Chapter 10

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Intimacy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgxxAwue7Fs

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What do we mean by intimacy?

Why Is Intimacy an Adolescent Issue?

Not necessarily sexualNot necessarily sexual true intimacy is characterized by openness, true intimacy is characterized by openness,

honesty, self-disclosure, and trusthonesty, self-disclosure, and trust

Intimacy becomes an Intimacy becomes an adolescent concern because of adolescent concern because of normative biological, cognitive, normative biological, cognitive, and social changesand social changes

Intimate relationships first Intimate relationships first emerge in adolescenceemerge in adolescence

Sullivan’s Developmental progression of needs:need for contact and for tenderness

need for adult participation

need for peers and peer acceptance Need for intimacyNeed for sexual contact and intimacy with partnerNeed for integration into adult society

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Theoretical Perspectives

Companionship appears before adolescence

Intimacy emerges later Early adolescence

Self-disclosure and trust emerge as dimensions of friendship

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Changes in the nature of friendship

Conflicts that adolescents have with friendsOlder adolescents typically have conflicts over

private mattersYounger adolescents typically have conflicts over

public disrespect

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Changes in the nature of friendship

Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their friends

Adolescents become more responsive to close friends and less controlling

Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy

Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion

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Changes in the Display of Intimacy

Sex Differences in Intimacy

Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ across many different indicators Girls disclose more to their

friends Girls are more sensitive and

empathic to friends Girls are more concerned about

trust and loyalty

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Yes, BUT…carries some liabilities (e.g., co-rumination)

both sexes have equivalent degrees of intimate knowledge about their best friends

when boys are with their friends, they are just as likely to share each other’s emotional stateSex differences in helpfulness are very smallBoys and girls express intimacy in different ways

Sex Differences in Intimacy

Boysconflicts persist for shorter periods of time typically over issues of power and controlmore likely to escalate into physical aggressionusually resolved without any explicit effort

Girlsconflicts persist for longer periods of time typically about betrayal in the relationshiponly resolved when one of the friends apologizes

Sex Differences in Friendship Conflicts

Changes in the targets of intimacy

Sullivan hypothesized that intimacy with peers replaces

intimacy with parents Intimacy with peers of the

opposite sex replaces intimacy with same-sex friends

Actually new targets of intimacy are added to old ones

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Different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers

Parent-adolescent relationships Imbalance of power, teens receive advice conflicts usually result with a “winner” and “loser”

Adolescent peer relationships Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges conflicts more likely to end in compromise

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Different Roles of Parents and Peers

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Dating and Romantic Relationships

How old were you? How did you approach the boy/girl you liked? Where did you go? Alone or in a group? How did it go?

Recall your first date…

High school dating no longer has the function of mate selection

Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months 25% of 12-years-olds reported

having one 50% of 15-year-olds 70% of 18-year-olds

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Dating and Romantic Relationships

Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy Establishing emotional and

behavioral autonomy from parents Furthering development of gender

identity Learning about oneself as a romantic

partner Establishing/maintaining status and

popularity in peer group

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Dating and Romantic Relationships

(1) Discover an interest in socializing with potential romantic and sexual partners; relationships last a few weeks (between 11 and 13)

(2) Move toward more meaningful dyadic relationships; relationships last about 6 months (from about 14 to 16)

(3) Begin to think about the long-term survival and growth of romantic relationships; average relationship is over a year (around 17 or 18)

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3 Phases of Teen Romance

Early and intensive dating before age 15 Stunting effect on psychosocial development

Late Bloomers Retarded social development, excessive dependency on

parents, feelings of insecurity

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Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development

During adolescence, friends: serve as sounding boards for future plans provide advice on a range of identity-related matters contribute to adolescents’ self-esteem

Individuals with satisfying close friendships do better than those without them, in adolescence and in adulthood

Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able to make and maintain close relationships with others

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The bottom line…

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Have a Great Break!