Foolish times December Issue

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The best gift we can give is laughter

Text of Foolish times December Issue

  • December 2014

    A Holiday Tradition...

    12 Christmas Chuckles by Derrick Wood

  • www.foolishtimes.net2 December 2014

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  • 3December 2014

    What the Bleep isFoolish Times?

    Foolish Times is a free monthly tabloid publishing the best humor we can find (some months we search harder than others). The opinions or ideas expressed by contributors are not necessarily those of Foolish Times, its owner, advertisers, or associates, or their extended families, or their friends or neighbors, or their asso-ciated pen pals, up to and including cock-atiels. All articles, graphics, photographs, and what-not (especially the what-not) are copyrighted by the so-called writers" and "artists" who contribute them. Foolish Times uses invented names in all its sto-ries, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.

    AdvertisersFor rate information, email or

    call 831.648.1038 For rat information,

    call your exterminator

    List of FoolsChucklehead.......................Stevie P.Editorial Fool..........................Susie Q.Sales Fool..............................Hunter T.Art Fool..............................Morgan M.Resident Humorist............Larry Wilde

    ContributorsBini, Lily Brun, Max Cannon, Ted Gargiulo, Debbie Harris, Dennis Hengeveld, Brian Iglesias, Daria

    James, Rex Keyes, Richard Matranga, Stephen L. Millich, Quarlen Qurossman,

    Chuck Scardina, Chuck Shepherd, Rosie Sorenson, Monty Truitt, Henry

    Tunahuna, Derrick Wood

    Foolish TimesP.O. Box 4046 Monterey, CA 93942

    The Chucklehead SpeaksThere are two sides to every story. There is Yin and Yang, Laurel and Hardy and what goes up must come down. What Im referring to is the heat I took for dusting of the cover of last years December issue drawn by local icon Chuck Scardina and illustrated by our very Art Fool, Morgan M. and running it for the second time.

    Pete and Repeat? I like to think of it as creating a tradition. A tradition is a behavior or action that you engage in again and again. Done correctly, it lends a certain magic, spirit and texture to our everyday lives. This is sounding more and more like an addiction to me. Never the less, we are starting a tradition and reusing this great piece of art on our December cover and to add to that, we also brought back the 12 Christmas Chuckles by cartoonist Derrick Woods.

    To all of youembrace the old traditions, create new addictions and enjoy this wonderful Holiday Season. Thank you for supporting the advertisers, we couldnt bring humor into your lives without them. See you in 2015; its going to be a great year!

    Stevie P. /

    Editors NoteAt the risk of sounding completely unoriginalI cant believe the end of the year is here. Twelve issues are behind us. What an incredible group of contributors and advertisers we have. Year-in-and-year-out we can count a them to be a part of the foolishness we create each month. They bring their good humor, funny insights and silly thoughts to help make this magazine one to laugh at. And we like that! Its a good thing!

    Whatever your holiday plans this year, we hope youll find a place in them for Foolish Times. I envision dinner around the table and with family and friends reading a favorite joke or quote from a favorite writer. Thats my holiday wishthat you celebrate with laughter. Magic happens when we laughespecially when we laugh out loud! So have a good guffaw on us!

    Susie Q. /

  • 4 December 2014

    Tony and Sta

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    On The First Day of Christmas...

    Jogging ShoesDeciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoes, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. Whats this little pocket thing here on the side for?

    Oh, thats to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when youve jogged too far.

    Say What?An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

    Maam, did you know you were speeding? the officer said.

    The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, What did he say?

    He said you were speeding! the old man yelled.

    The patrolman then asked, May I see your license?

    The woman turned to her husband again, What did he say?

    The old man yelled back, He wants to see your license!The woman then gave the officer her license.

    I see you are from Arkansas, the patrolman said. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman Ive ever seen.

    The woman turned to her husband again and asked, What did he say?

    The old man replied, He said he knows you!

    On Your OwnMy husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals.

    Tired of it after several months, I said, I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.

    Fair enough. From now on Ill make my own, he replied.

    A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him afterwards.

    We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like, he suggested.

    I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order.

    My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, Separate checks, please

  • 5December

    itPost No Bills

    Hundreds of specialty & seasonal beersciders & craft sodas, BYOF

    Drink in or take out 600 Ortiz Ave, Sand City


    CAFMonterey Crepe Co.

    Sweet & savory artisan crepesEuropean street food at its best

    321 Alvarado St 831.373.4646 831.375.4646


    Voted best donuts since before time!An iconic meeting place for locals

    Home of the $5 Mon-Tues doz donuts433 Alvarado St, Monterey1646 Fremont Ave, Seaside831.372.9761 831.394.3444


    Lots of food for so little money!Voted one of the top 100 best

    Chinese restaurants in the county1584 Del Monte Blvd, Seaside

    831.394.5117Full Moon

    A local favorite, lunch specialsWarm hospitality and perfect portions

    Mandarin cuisine at its best429 Alvarado St, Monterey



    Voted Best Restaurant in SalinasThe Bozzo family has been at it

    since 1975--This place is worth its weight in alfredo sauce.1410 S Main St, Salinas


    A local's favorite!Great food, great service

    Crab Enchiladas are fabulous1612 Contra Costa, Seaside


    PUBSCrown & Anchor

    Home of Basal! A classic British owned& operated pub. Late night menu

    150 W. Franklin St, Monterey831.649.6496

    The friendliest military watering hole in town

    Best burgers and coldest beer aroundAll you can eat Spaghetti every Monday

    282 High St, Monterey831.644.9811

    THAIBaan Thai

    Follow your nose to the smell of lemon grass - to this tucked away haven

    Locals rave about this place1760 Fremont Blvd, Seaside



    Monterey County is home to award-winning wine

    You cant go wrong with anything from our region

    Enjoy a bottle while reading the rest of the paper




    The Haute Enchilada Cafe and Gallery

    An awardwinning funky Mexican place with eclectic menu of sustainable

    seafood and local organic produce plus two art galleries. Celebrating

    its 15th anniversary.7902 Moss Landing Road, Moss Landing

    LATE NIGHTDennys

    Monterey County is not known for late night food, unless you have

    leftovers in your fridgeMarina, Monterey, Salinas

    and Seaside locations

    SEAFOODI See Food, I Eat it!

    If you dont nd something that was swimming in the sea on a menu in Monterey County, youre probably

    still in Kansas Dorothy

    Bay Of PinesBest New Restaurant. Ocean theme decor.

    Seafood, steak, salads, small plates Full bar, nightly entertainment150 Del Monte Ave, Monterey


    FAST FOODIf food were fast,

    we would all be running after it

    Avatar Serving memorable and avorful meals that speak of India in their preparation,

    aromas and presentation in a casual setting.

    Creekbridge Plaza, Salinas 831.443.2156


    BREAKFASTFirst Awakenings

    ...Egg-cetra. A locals & visitorsrst choice to star