The Exposer - Issue 4

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Exposing your dirty little secrets!

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  • Issue No.4 - January 22, 2012

    THE WEEKLY

    EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!

    EXPOSER!

    PRINCESS KIARA AND SSPRODUCTIONS ALEX HAD A SECRET MEETING ON

    TUESDAY AT AN EXCLUSIVE LA CAF. AT FIRST IT SEEMED THEY WERE

    DISCUSSING A NEW COLLABORATION, POSSIBLY A NEW DARK, GOTHIC

    SUPERNATURAL SERIES CALLED THE THE DEADLY EMPIRE OF EVIL.

    UNFORTUNATELY, OUR TELESCOPIC MICROPHONE WAS MALFUNCTIONING,

    THEY WERE ACTUALLY JUST TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER. ALEX

    COMMENTED ON HOW HE ENJOYED FLUFFY CLOUDS, SUNSHINE AND RAIN-

    BOWS, WHILE KIARA PREFERRED DARK CLOUDS, HEAVY RAIN AND THUNDER.

    NITTENS DANGEROUS ENCOUNTER WITH ANGRY BRITISH KITTEN

    WHO HAS FA PRODUCTIONSS GUS WHO HAS FA PRODUCTIONSS GUS

    GOT TRAPPED IN HIS CELLAR?GOT TRAPPED IN HIS CELLAR?

    JN AND AYLA STAR HAVE FALLING JN AND AYLA STAR HAVE FALLING

    OUT OVER GHERKINS!OUT OVER GHERKINS!

    ONEE-CHANS DRAMATIC

    COSMETIC

    PROCEDURES

    BEFORE AND

    AFTER

    PHOTOS!

    ALL NEW

    PICTURES OF

    THE WEEK!

    I AM NOT THE NITE ANGEL!I AM NOT THE NITE ANGEL!I AM NOT THE NITE ANGEL!

    QUEEN ELIZABETHS DENIALQUEEN ELIZABETHS DENIALQUEEN ELIZABETHS DENIAL

    SIFF STAFF FORM POP BAND, BOOED OFF FRANKFURT STAGE

    SIFF PLAYBILL AND RED

    CARPET PICS!

  • QUEEN BY DAY, PIRATE BY

    NIGHT, MEET THE NITE ANGEL

    q

    Queen Elizabeth II has spent the

    week trying to explain herself

    after it was revealed last week

    that she was the woman behind

    the mysterious character known

    only as the Nite Angel. The

    notion that I am a pirate is

    absolutely preposterous! the 85

    year old monarch stated in a

    televised broadcast earlier

    today. My husband, my family

    and I arrrr deeply offended by

    the scandalous accusations by

    this pant-less terror. Although

    she continues to publicly deny

    it, the evidence is beginning to

    stack up. Firstly, a former

    Royal servant claims to have

    found a cutlass, an eye patch

    and a skull and crossbones

    brooch in the queens underwear

    draw. Also, when on royal duty

    in Barbados, she insisted on

    taking a short voyage aboard the

    famous Caribbean pirate ship,

    Neptunes Whore, where she

    forced her grand-daughter

    Princess Eugenie to walk the

    plank. There is also rumour that

    Her Royal Highness is putting

    pressure on Englands parliament

    to make arrangements to replace

    the decommissioned Royal Yacht

    Britannia, with a new 80

    Million vessel that looks very

    pirate-y.

    WHO HAS GUS GOT LOCKED IN

    HIS CELLAR?

    FA Productions Gus is no

    stranger to scandal, but this

    time he could be facing jail

    time. After threatening to

    lock The Exposer in his

    cellar, an investigation took

    place at his home in Buenos

    Aires, Argentina. We found 16

    people in total had been

    locked in the movie makers

    basement. While most of them

    w e r e i d e n t i f i e d a s

    Argentinean soap stars and

    rugby players, we were

    shocked to find several

    better-known celebrities,

    such as Morgan Freeman,

    Michael The Situation

    Sorrentino and Prison Breaks

    Wentworth Miller (pictured).

    When asked why he had these

    people locked in the

    basement, Gus denied there

    was anything sinister: We

    were just having a party down

    there, someone must have

    accidently locked the door.

    Its rumored that Gus

    employed the specialist

    security services of Logan

    the laughing blueberry to

    ensure they were not able to

    escape.

    AYLA STAR DISMISSED

    AFTER STEALING

    GHERKINS

    JN has announced that Kara

    Daniels has been fired from

    her starring role in Ayla

    the Dryad, after she was

    caught stealing a jar of his

    prized gherkins. JN said in

    a statement: She can take

    my car, my money or my

    children, but no-one messes

    with my gherkins. The

    actress, who is best known

    for her role as Wendy King

    in The Kingdom, attempted to

    down-play the seriousness of

    the crime: I was just

    borrowing them for a prop in

    my new music video,

    sheesh!. The flame-haired

    starlet is set to release

    her debut R&B single titled

    My gherkins bring all the

    boys to the yard. JN an-

    nounced that Monica Brow

    (below) will now be playing

    Ayla.

  • COMING ATTRACTIONSCOMING ATTRACTIONSCOMING ATTRACTIONS Check out the amazing line up so far for SIFF March 2012!

  • SUBMISSIONS SO FAR

    FILMS

    Ronson_14 - A Love That Lasts Forever - Spain

    Oak Haven Productions - Cut From The Same Cloth - U.K.

    ChristieL - G.03, The Final Act - Italy

    Nanami - Mercy - Mexico

    FA Productions - NEON - Argentina

    Soft Ball Girl - Book Traveller - U.S.A.

    Ilya Vasilevskiy - Silence - U.S.A.

    Bordelinski Films - The Island - U.S.A.

    The Immortal Idiot Team - The Other Cinderella - Scotland

    MysteryJack1 - Dead Famous - U.K.

    KDK21 Productions - Black Love - Mauritius

    MUSIC VIDEOS

    Demeter - I Will Always Love You - U.S.A.

    Paco1200 - Who's That Chick - U.S.A.

    SHORT FILMS

    MJSimKat - 5 Facts About Me - U.S.A.

    Steph Kline - The Age of Picking - Australia

    SIFF STAFF SUBMISSIONS

    AAshleySEG - "SIFF Movie" - U.S.A.

    JN Productions - Ayla the Dryad - New Zealand

    SS Productions Team - The Phantom of the Opera - U.S. / U.K. / Macedonia

    BUZZ!

    MAKE AN AD! SUBMIT IT! RIGHT NOW!

    Forum Thread

  • NITTENS BITTEN BY

    MITTENS THE KITTEN

    FROM BRITAIN

    Poor Nittens had to take

    time off his latest

    project this week to tend

    his wounds from a

    cat-attack. The director

    s u f f e r e d c u t s a n d

    abrasions to his face,

    shoulders, arms, legs and

    bottom after he was

    viciously mauled by his

    newly adopted kitten named

    Mittens. He thought the

    idea of a dynamic duo

    called Nittens and

    Mittens sounded like a

    good idea until the

    usually friendly-natured

    cat turned on him after a

    week. Our source suggests

    that Mittens is angry

    about being shipped over

    from Britain to the

    United States. He, like

    many cats, had the dream

    of traveling to London to

    visit the Queen, and

    frightening a little mouse

    under her chair. With

    these hopes dashed,

    Mittens felt the urge to

    lash out at Nittens,

    causing physical and

    emotional damage. It is

    believed Nittens and

    Mittens are now attending

    group therapy to deal with

    their issues.

    RAIN CLOUDS FORM OVER

    SIMATOGRAPHY STAFF BAND

    When Alex Suggested to the

    Simatography staff team to form a

    pop band called Rayz of Sun-

    shine :) they had dreams of

    grandeur. Little did they know

    that they would be booed off

    stage on their debut performance.

    The band, consisting of Minread,

    Alex, Bzanna, JN, Kazee, Sylent-

    Whysper, AAshleySEG and Mid-

    night445 opened to a crowd of

    5000 people at Schrecklich Shizer

    Events centre in Frankfurt Germa-

    ny, singing their debut single

    OMG U R 4 Me. The group were

    unable to reach the chorus before

    they were forced to vacate the

    stage to avoid being injured from

    flying garbage. Unfortunately for

    the group the bad news didnt end

    there. The single failed to chart

    in all seven countries it was

    released in. Industry expert

    Pauline Wan indicated that alt-

    hough they had clear musical

    talent, she criticized the ex-

    tremely profane lyrics: It had

    the makings of a successful,

    catchy pop song, until they

    dropped the F-bomb. The future

    of the band is now unclear, and

    there are rumors of conflict

    between them. Midnight wants JN

    gone, as his hair color

    clashes with the outfits, and

    Kazee reportedly put laxatives in

    SylentWhyspers food, as she

    tries to drown everyone out.

    Whether they stay on or not, no-

    ones listening anyway.

    ONEE CHANS COSMETIC

    PROCEDURE ADDICTION

    The Mercy star has recently had

    the following procedures done:

    Rhinoplasty (nose job): $6,000

    Skin Lightening: $12,000

    Retinal Implants (eye color

    change): $15,000

    Scalp Implant (hair color

    change): $15,000

    TOTAL: $48,000

    BEFORE AFTER

  • PICTURES Of the week

    Honey, we should come here more often!

    Guys? A little help? My freaking hands on fire!

    Each week The Exposer delves into the Simatography

    photo galleries to see how all of you have been

    behaving. As usual, the community had plenty of

    scandalous and distasteful activities caught on camera.

    Ok, jokes over Cactuar, take off that scream mask!

    My guess: number 5 did it.

    Just found another one trapped in FAs cellar.

    Right before I stomped on his fingers Mwahahahaha!

    Be Careful.

    Im always watching...