Achieving Voluntary Achieving Voluntary Compliance:Compliance:

MMaking aking CCourtesy ourtesy

CCommon ommon

Presented by the Presented by the College Civility CommitteeCollege Civility Committee

20092009

College College Civility Civility CommittCommitteeee

Monroe Community College:…Making Courtesy Common

Scenario # 1Scenario # 1

You’re walking through a crowded hallway during class change and a group of 10-12 students are standing in the

middle of the hall and blocking others from getting by.

What do you do?

“Being civil means being constantly aware of others

and weaving restraint, respect, and consideration

into the very fabric of this awareness.”

- P.M. ForniCo-founder of the Johns HopkinsCivility Project

??As MCC faculty As MCC faculty or staff, what or staff, what

is is your role your role

as it relates to as it relates to civility?civility?

Survey Survey Says…Says…

In a recent In a recent survey, what survey, what do you think do you think

were listed as were listed as the most the most

common acts common acts of incivility of incivility

at MCC?at MCC?

1. Stealing2. Damaging college

property3. Harassing racial, ethnic,

or gender-based comments

4. Not properly disposing of food and garbage

5. Loud and inappropriate language

Top 5 Top 5 concernsconcerns

What factors help create What factors help create incivility?incivility?

Factors That Factors That Help Create IncivilityHelp Create Incivility

Stress Time Personal interest Anonymity Lack of practice

Why are Why are some people some people

so much so much more more

successful successful than others than others at getting at getting people to people to listen to listen to

them or to them or to comply with comply with

a simple a simple request?request?

The The “Likeabili“Likeabili

ty ty Factor”Factor”

and and

our our ability to ability to persuadepersuade

What are some things that What are some things that help make-up our “likability help make-up our “likability

factor”?factor”?

Our First Our First ImpressionImpression

How quickly do How quickly do people make a first people make a first

impression?impression?

What image do What image do you project?you project?

Our SmileOur Smile

“Don’t open a “Don’t open a shop, shop,

unless you unless you like to smile.”like to smile.”

- Chinese - Chinese ProverbProverb

Our HandshakeOur Handshake

or the new “Elbow shake”or the new “Elbow shake”

Our WordsOur Words

Our Approachability (Use Our Approachability (Use names)names)

19361936

Improving Your Improving Your LikabilityLikability

Engage others in a friendly manner

Talk in the other persons interest

Find something good to sayHelp, without being askedShow gratitude and

appreciationNever be mean-spirited

The Power of a ComplimentThe Power of a Compliment

A sincere compliment is one A sincere compliment is one of the most effective of the most effective

motivational methods in motivational methods in existenceexistence

Spreading KindnessSpreading Kindness

“Three things in human life are

important; the first is to be

kind,the second is to be

kind, and the third is to be

kind.”

- Henry James

What if things heat up?What if things heat up?

Keeping Your Keeping Your Cool…Cool…

Listen attentively (let the person Listen attentively (let the person vent)vent)Use the persons’ nameUse the persons’ nameMaintain a calm and sincere voiceMaintain a calm and sincere voiceTell the person what you Tell the person what you “CAN” “CAN” do do for themfor themAccept responsibility when Accept responsibility when warrantedwarrantedInvolve the person in finding a Involve the person in finding a solutionsolutionFollow-upFollow-upAsk if there is anything else you can Ask if there is anything else you can dodo

DiffusingDiffusing

“To win one hundred victories in one

hundred battles is not the highest skill.

To subdue the enemy without fighting is the greatest skill.”

- Sun-tzu

““Verbal Judo” adviceVerbal Judo” advice“It’s o.k. if someone insults,

resists, or attacks you. Laugh it off. Show that it has no meaning, no sting.

If you fight back ands resist the affront, you

give it life and credibility. If you defend yourself,

you invite counterattack.”

- George J. Thompson, Ph.D

Verbal Judo: Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of The Gentle Art of

PersuasionPersuasion All martial arts are based on

redirection

Verbal Judo is the use of words to achieve your objective

The goal of persuasion is to generate voluntary compliance (making a reasonable request)

Empathy…Empathy…the most powerful word in the the most powerful word in the

English languageEnglish language

em, from the Latin, means

“to see through”and

pathy, from the Greek, means

“the eye of the other”

The ultimate empathetic The ultimate empathetic sentence…sentence…

“Let me be sure

I heard what you

just said.”

LEAPSLEAPS

Listen Empathize Ask Paraphrase Summarize

RudenessRudeness“If anything

characterizes the twenty-first century, it’s our inability to restrain ourselves for the benefit of other people.”

- James Katz

How do you deal with How do you deal with rudeness?rudeness?

There’s probably a causeThere’s probably a cause

Tips For Approaching Tips For Approaching OthersOthers

Assess the situation (Safety First) Approach the individuals(s) with respect

(“Excuse me…”) Introduce yourself Allow the individual(s) to save face

(spacing/posture) Speak in a pleasant tone Make a reasonable request Know when to disengage Notify Public Safety Identify witnesses and prepare to document

Setting the tone in the Setting the tone in the classroomclassroom

Scenario # 2Scenario # 2

You’re walking through the courtyard and observe several

people playing hackysack. It is a non-smoking area. Two of the

players are smoking cigarettes; one of them discards their cigarette butt on the grass.

What do you do?

Scenario # 3Scenario # 3You’re walking through the Marketplace Café and two

students are using very loud and vulgar language as they

argue over who is the greatest basketball player of all-time;

Lebron James or Kobe Bryant.

What do you do?

Scenario # 4Scenario # 4

You are walking through the hallway connecting building 2 and building 11 (International Hall) and observe a male and female engaged in very heavy

and inappropriate petting, kissing, and touching

What do you do?

Scenario # 5Scenario # 5

As a faculty member, you have a student who continually

interrupts the class with cell phone calls/texting/

inappropriate comments, etc..

What do you do?

Life Is Like An Life Is Like An Unfailing BoomerangUnfailing Boomerang

“Our thoughts, deeds and words all return to us sooner or later,

with astounding accuracy.”

- Florence Shinn

What are we role What are we role modeling to modeling to

our students on a daily our students on a daily basis?basis?

Recommended for your Recommended for your nightstandnightstand

Thank you!Thank you!Please fill out the Please fill out the

evaluation form and evaluation form and enjoy the rest of your enjoy the rest of your

day!day!