Intimacy and

AffectionCOMM 415 4.16.2013

What is Intimacy?

• Intimacy is a very broad term that has been used to describe

attitudes and behaviors related to close relationships.

What is Intimacy?

• Immediacy: The difference between content (digital) and relational (analogic) messages. Signals openness and willingness to communicate.

Must be

• Continuous

• forming a spectrum or range of behaviors

• sustained and prolonged

What is Intimacy?

• Affection: verbal and nonverbal messages that convey “warmth, positive regard, safety, support, comfort, relationship satisfaction, and closeness” (p. 226)

Adult Attachment

Styles

•Secure

•Insecure

Anxious/Ambivalent

Avoidant/Dismissive

Fearful/Avoidant

SO WHAT DO THESE PREDICT?

Stability and Outcomes of Relational

Closeness• Why? Because intimacy is interactional and usually dyadic.

Implies certain levels of coordination of intimacy between partners

Expectations quite often coincide , but sometimes do not.

• Some Indicators:

Touch – Most powerful way we display affection

Time – Time spent with another is the highest indicator of immediacy

Males experience intimacy through tasks and activities

Females experience intimacy through conversation

• Regardless of gender, both men and women both agree that affective skills are important in close

relationships

A Note About Touch• Researchers studying the importance of touching found that a brief period of physical

contact (including massage) significantly enhanced participants’ oxytocin levels

– 34 couples participated in the experiment

– Half of the couples were trained in “listening touch” designed to relax their partner while

speaking (e.g., simple neck massage) and were then trained in basic massage techniques

– The remaining couples were monitored for several weeks

• One month after training, couples in the massage condition experienced significantly

higher levels of salivary oxytocin than the control group

…Putting it all together

Intimacy requires three elements of nonverbal behaviorHigher levels of nonverbal involvement and immediacyWarm, immediate nonverbal behavior over time in a variety of situationsAffection and physical closeness, particularly touch.

*Secure attachments reflect healthy and sustained levels of each of these requirements

Affection Exchange Theory

• The need and capacity for affection are innate

• Affectionate feelings and affectionate expressions are usually, but not always, correlated

• Affectionate communication promotes health and reproductive ability

• Humans vary in their tolerance for affection

• Expressing or receiving affection that violates our tolerance stimulates the nervous system to react

• .

The need and capacity for affection

are innate.• Tend-and-befriend theory: Affectionate behavior is intended to fortify personal

relationships and is beneficial for health because it ameliorates the physiological stress

response.

Tending – soothing behaviors meant to alleviate stress (hand holding, caressing, use of soft

tone)

Befriending – Creating and maintaing social relationships that provide resources, support

and protection.

• Necessary for the survival of our genes Preservation of our offspring

Preservation of ourselves

Affectionate feelings and affectionate expressions

are usually, but not always, correlated

are innate• Strength of a feeling and display of a feeling can covary, but usually do not.

Could be due to temparment

Could be due to upbrining

Could be due to cultural norms

Affectionate communication

promotes health and reproductive

abilityare innate• Lower levels of cortisol

Floyd (2008) conducted a study to on 20 spousal couples in which 1 spouse

(either husband or wife) was asked to measure initial cortisol levels via saliva sample

and report on their amount of stress.

Couples were then asked to report on their affectionate communication behaviors (both

verbal and nonverbal).

Findings showed a correlation between lower cortisol levels and higher amounts of

reported affectionate communication.

Humans vary in their tolerance for

affection• Cognitive Valence Theory (Andersen) argues that changes in intimacy produce changes

in arousal

– Based on biological temperament

– Changes in intimacy produce changes in arousal:

• Small changes in arousal go unnoticed

• Large changes in arousal stimulate fear and protection

• Moderate changes in arousal are ambiguous

Humans vary in their tolerance for

affection• Evaluative Measures of CVT: Schemata

Cultural Schema

Self-Schema [fixed personality/psychological predisposition]

Communication predisposition

Trait communication behavior

Interpersonal Schema [Liking, attractiveness, homophily]

Relational [How is the relationship defined?]

What is it? (Definition)

Where is it going? (trajectory)

Situational [environment, context, situation]

State [Mood, temporary state of mind]

Humans vary in their tolerance for

affection• Positive Relational Outcomes

• CVT predicts three positive outcomes in relationships if all of the valences are positive:

– More positive feelings toward relational partner

– Reciprocal increases in intimacy

– Greater levels of closeness and intimacy

Expressing or receiving affection that violates our tolerance stimulates the nervous system to react

are innate

Mi Scusi

Expressing or receiving affection that violates our tolerance stimulates the nervous system to react

are innate*Behavioral Activation System (BAS)

*Behavioral Inhibition System (BIS)

*Fight-or-Flight System (FFS)