Myrna, or, Oakapple's Own: Act I

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Text of Myrna, or, Oakapple's Own: Act I

  • 1. Welcome to Myrna, or, Oakapples Own, a special part of Ruths(un)Officially Wacky Boolprop Challenge. Ruths takes place in the verysame neighborhood as my story Already in Progress, and Myrna involvesSims from AiP.Now, I know that some of you read both stories. I also know that some ofyou only read Ruths or AiP So while we listen to the overture (becausethis Plot has been shamelessly ripped off appropriated from one of Gilbert& Sullivans operas), let me introduce you to everyone.

2. Im sure readers of Ruths will recognize these folks.Buttercup is the oldest, and is not the heir. She tends towards all things yellow,and is your go-to person for party supplies. She was originally a Pleasure Sim,but her Junior year reroll left her as Fortune.Old Adam who goes by just plain Adam is the middle child. As you can see,he is a vampire. He has become known as a writer of fables, and uses the penname of Adam the All-Right because he is never wrong. Adam is veryconcerned with doing the proper thing, hence the evening dress and the new do.Oakapple is the youngest. He is a personality clone of his sister, which probablyexplains why they dont get along. Oakapple has read The Gloaming by SophieMayer (and all its sequels). Hopefully, this is obvious. 3. From Already in Progress, we have two groups. This group, first cousins to theShankel clan, has already graduated.Charlotte Charlie Miller is the oldest. In college, Charlie joined the other twoin founding a fraternity. Fraternities are traditionally male-only, but it was agreedthat she could join since she liked girls too. Before graduation, Charlie wasdating Louise Sanders (see next picture), but nothing was formalized.Dante Don Miller is Charlies twin brother. He has a whopping nine Nicepoints, and likes red-haired girls. In fact, he has a decided preference for aparticular redheaded girl (see next picture), and since he has lots of Seriouspoints to keep those Nice points company, you can probably see where this isheaded.Descartes (say day-CART) Littledragon is a bit younger than cousins Charlieand Don, but is definitely the leader of this little group. This is because he ismade of Win plus Awesome. Officially, Descartes does not have anyone special. 4. The second group from AiP and environs is currently in college.Albert Adams is the son of a rock star with one husband, one girlfriend, andmany groupies. He rebelled by becoming conservative. Buttercup likes him.Edgar Miller is Charlie and Dons half-brother. He has ten Nice points, and iscurrently holding down the Cham Hoh Fraternity.Louise Sanders has a twin sister (see below). Although she was dating Charliebefore the latters graduation, Louise likes boys too.Oliver Couderc is Samanthas cousin and Oakapples best (human) friend. Hecan talk the hind leg off a donkey provided hes known it for a while.Samantha Littledragon is musically inclined. She is best friends with Buttercupand Louise, and had a huge crush on Edgar before switching to Don. 5. And finally, we have Myrna. Myrna is Louises twin sister, and iscurrently a Pleasure Sim. Myrna looks very much like her grandfather,with a generous helping of her grandfathers grandmother thrown in forgood measure. She is quite active, so Im sure you can see just how muchshe likes to eat not that theres anything wrong with liking food! Myrnais also a very important Sim: the heir to my OWBC will be the one whomarries her.Now that youve all been introduced, lets continue on with the story:Myrna, or, Oakapples Own. 6. LOUISE: Oh, hes perfect, isnt he?ABBEY TSVIRKUNOV: Beautiful! The way he sparkles!SAMANTHA: And hell never look at us mere mortals.BRENDA SEAVEY: Never, never, never.LOUISE: Well grow old and die and hell never even look at us like that.(All sigh deeply) 7. MYRNA: I dont get it. Why are you all so into this guy? Whats wrongwith your old boyfriends? Or girlfriends.SAMANTHA: You wouldnt understand. Youve never been in love.MYRNA: No, I havent. And if makes you into party poopers like youguys, then I dont want to be. Not when there are couches to jump on. 8. Here you can see that the household is in compliance with the Officialrules: three flamingos per OWBC participant and a gnome to guardthem, although the gnome actually spends most of his time being stolen.But with a household as generally Mean as this one, people practicallyfight over who gets to steal the gnome back. 9. Old Adam often wins simply by being the only Sim awake at gnome-retrieval time.As you can see, Adam has lost his claim to being called beautiful. Dontget me wrong personally, I quite like the way he looks. But you have toadmit that, even though it doesnt afford the little birds a perch to roostupon, his nose is definitely in the same class as Cyrano de Bergeracs. 10. The gnome is safe from no one. I daresay the Sims in the household wouldsteal him if they could. Since they cant, their significant others have to doit for them.DESCARTES: Charlotte Anne Miller! Dont you even think of stealingthat gnome!CHARLOTTE: Oh, come on. Its a cheap garden gnome. Theyll nevermiss it.DESCARTES: I cant believe youre rationalizing such a terrible action!Why, its on the lawn of the dorm inhabited by your very own girlfriend!CHARLOTTE: You wanted to steal it yourself, didnt you?DESCARTES: Maybe.And speaking of Charlie and Louise 11. CHARLOTTE: Do I look okay?DANTE: You look fine.CHARLOTTE: Are you sure? Maybe I should wear the other one.DESCARTES: Youre awesome. Not as awesome as me, of course, butpretty awesome anyway.CHARLOTTE: Really?DESCARTES: If Gawaine Goodytwoshoes, Zane Devereaux, SpiderJerusalem Vetinari, Rolley Wonglepong, and Ichabod Marmite had ababy, that would be the amount of awesome were talking about here.CHARLOTTE: You cant have five parents. And theyre all boysDESCARTES: And you cant propose to your girlfriend sitting aroundhere arguing about genetics. Don and I are here for moral support, so letsgo. 12. CHARLOTTE: Hey, Louise. New hairdo? Its nice. Listen, I LOUISE: Not now, Charlie.CHARLOTTE: Sorry?LOUISE: Not now hes going to be here any minute!CHARLOTTE: Who? 13. LOUISE: Oakapple!ABBEY: Squeeeee! (faints)OAKAPPLE (to nobody in particular): Did you hear something?SAMANTHA: Oakapple! Oakapple! Were here!LOUISE: (aside) Esme, he looks just like Edwin from The Gloaming!(aloud) Oakapple!OAKAPPLE (to nobody in particular): Nope must have been the wind. 14. CHARLOTTE: Louise, wait!LOUISE: Sorry, Charlie. Straightforward party animals are so out.(pittyingly) You should read The Gloaming then youd understand. Idloan you my copy, but I kinda need it. Oakapple! Wait! 15. DESCARTES: So howd it go?CHARLOTTE: This is not fair! I mean, I even joined a frat! Girls love fratboys!DESCARTES: Well, Chuck, theres a small problem with thatstatementCHARLOTTE: Oh, who cares that Im not actually a boy? Girls aresupposed to like people who know how to show them a good time, not a a a metrosexual in lipstick! Did you notice that he has stubble and wearsfoundation? What kind of poseur combines stubble and foundation? Andhow do you keep the foundation from covering up your stubble, anyway?DESCARTES: Mascara.CHARLOTTE: Im not even going to ask how you know that. 16. OAKAPPLE: So whaddya say, Myrna? Go out with me!MYRNA: No, thank you, Oakapple. (concentrates fiercely on her omelet)OAKAPPLE: Oh, come on. Im a young, handsome vampire. All the girlslove me. And I love you! Arent you lucky? Come on, go out with me!MYRNA: Thank you, Oakapple, but vampires really arent my thing.OAKAPPLE: Do you see any fangs here? (bares non-fanged teeth briefly)So what will it take for you to go out with me?MYRNA: Oakapple, please dont take this the wrong way, but nothing.There really is nothing that would make me go out with you. Im sorry.OAKAPPLE: Really?MYRNA: Really. Im sorry.OAKAPPLE: (with forced cheerfulness): No, no, nothing to apologize for.Theres lots of good fish in the sea. Um See you around, then? (slinks offmiserably) 17. Oakapple pretty routinely turns to his best friend Oliver to cheer him up.Oliver is a physics major, but hes quite fond of the makeover chair,probably because it gives him a chance to socialize with people in a non-stressful way. Oliver also writes All Possible Worlds fanfic and is active inseveral online communities. One of his stories was even nominated for areaders choice award.Hes reasonably good at giving makeovers, too. 18. Oakapple is not a Worlder,* so he and Oliver have a lot of pillow fights.I dont know about your game, but in my game pillow fights almost seemto be a low-level flirt. Its one of the first things that newlyweds do. Itsthe favorite pastime of my long-married couples. And if one of my Simshas bolts for an in-law, theyll be pillow fighting pretty much every time Iturn my back.Oakapple likes the ladies, and Oliver hasnt gotten around to expressing agender preference. (Probably because he hasnt met any zombies in formalwear yet.) But it might be a good idea if Oakapples fangirls didnt findout about this.*A person who is into All Possible Worlds; roughly equivalent to a Trekkie. 19. They probably shouldnt find out about this eitherOAKAPPLE (sings, off-key but enthusiastically):Im a Barbie girlIn a Barbie wo-oo-orldLife in plasticIts fantastic 20. OAKAPPLE: Phew! Its good to be alone! (picks up bunny-bear) Its hardwork, Bunthorne. I hate drab clothes and broodiness and simmeringviolence.BUNTHORNE:OAKAPPLE: Because the girls love it, Bunthorne, thats why I do it.Same with the makeup.BUNTHORNE:OAKAPPLE: You didnt really think I looked like this naturally, did you?Makeup. And Victorias Secret Beauty Rush Dial-a-Shimmer lotion. Girlslove the sparkles.BUNTHORNE:OAKAPPLE: Well of course real vampires dont sparkle, Bunthorne.They cant go out during the day, either. Its not my fault that SophieMayer cant be bothered to get her facts straight. 21. BUTTERCUP: I just dont know, Louise. What am I going to do with allthe money Im making?