Verbal Judo for Officials! Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association What Verbal Judo is not! • It is not Verbal Karate! • License to take or give verbal abuse

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  • Verbal Judo for Officials!

    Chad Collins, General Counsel

    Kentucky High School Athletic Association

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    What is Verbal Judo?

    The Japanese word JUDO JU = gentle DO = way

    In Physical Judo, you use of the energy of others and redirect that energy to subdue or incapacitate. It is self defense!

    Simply put, The Gentle Art of Persuasion

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    What Verbal Judo is not!

    It is not Verbal Karate! License to take or give verbal abuse License to disregard playing rules and or regulations We look to praise without manipulation; speak with escalating; and criticize

    without devaluing

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Who am I?

    Soccer Official Administrator USSF Certified Coach Father / Husband / Son / Brother

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Who are you?

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Why is any of that important?

    We all where many different hats (some never come off) and recognizing that is the first step to better communication.

    These skills are applicable to all these roles, but we will focus on officiating. 3 overarching goals of Verbal Judo:

    Safety; Enhance Professionalism; and Increase proficiencyperformance level.

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Who is an official?

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    What is your most dangerous tool or weapon?

    For cops, it is not gun or a club, but a And this will prevent us from achieving our real goal of voluntary

    compliance.

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    What is your most valuable tool or weapon?

    In one word. To win a hundred victories in 100 battles is not the highest skill. To subdue

    the enemy without fighting is the highest skill.

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    The importance of Acknowledgment

    I appreciate that Yes sir I got it This begins to establish and illustrate empathy

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Know your audience

    Cultural Differences Sioux

    No eye contact but for blood family or those being measured for the kill Americans

    Out of my face and out of my space Eye Contact

    Middle east If your not inside their personal space this is disrespectful Loud!

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Know your audience

    Cultural differences aside, people generally fit into 3 categories: Nice People Difficult People (WHY?) Wimps

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    11 Things You Never Say to Anyone

    1. Come here!2. You wouldnt understand.3. Because those are the rules.4. Its none of your business.5. What do you want me to do

    about it?6. Calm down.

    7. What's your problem?8. You neverYou always9. Im not going to say this again.10.Im doing this for your own

    good.11.Why dont you be reasonable?

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    11 Things You Never Say to Anyone

    Come here = Go away! You wouldnt understand = your stupid Its none of your business = I have lost control here What do you want me to do about it? = I have lost control here

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    11 Things You Never Say to Anyone

    Calm Down is a form of criticism Whats your problem? = I am never the problem You neverYou always (generalizations)

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    11 Things You Never Say to Anyone

    Im not going to say this again Im doing this for your own good (pointless) Be reasonable = you are unreasonable

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Verbal Abuse

    The greatest abuse today is verbal abuse

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Single most powerful word in the English language

    Empathy Not Sympathy

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Single most powerful word in the English language

    The key to success is staying calm in the midst of conflict, deflecting verbal abuse, and offering

    empathy.

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    The Greatest Speech You Will Ever Live To Regret

    Samurai state of mind = mushin= still center Closest English word is disinterested

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    The Greatest Speech You Will Ever Live To Regret

    2 Principles for dealing with difficult people (taking abuse): Let the person say what he or she wants as long as they do what you say

    Focus on behavior, not attitude! Always look for win-win.

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    5 Tools to gain Voluntary Compliance

    LEAPS

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Tool # 1

    Listening

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Tool #2

    Empathy

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Tool # 3

    Asking

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Tool # 4

    Paraphrasing

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    14 Benefits of Paraphrasing:

    1. Set the hook;2. Taken control;3. Check for understanding;4. Allows correction;5. Makes a better listener;6. Create empathy (other);7. Gained attention;

    8. Overcomes sonic intention;9. Opportunity to clarify (other);10.Prevents metaphrasing;11.Allows for reverse paraphrasing;12.Allows you to clarify;13.Encourages fair play;14.Allows you to focus (real issue).

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Tool # 5

    Summarizing

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Judo v. Karate

    If Judo is the gentle way Caution Too aggressive and burns bridges

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    The 5 Phases of Voluntary Compliance

    1. Ask2. Set Context3. Present Options4. Confirm5. Act

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    3 Great Communication Arts

    1. Representation (contact)2. Translation 3. Mediation (options)

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Why is this so difficult? (taking verbal abuse)

    You can learn to take more verbal abuse if you begin to see yourself as a professional who treats others with dignity and respect.

    You are dealing with 6 people

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Consider

    Avoid the inner voice Value of Personalization Never underestimate the power of praise

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    The Power of Praise

    Be specific Be aware of surroundings If necessary, criticize first, then praise. Why?

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    This is no place for ANGER!

    Never mix emotion and punishment. CautionVerbal abuse

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Take Aways.

    Spirit of the law versus letter of the law3 overarching goals of Verbal Judo5 Tools to gain voluntary complianceMost important tool

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Additional Resources

    Verbal Judo, The Gentle Art of Persuasion, George J. Thompson Getting to Yes, William l. Ury Your sports playing rules!

  • Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

    Questions

    Thank You!

    Verbal Judo for Officials!What is Verbal Judo?What Verbal Judo is not!Who am I?Who are you?Why is any of that important?Who is an official?What is your most dangerous tool or weapon?What is your most valuable tool or weapon?The importance of AcknowledgmentKnow your audienceKnow your audience11 Things You Never Say to Anyone11 Things You Never Say to Anyone11 Things You Never Say to Anyone11 Things You Never Say to AnyoneVerbal AbuseSingle most powerful word in the English languageSingle most powerful word in the English languageThe Greatest Speech You Will Ever Live To RegretThe Greatest Speech You Will Ever Live To Regret5 Tools to gain Voluntary ComplianceTool # 1Tool #2Tool # 3Tool # 414 Benefits of Paraphrasing:Tool # 5Judo v. KarateThe 5 Phases of Voluntary Compliance3 Great Communication ArtsWhy is this so difficult? (taking verbal abuse)ConsiderThe Power of PraiseThis is no place for ANGER!Take Aways.Additional ResourcesQuestions

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