Conflict Resolution Steps to P

CONFLICT RESOLUTION: STEPS TO PROFESSIONAL HARMONY

Effective Conflict

Resolution Student Manual

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Table of Contents

Table of Contents ................................................................................................................................. 2

Section One: Getting Started ................................................................................................................ 4

Workshop Objectives ................................................................................................................................ 5

Action Plans and Evaluations ..................................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.

Section Two: Introduction to Conflict Resolution ................................................................................. 6

Conflict, What Is It? ................................................................................................................................... 7

What is Effective Conflict Resolution? ...................................................................................................... 8

Understanding the Effective Conflict Resolution Process ........................................................................ 9

Section Three: Effective Conflict Resolution Styles ............................................................................. 10

Collaborating ........................................................................................................................................... 11

Competing ............................................................................................................................................... 12

Compromising ......................................................................................................................................... 13

Accommodating ...................................................................................................................................... 14

Avoiding .................................................................................................................................................. 15

Section Four: Creating an Communicative Atmosphere ...................................................................... 16

Defuse Emotions ..................................................................................................................................... 17

Setting Ground Rules .............................................................................................................................. 18

Choosing the Time and Place .................................................................................................................. 20

Section Five: Mutual Understanding .................................................................................................. 21

What Do I Want? ..................................................................................................................................... 22

What Do They Want? .............................................................................................................................. 23

What Do We Want? ................................................................................................................................ 24

Section Six: Focusing on Individual and Shared Needs ........................................................................ 25

Identify Common Ground ....................................................................................................................... 26

Build Positive Energy and Goodwill ........................................................................................................ 27

Strengthen Your Partnership .................................................................................................................. 29

Section Seven: Analysing to the Root Cause ....................................................................................... 31

Examining Root Causes ........................................................................................................................... 32

Creating a Cause and Effect Diagram ...................................................................................................... 33

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Identifying the Benefits of Resolution .................................................................................................... 35

Section Eight: Create Options ............................................................................................................. 36

Generate, Don’t Evaluate ........................................................................................................................ 37

Creating Mutual Gain Options and Multiple Option Solutions ............................................................... 38

Digging Deeper into Your Options .......................................................................................................... 39

Section Nine: Solution Building .......................................................................................................... 40

Creating Criteria ...................................................................................................................................... 41

Creating a Shortlist .................................................................................................................................. 42

Choosing a Solution ................................................................................................................................ 43

Building a Plan ......................................................................................................................................... 44

Section Ten: Additional Tools ............................................................................................................. 45

Stress Management Techniques ............................................................................................................. 46

Anger Management Techniques ............................................................................................................. 47

The Agreement Frame ............................................................................................................................ 48

Asking Open Questions ........................................................................................................................... 49

Section Eleven: Wrapping Up ............................................................................................................. 50

Words from the Wise .............................................................................................................................. 50

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Section One: Getting Started

There are many ways to resolve conflicts ‐ surrendering, running away, overpowering your opponent

with violence, filing a lawsuit, etc. Conflict resolution, grew out of the belief that there are better

options than using violence or going to court. Today, conflict resolution is used in a wide range of

industries covering an array of different situations.

This course will demonstrate the six‐step process to resolve conflicts of any size. You will also learn

crucial conflict resolution skills, including dealing with anger and using the Agreement Frame.

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Workshop Objectives

Research has consistently demonstrated that when clear goals are associated with learning, it occurs

more easily and rapidly. With that in mind, let’s review our goals for today.

At the end of this workshop, participants should:

Understand what conflict and effective conflict resolution means.

Understand all six phases of the conflict resolution process.

Understand the five main styles of conflict resolution.

Be able to adapt the process for all types of conflicts.

Be able to break out parts of the process and use those tools to prevent conflict.

Be able to use basic communication tools, such as the agreement frame and open questions.

Be able to use basic anger and stress management techniques.

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Section Two: Introduction to Conflict Resolution

It is very easy to view all conflict as negative, but this is not true. We are all different and those

differences can sometimes emerge as conflict. Viewing conflict in this way can help us consider the

possible positive outcomes of the problem at hand. This workshop will introduce conflict resolution

processes that will help you better understand those differences, enabling you interact in a more

positive and productive way.

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Conflict, What Is It?

Let’s look at the true meaning of conflict. The Dictionary defines conflict as, “to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at

variance, or in opposition; clash.”

Wherever people live and work together there will be tensions and disagreements. Whilst some are relatively minor skirmishes which soon blow over; others become entrenched and simmer away for years. A few escalate and explode into serious strife.

Some examples of conflict can include:

Executives receive a 10% pay increase whilst shop

floor employees are laid off.

An employee gains permission to work from home whilst other employees are refused.

One department refuses to work with another due to a personality clash with management.

One employee is bullied by their supervisor.

Workplace conflicts will be our main focus during this workshop; however the tools we utilise can be

used in personal situations also.

Conflict can also be healthy for an organisation. Conflict can sometimes increase motivation and

competitiveness in certain situations.

Two companies vie for the top market share.

Several sales people work to be the top salesperson.

AFL teams work towards playing at the grand final.

These examples of conflict can result in greater success, whether “success” means a better product,

better teamwork, better processes, lower prices, trophies, or medals.

Everyone experiences conflict – it’s how you deal with it that matters.

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What is Effective Conflict Resolution?

Conflict resolution can be obtained in many different ways, from mutual agreement to completely

wiping out your opponent. Few of us can deny that the conflict of World War 2 was eventually resolved,

but at what cost? If Germany had won the war, this would also mark the resolution to the conflict. This

would imply that conflict resolution has no right or wrong outcome, only a subsidence of the conflict.

Effective Conflict Resolution implies a satisfactory outcome to the conflict which satisfies all parties.

Some common conflict resolution terms include:

Mediation: A process to resolve differences, conducted by an impartial third party.

Mediator: In impartial person who conducts a process to resolve differences.

Dispute Resolution: The name given to any

process aimed at resolving differences between

two parties.

Apparent Conflict: A situation where the conflict

is in the open.

Hidden Conflict: A situation where the conflict is

not in the open.

Destructive Conflict: can result in heavy

organisational and personal costs.

Constructive Conflict: can enhance problem

solving, and decision making

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Understanding the Effective Conflict Resolution Process

Conflict comes in many forms, and our process will help you in any situation. Below you can find a brief

overview of how we are going to spend most of this workshop.

Although we have outlined the various conflict resolution phases in a particular order and with a

particular grouping, that doesn’t mean that you have to use all the phases all the time.

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Section Three: Effective Conflict Resolution Styles

As with many subjects that improve our working or personal environment, Effective Conflict Resolution

has five widely accepted styles and processes. We will concentrate during this workshop on the

collaborative style. There may be some situations that require a different style so during this section of

the workshop we will touch on the other four styles.

Understanding all five styles and knowing when to use them is an important part of successful effective

conflict resolution.

The Five styles include:

Collaborating

Competing

Compromising

Accommodating

Avoiding

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Collaborating

Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative ‐‐ the complete opposite of avoiding. Collaborating

involves an attempt to work with others to find some solution that fully satisfies their concerns. It means

digging into an issue to pinpoint the underlying needs and wants of the two individuals. Collaborating

between two persons might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other's

insights or trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal problem. This is the approach that we

will use during this workshop.

The collaborative approach encourages parties in conflict to work together to develop a win‐win

solution. This approach promotes assertiveness

(rather than aggressiveness or passiveness).

This style is appropriate when:

The situation is not urgent.

An important decision needs to be made.

The conflict involves a large number of

people.

Previous conflict resolution attempts

have failed

This style is not appropriate when:

A decision needs to be made urgently.

The matter is trivial.

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Competing

Competing is assertive and uncooperative ‐‐ an individual pursues his own concerns at the other

person's expense. This is a power‐oriented mode in which you use whatever power seems appropriate

to win your own position ‐‐ your ability to argue, your rank, or economic sanctions. Competing means

"standing up for your rights," defending a position which you believe is correct, or simply trying to win.

With a competitive approach, the person in conflict takes a firm stand. This style is often seen as

aggressive, and can often cause the other party to feel injured or stepped on.


A decision needs to be made quickly (i.e.,

emergencies).

An unpopular decision needs to be made.

Someone is trying to take advantage of a

situation.


People are feeling sensitive about the conflict.

The situation is not urgent.

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Compromising

Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The objective is to find some

expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties. It falls intermediate

between competing and accommodating. Compromising gives up more than competing but less than

accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue more

directly than avoiding, but does not explore it in as much

depth as collaborating. In some situations, compromising

might mean splitting the difference between the two

positions, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick

middle‐ground solution.

With the compromising approach, each person in the

conflict gives up something that contributes towards the

conflict resolution.


A decision needs to be made sooner rather than later.

Resolving the conflict is more important than having each individual “win”.

Power between people in the conflict is equal.


A wide variety of important needs must be met.

The situation is extremely urgent.

One person holds more power than another.

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Accommodating

Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative ‐‐ the complete

opposite of competing. When accommodating, the individual

neglects his own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other

person; there is an element of self‐sacrifice in this mode.

Accommodating might take the form of selfless generosity or

charity, obeying another person's order when you would prefer

not to, or yielding to another's point of view.

This style is one of the most passive conflict resolution styles.

With this style, one of the parties in conflict gives up what they

want so that the other party can have what they want. In

general, this style is not very effective, but it is appropriate in

certain scenarios.


Maintaining the relationship is more important than winning.

The issue at hand is very important to the other person but is not important to you.


The issue is important to you.

Accommodating will not permanently solve the problem.

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Avoiding

Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative ‐‐ the person neither pursues his own concerns nor those of

the other individual. Thus he does not deal with the conflict. Avoiding might take the form of

diplomatically sidestepping an issue, postponing an issue until a better time or simply withdrawing from

a threatening situation.

People who use this style tend to accept decisions without question, avoid confrontation, and delegate

difficult decisions and tasks. This is another passive approach that is typically not effective, but it does

have its uses.


The issue is trivial.

The conflict will resolve itself soon.


The issue is important to you.

The conflict will continue or get worse

without attention.

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Section Four: Creating an Communicative Atmosphere

Creating a communicative atmosphere is a very important step in the effective conflict resolution

process. The people involved in the conflict will typically be negative. With emotions like anger,

frustration, and disappointment being only a few roadblocks you will have to contend with. By

establishing a positive communicative atmosphere, you can begin to turn that negative energy around,

and create a powerful problem‐solving force. This creates a sound foundation for the effective conflict

resolution process to

start.

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Defuse Emotions

Before beginning the effective conflict resolution process, there must be a willingness by both parties to

resolve the conflict. This may seem a an obvious requirement but in some competing conflicts one party

may not wish to discuss if there is any hint they may need to give any ground. Without buy‐in from both

sides, achieving a win‐win solution is close to impossible.

Once participants have agreed that they do wish to resolve the conflict, it is important to defuse as

many negative emotions as possible. This requires you to allow the participants in the conflict time to

vent and work through the feelings associated with the

conflict.

Key steps for the people in conflict include:

Accept that you have negative feelings and

that these feelings are normal.

Acknowledge the feelings and their root

causes. Example: “I feel very angry that Marie

never offers to make the tea.”

Identify how you might resolve your feelings.

Example: “If Marie would offer to make the tea

occasionally instead waiting for me to make

it.”

This can generate ideas about what the root cause of the conflict is, and how to resolve it. Example:

“Marie’s work may be heavier than mine. I wonder if she might be having some stress and anxiety

regarding her time.”

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Setting Ground Rules

Ground rules provide a framework or a set of rules for people to resolve their conflict. Ground rules

should be set at the beginning of any effective conflict resolution process. They can be very brief or very

detailed – whatever the situation requires.

Ground rules should be:

Developed and agreed upon by both parties.

Positive when possible.

Fair to both parties

Enforceable

Adjustable

Distributed to both parties who agree to the

rules prior to the meeting taking place.

If the parties are using a mediator to help them resolve the conflict, it is important that the ground rules

are developed by the parties and not the mediator. The mediator’s role is to guide and mentor, not to

judge.

Some examples of ground rules include (including an explanation of its purpose):

Keep interactions respectful, even when feeling frustrated or hurt. Avoiding put‐downs, name

calling, interruptions, etc. This helps prevent conflict escalation.

Maintain emotional control, even when feeling angry. Vent or redirect emotions to avoid yelling

or other intimidating behaviour. This helps provide a safe environment for resolving

differences.

Keep interactions on "hot topics" within a structured process. Avoiding spontaneous discussions

on such issues helps prevent unintended "blowups." Using a planned negotiation or mediation

helps focus and balance communication about especially delicate issues.

Show a willingness to understand. If others feel understood and acknowledged, they are more

likely to collaborate when problem solving. This requires focusing on and empathising with

what is being communicated by others rather just waiting for a turn to respond.

Communicate honestly and openly. Holding back on what the real concerns are will only delay

or complicate the resolution of differences.

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Be as objective as possible. Avoid speculation, rumours, and assumptions. Rely on personal

observations and experiences or what can be independently verified through a credible

witness or available documentation.

Express concerns in a constructive manner. Each party describing which of his/her needs are

not being met is typically better received by others than accusations or demands for change.

Focus on future solutions rather than past blame. Emphasising what needs to be changed

rather than who is at fault takes less time and energy and increases the chances of successful

change.

Look for solutions that meet everyone's needs. Using an approach that tries to find common

ground or shared interests is the most effective way for each person to get his/her own needs

met. An approach that disregards a person's needs is likely to cause resentment in that

individual, which can lead to future resistance or retaliation.

Participants can use the ground rules throughout the conflict resolution process to monitor and modify

their behaviours. Ground rules give participants an objective, logical way of addressing personal attacks

and emotional issues.

An example: “David, I feel like you have cut off my last several statements. We agreed at the beginning

of this that we would listen to each other’s statements fully before answering.”

If the conflict is being mediated, this also gives the mediator a fair way to give participants feedback and

help them work with the conflict. Since the same rules are being applied to everyone, it can help the

mediator maintain fairness and avoid bias.

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Choosing the Time and Place

Thoughtful consideration of the environment in which

the discussions are to take place are very important.

The correct location enhances the parties’

commitment, supports quality decision‐making, and

can enhance the appearance of the mediator’s

neutrality. It could be the most important decision

made by the mediator.

The environment should include physical surroundings

that affect people’s bodily comfort levels. It also

should include some less tangible elements: the

parties’ relative levels of power, their feelings of

safety, and arrangements that convey respect.

You should remember to bring flip charts, markers,

calculators, and notepads for the parties. Make sure

the facility has available phones, fax machines, laptop computers, and printers. If you feel it necessary,

make tissues available. On‐site tissues relieve emotional parties of embarrassment and tension. They

communicate a clear nonverbal message that crying is an acceptable and normal event that happens

during this stressful time.

Make sure that there is lots of time allowed. Minimise distractions if possible: turn cell phones off,

forward office phones to voice mail, and turn off computers.

If you are mediating a conflict resolution meeting, be conscious of the needs of both parties when

scheduling the meeting. Make sure that the time chosen works well for both of them. Choose a location

that is neutral (one that they are both comfortable with or that neither has visited before). Removing

distractions will enable both parties to concentrate on the matter at hand: resolving the conflict.

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Section Five: Mutual Understanding

Two teenage brothers still living at home with their parents,

both wanted to borrow the family car at the same time. Their

parents arrive home to hear a blazing row between the two

young men. The arguments went on for hours until their

mother couldn’t stand it any longer and intervened, asking

the boys where they were going. One of the brothers was

travelling to his girlfriends and the other was playing football

at the other end of town. On closer investigation it became

apparent that the brother seeing his girlfriend could easily be

dropped off by the other brother on his way to play football.

This would allow the other brother to have a few beers as he

didn’t have to worry about drinking and driving.

This model of win‐win situations and mutual gain is our preferred outcome for any conflict. In this

section, we will explore how creating mutual understanding can lay the groundwork for a win‐win

solution.

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What Do I Want?

The previous story regarding the two brothers highlights something fundamental to effective conflict

resolution, “what do I really want?” The possession of the car wasn’t the root of the problem, arriving at

the desired destination was.

Identifying what you personally want out of the

conflict should be stated as objectively and as

positively as possible.

Examples of this could be:

I want a fair share of all new customers.

I want a better working relationship with

my manager.

I want changes to the schedule.

A good idea is to create two versions of your

personal needs statement: your ideal resolution

and your realistic resolution. Or, you could frame

your statement into several steps if the conflict is complicated.

Another useful exercise is to break down your statement into wants and needs. This is particularly

valuable if your statement is vague. Let’s take the statement, “Ben is unhappy with his/her manager

over work assignments.”

WANT NEED

More input into the scheduling process To work less than 40 hours per week

A more regular schedule More notice of any overtime

requirements

This will give you some bargaining room during the conflict resolution process, and will help ensure that

you get what you need out of the solution. In the example above, you may be willing to give up a more

regular schedule if more notice for any overtime work was provided.

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What Do They Want?

Next, identify what the person that you are in conflict with wants. Try to frame this positively. Explore all

the angles to maximise your possibilities for mutual gain.

These framing questions will help you start

the process.

What does my opponent need?

What does my opponent want?

What is most important to them?

What is least important to them?

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What Do We Want?

Now that you have identified the wants and needs of

both sides, you need to look for any overlaps. These

overlaps will be the start for establishing mutual

ground.

Here is an example. Sam and Jane are in conflict over

the current working schedule. As the most senior

members of the production line team, they both

alternate their regular duties with that of the line

manager. Although taking on the responsibility gives

the line manager an extra $250 per shift, the line

manager also has to work an extra hour per shift, and

has additional safety responsibilities.

Sam and Jane both work Monday to Friday. As a regular production line team member, their shifts are

from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. As Line Manager, they are expected to work from 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.

SAM JANE

WANTS To have at least two line manager

shifts per week, as the extra money

is useful.

To have at least two line manager

shifts per week.

To leave by 5 p.m. on Fridays.

NEEDS To leave by 5 p.m. on Mondays and

Wednesdays to pick up his

children.

To ensure that the line manager

position is covered by someone

from Monday to Friday, 8:30 a.m.

to 5:30 p.m.

Not to have more than three line

manager shifts per week as it will

require her to pay extra taxes.




to 5:30 p.m.

The chart above shows clearly that Sam and Jane have the same goal, which is to ensure that the line

manger position is covered by someone. This is a logistical conflict rather than one driven by emotion.

We can also see from the chart that there seems to be some good starting ground for a solution.

When working through the wants and needs of both parties, be careful not to jump to conclusions.

Rather, be on the lookout for the root cause. Often, the problem is not what it seems.

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Section Six: Focusing on Individual and Shared Needs

At this point in the process it may appear we have made hardly any progress in resolving the conflict.

Indeed, most of these primary steps are focused on information gathering and problem solving.

But by building shared interests or common ground, you will have a better understanding of each

others' needs. Get to know the other party better, listen to their desires and assess their statements. Let

the other party know more about you so they may better know you as well. This will allow you to

positively progress toward resolving the conflict. You can then make a list of options you share as a way

to satisfying individual needs and interests, one of the key building blocks for win‐win solutions.

This section will look at some techniques for building common ground, and how to use common ground

to create a partnership.

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Identify Common Ground

In almost every situation of conflict there will be

common ground between the parties. We have

already talked about finding common ground when

exploring each side’s wants and needs.

In our earlier example, with Sam and Jane in conflict

over the line manager schedule, they both wanted to

ensure that the position was covered during their

hours of responsibility. Other possible areas of

common ground could include ensuring the safety of

the assembly line team or both Sam and Jane needed

the extra money. Try hard enough and you’ll find

something in common!

You should continue to try to find common ground

throughout the entire conflict resolution process. It

will help you understand your adversary’s position and better position you to help create a win‐win

solution. These positive gestures will build goodwill, and help you make the shift from being two people

in conflict to being two people working to solve a mutual problem.

From an emotional perspective finding common ground between you and the other party, or you and

the disputing parties (if you are acting as a mediator) will enable the two parties to see each other as

people again, rather than the enemy.

Some examples:

“I think the company needs a more unified sales team, too.”

“I would really like us to win first place this year, too.”

“I agree that we can get this conflict resolved and build a better widget.”

“I would like to take my family on a special holiday this year, too.”

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Build Positive Energy and Goodwill

There are often many negative emotions associated with conflict. No wonder – conflict makes many

people upset and anxious, and often results in negative feelings like anger and disappointment.

If you are able to turn that negative energy into positive energy and build goodwill with the person that

you are in conflict with, resolving the conflict will be much easier. Ironically, the more negative the

situation, the more important this step is.

Let’s say that the person that you are in conflict with is very angry with you. Although they have agreed

that they want to resolve the conflict, they are cool towards you and putting in minimum effort towards

resolving the problem.

You may think, “Why should I bother?” This is a very

important question indeed. How much energy and

time are you willing to spend on this conflict? Is it

worth resolving? (We will explore these questions

more in the next section.)

Consider, however, the power that your approach

has. You have two basic options: to match your

adversary’s demeanour, or to be a positive

influence. Both will likely take as much energy, but

which will yield greater results?

Here are some ways to build positive energy.

If you say, “I see where you’re coming from,” make sure you mean it. If you can’t see where they

are coming from, ask them to tell you more. Often, sharing information can break down even

the toughest person’s defences.

Frame things positively.

Have a good attitude. The preparation steps we discussed earlier should help you identify the

positive things that will come out of this conflict. Try to focus on these things instead of the

negative aspects of the conflict.

Create actionable items.

Try to keep emotions out of your statements. State feelings and opinions in as objective a

manner as possible. Label your thoughts as thoughts by starting sentences with, “I think…”

Take a break when you need it.

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Invite the other person to step into your shoes. Tell them a story, outline consequences, and

explain how you feel in an objective manner. Share as much information as you can.

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Strengthen Your Partnership

Making the transition from opponents to problem‐solving

teammates is one of the most powerful conflict resolution

tools. We have already discussed ways to build common

ground and help bridge the gap between you and the person

you are in conflict with, or the parties you are mediating.

These tools are a great start, but there are some additional

things that you can do to maintain and strengthen that

partnership. The Tuckman team development model to

conflict resolution is one of those things, and is detailed

below.

Bruce W Tuckman is a respected educational psychologist who first described the four stages of group

development in 1965. Looking at the behaviour of small groups in a variety of environments, he

recognised the distinct phases they go through, and suggested they need to experience all four stages

before they achieve maximum effectiveness.

This model can be applied to one‐on‐one human interactions, too.

STAGE EXPLANATION WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP

FORMING Team members are just meeting; unsure

of their role and themselves.

Encourage team building through non‐

conflict laden tasks and activities.

Involve the team in task planning and goal

setting.

STORMING Team members discover differences and

butt heads; conflict can interfere with

progress.

Continue with the plan; evaluate and adjust

as necessary.

Support the team through conflict and help

them resolve it.

NORMING Team members start to discover

similarities too. Performance typically

improves, but social interaction may also

cause it to drop.

Keep the group focused on the goal;

encourage social activities outside of team

time.

PERFORMING Team members are now comfortable

with each other and work together well.

Continue to offer resources and support to

the team. Monitor performance, as teams

can change stages at any time (particularly

when members join in or drop out).

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Section Seven: Analysing to the Root Cause

In medicine, it's easy to understand the difference between treating symptoms and curing a medical

condition. When you're in pain because you've broken your leg, you want to have your symptoms

treated immediately. However, taking painkillers won't heal your leg, and true healing is needed before

the symptoms can disappear for good. In this example numbing the pain may encourage you to walk on

your broken leg causing more damage, damage that will be very apparent when the pain killers

eventually stop working.

But when you have a problem at work, how do you approach it? Do you jump in and start treating the

symptoms? Or do you stop to consider whether there's actually a deeper problem that needs your

attention?

If you only fix the symptoms – what you see on the surface – the problem will almost certainly happen

again. Which will lead you to fix it, again, and again, and again?

If, instead, you look deeper to figure out why the problem is occurring, you can fix the underlying

systems and processes that cause the problem.

Root Cause Analysis (RCA) is a popular and often‐used technique that helps people answer the question

of why the problem occurred in the first place.

In this section, we will learn how to delve below the current conflict to the root of the problem. This

phase is important for long‐term resolution, rather than a band‐aid solution.

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Examining Root Causes

It is important at this stage to look at the root causes of the conflict.

One way to do this is through simple discussions with the parties. This involves continuously asking the

question, “Why?” to get to the root of the problem.

An example:

I was really upset when Mark dismissed my

idea at the workshop.

Why <did this upset you>?

I felt that my idea had real value and he didn’t

listen to what I had to say.

Why <do you think he didn’t listen to what

you had to say>?

He has been with the company for a lot longer

than I have and I feel that he doesn’t respect

me.

Now we have progressed from a single isolated incident to the root cause of the incident itself (and

probably many more past and future incidents). Resolving this root cause will provide greater value and

satisfaction to all involved.

Paying attention to the wording of the root cause is important, too.

Watch out for vague verbs.

Try to keep emotions out of the problem statements.

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Creating a Cause and Effect Diagram

Another way of examining root causes is to create a cause and effect diagram (also known as a fishbone

diagram) with the person that you are in conflict with. To start, draw a horizontal arrow pointing to the

right on a large sheet of paper. At the end of the arrow, write down the problem.

Now, work together to list possible causes. Group these causes. Draw a line pointing to the large arrow

for each cause and write the cause at the top.

Now, write each cause on a line pointing to the group arrow. (Sticky notes work well for this.)

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Now the people in the conflict have a clear map of what is happening.

Although this technique can be time‐consuming, it is excellent for complicated conflicts or for team

conflicts where there may be more than one root cause. The drawing should be updated as new causes

are discovered.

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Identifying the Benefits of Resolution

Effective conflict resolution digs deep into the issues, often exploring unfamiliar and uncomfortable

territory in order to resolve the core conflict; it is only this that will prevent the problem from

reoccurring.

However, this process can be time‐consuming and emotionally difficult. You and the person that you are

in conflict with may arrive at a point (or several points) in the conflict resolution process where you

wonder, “Is this really worth it?”

When you arrive at these stalemates, take a look at why you

are resolving the conflict. It can also be helpful to explore what

will happen if the conflict is not resolved.

What relationships will deteriorate or break up?

What is the financial cost to the company or yourself?

What will be the emotional cost?

Who else will be affected?

Questions like these should help you put things into

perspective and evaluate whether or not the conflict is worth

resolving. In most situations, resolving the true conflict is well

worth the effort in the long term. Visualising the benefits can

provide the motivation to work through the rest of the process.

For complex conflicts, there are some additional ways to stay motivated. It’s acceptable to break the

resolution sessions into parts, with a different goal for each session. It’s also acceptable to take breaks

as needed – a short walk in the fresh air or a drink of water or coffee can do wonders to refresh the

mind and body.

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Section Eight: Create Options

The creation of options is an essential step in the process of resolving any conflict, including seemingly

stubborn situations. In a conflict resolution scenario, once all parties to the conflict have identified the

issues under contention, they should systematically list ALL options that they see available to them for

advancing their interests. The parties should include options they would not normally choose, as these

could turn out to be compatible with those of an opposing party.

This stage is all about quantity, not quality; you want as many options to choose from as possible.

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Generate, Don’t Evaluate

It’s time to begin generating ideas for resolving the

symptoms of the conflict. Focus on to the root cause and

expand your list of ideas.

Don’t be afraid to offer any ideas, even if they sound

silly. Remember, this stage is about identifying what you

can do, not what you will do.

It is very important not to censor yourself or the person

that you are in conflict with, or if you are mediating

allow both parties to speak freely. Record all the

possible ideas or perhaps use a brainstorming diagram.

If you have created a cause and effect diagram, you can

record the ideas for resolution right on the diagram. (Once again, sticky notes are ideal for this initial,

idea‐generating phase.)

At this stage, all your work to build common ground and positive relationships will really start to pay off.

As you and the person you are in conflict with start to generate options, the positive energy will build,

increasing your creative output exponentially.

If you are having trouble thinking of solutions, use these questions to jump‐start your creativity.

How do we not want this conflict to be resolved?

How might others resolve this conflict?

In an ideal world, how would this conflict be resolved?

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Creating Mutual Gain Options and Multiple Option Solutions

Once you have a good list of options, review the list and perform some basic evaluation.

Highlight options that provide gains for both parties.

Look for options that can be combined for an optimal

solution.

Cross off options that are an absolute no‐go for either

party.

Make options more detailed where appropriate.

Continue brainstorming and generating ideas.

What if your entire list of options gets crossed off? Then it’s

back to the drawing board! If you are having trouble coming

up with ideas, consider taking a quick break, moving the

brainstorming meeting elsewhere, and/or involving outside

parties.

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Digging Deeper into Your Options

Once the list has been narrowed down it’s time to delve deeper into each option. Identify:

The effort for each option (perhaps on a scale of one to ten)

The payback for each option (also on a scale of

one to ten)

Your estimation as to its likelihood of success

Other options that could be used to complement it

Each party’s preference for it (expressed as

yes/no, or a percentage in favour)

At this point, we are still gathering information and

exploring options, so try to make the list as long as

possible. For simple conflicts, three to five options is

usually sufficient. For more complex issues, five to eight

options may be necessary. If the team involves more than

two people, you will likely need eight to twelve options.

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Section Nine: Solution Building

Now we have a list of all the possible solutions, it’s time to move on to choosing a one and laying the

groundwork for a resolution. This section will explore how to create criteria and how to use those

criteria to create a shortlist of options, and then to move on to a solution.

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Creating Criteria

For the moment, set aside your list of options. It’s time to create a framework to evaluate those options.

Try not to think about the different options as you create the criteria. Focus instead on the wants and

needs of both parties.

Criteria should basically explore what you want and do not want from the solution. You can also

prioritise your criteria by what is necessary to have and what you would like to have (also known as

needs and wants). Identify any items you would be willing to compromise on.

CRITERIA WANT? NEED? SHARED WITH OPPONENT? COMPROMISE ON?

The best approach is for each party to take a few moments to write down their individual criteria, and

then come together and combine the lists to create a final set of criteria. Although it is important to

work together on this list, it is also important that the wants and needs of both parties are respected.

You may ask, why create criteria after creating options? Wouldn’t it make more sense to create a list of

criteria and then generate a list of options?

Logically, this approach does make more sense. However, it can be difficult to come up with creative

options when you already have a framework in mind. Therefore, we recommend brainstorming first,

and then creating criteria second.

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Creating a Shortlist

Once the criteria have been created, bring out the list of

solutions. Eliminate any solutions that do not match the must‐

have criteria that you and your partner identified. At the end

of this process, you should have a small, manageable list of

potential solutions.

If you find that there are no solutions left after following this

process there are two options open to you.

1. Re‐evaluate your criteria and re‐evaluate the

solutions, to ensure there really are no options left.

2. Go back to the drawing board and work on additional solution ideas.

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Choosing a Solution

Now, choose a final solution. Remember, you

can often combine multiple options for even

greater success!

Here is a checklist to evaluate the chosen

solution.

Is it a win‐win solution for everyone

involved?

Are all needs provided for?

Are all criteria met?

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Building a Plan

The greatest solution in the world is worthless unless it

is successfully implemented. To make sure this

happens successfully it is important to have a plan. The

complexity of this plan should vary with the complexity

of the situation. For simple conflicts, you may frame an

agreement like this: “Marie and I will take turns making

the tea, and we will make sure that we let each other

know when this happens.”

For more complex situations, such as those involving

groups of people or multiple option solutions, a

detailed action plan may be appropriate. It is important

that each party take responsibility for implementing

the solution, even if it is determined that one party is

at fault.

For example, let’s say that the conflict resolution

process has determined that communication issues

between Ben and Mark are causing most of the conflict

regarding overtime assignment. Although Ben and Mark are going to work on this problem by improving

communication and keeping fairness in mind, the remainder of the team will be responsible for

supporting Ben and Mark and following up to make sure no further issues arise.

For even larger implementations like corporate process changes involving many departments and

teams, it is important to follow strict Project Management methodology like PRINCE2 or PMBOK. In

some cases you may look to engage a Project Manager to implement the solution.

The action plan should also include a list of things to do if the conflict is not actually resolved after

implementing the solution. Typically, the parties will re‐evaluate the cause and effect diagram to ensure

their analysis of the root cause was accurate. They may also want to examine their criteria and explore

other solutions.

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Section Ten: Additional Tools

To wrap up this workshop, we would like to share some additional tools that can help you resolve

conflicts.

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Stress Management Techniques

A definition of stress is physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension. You know when you are under

stress. Nothing is worth more than your health. Keeping your mind and body free from stress requires

a conscience effort on your part.

Here are some suggestions to keeping a healthier you:

Get plenty of exercise. If you do not exercise, park your car farthest from the building and

walk briskly, take the stairs as much as possible and walk at a faster than normal pace

around the office.

Get plenty of rest and sleep.

Learn to compartmentalise your work and

home life. Leave home issues at home and

work issues at work.

Remain positive

Stretch at least twice a day. Take your

hands and place them on your hips and lean

back slightly until you feel your back stretch.

Take your right arm and cross it in front of

you, then take your other arm and gently

push on the elbow of your right arm. Repeat

this for your left arm. Get on your tip toes then rock back on your heels. Repeat several

times.

Maintain your work schedule.

Leave early to work and avoid traffic if possible

Make sure you spend time at home with your family, meeting their needs too.

Laugh whenever possible.

Help others

Keep good relationships with your colleges and manager and you will experience less stress.

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Anger Management Techniques

Dealing with conflict can be hard on the mind and the body. Being well‐equipped with some anger

management techniques can help you stay calm during the conflict resolution process. Nothing is going

to get solved when either (or both) parties are angry and upset.

Here are some tips to help keep you cool during the conflict resolution process.

Deep breathing has beneficial mental and physical

effects.

Coping thoughts can help you stay calm, too. Some

examples: “I feel like he is just trying to push my

buttons. I’m stronger than that!” or, “I’m not going to

let myself get upset – that won’t solve anything. Instead,

I am going to focus on getting this conflict solved.”

Make sure to take breaks as needed. If the person you

are in conflict with becomes emotional or stressed,

encourage them to take breaks as well.

After the conflict is over, talk about it with someone

appropriate.

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The Agreement Frame

The Agreement Frame can be used in any situation to explain your viewpoint in an assertive, non‐

confrontational way, without watering your position down. It is designed to encourage discussion and

information sharing between all parties. Although it can be used in many situations, it is particularly

effective in conflict resolution.

The Agreement Frame takes one of three forms:

I appreciate, and…

I respect, and…

I agree, and…

Here is an example of the Agreement Frame in use.

PERSON A PERSON B

The best way to resolve this conflict is for you to

resign your position immediately.

I respect your opinion, and I think that there might

be some other viable options.

What options were you considering? I think that if I issued an apology to the team for

the misunderstanding that we would be on our

way to resolving the conflict.

I think that option is too low‐key for this situation. I agree that it might not be a strong enough

statement and I may need to have team meetings

to address the underlying issues.

Remember, the words “but” and “however” are conversation‐stoppers. Try to avoid using them with the

agreement frame.

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Asking Open Questions

When possible, use the five W’s or the H to ask a

question.

Who?

What?

Where?

When?

Why?

How?

These questions encourage discussion, self‐evaluation, and open conversation. Some useful questions

for conflict resolution include:

What happened?

Why do you feel that way?

When did this problem start?

How does that make you feel?

Who else is involved?

?

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Section Eleven: Wrapping Up

Although this workshop is coming to a close, we hope that your journey to improve your conflict

resolution skills is just beginning. Please take a moment to review and update your action plan. This will

be a key tool to guide your progress in the days, weeks, months, and years to come. We wish you the

best of luck on the rest of your travels!

Words from the Wise

WILLIAM ELLERY CHANNING: Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to

grow strong by conflict.

M. ESTHER HARDING: Conflict is the beginning of consciousness.

CARL W. BUECHNER: They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made

them feel.

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Effective Conflict Resolution

Section One: Getting Started

This course will demonstrate the six-step process to resolve conflicts of any size. You will also learn crucial conflict resolution skills, including dealing with anger and using the Agreement Frame.

Pre‐Assignment Review

• Conflict is always negative.

• Conflict is always violent.

• Conflict is inevitable• Conflict is inevitable.

• Anyone can experience conflict.

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Workshop ObjectivesBy the end of this workshop, participants will be able to:

• Understand what conflict and effective conflict resolution means.

• Understand all six phases of the conflict resolution process.

• Understand the five main styles of conflict resolution.

• Be able to adapt the process for all types of conflicts.

• Be able to break out parts of the process and use those tools to prevent conflict.

• Be able to use basic communication tools, such as the agreement frame and open questions.

• Be able to use basic anger and stress management techniques.

Section Two: Introduction to Conflict Resolution

• People often assume that conflict is always negative. This is not true!

• People are inherently different, and conflict simply happens when thoseconflict simply happens when those differences come to light.

• With a conflict resolution process, people can explore and understand those differences, and use them to interact in a more positive, productive way.


Let’s start by firstly defining the true definition of the word “Conflict.”

“to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash.”

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Conflict can also be healthy.

– Two companies vie for the top market share of a particular product

– Several sales teams work to get first placeplace

– Six hockey teams work towards winning a championship

What is Effective Conflict Resolution?

The term “effective conflict resolution” simply means how you solve conflicts in a way that satisfies both parties.

Common conflict resolution terms include:

• Mediation

M di• Mediator

• Dispute

• Apparent Conflict

• Hidden Conflict

• Destructive Conflict

• Constructive Conflict

Understanding the Effective Conflict Resolution Process

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Section Three: Effective Conflict Resolution Styles

• There are five widely accepted styles of resolving conflicts.

• These were originally developed by Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann in the 1970’s.

• Understanding all five styles and knowing when to use them is an important part of successful conflict resolution.

CollaboratingThis style is appropriate when:

• The situation is not urgent

• An important decision needs to be made

• The conflict involves a large number of people, or people across different teams

fl l h• Previous conflict resolution attempts have failed


• A decision needs to be made urgently

• The matter is trivial to all involved

Competing


• A decision needs to be made quickly (i.e., emergencies)

• An unpopular decision needs to be made

• Someone is trying to take advantage of a situation


• People are feeling sensitive about the conflict

• The situation is not urgent

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Compromising


• A decision needs to be made sooner rather than later.

• Resolving the conflict is more important than having each individual “win”.

• Power between people in the conflict is equal.


• A wide variety of important needs must be met.

• The situation is extremely urgent.

• One person holds more power than another.

Accommodating


• Maintaining the relationship is more important than winning.

• The issue at hand is very important to the other person but is not important to you.


• The issue is important to you.

• Accommodating will not permanently solve the problem.

Avoiding


• The issue is trivial.

• The conflict will resolve itself soon.

This style is not appropriate when:This style is not appropriate when:

• The issue is important to you.

• The conflict will continue or get worse without attention.

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Section Four: Creating an Communicative Atmosphere

Creating a communicative atmosphere is a very important step in the effective conflict resolution process. The people involved in the conflict will typically be negative. With emotions like anger, frustration, and disappointment being only a few roadblocks you will have to contend with.y y

Defuse Emotions

Key steps for the people in conflict include:

• Accept that you have negative feelings and that these feelings are normal.

• Acknowledge the feelings and their root causes. Example: “I feel very angry that Marie never offers to make the tea.”y g y

• Identify how you might resolve your feelings. Example: “If Marie would offer to make the tea occasionally instead waiting for me to make it.”

Setting Ground Rules

• Ground rules provide a framework to resolve a conflict.

• Ground rules should be set at the beginning of any conflict resolution process. They can be very brief or very detailed –whatever the situation requires.

• Ground rules should be:

– Developed and agreed upon by both parties

– Positive when possible

– Fair to both parties

– Enforceable

– Adjustable

– Written and posted

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Choosing the Time and Place

• When possible, choose a quiet place to discuss the conflict.

• Make sure that there is lots of time allowed.

• Minimize distractions if possible.

If di i fli l i• If you are mediating a conflict resolution meeting, be conscious of the needs of both parties when scheduling the meeting, and follow the tips listed above.

Section Five: Mutual Understanding

This model of win-win situations and mutual gain is our preferred outcome for any conflict. In this module, we will explore how creating mutual understanding can lay the groundwork for a win-win solution.

What Do I Want?

• To begin, identify what you personally want out of the conflict. Try to state this positively.

• You can create two versions of your personal needs statement: your ideal resolution and your realistic resolutionyour realistic resolution.

• Or, you could frame your statement into several steps if the conflict is complicated.

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What Do They Want?

These framing questions will help you start the process.

• What does my opponent need?

• What does my opponent want?

• What is most important to them?

• What is least important to them?

What Do We Want?

SAM JANE

WANTS To have at least two line manager

shifts per week, as the extra

money is useful.

To have at least two line manager

shifts per week.

To leave by 5 p.m. on Fridays.

NEEDS To leave by 5 p m on Mondays and Not to have more than three lineNEEDS To leave by 5 p.m. on Mondays and

Wednesdays to pick up his

children.




to 5:30 p.m.

Not to have more than three line

manager shifts per week as it will

require him to pay extra taxes.




to 5:30 p.m.

Section Six: Focusing on Individual and Shared Needs

This module will look at some techniques for building common ground, and how to use common ground to create a partnership.

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Identify Common GroundFrom an emotional perspective finding common ground between you and the other party, or you and the disputing parties (if you are acting as a mediator) will enable the two parties to see each other as people again, rather than the enemy.

• Some examples:p

• “I think the company needs a more unified sales team, too.”

• “I would really like us to win first place this year, too.”

• “I agree that we can get this conflict resolved and build a better widget.”

• “I would like to take my family on a special holiday this year, too.”

Build Positive Energy and Goodwill

• Have a good attitude. Frame things positively.

• Create actionable items.

• Try to keep emotions out of your statements.

• Take a break when you need it.

• If you say “I see where you’re coming from ” make sure you• If you say, I see where you re coming from, make sure you mean it. If you can’t see where they are coming from, ask them to tell you more.

• Invite the other person to step into your shoes. Tell them a story, outline consequences, and explain how you feel in an objective manner.

• Share as much information as you can.

Strengthen Your PartnershipSTAGE EXPLANATION WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP

FORMING Team members are just meeting;

unsure of their role and themselves.

Encourage team building through non‐

conflict laden tasks and activities.

Involve the team in task planning and goal

setting.

STORMING Team members discover differences

and butt heads; conflict can interfere

with progress.

Continue with the plan; evaluate and

adjust as necessary.

Support the team through conflict and

help them resolve it.

NORMING Team members start to discover

similarities too. Performance typically

improves, but social interaction may

also cause it to drop.

Keep the group focused on the goal;

encourage social activities outside of team

time.

PERFORMING Team members are now comfortable

with each other and work together

well.

Continue to offer resources and support

to the team. Monitor performance, as

teams can change stages at any time

(particularly when members join in or

drop out).

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Section Seven: Analysing to the Root Cause

In this module, we will learn how to delve below the current conflict to the root of the problem. This phase is important for long‐term resolution, rather than a band‐aid solution.

Examining Root Causes

It is important at this stage to look at the root causes of the conflict.

One way to do this is through simpleOne way to do this is through simple discussions with the parties. This involves continuously asking the question, “Why?” to get to the root of the problem.

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1. To start, draw a horizontal arrow pointing to the right on a large sheet of paper. At the end of the arrow, write down the problem.

2. Now, work together to list possible causes. Group these causes. Draw a line pointing to the large arrow for each cause and write the cause at the top.


3. Now, write each cause on a line pointing to the group arrow. (Sticky notes work well for this.)


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4. Now the people in the conflict have a clear map of what is happening.

Identifying the Benefits of Resolution

• Effective conflict resolution digs deep into the issues to resolve the core conflict and prevent the problem from reoccurring.

• Ho e er this can be time cons ming and• However, this can be time‐consuming and emotionally difficult.

• You and the person that you are in conflict with may arrive at a point where you wonder, “Is this really worth it?”

Section Eight: Create Options

This stage is all about quantity, not quality; you want as many options to choose from as possible.

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Generate, Don’t Evaluate

• To begin, generate ideas for resolving the symptoms of the conflict. Then, move on to the root cause and expand your list of ideas.

• Don’t be afraid to throw out wacky ideas or to ask, “What if?” Remember this stage is about identifying what you can doRemember, this stage is about identifying what you can do, not what you will do.

• It is very important not to censor yourself or the person that you are in conflict with.

• Record all possible ideas into a list or brainstorming diagram.

• If you have created a cause and effect diagram, you can record ideas for resolution right on the diagram.

Analyzing Wants and Needs

Wants and needs seem like a fundamental aspect of defining

the problem. In order to analyze the potential solutions, the wants and needs for the desired state after the problem is

solved must be very clear.

• Needs are items the potential solution absolutely must

meet.

• Wants are nice to have items.

Creating Mutual Gain Options and Multiple Option SolutionsOnce you have a good list of options, review the list and perform some basic evaluation.

• Highlight options that provide gains for both parties.

• Look for options that can be combined for an optimal l tisolution.

• Cross off options that are an absolute no‐go for either party.

• Make options more detailed where appropriate.

• Continue brainstorming and generating ideas

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Digging Deeper into Your OptionsOnce the list has been narrowed down it’s time to delve deeper into each option. Identify:

• The effort for each option (perhaps on a scale of one to ten)

• The payback for each option (also on a scale of one to ten)

• Your estimation as to its likelihood of success

• Other options that could be used to complement it

• Each party’s preference for it (expressed as yes/no, or a percentage in favour)

Section Nine: Solution Building

Now we have a list of all the possible solutions, it’s time to move on to choosing a one and laying the groundwork for a resolution. This module will explore how to create it i d h t th it i tcriteria and how to use those criteria to

create a shortlist of options, and then to move on to a solution.

Creating Criteria• Try not to think about the different options as you create the

criteria. Focus instead on the wants and needs of both parties.

• Criteria should explore what you want and do not want from the solution.

• You can also prioritize your criteria by what is necessary to have and what you would like to have (also known as needs and wants). Identify any items you would be willing to compromise on.

CRITERIA WANT? NEED? SHARED WITH OPPONENT? COMPROMISE ON?

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Creating a Shortlist

• Once the criteria have been created, bring out the list of solutions.

• Eliminate any solutions that do not match the must‐have criteria that you and your partner identifiedand your partner identified.

• At the end of this process, you should have a small, manageable list of potential solutions.

Choosing a Solution

Now, choose a final solution. Remember, you can often combine multiple options for even greater success!

Here is a checklist to evaluate the chosen solution.

• Is it a win‐win solution for everyone involved?

A ll d id d f ?• Are all needs provided for?

• Are all criteria met?

Building a Plan

• Now, let’s create a plan to put the solution in action. The complexity of this plan should vary with the complexity of the situation.

• For more complex situations, such as those involving a group of people or multiple option solutions a detailed action planof people or multiple option solutions, a detailed action plan may be appropriate.

• It is important that each party take responsibility for implementing the solution, even if it is determined that one party is at fault.

• The action plan should also include a list of things to do if the conflict is not resolved after implementing the solution.

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Section Ten: Additional Tools

To wrap up this workshop, we would like to share some additional tools that can help you resolve conflicts.

Stress & Anger Management Techniques

• Deep breathing has beneficial mental and physical effects.

• Coping thoughts can help you stay calm, too.

• Make sure to take breaks as needed. If the person you are in conflict with becomes emotional or stressed, encourage them to take breaks as well.to take breaks as well.

• After the conflict is over, talk about it with someone appropriate.

The Agreement Frame• The Agreement Frame takes one of three forms:

– I appreciate, and…– I respect, and…– I agree, and…

• Remember, the words “but” and “however” are conversation‐stoppers. Try to avoid using them with the agreement frame.

PERSON A PERSON B

The best way to resolve this conflict is for you to

resign your position immediately.

I respect your opinion, and I think that there might be

some other viable options.

What options were you considering? I think that if I issued an apology to the team for the

misunderstanding that we would be on our way to

resolving the conflict.

I think that option is too low‐key for this situation. I agree that it might not be a strong enough

statement, and I may need to have team meetings to

address the underlying issues.

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When possible, use the five W’s or the H to ask a question.

– Who?– What?– Where? ?– When?– Why?– How?

?


Some useful questions for conflict resolution include:

– What happened?– Why do you feel that way?Wh did thi bl t t? ?– When did this problem start?

– How does that make you feel?– Who else is involved?

Section Eleven: Wrapping UpWords from the Wise

• WILLIAM ELLERY CHANNING: Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.

• M. ESTHER HARDING: Conflict is the beginning of iconsciousness.

• CARL W. BUECHNER: They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Documents

Conflict Resolution Steps to P