Understanding the Emotions of Our Selves and Others

EMOTIONAL INTELEGENCE (EI) is an ability, skill, or in the case of the EI model, a self-perceived ability to identify, assess and control the emotions of one’s self, of others and of groups.

Darwin (1900’s)- Darwin placed importance on the display of emotion on survival and adaptation.

Thorndike and the Testing Movement (1920)- Thorndike coined the term social intelligence and theorized that it was an equally important component of overall IQ. Social Intelligence is “the ability to understand men and women, boys and girls and to act wisely in human relations”.

Thorndike and Stern (1937)- Attempted to measure social intelligence by utilizing the George Washington Social Intelligence Test which measured an individual’s judgment in social situations and relationship problems such as the recognition of a speaker’s “mental state” and the ability to identify emotional expression.

Salovey and Mayer (1990)- The Yale colleagues published the seminal article “Emotional Intelligence” and identified emotional intelligence as the ability to monitor one’s own and other’s feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action. Their model included a cognitive emphasis. It focused on specific mental aptitudes for recognizing and marshalling emotions (for example, knowing what someone is feeling is a mental aptitude, whereas being outgoing and warm is a behavior). A comprehensive EI model must include some measure of “thinking about feeling” rather than just regulating feeling.

Goleman (1998)- Emotional Intelligence is equally as important as IQ as a predictor of workplace performance.

Four Components of EI:Emotional Identification, Perception and

ExpressionEmotional Facilitation of ThoughtEmotional UnderstandingEmotional Management

The model introduced by Daniel Goleman focuses on EI as a wide array of competencies and skills that drive leadership performance. Emotional competencies are not innate talents, but rather learned capabilities that must be worked on and can be developed to achieve outstanding performance.

Four Constructs:1) Self-Awareness2) Self-Management3) Social Awareness4) Relationship Management

The ability to recognize your own emotions, how they affect your thoughts and behavior, know your strengths and weaknesses and have self-confidence.

The ability to control impulsive feelings, and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments and adapt to changing circumstances.

The ability to understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.

The ability to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

1) The Ability to Quickly Reduce Stress2) The Ability to Recognize and Manage

Your Emotions3) The Ability to Connect with Others

Using Non-Verbal Communication4) The Ability to Use Humor and Play to

Deal with Challenges5) The Ability to Resolve Conflicts

Positively and with Confidence

The first key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to quickly calm yourself down when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Being able to manage stress in the moment is the key to resilience. This emotional intelligence skill helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control-no matter what challenges you faceRealize When You Are StressedIdentify Your Stress ResponseDiscover the Stress Busting Techniques that

Work for You

The second key of Emotional Intelligence is having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions.

What kind of relationship do you have with your emotions?Do you experience feelings that flow?Are your emotions accompanied by physical

sensations that you experience?Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions?Can you experience intense feelings?Do you pay attention to your emotions?

We need to be aware of and in control of our non-verbal cues. We also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the non-verbal cues that other people send us. Improving non-verbal communication involves paying attention to:Eye ContactFacial ExpressionTone of VoicePosture and GestureTouchTiming and Pace

The ability to deal with challenges using humor and play broadens our emotional intelligence and helps us to do the following:Take Hardships in StrideSmooth Over DifferencesSimultaneously Relax and Energize

OurselvesBecome More Creative

The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is the fifth key skill of emotional intelligence. Successfully resolving differences is supported by the previous four skills of emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you’ll be better equipped to handle emotionally charged situations and catch and diffuse many issues before they escalate.