CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Basic Aid

Contents

• Understanding Conflict

• The Effects of Conflict

• First Steps to Managing Conflict

• Time to Reflect

• Conflict Resolution Basic Skills

• Negotiation Tips

• Getting Help

Understanding Conflict

• Conflict is often described as a serious disagreement or argument, whether internally, within ourselves, or between two or more persons.

• It could be characterised by differing opinions, values, expectations and motivations, interests, opposing needs and wants.

• While we may not be able to avoid and prevent conflict all the time, how we manage conflict is just as important.

The Effects of Conflict

• Conflict creates negative tension, which can result in strained relationships, causing stress, anxiety and even frustration and anger.

• Conflict could drain a person’s energy when it is prolonged with no resolution or peaceful closure to the situation or matter at hand.

• When this happens, it could affect a person’s ability to perform at school or at work.

First Steps to Managing Conflict

• Keep calm. Take a deep breath and remember that you are able to be calm and think about your own appropriate response to the matter.

• Discuss one issue at a time.

• Remain focused on the facts of the matter and consider how things can be resolved in a positive manner.

• Do not use any degrading or abusive language. Express your feelings with positive words and take responsibility for them.

• Take turns to talk and listen. You may learn something from each other.

First Steps to Managing Conflict

Other tips include:

• Practise non-judgement. Accept and respect that individual opinions differ.

• Do not force a person to agree with you and/or do as you say.

• Attempt to come to a compromise or an understanding.

• If you are too upset or angry, it may be wiser to walk away to cool down and reflect before returning to resolve the situation.

Time to Reflect

• Take some time out to reflect on what has happened and the nature of the conflict.

• Map out the conflict. Write down the sequence of events, and, if any, the measures taken then to help the situation.

• Review these actions – what worked and what did not work.

• Ask yourself if this disagreement really matters to your relationship and decide to move forward or not.

• Consider the possible outcomes which you would like.

Time to Reflect

• Journal ways in which you think could resolve the conflict in a peaceful and positive manner.

• Share your thoughts and ideas with a trusted friend, lecturer, mentor or counsellor.

• Seek assistance, where a neutral facilitator/mediator (for example, a student counsellor or a lecturer) could help in bringing together those involved to resolve the conflict.

Time to Reflect

Some questions to reflect and consider:

• “What is the underlying reason for my anger or disturbance over the matter/person at hand?”

• “How did I react/respond to the situation/person? Was it helpful or more destructive?”

• “How did I communicate – passively, aggressively or assertively?”

• “What could I have done differently? Knowing this, how can I move forward to resolve the matter?”

Conflict Resolution Basic Skills

• Take steps to learn how to manage your emotions.

• When there is a conflict, focus on the problem, not the person.

• Use reflective listening – listen to understand, to get a clear picture and not to retort back.

• Practise empathy – our ability to understand what another person is experiencing from within this person's point of view.

• Be clear and use ‘I’ statements. For example, “I get upset when you keep cutting me off in a meeting. Shall we take turns to speak so all our views are shared and heard?”

• Communicate your thoughts and feelings in an appropriate, assertive manner. No blaming. (For more information on communication, download Positive Communication Basic Aid.)

• Know when to take a time-out if things get too heated. The goal is to come together on common ground with collaborative individuals.

• Set another time and place to meet again to discuss the situation or matter at hand.

• Think positively and creatively – the conflict does not always have to be a problem, you could turn it into opportunities and possibilities.

Conflict Resolution Basic Skills

Conflict Resolution Basic Skills

• Brainstorm together and negotiate to find a win-win solution or a compromise.

• Recognise each person’s needs and differences and be open to adapting to the situation for collective, positive outcomes.

• Explore best and worst options, and/or outcomes, to find a suitable, acceptable way forward.

Tips for Positive Negotiation

• Prepare and plan what you would like to discuss if there was a time set to meet again.

• Find a suitable location and consider seating arrangements, for example, sitting in a circle together which creates a sense of inclusiveness.

• Focus on the needs to be resolved, future positive outcomes and emphasise common ground.

• Lay down the ground rules for positive, appropriate behaviours.

• Call out any negative behaviour – address the behaviour, not the person.

Tips for Positive Negotiation

• Be positive and creative in coming up with alternative ideas and options.

• Be clear about goals and agreements.

• Remember to respond, not react. It helps to adopt an objective and supportive approach.

• Allocate time for breaks if the meeting or discussion takes some time. This allows everyone time to refresh and collect themselves.

Getting Help

• Speak to a trusted person, who you think is mature and level-headed, for guidance and advice.

• This person could be a student leader, mentor, programmedirector, lecturer, staff or a student counsellor.

• You could make an appointment to see a student counsellor. This is free and confidential. Email: SITCounselling@SingaporeTech.edu.sg.

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