Iraqi Kinship

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The New York Times

September 28, 2003, Sunday, Late Edition - Final

SECTION: Section 1; Page 1; Column 4; Foreign Desk

THE STRUGGLE FOR IRAQ: TRADITIONS;Iraqi Family Ties Complicate American Efforts for Change

BYLINE: By JOHN TIERNEY

DATELINE: ALEMIYA, Iraq, Sept. 27

BODY:Iqbal Muhammad does not recall her first glimpse of her future husband, because they were both

newborns at the time, but she remembers precisely when she knew he was the one. It was the afternoonher uncle walked over from his house next door and proposed that she marry his son Muhammad.

"I was a little surprised, but I knew right away it was a wise choice," she said, recalling that afternoonnine years ago, when she and Muhammad were 22. "It is safer to marry a cousin than a stranger."

Her reaction was typical in a country where nearly half of marriages are between first or second cousins, astatistic that is one of the more important and least understood differences between Iraq and America. The

extraordinarily strong family bonds complicate virtually everything Americans are trying to do here, from

finding Saddam Hussein to changing women's status to creating a liberal democracy.

"Americans just don't understand what a different world Iraq is because of these highly unusual cousin

marriages," said Robin Fox of Rutgers University, the author of "Kinship and Marriage," a widely used

anthropology textbook. "Liberal democracy is based on the Western idea of autonomous individualscommitted to a public good, but that's not how members of these tight and bounded kin groups see the

world. Their world is divided into two groups: kin and strangers."

Iraqis frequently describe nepotism not as a civic problem but as a moral duty. The notion that Iraq's nextleader would put public service ahead of family obligations drew a smile from Iqbal's uncle and father-in-

law, Sheik Yousif Sayel, the patriarch in charge of the clan's farm on the Tigris River south of Baghdad.

"In this country, whoever is in power will bring his relatives in from the village and give them important

positions," Sheik Yousif said, sitting in the garden surrounded by some of his 21 children and 83

grandchildren. "That is what Saddam did, and now those relatives are fulfilling their obligation to protecthim from the Americans."

Saddam Hussein married a first cousin who grew up in the same house as he did, and he ordered most of

his children to marry their cousins. Sheik Yousif said he never forced any of his children to marry anyone,but more than half of the ones to marry have wed cousins. The patriarch was often the one who first

suggested the match, as he did with his son Muhammad nine years ago.

"My father said that I was old enough to get married, and I agreed," Muhammad recalled. "He and my

mother recommended Iqbal. I respected their wishes. It was my desire, too. We knew each other. It was

much simpler to marry within the family."


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A month later, after the wedding, Iqbal moved next door to the home of Sheik Yousif. Moving in with the

in-laws might be an American bride's nightmare, but Iqbal said her toughest adjustment occurred fiveyears later, when Sheik Yousif decided that she and Muhammad were ready to live by themselves in a

new home he provided just behind his own.

"I felt a little lonely at first when we moved into the house by ourselves," Iqbal said. Muhammad said he,

too, felt lonely in the new house, and he expressed pity for American parents and children livingthousands of miles from each other.

Sheik Yousif, who is 82, said he could not imagine how the elderly in America coped in their homesalone. "I could not bear to go a week without seeing my children," he said. Some of his daughters have

married outsiders and moved into other patriarchal clans, but the rest of the children are never far away.

Muhammad and three other sons live on the farm with him, helping to supervise the harvesting of barley,wheat and oranges, and the dates from the palm trees on their land. The other six sons have moved 15

miles away to Baghdad, but they come back often for meals and in hard times. During the war in thespring, almost the whole clan took refuge at the farm.

Next to the family, the sons' social priority is the tribe, Sadah, which has several thousand members in thearea and is led by Sheik Yousif. He and his children see their neighbors when praying at Sunni mosques,but none belong to the kind of civic professional groups that are so common in America, the pillars of

civil society that observers since de Tocqueville have been crediting for the promotion of democracy.

"I told my children not to participate in any outside groups or clubs," Sheik Yousif said. "We don't want

distractions. We have a dynasty to preserve." To make his point, he told his sons to unroll the family tree,a scroll 70 feet long with lots of cousins intertwined in the branches.

Cousin marriage was once the norm throughout the world, but it became taboo in Europe after a long

campaign by the Roman Catholic Church. Theologians like St. Augustine and St. Thomas argued that thepractice promoted family loyalties at the expense of universal love and social harmony. Eliminating it was

seen as a way to reduce clan warfare and promote loyalty to larger social institutions -- like the church.

The practice became rare in the West, especially after evidence emerged of genetic risks to offspring, butit has persisted in some places, notably the Middle East, which is exceptional because of both the high

prevalence and the restrictive form it takes. In other societies, a woman typically weds a cousin outsideher social group, like a maternal cousin living in a clan led by a different patriarch. But in Iraq the ideal isfor the woman to remain within the clan by marrying the son of her father's brother, as Iqbal did.

The families resulting from these marriages have made nation-building a frustrating process in the MiddleEast, as King Faisal and T. E. Lawrence both complained after efforts to unite Arab tribes.

"The tribes were convinced that they had made a free and Arab Government, and that each of them was

It," Lawrence wrote in "Seven Pillars of Wisdom" in 1926. "They were independent and would enjoythemselves a conviction and resolution which might have led to anarchy, if they had not made more

stringent the family tie, and the bonds of kin-responsibility. But this entailed a negation of central power."

That dichotomy remains today, said Ihsan M. al-Hassan, a sociologist at the University of Baghdad. At

the local level, the clan traditions provide more support and stability than Western institutions, he said,

noting that the divorce rate among married cousins is only 2 percent in Iraq, versus 30 percent for otherIraqi couples. But the local ties create national complications.


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"The traditional Iraqis who marry their cousins are very suspicious of outsiders," Dr. Hassan said. "In a

modern state a citizen's allegiance is to the state, but theirs is to their clan and their tribe. If one person inyour clan does something wrong, you favor him anyway, and you expect others to treat their relatives the

same way."

The more educated and urbanized Iraqis have become, Dr. Hassan said, the more they are likely to marry

outsiders and adopt Western values. But the clan traditions have hardly disappeared in the cities, as isevident by the just-married cousins who parade Thursday evenings into the Babylon Hotel in Baghdad.

Surveys in Baghdad and other Arab cities in the past two decades have found that close to half ofmarriages are between first or second cousins.

The prevalence of cousin marriage did not get much attention before the war from Republicans in theUnited States who expected a quick, orderly transition to democracy in Iraq. But one writer who

investigated the practice warned fellow conservatives to stop expecting postwar Iraq to resemble postwarGermany or Japan.

"The deep social structure of Iraq is the complete opposite of those two true nation-states, with their

highly patriotic, cooperative, and (not surprisingly) outbred peoples," Steve Sailer wrote in The American

Conservative magazine in January. "The Iraqis, in contrast, more closely resemble the Hatfields and theMcCoys."

The skeptics have local history on their side, because Middle Eastern countries have tended toward eitherinternecine conflict or authoritarian government dominated by kin, cronies and religious leaders.

Elsewhere, though, democracy has coexisted with strong kinship systems.

"Japan and India have managed to blend traditional social structures with modern democracy, and Iraqcould do the same," said Stanley Kurtz, an anthropologist at the Hoover Institution. But it will take time

and finesse, he said, along with respect for traditions like women wearing the veil.

"A key purpose of veiling is to prevent outsiders from competing with a woman's cousins for marriage,"

Dr. Kurtz said. "Attack veiling, and you are attacking the core of the Middle Eastern social system."

Sheik Yousif and his sons said they put no faith in American promises of democracy -- or any otherpromises, for that matter.

"Do you know why Saddam Hussein has not been captured?" asked Saleh, the oldest son of Sheik Yousif."Because his own family will never turn him in, and no one else trusts the Americans to pay the reward."

Saleh dismissed the reports that Americans had given $30 million and safe passage out of Iraq to the

informant who turned in Mr. Hussein's sons.

"I assure you that never happened," Saleh said. "The American soldiers brought out a camera and gavehim the money in front of a witness, and then they took him toward the Turkish border. Near the border

they killed him and buried him in a valley. They wanted the money for their own families."

http://www.nytimes.com

GRAPHIC: Photo: Sheik Yousif Sayel is the patriarch of a clan in Alemiya, Iraq. Many of his 21 childrenhave married cousins, and he has often suggested matches. "We don't want distractions," he said. "We

have a dynasty to preserve." (Photo by Dana Smillie/Polaris, for The New York Times)(pg. 22)

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Iraqi Kinship