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Blue Sky Leadership Consulting LLC 2014
Verbal Judo
VOL. # ONE ISSUE #4
A Book Review
“Action follows philosophy and that what we believe will dictate our actions in
life.” (Forward ix)
“We treat people as ladies and gentlemen, not because they are, but because we
are.” (P. x)
“What differentiates Verbal Judo from other books on communication is that it
offers solutions that work when people are under pressure.” (P. 2)
“Often the best way of reading your target audience is to see the person the way
he sees himself; which is the true essence of empathy.” (P. 12)
“In Japanese, ju means ‘gentle’ and do means ‘way’, thus judo means ‘the gentle
way’ so Verbal Judo is ‘the gentle way of persuasion’.” (P. 22)
“The good news is that with training, you can learn to take crap with dignity and
style.” (P. 24)
“Here is the bottom line of all communication: Empathy absorbs tension. It
works every time. I have seen it even save a life.” (P. 54)
[Em, from the Latin, means “to see through” and Pathy, from the Greek, means
“the eye of the other”.]
“Never react to what people say. React to what they mean. Just remember:
People hardly ever say what they mean.” (P. 106)
Verbal Judo…the gentle way of persuasion. Braeuler Consulting works with organizations to leverage Strategic Thinking
and Execution Planning and we encompass many of these principles into our Four DecisionsTM methodology and
development of company’s One Page Strategic Plans. Whatever system or systems you decide to use, I encourage you to
understand them fully, implement them slowly and completely and maintain the discipline and rhythm necessary to see
concrete results. Employees tire of “Flavor of the Month” initiatives. They also thrive on organizational alignment,
execution of plans and achievements that garner a sense of accomplishment.
“If you have had good days and bad days as a communicator, you are sometimes operating at
the level of what I call unconscious competence. Without understanding why, you are
sometimes effective.” Verbal Judo teaches you to become consciously competent. (P. 49)
“Let me assert that there are really only two kinds
of language: Verbal Judo and Verbal Karate…
Verbal Karate is the lashing out…Verbal Judo is
the gentle way…redirective rather than
confrontational. ” (P. 78-79)
Braeuler Consulting
Peter Braeuler Telephone 210.219.9934
Book in a Bite
Key quotes
Blue Sky Leadership Consulting LLC 2014
Paraphrasing THE ONLY WAY TO INTERRUPT PEOPLE AND
STILL HAVE THEM LOVE YOU (P.69)
❖ It is like inserting a third person into a two
person dialogue. Putting your words with his
meaning.
❖ Two basic steps:
1) Sword of insertion – whoa, listen or wait a second.
2) Let me be sure I heard what you just said.
❖ Benefits include: o Hooked the other person to listen
o You have taken control
o You make sure you heard right
o They can correct if not right
o You’ve made them a better listener
o You’ve created empathy
o You have gained attention
o Overcomes “sonic intention”
o Clarifying affect for people standing around
o It prevents metaphrasing – putting words in
others mouth
o You safeguard yourself by gaining clarity
o It generates the “fair play response”
o It etches the facts in your mind
1. Come Here! [ask why]
2. You wouldn’t understand [yes I would; try me; I want
to help]
3. Because those are the rules [could you please tell me
why this rule was created?...]
4. It’s none of your business [(if you disagree then say – it
is my business, and here’s why.]
5. What do you want me to do about it? [start by saying “I
want you to listen to me and help me.” Then politely
explain how the person can help.]
6. Calm down! [look, I’m obviously not calm and there are
reasons for it. Let’s talk about them.]
7. What’s your problem? [it’s not a problem, it’s just
something I need to discuss. Can we talk?]
8. You never…or you always… [I know it seems I never
help out, because often I don’t. let’s talk about it. Is that
the real issue or are you upset about something else?
9. I’m not going to say this again. [Okay, I got it]
10. I’m doing this for your own good. [no one knows me
better than I do. I’m the best judge of what is for my
own good, just as you’re the best judge of what is for
your own good.]
11. Why don’t you be reasonable? [I’m being as reasonable
as I know how, and with any luck, I’ll get better.
Apparently I see the issue differently than you do.]
Three Goals of Verbal Judo
Keys
1. Ensure your personal safety
2. Enhance your professionalism
3. Increase your efficiency by improving
your performance level
Book in a Bite
Verbal Judo
➢ 11 things never to say
➢ Paraphrasing
➢ 5 step PERSUASION model
➢ Communication elements
➢ 3 types of people
➢ PAVPO – The rhetorical
perspective
➢ How to fight fair
➢ LEAPS
Eleven things never to say to anyone [AND HOW TO RESPOND IF SOME IDIOT SAYS
THEM TO YOU!] (CHAPTER 6)
Too many people who teach
have no idea of the principle
of teaching. The goal of
education is to expand the
mind. A person’s mind cannot
be expanded unless he or she
is motivated. There are many
ways to motivate a person, but
there is only one underlying
principle: raise expectations.
(p.20) [remedial reading class – fix a carburetor]
Blue Sky Leadership Consulting LLC 2014
1. ASK (Ethical Appeal)
2. SET CONTEXT (Reasonable Appeal)
3. PRESENT OPTIONS (Personal Appeal)
4. CONFIRM (Practical Appeal) o Is there anything I can say or do at this
time to earn your cooperation? I’d sure
like to think there is.
5. ACT (Determination of Appropriate Action)
Braeuler Consulting VOL. # ONE ISSUE #4 Book in a Bite
Five step PERSUASION Model GENERATING VOLUNTARY COMPLIANCE
❖ Content – know what you are talking
about
❖ Coding – put your message into
words
❖ Sending – transmit your words
❖ Decoding – based on the
effectiveness of your content, coding
and sending!
IMPACT OF ELEMENTS OF COMMUNICATION
(P.115)
❖ The truth or content (7-10%)
❖ Your voice – (33-40%)
o Tone – the most deadly
o Pace – speed
o Pitch – high/low; loud/soft
o Modulation – rhythm and
inflection
❖ ONV’s – Other nonverbals (50-60%)
HOW TO FIGHT FAIR (P. 148) ❖ Paraphrase – whoa let me be sure….
❖ Paraphrase again – restate with new
information
❖ Refocus the other’s attention – Let me ask
you …what specifically did I do that led
you to believe…
❖ Say what you want to say – state your case
Communication elements
PUT THE PRECISE MEANING IN YOUR
MIND INTO YOUR LISTENER’S MIND
(P.99)
Five Universal Truths of human interaction: 1. All people want to be treated with dignity and respect.
2. All people want to be asked rather than told to do something.
3. All people want to be informed as to why they are being asked or ordered to do something.
4. All people want to be given options rather than threats.
5. All people want a second chance when they make a mistake.
What FACE are you wearing? (P. 82) Learn the skills of the chameleon; you must
wear faces appropriate to changing situations.
The chameleon survives because it adapts.
The old Samurai said, “If you don’t know
yourself, you lose 100 percent of the time;
if you know yourself but you do not know
the opponent, you’ll be lucky to win fifty
percent of the time. If you know yourself
and you know the opponent, you can win a
hundred percent of the time.” (P.98)
Blue Sky Leadership Consulting LLC 2014
Book in a Bite
The Rhetorical Perspective (PAVPO):
❖ Perspective – the way you see things, your point of view; know what you’re talking
about.
❖ Audience – who; values; beliefs; constituents; objections; you are the performer/actor
❖ Voice – tone, pace, pitch, modulation
❖ Purpose – Your bottom line – the result you must professionally achieve
❖ Organization – How you want events to unfold (e.g. 9 step car stop P. 127).
Three types of people
CUTS ACROSS ALL CULTURES,
RACES, NATIONALITIES, AGES,
AND SEXES
LEAPS ✓ isten
✓ mpathize
✓ sk
✓ araphrase
✓ ummarize
Some Stories THERE ARE LOTS OF STORIES
❖ Clayton “I AM Bubba” Williams when accused of
pandering to the Bubba vote. (P. 24) 1990 TX
gubernatorial race
❖ Son breaks up with girlfriend…dad says give it 24
hours (P. 57) empathy
❖ Kelley and the car (P.79) – check out what maintaining
the car means and then let’s talk. “Buy me a bike and
I’ll use your car while you are travelling.”
❖ I approached his car and saw a whiskey bottle on the
floor. (P. 86) – put in context and tell them WHY and
provide some options.
❖ Well, I didn’t find any rabbits on the moon. (P.101) –
Neil Armstrong translation to a Japanese child vs. no
man in the moon or green cheese. (send and decode)
❖ Nice People o Will do what you
ask ❖ Difficult People
o Persnickety o Why? What for? o What’s in it for me?
❖ Wimps o ‘closet’ difficult
people o backstabbers
