When You Divorce Me

8/6/2019 When You Divorce Me..

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I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of myentertainment.

One day I said to her in slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? Shestared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce

was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once shegot to know I was serious.

When my wife went to the office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff lookedat my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. Sheseemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read somehurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K? Then we live together. Inodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I’ve got something to tell you. I said.She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’tknow how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want adivorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words. Instead she asked me softly, why? I’mserious. I avoided her question. This so=called answer made her angry. She threwaway her chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find outwhat had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer,

because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she couldown our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then toreit into pieces. I felt a pain my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with mewould become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writingsomething at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. Iturned over and asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I wassupposed to give her one month time before divorce and in the month’s time we mustlive as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple : our son would finish his



summer vacation a month later and she didn’t want him to see our marriage wasbroken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and asked me, He Ning, do you stillremember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly

brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. Youcarried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, and which is youcarrying me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of thismonth, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it wasabsurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she saidscornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since divorce intention was explicitlyexpressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on thefirst day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holdingmummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to thesitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closedher eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don’t tell our son. I nodded, feelingsomewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove tothe office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We

were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’tlooked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young anymore. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Becareful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimatecouple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew becamevague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she putthe ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacywas even stronger. I didn’t tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I saidto her, it seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I waswaiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find suitable one. Then shesighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But then suddenly realized that it



was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I wasstronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. He said. To him,

seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential past of his life. Shegestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because Iwas afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walkingfrom the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded myneck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son hadgone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both of you and I didn’t notice that our life lacked of intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay wouldmake me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her,Sorry, Dew, I won’t divorce. I’m serious.

She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. You got no fever. Shesaid, I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, Iwon’t divorce. my marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value thedetails of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand thatsince I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed thedoor and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which washer favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’llcarry you out every morning until we are old.”

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When You Divorce Me