Divorce: Remaking Your Life Without Avoiding Holidays And Once Favorite Occasions
Divorce: Remaking Your Life Without Avoiding Holidays
Divorce is never an easy decision.
It affects not only the couple, but also those around them. From children to in-laws and friends it affects everyone.The holiday's are rapidly approaching and if you've recently gone through a divorce, you're likely feeling like you'd rather avoid the holiday's. This guide can help you to remake your life and look forward to the holiday's and other seasonal occasions with joy. Here's how.
It's easy to want to hide under the covers and avoid the holiday's. Perhaps it's not your turn this holiday with the kids or you're feeling left out of former holiday activities. This is something that no one warned you about of even thinks might be difficult for you, your children or your former friends and family.
Getting through the first holiday season alone might be a bit challenging, but it can be done with determination and some simple goals. Don't let yourself sit around feeling sorry for yourself, find something that means something to you and do it.
FIND SOME HOBBIESSome people will opt for a hobbies such as photography, woodworking, crafting and a host of other things. Most have said their first gift to themselves on Christmas after a divorce is something you used to love, wanted to try or feel like it might take your mind off the events.
This is a perfect time to provide service in your community. Its always a good philosophy that when you think that you have things bad you can always find someone who needs you. Needs your help, your smile, your warmth and kindness. There are many charities and event organizers that will help you by helping others.
Focus on special gifts such as a memory book or photo album for the kids if you're not with them this holiday. Get plenty of rest and focus on you for a change. The number one thing during this time is to remember that you have always been in charge of you happiness. Its time to listen to yourself and build on the positives you have.
Creating New Traditions
Your new traditions might vary according to which one of you has the kids the first year. If it's not your year with the kids, don't mope around. Don't let the kids see you sad either. Encourage the kids to enjoy time with their other parent and plan to celebrate earlier or later with the kids.
Meanwhile, plan a new tradition. If you're not with the kids plan to help someone else. A shut in, the elderly, a homeless shelter etc. This will keep your mind occupied and help you to focus on something else that will be beneficial.
TravelMaybe it is your time to take a short vacation that you want to take. Many people find it relaxing to sit poolside, in a tropical location or spend the day watching the snowfall in a cozy cabin next to a fire. Whatever you choice is its your gift to you. While you may be alone or with a companion it is starting your new tradition on your terms to help fill in on the times that you are not with your children and or your former life partner, family and friends. Some people prefer this as they have time to just do things that they like to do. It can help the healing process. Make sure you check out the local restaurants and activities before you book your travel. Surprisingly this is a popular option for most and you will find others with the same thought! A new found friend is always the best holiday gift.
Service WorkGo to a friends house or help a lonely neighbor. Whatever you do, focus on something besides feeling like the party of one. Get up, Get dressed and make a difference in someone elses life. It's easy to get caught up in feeling sorry for yourself so plan to stay busy.
Maintaining Friends and Family
Often during a divorce well meaning friends and family will side with one party or the other. You can avoid this very easily by not saying anything negative about the other party. The other word of wisdom is to make sure that you brush off the gossip.
Instead, simply say that there were differences that couldn't be worked out or that you're both good people but you simply aren't compatible. Often these tactics will help to disarm their comments.
Remember just like children, friends and family have loved you both for a substantial time. They may feel torn and like they have to choose. the best advice is to just get through it as cordially as possible. Acknowledge their feelings and assure them of their place in your life still.
Finding a New Friend With Old TiesFocus on those that you were closer too and avoid trying to please everyone. You're going to have some opposition no matter who was at fault so be sure to steady yourself and focus on those that you know love you regardless.
Don't get caught up in the conflict further by trying to prove that one party is right over the other party. It takes two people to make a couple and sometimes it just isn't working. Its important that you continue to be the person that they have always loved and trusted. Sometimes it might be difficult to shy away from throwing mud. Overtime things will settle and who remains and carries through with you was really the only person that should have been there in the first place.
Learning to EnjoyLastly, enjoy your holiday. Plan to have a wonderful time with whomever happens along your way during the holiday season. Don't dwell on the losses but instead celebrate all the positive aspects of the holiday. Focus on yourself and healing and remember that no one can tell you how to grieve your losses. Its individual. Take your time and do it right.
One day you'll emerge full of life and energy and happiness, until then, find things to be grateful for and remember that you're going to get through this difficult time in your life. It just takes a few days and some positive changes.
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