Drama triangle and authentic self

Personal Power & Authentic Self

Saym Basheer@xerionsoft

saym@xerionsoft.com

Power: dictionary definition

“the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality”“the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events”

Personal Power: Wright definition

“Personal power is the unique power that manifests as a person becomes more authentic himself or herself”

Personal Power: Wright definition

Personal power:❖ is not a force❖ it is not a positional power

It is the power that results from the authentic and genuine presencing of the emerging self in the moment.

Drama Triangle

Blocks to Personal Power

Drama Triangle: Roles

Persecutor

Rescuer

Victim

Blocks to Personal Power

Drama Triangle: Where can I find it ?

Blocks to Personal Power

Persecutor

Rescuer

Victim

relationshipsmarriagemoviesschoolfamilywork

Drama Triangle: in social interactions

Victim

Persecutor

Rescuer

Blocks to Personal Power

Drama Triangle: Belief System

watch your character for it becomes your destiny.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Watch your thoughts for they become words,

watch your words for they become actions,

watch your actions, for they become habits,

watch your habits for they become your character,

Drama Triangle: Victims beliefs

PersecutorRescuer

Victim❖ “I am helpless”❖ “Circumstances have power over me”❖ Blames others❖ Absolves self, of responsibility❖ Didn’t see it coming.

Drama Triangle: Rescuer beliefs

Persecutor

Victim

Rescuer❖ “I am a fixer, savior”❖ Avoids own work & pain❖ Desires to feel good &

appreciated❖ Feels little, self-worth❖ “My needs are not

important!”❖ “You poor victims! Let me

help you to feel good about myself”

Drama Triangle: Persecutor beliefs

Rescuer

Victim

Persecutor❖ Feels justified, in blaming and

shaming others❖ Holds others, entirely

responsible for every situation❖ Numb their own pain, by

hiding behind a facade of pride and uncaring detachment

❖ Views world as a harsh and unforgiving place

❖ “I am always right”❖ Like to bully others

Drama Triangle: Cost

Persecutor

Rescuer

Victim

❖ Stays dependent on others❖ Avoids learning to take responsibility❖ Constant complaining and whining

❖ Keeps victims stuck, prevents their growth

❖ Ignores own work❖ Seeking victims to

rescue❖ Often feels taken

advantage of and bitter as a result

❖ Feels lonely, looks for connection

❖ Inability to change❖ Dissatisfied with

others

Assignment : Drama Alert!❖ Turn on the drama tracker for Drama Alert !

❖ Identify and write down roles you and others play in relationships❖ Actively track the role you are playing when interacting with others:

➢ Victim➢ Persecuter➢ Rescuer

❖ Consciously identify and record your feelings each hour:➢ Fear➢ Hurt➢ Anger➢ Sadness➢ Joy

Fixed vs Growth mindset Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford

Fixed vs Growth mindset (continued)

Core Mistaken Beliefs: about MySelf

I’m❖ not enough❖ too much❖ no good❖ not good enough❖ insignificant❖ not OK as I am❖ not lovable❖ not worthy❖ not OK❖ alone and on my own❖ a burden

❖ I have to earn love❖ There’s something wrong with me❖ My feelings are bad❖ My needs are bad❖ I don’t matter

PersonalPOWER

Zappers

Core Mistaken Beliefs: about World

There aren’t enough:❖ resources❖ time❖ money

❖ The world is hostile❖ The world is out to get❖ The world is dangerous❖ People want the worst for me❖ There isn’t enough love to go around

Power blocker: BSJ

Blame Shame

Justification

What’s next ?

Learn about:

★ Types of personal power★ Blocks to personal power

○ Stinking thinking○ Blame, Shame, Justification

★ Individual coaching sessions

Saym Basheer@xerionsoft

saym@xerionsoft.com

References:● Wright Living. http://wrightliving.com● Wright Graduate University. http://wrightrad.edu● http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2008/06/the-faces-of-victim/● https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ear2psj1WNo● http://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/● https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ear2psj1WNo ● Disney’s Hercules● Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck● TED Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve● Matrix movie