Intimacy: Breaking Down Walls of Defense

Main Points from Last Time

Questions answered

Ephesians 5: 31-33

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Principle AppliedOneness suggests something special found nowhere else in relationships except in marriage- possible through love and respect which creates safety… which provides a foundation for intimacy

I. What is Intimacy?

What is Intimacy?How Do We Become One?

Oneness occurs as a process of growth over time… a process we can help develop… and hinder… true oneness does not occur suddenly because of one act

Pathway to Intimacy (True Oneness)

Physical

EmotionalSpiritual

II. Necessary Prerequisites of Intimacy

Necessary Prerequisites to Intimacy

“Two-ness”- Complementing not Completing

Being Adult Taking Responsibility &

Ownership of Yourself

A Complete Person... Connects Emotionally Is Vulnerable & Shares Feelings Accepts Imperfections with Grace Thinks for Oneself- Expresses

Opinions Takes Risks Not Controlled by External/Internal

Factors Learns & Grows Is Spiritual, Sexual, and Intellectual Has Appropriate Sense of Power &

Assertiveness Can Say No

An Adult...

Takes Responsibility (for feelings, actions, choices, thoughts, values, love)

Requires Ownership- for self & other Values Treasures- of self & other Understands that “You are not me” Sees the Other as a Person- Not Object Allows the Other’s Experience Allows the Other to be Different Respects Freedom- of space

III. What are the necessary ingredients for

oneness?

Key Ingredients to Intimacy Commitment Being transparent/open (James

5:16- “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed”)

Truly “knowing” each other (thoughts, desires, dreams, shared experiences)

Emotional Closeness, Spiritual Closeness, Physical Closeness… in Balance (all takes place as a process over time)

IV. What Stops Intimacy?

Intimacy Blockers Defenses

Defenses

Denial Repression Suppression Dissociation Conversion Rationalization Intellectualization Projection others

Intimacy Blockers

Defenses Learned Behavior Relationship Wounds

Unhealed

V. How Can We Create Intimacy?

We give up certain individual rights and freedoms for the sake of intimacy

Creating Greater Intimacy

Learning from the therapy relationship

Learning from the process of therapy

The Process of Therapy

Intimacy Grows When:

We risk greater openness

We learn to be emotionally present

We develop a high degree of caring

We have a climate of trust built on fidelity and continuity

We Feel Safe!

Safety is the Core Principle in Creating Intimacy

Ephesians 5: 31-33

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Practical Application

Look at yourself- are you an “adult”? Are you a “complete” person?

Discuss with your spouse how you can create safety in your marriage