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8/14/2019 For Stall Reading Only - Do Not Remove!!!

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[1]

No SmartPak Too Big

One carryover from

the Phrog community

is the ability to

cover every detail

and contingency in

their smartpaks

N A S T Y - G R A M

November 200

The OFFICIAL shitter reading material of the USS NASSAU and the 24th MEU

http://nastygram.posterous.com

A TILTED PERSPECTIVE ...The 24 MEU presents the first opportunity for the MV-22 Osprey to deploy aboard an LHA class ship. We examine

the plusses and minuses to having the unique aircraft and the even more unique pilots at the tip of the spear.

That familiar “whup-whup”, the trail of oil and

parts on the flight deck, the complete lack of comm

brevity; All staples of the MEU, and all items that will

disappear with the departure of CH-46s from the new

face of the MEU.

The Osprey platform brings a plethora of new

technology and capability to the MEU, but it has always

been the pilot behind the controls that determines

success or failure. The question we presented to the

ACE was could the new crop of Osprey pilots fill theflight boots of the Phrog pilots that went before them?

“All the Phrog pilots I know are mostly tools, so I

don’t think that’s even a fair question,” says Capt Cotta

of VMM-162(REIN). He suggests, “the better question

is, can those douche-bags hang with the real Osprey

pilots?”

Thankfully there are a number of transition pilots

that can bring their tradition and expertise to the new

community. “What the fuck did Cotta say? I will wear

his ass out! He can’t fly a plane out of a wet paper

bag.”, says Capt Webb, a transition pilot.

Clearly this is a contentious issue, so for an

outside perspective, we spoke with some AV-8B and

CH-53 pilots. “I like the fact that we have someone

else to make fun of ‘helo-guys’ on the float”,

commented Capt Rubin, “we usually run out of jokes

by month two or three.” The CH-53 community seems

split on the issue. Maj Bailey told us he has, “a lot ofrespect for the newer Osprey pilots, and [he] could

never fly at that level.” While Capt Kempf claims that,

“you haven’t really flown until you’ve wrapped your

hand around a stiff collective.”

There is little doubt that the Phrog community has

left some large flight bags to fill. Only time will tell if the

MV-22 pilot has the nuts to fill those bags.

THE

NOW ONLI

FOR STALL READING ONLY - DO NOT REMOVE!!!



[2]

Considering the number of first-time-

floaters, the subject of Boat Husbands

deserves a little bit of page-time. NAVAIR

1260.4B defines a Boat Husband as: “A

male mate chosen to fulfill emotional,

physical, and spiritual needs during an

extended period at sea.” At first glance,

this concept may sound homosexual in

nature. That will come in time, but boat

marriage is something that transcends

man-love and can be a meaningful and

fulfilling experience.

Your Boat Husband is someone to

have dinner with, to share your innermost

thoughts and dreams with, someone to

wash that tough to reach spot on your

back, and even to keep you warm on those

particularly cold nights.

There are a few important things to

keep in mind when choosing a boat

husband. The most important rule is not to

choose someone you actually live with

While you’ll be nearly inseparable, we al

need some time away from the one we

love. Don’t rush into boat marriage either

This person needs to be the yin to you

yang. It takes time to determine who

completes you. Rushing into a boa

marriage can put you in a situation you

regret - and if done within the first month

may make you look like you’re actually gay

and not just desperate for human contact.

The best way to go about it, is to just

let the marriage happen. Around month 2

or 3, if you find yourself working out

eating, studying, reading, and showering

with the same person - or you find yoursel

in a state of disarray when your man is

flying without you, it’s time to pop the

question.

ASK THE MEUWhat is your favorite part of

life on the Nassau?

Capt Benson: I like that I can

eat eight times a day and no

one really says anything about

it.

Capt St. George: Easy, the

frequent opportunities to

masturbate.

Capt Webb: For me it’s a tie

between the chow and the

man-love.

YOUR BOAT HUSBANDWho is the right one, and when is the right time?



[3]

While you can’t beat the price, there are better options available.

We all need to sleep. While the work schedule may not allow for it, it

is a fact of nature. That’s why we decided to kick off our gear review

section with a sleep essential: the Navy-issue pillow.

The strongest thing the Navy pillow has going for it is its

price: free. Although all things that are free, aren’t really free.

In this case you may pay via a bacterial infection or head

lice.

Comfort is slightly below average, but certainly

tolerable. Our testers preferred something with a little more

support and less sticky spots. A good pillow case goes a long

way, but we recommend using heavily scented laundry detergent as

our test pillow smelled like feet and mold. Construction is solid, and the

pillow should stand up to decades of use, clearly demonstrated by the

manufacture date of 1973. The outer shell is somewhat water-repellan

and shed the majority of bodily fluids that we flung at it. Testing in

the lab showed slightly less positive results, discovering severa

traces of saliva, sweat, semen, and trace amounts of steak

sauce deeply embedded within the fibers.

The Nasty Test Team recommends the pillow with a

few reservations. If sanitization is high on your list when i

comes to bedding, this pillow is clearly not for you. If you

demand low cost, convenience, and don’t have room in you

seabag for anything else, or just don’t give a shit, then you can’t do

much better than the Navy pillow.

Did you know?

The bread used aboard ship

is only 20% food product?

One of the many reasons

the ship separates trash

is to recycle the paper

pulp for use as a “dough

filler” that makes up the

other 80% of the dough byvolume. Once baked, you

barely notice a difference

SHIPBOARD TRENDS HOT NOT HOT NOT

Velvet Curtains

Rack bling is

in. Who says

making a spank

tent can’t be

done in style?

Wardroom

Lounges

Meetings are

far cooler

than

chilaxing.

Flight Suits

The ass-

getting garb

of pilots is

now available

to almost

anyone!

Short Bath

Robes

If your

berries hang

below your

hem, you are

wrong.

GEAR REVIEW:

NAVY PILLOW



[4]

Dear Nasty, I think my roommate is

sniffing my drawers whenever Ileave the room. What should I do?

- Former PhroggieFirst off Phroggie, are you wearing boxers,

briefs, or nut-huggers? If the answer is not

option three, you are doing yourself and your

roommate a disservice. Chicks totally dig the

nut huggers.

In order to adequately answer your

question regarding your roommate, I need more

information. Are you disturbed by this behavior,

or are you interested in taking your relationship

to the next level? If the undergarment sniffing is

something you want to avoid, I suggest one or

two less wipes in the head. If you want to lure

him in with the sweet scent of your taint-musk,

try a dab or two of Aqua Velva underneath your

man sac. There are few creatures that can resist

the olfactory cocktail of Aqua and nut meat. As

an added bonus, the aftershave down below is a

refreshing pick-me-up.

Yo Nasty, when I’m afloat it’s like I

can’t masturbate enough. Is there

something wrong with me? If not,how can I do it even more without

people thinking I’m a freak?

- Spanky

Spanky, masturbation is a natural

expression of the love you feel for your man-

parts. There is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact

it is probably a sign of how

attractive you are. Even I can’t

resist myself when I catch a

glimpse of myself posing with my

guns and guitars.

There are two mindsets for

pleasuring yourself aboard ship.

One is to be secretive, what I

like to call the “Ninja Puller”. If

you fall into this category, you’ll

want to invest in a good set of

rack curtains and tell your

roommates that your 10-minute abs video

dictates a set of crunches just prior to sleep.

The other mindset (which I subscribe to

myself) is to be completely open about it. I call

this the Public Display of Affection (PDA).

Timing is crucial with this technique, as you

need to set the precedent early to convince your

roommates that public self-satisfaction is

completely normal. Do it in your rack with no

curtain at all, or even sitting in a chair at the

secretary. Casual conversation during the act is

encouraged as well. The idea is to desensitize

them to the act.

I will warn you that there is a slippery slopehere. Your roommates will quickly see how

much fun it is and want to adopt the PDA

method as well. It is important to establish the

“one at a time” rule.

Uncle Nasty, I’m a logistics officer

and feel woefully inadequate around

all these aviators on ship.

They are all so handsome,

confident, and extremely skilledlovers. What can I do to get the

attention of women when we are in

a liberty port?

- Sad Supply Guy

I hate to break it to you Sad, but there isn’t

really much you can do. It was during my years

as a Huey pilot that I acquired most of my skills

as a ladies-man. Since I work out so much and

can’t fit in my flight suit anymore, I compensate

by always having my guns and guitars nearby

(chicks really dig them). Your best bet is to

befriend these aviators and hope that you can

take some of the groupies that don’t make the

cut.

ASK UNCLE NASTY Advice and answers on relationships, finance,

work, guns, and guitars.

Next Month in the Nasty

• We sit down for a stall-to-stall with a keyfigure in the MEU.

• We bring back the reader poetry section!

• Uncle Nasty tackles your tough

questions.

• An in-depth review of this season’s must

have ship gear.

Make your poop count!

After you wipe, send us your• Story ideas

• Photos*

• Comments

• Letters to the editor

*Please, no more photos of actual poop.

We are still working through our significant

backlog from September’s “So You Think

You Can Poop” competition.

THE NASTY-GRAMStall 5, 02-Level MEU Officer Head

USS NASSAU

email: [email protected]

The Nasty-Gram is looking for some BLT and

CLB writers. Please send resumes and

articles via email or leave something in stall 5.

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