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Workaholics 01x05 English Subtitles

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Workaholics English subtitles

Text of Workaholics 01x05 English Subtitles

100:00:00,165 --> 00:00:02,408Okay, so I call it booze-chess.

200:00:02,528 --> 00:00:04,522I got the Cognac Royale as King.

300:00:04,642 --> 00:00:06,875Queen's Vodka.Obviously, that's the Queen.

400:00:06,995 --> 00:00:10,919Um, Old Steed Whiskey,that's the horse center guy.

500:00:14,778 --> 00:00:15,911Oh.

600:00:17,005 --> 00:00:18,505Chess-mate.

700:00:18,625 --> 00:00:19,594Let's just drink.

800:00:20,152 --> 00:00:21,138Whoa.

900:00:21,258 --> 00:00:23,145- Check out this guy.- I didn't do it.

1000:00:23,265 --> 00:00:25,403- Cannot arrest me.- Help you, ossifer.

1100:00:25,523 --> 00:00:28,742My costume for the pole dancingclass I'm taking at the Reck Center.

1200:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,544- A good way to meet babes.- Yeah.

1300:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,311A good way to keep the body in shape...

1400:00:32,431 --> 00:00:35,442And, yes, I have metsome friends--who are ladies.

1500:00:35,562 --> 00:00:37,344Cheryl, Penny, Laurie.

1600:00:37,464 --> 00:00:39,091We're all gonna makehomemade pizzas later.

1700:00:39,211 --> 00:00:40,171Sounds good.

1800:00:40,239 --> 00:00:42,007So wait, everyone wearsa cop outfit or what?

1900:00:42,074 --> 00:00:44,042Oh, no, no, no, this is just,uh, something fresh

2000:00:44,110 --> 00:00:45,643I'm bringing to the table.

2100:00:45,711 --> 00:00:47,145Thinking I might changethe game though

2200:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,913after they seethis little routine.

2300:00:48,981 --> 00:00:53,818Check it out.Buckle up.

2400:00:53,886 --> 00:00:59,190Freeze! I'm gonna need youto spread 'em.

2500:00:59,258 --> 00:01:00,225I like it so far.

2600:01:00,292 --> 00:01:02,060[Music starts]Yeah.

2700:01:02,128 --> 00:01:05,430- Oh!- Hello. Whoa.

2800:01:05,498 --> 00:01:07,499- Yo!- Yah.

2900:01:07,566 --> 00:01:08,666- Oh.- Wait a second.

3000:01:08,734 --> 00:01:09,868Where'd I put my--Oh, there it is.

3100:01:09,935 --> 00:01:12,771Eyes down here, fellas.Eyes down here.

3200:01:12,838 --> 00:01:15,306Seriously, dude,you got a pretty good dick.

3300:01:15,374 --> 00:01:17,142 S--s--stop, c--come alive

3400:01:17,209 --> 00:01:18,843 it's beat like thisthat make me smile

3500:01:18,911 --> 00:01:20,612- Oh, got me.- Oh!

3600:01:20,679 --> 00:01:22,347Oh, yeah.No, you don't need to...

3700:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,715- All right.- Need to...

3800:01:23,783 --> 00:01:27,285Oh, yeah, I don't knowwhat that's about.

3900:01:27,353 --> 00:01:30,555"Officer.""You're under arrest."

4000:01:30,623 --> 00:01:32,157Hey.Whoa! This is a chessboard!

4100:01:32,224 --> 00:01:33,391Hey, we're in the middleof a game!

4400:01:37,063 --> 00:01:38,163you're not doing it right.

4500:01:38,230 --> 00:01:40,632[Hip-Hop America the Beautiful]

4600:01:40,699 --> 00:01:50,239Sync by honeybunnywww.addic7ed.com

4700:01:50,242 --> 00:01:52,077So you really wouldn't bangTyra Banks

4800:01:52,144 --> 00:01:53,378'cause she's wearing a fat suit?

4900:01:53,446 --> 00:01:54,579That is fatism, dude.

5000:01:54,647 --> 00:01:55,580That's not a fat suit.

5100:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,515I'm looking at her fupa.

5200:01:57,583 --> 00:02:00,318No, that is a faux fupa.Totally prosthetic.

5300:02:00,386 --> 00:02:03,855I wish it was real'cause fat girls get me going.

5400:02:03,923 --> 00:02:06,458Fupa. What is--I don't knowwhat that means?

5500:02:06,525 --> 00:02:07,659I like saying it though.

5600:02:07,726 --> 00:02:10,929It's a fat upper [bleep] area.

5700:02:10,996 --> 00:02:14,766Hi, I'm Bradley,the ISP supervisor.

5800:02:14,834 --> 00:02:18,169- ISP supervisor?- I monitor your web activity.

5900:02:18,237 --> 00:02:21,272A lot of pornography, gentlemen.

6000:02:21,340 --> 00:02:23,842What's your job?What do you do?

6100:02:23,909 --> 00:02:27,212What? You don't thinkI can be an ISP supervisor?

6200:02:27,279 --> 00:02:28,746All: No, no.

6300:02:28,814 --> 00:02:30,615You can totally be that.You can be whatever you want.

6400:02:30,683 --> 00:02:32,817You could do whateveryou want to do. Yeah.

6500:02:32,885 --> 00:02:35,487What we're saying is, um,we don't look at pornography.

6600:02:35,554 --> 00:02:37,822I don't even knowwhat porn is, truthfully.

6700:02:37,890 --> 00:02:38,957I think it's sexier when a woman

6800:02:39,024 --> 00:02:40,692wears all of her clothes.

6900:02:40,759 --> 00:02:42,327- Yeah.- Mm-hmm.

7000:02:42,394 --> 00:02:43,828You know what I love,the slope of a neck.

7100:02:43,896 --> 00:02:46,898Oh. The soft voiceof a woman.

7200:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,067- Even a laugh.- Oh, laughs?

7300:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,002Cut the crap, jag holes.

7400:02:51,070 --> 00:02:54,873I can look the other wayfor a fee.

7500:02:54,940 --> 00:02:56,141Ugh, thank God,

7600:02:56,208 --> 00:02:58,743'cause we actually watcha ton o' porn.

7700:02:58,811 --> 00:03:02,213Mostly weird stuff.DPs. 3Ps. Golden showers.

7800:03:02,281 --> 00:03:03,615- Whatever.- Give me that.

7900:03:03,682 --> 00:03:06,017- I'm into bukkake.- And I love little Asians.

8000:03:06,085 --> 00:03:07,986Yeah. We've all gotour own things so...

8100:03:08,053 --> 00:03:10,155Oh, and that is a passto the wax museum.

8200:03:10,222 --> 00:03:11,256Really good one.

8300:03:11,323 --> 00:03:12,991You should see their Jackie Chan.

8400:03:13,058 --> 00:03:14,726Bradley Cooper's new.That's a new exhibit.

8500:03:14,793 --> 00:03:15,994Hey, what's going on?

8600:03:16,061 --> 00:03:17,629Nothing. Just met Brad,new ISP supe.

8700:03:17,696 --> 00:03:18,596- Call him B-Rad.- Cool dude.

8800:03:18,664 --> 00:03:19,864Good hire.

8900:03:19,932 --> 00:03:22,267Yeah, uh,this is my brother Bradley.

9000:03:22,334 --> 00:03:23,868Let me guess.He scammed you out of money.

9100:03:23,936 --> 00:03:26,871Wait, so you are notan ISP supervisor?

9200:03:26,939 --> 00:03:29,908- That's not even a real thing.- Ha ha ha!

9300:03:29,975 --> 00:03:31,843- I knew that.- I didn't. I didn't.

9400:03:31,911 --> 00:03:34,279Okay, you are good. We gotto watch out for this guy.

9500:03:34,346 --> 00:03:36,514That's what I'm talking,B-Rad.

9600:03:36,582 --> 00:03:38,349Real Danny Blaine.Is it Danny? David?

9700:03:38,417 --> 00:03:39,751- It's David.- David Blaine?

9800:03:39,818 --> 00:03:41,586- It's David.- David.

9900:03:41,654 --> 00:03:43,621Yeah, just give themtheir money back, please.

10000:03:43,689 --> 00:03:45,423- Give me that.- Thanks, man.

10100:03:45,491 --> 00:03:47,825Anyway, uh, sweetie, I'm gonnabe working late tonight.

10200:03:47,893 --> 00:03:51,262I have an internationalconference call. Brussels.

10300:03:51,330 --> 00:03:53,464Oh, home of Jean-Claude van Damme.

10400:03:53,532 --> 00:03:55,433- Muscles from Brussels.- Shut up.

10500:03:55,501 --> 00:03:56,734That's what they call him.

10600:03:56,802 --> 00:03:57,902So there's some frozen calzones

10700:03:57,970 --> 00:03:59,070in the freezer.

10800:03:59,138 --> 00:04:00,438And, um, I'll be home later.

10900:04:00,506 --> 00:04:02,106Ugh, I'm tired of being cooped up

11000:04:02,174 --> 00:04:03,708in your stupid widow pad!

11100:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,810[Snickers]

11200:04:05,878 --> 00:04:08,780Bradley, I told youI am not a widow, okay?

11300:04:08,847 --> 00:04:10,281I am divorced.

11400:04:10,349 --> 00:04:12,750I am an independent womanin the prime of my life.

11500:04:12,818 --> 00:04:17,288You're 35 and alone.I run train on chicks like you.

11600:04:17,356 --> 00:04:18,556[Whispers] Oh, my God.

11700:04:18,624 --> 00:04:20,058Why don't I hangwith these nerds?

11800:04:20,125 --> 00:04:22,393What? Okay, no.

11900:04:22,461 --> 00:04:24,295No, Bradley, you do not wantto hang out with them, okay?

12000:04:24,363 --> 00:04:25,530They are total losers

12100:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,298[scoffs] Real losers?Come on.

12200:04:27,366 --> 00:04:28,666We have a swimming pool.

12300:04:28,734 --> 00:04:31,035We--we all haveour own rooms.

12400:04:31,103 --> 00:04:33,204We have an aquarium.A very small one.

12500:04:33,272 --> 00:04:38,076- We have two working toilets.- That's not very loser, is it?

12600:04:38,143 --> 00:04:39,978- It's settled then.- Yeah, B-Rad.

12700:04:40,045 --> 00:04:40,878- All right.- Oo-hoo!

12800:04:40,946 --> 00:04:42,380[Whistles]

12900:04:42,448 --> 00:04:45,216I'll be right back.

13000:04:45,284 --> 00:04:50,788That dude definitely looksat porn.

13100:04:50,856 --> 00:04:53,124It's funny 'cause it's true.He does. I've caught him.

13200:04:53,192 --> 00:04:56,527Okay, listen to me,Bradley is my brother

13300:04:56,595 --> 00:04:59,163and the only thingin the world that I love.

13400:04:59,231 --> 00:05:01,132He's like the childI will never have.

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