CONTINUED)


23/32

CONTINUED: 22.

ADAMI guess I’ll have to work my way upthen!

Adam leans in as they begin to kiss. Blake points to Ders’car as he directs Karl while the two remain kissing in the

backseat.

BLAKEHe’s just right there.

Blake turns around and sees the two making out. Adam takeshis shirt off.

BLAKE (CON’T)All right! Just like his old man!

The Pregnant woman begins to push Adam away. She begins topanic.

PREGNANT WOMANMy water is breaking! My water isbreaking!

Adam and Blake begin yelling. Karl glances back confused.

PREGNANT WOMANDo something!

ADAMUhhh...I don’t know!

BLAKEAdam, you gotta deliver that baby!Take a deep breath, and introducethat baby to a whole new world.

Adam takes a deep breath.

ADAMHi, my name is Adam, I am going tobe your doctor today.

He extends his hand to the pregnant woman.

PREGNANT WOMANJust help me already!

Adam grabs his t-shirt on the floor and ties it around hishead like a bandanna.

(CONTINUED)


24/32

CONTINUED: 23.

ADAMOk, push!

Pregnant woman begins screaming.

KARL (TO BLAKE)

Where’s Ders?

BLAKEWhat do you mean where’s Ders?You’ve been following him!

KARLI’ve been waiting for yourdirections!

ADAMYou’re doing great. Keep pushing.

Pregnant Woman continues screaming.


Ders is calmly driving the middle aged man. Ders peeks outof his rear-view mirror.

DERSThe air back there still good?

MIDDLE AGED MANDon’t talk to me.

The man looks out his window.


Blake struggles reading a map while Adam nurses the pregnantlady in the back of the car.

KARLWhere am I going?

PREGNANT WOMANTO THE HOSPITAL!

BLAKEAnd we’re going to the hospital!

Pregnant woman continues to scream in pain.


25/32

24.


Ders sings along to "What a wonderful world," by LouisArmstrong on the radio.

DERS

I see skies of blue, and clouds ofwhite.

The man gives Ders a concerned glare. The song then beginsto play non-digetically.


Blake fumbles while trying to read the map on his phone. Ashe flips the phone to read it, the map flips the other way.

ADAM

Keep going! Almost there!

The Pregnant Woman lets out a ferociously long scream. Quickdramatic cuts between the screaming in The Grape Van and thetranquility in Ders’ car ensue.


DERSAnd I think to myself.


BLAKETurn there!


DERSWhat a wonderful

INT. THE GRAPE VAN - SLOW MOTION

Karl’s eyes widen as he turns into Ders’ car, rested at astop sign. The two cars begin to crash in slow-motion.


26/32

25.

INT. DERS’ CAR - SLOW MOTION

DERSWorld.

Ders’ eyes widen as the impact hits Ders and the middle aged

man.

INT. THE GRAPE VAN - SLOW MOTION

The momentum of the crash provides the extra push thepregnant lady needs for her baby to be delivered. Adam holdsthe baby in his t-shirt and begins to shed a tear. "What awonderful world" ends as the screen fades to black.

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CRASH

An ambulance rushes to the scene. The EMT approaches themiddle aged man.

EMTSir, would you like to be evaluatedat the local hospital?

MIDDLE AGED MANGet off me, I’m fine. You can

evaluate this idiot driver overhere- too concerned about the airconditioning to actually drive.

DERSHey man, I’m into the tough lovething.

The middle aged man begins walking away.

DERS (CON’T)You never told me where you gotthat shirt!

MIDDLE AGED MANGo fuck yourself!

DERS (TO EMT)What’d he have for breakfast? Am Iright?

(CONTINUED)


27/32

CONTINUED: 26.

Karl approaches Ders’ car and places his insurance card onthe windshield.

DERSI’m right here, man.

KARLWhenever I see an accident, Ialways leave my insurance card forgood luck.

Karl spots a pen left by the middle aged man in thebackseat. Karl picks up the pen and looks for the man. Karlspots the man and begins jogging after him.

KARL (CON’T)Sir, you dropped this! (fading)Sir, you dropped this!

In true heroic fashion, Adam, holding the newborn baby,unnecessarily kicks open the van’s door and helps escort thepregnant woman out of the vehicle.

ADAMCynthia.

PREGNANT WOMANYes, Adam.

ADAMThis experience has brought outemotions I didn’t even know

existed.

The pregnant woman leans in for the kiss. Adam dodges thekiss.

ADAM (CON’T)I don’t think you understand. Iwant to spend the rest of my lifewith you.

PREGNANT WOMANOh my gosh, we could be a family.Me. You. And-

ADAMAnd Xylon. It’s the first name Ithought of when I held him in myarms.

(CONTINUED)


28/32

CONTINUED: 27.

PREGNANT WOMANWow, I don’t know what to say. I-

EMT approaches the pregnant woman urging her to go into theambulance.

EMTMa’am, If you could please-

ADAMI got this chief.

Holding her hand, Adam assists the pregnant woman as shehops in the back of the ambulance. Adam sits on the edge ofthe seat as she reclines.

PREGNANT WOMANI’m so glad all of this worked out.

ADAMThey say everything happens for areason.

Blake points to Adam while getting interviewed by the newsreporter. Adam sees the reporter and the camera crew walkingtowards them and becomes alarmed.

PREGNANT WOMANWhat are they doing here?

ADAMThis is my moment.

Adam hops out of the ambulance.

PREGNANT WOMANAdam, don’t leave! Wait!

The EMT closes the ambulance doors and they take off. Thenews reporter begins interviewing Adam.

NEWS REPORTERWhat happened here today?

Adam stares at her chest, and then focuses on her name tag.

ADAMWell Elizabeth, (beat) can I callyou Liz?

NEWS REPORTERYes, go on-

(CONTINUED)


29/32

CONTINUED: 28.

ADAMJust making sure. We offeredCynthia a ride home and when herwater broke, I had to sacrifice myshirt for the cause.

Adam flexes his abs.

NEWS REPORTERThat’s amazing! Do you have priorexperience delivering babies?

ADAMI’m CPR certified if that’s whatyou’re asking.

INT. ALICE’S OFFICE.

Alice is watching the news live on the office TV. On the TV,

Adam is still talking to the reporter as he puts his armaround Blake and Ders.

ALICEGod, they’re such Idiots.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CRASH

The news reporter is now interviewing all three guys atonce.

NEWS REPORTERWow, what an amazing story! Aslocal heroes, do you have anyadvice for viewers at home?

BLAKEI’ll take this one guys. Sometimes,the world needs heroes, and thisafternoon-

DERSNEVER WORK FOR TELIMERICORP OR FORALICE MURPHY!! THEY’RE

CORRUPT...AND THEY STEAL-

Adam and Blake begin to restrain Ders.

DERS (CON’T)THEY’LL STEAL YOUR HEART! BECOME ANUBER DRIVER FIRST!!

The news reporter turns to the camera.

(CONTINUED)


30/32

CONTINUED: 29.

NEWS REPORTERAnd that’s all from here! ForChannel 4 News, I’m RebeccaWilliams. Back to John in thestudio!

The cameraman’s lights go off as the news reporter takes offher smile. They gather their equipment and begin walkingaway.

NEWS REPORTERThanks guys...real mature.

BLAKENo, thank you!

Blake turns to Ders.

BLAKE (CON’T)

Ders, what the hell was that? Thatwas live TV.

DERSSomeone had to say it, I just did apublic service.

ADAMBeing a 4th grade social studiesteacher..now that’s a publicservice.

DERS

What? A social studies teacher? Howdid you guys even find me?

ADAMAn Uber driver? Imagine the ratingthat guy gave you. Umm...half of astar.

DERSAnd whose fault is that?

BLAKEHey, you’re the one who stormed outand-

ADAMYou think you can just leave us outto dry? Not even tell us?

The guys begin to get into it. Ders’ phone begins to ring.

(CONTINUED)


31/32

CONTINUED: 30.

DERSIf it isn’t the reason we’re here

now...

Ders puts his phone on speakerphone.

DERS (TO PHONE)Well, well, well, I hope you’vebeen watching channel 4 news!

INT. ALICE’S OFFICE. - CONTINUOUS

Alice stands in her office on the phone.

DERS (THROUGH THE PHONE)Let’s just say I don’t thinkprospective employees will belining up at your door to replace

us anytime soon.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CRASH - CONTINUOUS

DERS (TO PHONE)Ya know why? Cause you can’treplace us - and you definitelycan’t replace me. No one canreplace this sales-crazy tall glassof whole percent milk.

Adam and Blake both run their hands through their hair in

distress.

DERS (CON’T)C’mon guys, help me pour it on.

ADAMI’m good.

BLAKEYeah, I’m alright.

ALICE (THROUGH PHONE)Anders...you were never suspended.

Ders looks up at Adam and Blake.

END OF ACT THREE

(CONTINUED)


32/32

CONTINUED: 31.

TAG

FADE IN:

INT. OFFICE

JILLIAN leans forward in her chair.

JILLIANI’ve just been getting a lot ofcreepy energy from him. The otherday, I was picking up a package atmy door and he was just staring atme. Hello, you’re my mailman, notmy boyfriend. Whatever. He knowsI’m into him.

Jillian leans back.

JILLIAN (CON’T)It’s not fair when UPS makes theiremployees wear shorts that hugtheir thighs so tight. You’re sosweet. We should do this againsometime.

CUT TO: Danica Patrick blow-up doll slanted in the chair.

FADE OUT:

END OF EPISODE

Documents

Workaholics Spec Script - A SUBER Good Time