PARENTING

TEENSWITH LOVE AND LOGIC

Bill McGeeHead MasterHill Country Christian School of Austin

First, a Disclaimer

We have to admit that there is no surefire, absolute, guaranteed-or-your-money back approach to raising responsible children.

Cline and Foster, Parenting with Love and Logic

Bad kids happen to good parents. Good kids happen to bad parents.

Love and Logic Defined

Empowering teens to make their own decisions, to live with their own mistakes, and to grow through the consequences.

In other words, teaching teens that actions have consequences (the Law of Sowing and Reaping).

Love and Logic Defined

Love and Logic parenting is not so much a system as an attitude.

Love and Logic parenting lies somewhere between “spare the rod and spoil the child” and “fathers, do not exasperate your children.”

Our Goal: Raising Responsible Kids

Responsible kids are able to: make good choices exercise common sense understand the “law of sowing and

reaping” sustain themselves contribute to their families and

society become responsible adults

Our Goal:

The goal of parenting is to work ourselves out

of a job.

Paul David Tripp Age of Opportunity

Three Common Parenting Styles:

1. The Helicopter Hovers Rescues Protects Won’t allow

children to fail Steals learning

opportunities from their child

Parenting Styles:

I’m afraid that many of us are so busy making decisions in order to keep them safe that we do

not teach them to develop their own set of internalized biblical

convictions

Paul David Tripp, Age of Opportunity

Parenting Styles:

2. The Drill Sergeant Micromanager Authoritarian Controlling Tight controls Uses

punishment instead of consequences

Parenting Styles:

Parents (must) realize that they can only control the parent-child relationship; they cannot control

the child

John Rosemond, Teen-Proofing

Rules – Relationship =

REBELLION

Helicopter and Drill Sergeant Parenting Eventually Produces

RESENTMENT&

REBELLION

A Parenting Paradox:

Parents who try to ensure their children’s success often raise

unsuccessful children.

Cline and Fay, Parenting with Love & Logic

Nothing succeeds like failure.

A Better Way to Parent Teens

Mom needs to move from smothering to mothering. Dad needs to father, not bother.

Tim Elmore

Parenting Styles:

3. The Consultant Avoids dictating Provides advise Offers choices Suggests possible solutions Shares control Asks questions rather than

barks orders

Parenting Styles:

Consultant parents understand that responsibility is

caught, not taught.

“V” of Love

Eighteen Years Adult

Choices High School

Choices

Middle School

Choices

Elementary School

Choices Toddler

Birth

Final Thoughts:

Worry is the price you pay in advance for most of the things in life that never happen.

Parenting is like a river—smooth flows, interrupted by various classes of rapids, rarely ending up in a waterfall.

Final Thoughts:

Your child is not your masterpiece…your child is not

even truly yours. Wendy Mogul, The Blessing of a

Skinned Knee

Consultant Parents:

Prepare the child for the path,

Not the path for the child

Recommended Reading Parenting with Love & Logic. Foster Cline

and Jim Fay, NavPress, 2006. Age of Opportunity. Paul David Tripp, P&R

Publishing, 2001. Teen-Proofing. John Rosemond, Andrews

McMeel Publishing, 2001. The Blessing of a Skinned Knee. Wendy

Mogul. Scribner, 2001 The Blessing of a B Minus. Wendy Mogul.

Scribner, 2010. Artificial Maturity. Tim Elmore. Jossey-

Bass, 2012

Children as Pets - The Cat Years

I just realized that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate - teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts it's head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away. Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you." Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again.