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TheLadderofInferenceandtheDramaTriangle:KeystoUnderstandingandManagingComplexBusinessRelationships

LaurieGrayVP,CustomerExperienceRGPConsultingApril,2018

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHG9-of_WtQ

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SOWHATHAPPENEDTHERE?

THESITUATION

WHATHAPPENED(Factsasobserved)

WHATWETELLOURSELVES(Ourinterpretationbasedonourperception)

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Peopleonlyseewhattheyarepreparedtosee.RalphWaldoEmerson

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REALITYANDFACTS

THELADDEROFINFERENCE

SELECTEDREALITY

ASSUMPTIONS

CONCLUSIONS

BELIEFS

ACTIONS

PERCEPTIONS BELIEFSDETERMINEWHICHDATAWEPAYATTENTIONTO

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REALITYANDFACTS

THELADDEROFINFERENCE– THEDOCTORSEXAMPLE

SELECTEDREALITY

ASSUMPTIONS

CONCLUSIONS

BELIEFS

ACTIONS

Doctorsholdingpaddles,announcingadeath;patientisn’tawakeormoving.

Whosedeath?Wifeanddaughtercan’tseethefly.

Wifeanddaughterthinkdoctorsaretalkingaboutthepatient.

Thepatientisdead!

Nothinggoodeverhappensinhospitals.

Shock,dismay,panic?

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REALITYANDFACTS

THELADDEROFINFERENCE– YOUROWNEXAMPLE

SELECTEDREALITY

ASSUMPTIONS

CONCLUSIONS

BELIEFS

ACTIONS

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

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Questionstohelpyougettoyourthreestories:

• WhatinformationamImissing?

• WhatdecisionsdidImakeaboutwhichinformationtoincludeorexcludefrommyobservation?

• Couldyourassumptionshavetakenyoutoadifferentlocation?

• Whatotherconclusionsexistbeyondtheoneyouaccepted?

• WhatinformationorperspectivedoothershavethatIdon’t?

• Whatotherchoices/coursesofactioncouldIhaveselected?

THEVALUEOFTELLINGYOURSELF3STORIES

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REALITYANDFACTS

HELPINGOTHERSTONAVIGATETHELADDER

SELECTEDREALITY

ASSUMPTIONS

CONCLUSIONS

BELIEFS

ACTIONS

“Whatdatadidyouchoosetofocuson/create?”

“Whatconclusiondid/doyoudrawfromthis?”“Whatotherconclusionsmightapply?”

“Howdoesthisfitwithyourbeliefs?”“Howdidotheroptionschallengeyourbeliefs?”

“Whatactiondidyoutake?”“Whatactiondoyouplantotakeinstead?”

“Whatdidyouassumethismeant?”“Arethereanyotherplausibleassumptionsyoucouldmake?”

“Tellmeaboutthefactsyouobserved.”“Werethereanyothers?”

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TEDEDpresentation:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJLqOclPqis

Article:https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_91.htm

Article:https://thesystemsthinker.com/the-ladder-of-inference/

Othereducationalmaterials:https://www.pon.harvard.edu/tag/ladder-of-inference/

ADDITIONALRESOURCESONTHELADDEROFINFERENCE

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THEDRAMATRIANGLE:THEPLOT

RIGHT

Atthecore,drivenbypowerfulbeliefs/fearsthatwhenplayedout,haltinformationtransferintheworkplace.

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THEDRAMATRIANGLE

Rescuer/Hero

Persecutor/Villain

Victim

Rescuer:• Seekstoprovidetemporaryrelieftodifficultsituations

• Seeksvaluebybeingneededbyothers

• “Theyneedhelp/Icansavethem.”

• “IftheydidwhatIsaid,they’dbeok.”

Persecutor:• Blaming• Frustrated• Self-righteous• “It’syourfault”• “Theyjustdon’tgetit”

Victim:• Helpless• Powerless• “Inevergetabreak.”

Thisdrivesustoadoptcertain“scriptedroles”andexhibitcertainbehaviors

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THEDRAMATRIANGLE

Rescuer/Hero

Persecutor/Villain

Victim

• Wecanstartanywhereinthetriangle

• Ourrolescananddoshift.• Wetendtomovetowardanunconsciousdesireto“bethebiggestvictim”.

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THEDRAMATRIANGLEROLEPLAY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7pBYF8qxYk

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THEDRAMATRIANGLE– WORKPLACEEXAMPLE

Hero/Rescuer

Villain/Persecutor

Victim

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GETTINGUNSTUCK

“Think,act,andspeakasiftheroleisn’treal”

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Startbytakingafewdeepbreathsorconsidergettingupfromyourdeskandwalkingaroundasyoupondertheanswerstothesequestions:

1. WhatamIfeelingatthemomentandwhereinmybodyamIfeelingit?(Gettingintune)

2. WhatisthesinglemostimportantthingIcandototakecareofmyself?WhatisthekeythingItrulyneed,want,and/ordesirerightnow?(Identifyingyourneeds)

3. WhatpositiveactionscanImakeinmyliferightnowthatwouldassistmetoaccomplishthis?WhatcanIdotosupportmyprocessthatallowsmetogetbacktoapointofequilibrium?(Planningforchange)

4. WhatarethemostimportantactionsIcantakeRIGHTNOWtogetmemovinginapositivedirection?(Choosingthepath)

5. Takepositiveactionrightnow.Retainfocusonwhereyouwouldliketo/plantogo,notwhereyouhavebeen.(Takingaction)

SHIFTINGAWAYFROMTHEDRAMATRIANGLE

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MOVINGBEYONDTHEDRAMATRIANGLE:BEINGINPRESENCE*

Hero/Rescuer

Villain/Persecutor

Victim

*AlsoknownasTheEmpowermentDynamic

Challenger

Challenger:• Bringshealthypressuretothe

creatortohelpandsupporttheirprogress

• Aimingforbreakthroughs• Noblameorcriticism• “Wecandobetter”

20www.rgp.com |©RGP

MOVINGBEYONDTHEDRAMATRIANGLE:BEINGINPRESENCE*

Hero/Rescuer

Villain/Persecutor

Victim

*AlsoknownasTheEmpowermentDynamic

Coach

Coach:• Viewsallasfullyempowered

creators• Focusedonthe“whatif”• Shiftsthe“work”totheowners

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MOVINGBEYONDTHEDRAMATRIANGLE:BEINGINPRESENCE*

Hero/Rescuer

Villain/Persecutor

VictimCreator

Creator:• Thinklikeaproblem-solver• “WhatdoIwant?”• “HowcanIgetwhatIwant?”• Takingresponsibility• Notcomplaining• Gettingitdone

*AlsoknownasTheEmpowermentDynamic

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• Morecreative

• Moreengaged

• Morecloselyaligned

• Energized

• Morefun

• Getmoredone

• Alerttooptions

• Problem-solving

BENEFITSTHATTEAMSINPRESENCEENJOY

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Thinkaboutarecenteventwhereyouandyourteamwerecaughtupinadramatriangle:

1. Whatwasthesituation?

2. Whatroledidyoubeginplaying?

3. Whatwastheoutcomeyouwanted?

4. Howdidyourroleimpactthesituation?

5. Howwereyoufeeling?

6. Knowingwhatyouknownow,howcouldyouhaveshiftedtopresenceandchangedtheoutcome?

ASSESSINGRECENTEVENTS

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ADDITIONALRESOURCESONTHEDRAMATRIANGLE

Video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovrVv_RlCMw

Article:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201106/the-relationship-triangle

Articlecollection:http://powerofted.com/articles/

Worksheetsandhandouts:http://printableworksheets.in/worksheet/drama-triangle

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THANKYOU

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HANDOUTS

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Questionstohelpyougettoyourthreestories:

• WhatinformationamImissing?

• WhatdecisionsdidImakeaboutwhichinformationtoincludeorexcludefrommyobservation?

• Couldyourassumptionshavetakenyoutoadifferentlocation?

• Whatotherconclusionsexistbeyondtheoneyouaccepted?

• WhatinformationorperspectivedoothershavethatIdon’t?

• Whatotherchoices/coursesofactioncouldIhaveselected?

THEVALUEOFTELLINGYOURSELF3STORIES

28www.rgp.com |©RGP

REALITYANDFACTS

HELPINGOTHERSTONAVIGATETHELADDER

SELECTEDREALITY

ASSUMPTIONS

CONCLUSIONS

BELIEFS

ACTIONS

“Whatdatadidyouchoosetofocuson/create?”

“Whatconclusiondid/doyoudrawfromthis?”“Whatotherconclusionsmightapply?”

“Howdoesthisfitwithyourbeliefs?”“Howdidotheroptionschallengeyourbeliefs?”

“Whatactiondidyoutake?”“Whatactiondoyouplantotakeinstead?”

“Whatdidyouassumethismeant?”“Arethereanyotherplausibleassumptionsyoucouldmake?”

“Tellmeaboutthefactsyouobserved.”“Werethereanyothers?”

29www.rgp.com |©RGP

Startbytakingafewdeepbreathsorconsidergettingupfromyourdeskandwalkingaroundasyoupondertheanswerstothesequestions:

1. WhatamIfeelingatthemomentandwhereinmybodyamIfeelingit?(Gettingintune)

2. WhatisthesinglemostimportantthingIcandototakecareofmyself?WhatisthekeythingItrulyneed,want,and/ordesirerightnow?(Identifyingyourneeds)

3. WhatpositiveactionscanImakeinmyliferightnowthatwouldassistmetoaccomplishthis?WhatcanIdotosupportmyprocessthatallowsmetogetbacktoapointofequilibrium?(Planningforchange)

4. WhatarethemostimportantactionsIcantakeRIGHTNOWtogetmemovinginapositivedirection?(Choosingthepath)

5. Takepositiveactionrightnow.Retainfocusonwhereyouwouldliketo/plantogo,notwhereyouhavebeen.(Takingaction)

SHIFTINGAWAYFROMTHEDRAMATRIANGLE

30www.rgp.com |©RGP

Thinkaboutarecenteventwhereyouandyourteamwerecaughtupinadramatriangle:

1. Whatwasthesituation?

2. Whatroledidyoubeginplaying?

3. Whatwastheoutcomeyouwanted?

4. Howdidyourroleimpactthesituation?

5. Howwereyoufeeling?

6. Knowingwhatyouknownow,howcouldyouhaveshiftedtopresenceandchangedtheoutcome?

ASSESSINGRECENTEVENTS