The Exposer - Issue 2

Embed Size (px)

DESCRIPTION

Revealing all your dirty little secrets!

Text of The Exposer - Issue 2

  • Issue No.2 - January 4, 2012

    THE WEEKLY

    EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!

    EXPOSER!

    PRINCESS KIARA WAS SEEN

    HAVING A COZY DATE WITH

    TWILIGHT STAR TAYLOR

    LAUTNER ON TUESDAY. A

    WITNESS DESCRIBED THE

    COUPLE AS A PAIR OF

    GIGGLY GERTYS.

    FA PRODUCTIONS NEW MOVIE NEON SET TO CONTAIN SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES,

    AASHLEYSEG & NORBERTS AASHLEYSEG & NORBERTS

    ROMANTIC RENDEVOUS!ROMANTIC RENDEVOUS!

    ALEX & SY PARTY NJ STYLE! ALEX & SY PARTY NJ STYLE!

    CHARISMATICS FALL FROM

    GRACE

    CHECK OUT

    THE LATEST

    COSMETIC

    SURGERY

    SCANDALS!

    MINRAEDS MAKEUP MINRAEDS MAKEUP MINRAEDS MAKEUP

    MALFUNCTION!MALFUNCTION!MALFUNCTION!

    CATKETTYS BRUSH WITH THE LAW AFTER DANGEROUS CHRISTMAS PARTY ON

    PUBLIC BEACH

    EXTRA SIFF BUZZ!

    CHECK OUT WHATS

    BEEN HAPPENING!

  • AASHLEYSEG'S EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR

    WITH ROMANIAN NATURALIST

    It seems that AashleySEG's world is crumbling

    around her. Just hours after she was fired from

    her role in JN's new movie Ayla the Dryad,

    these saucy snaps of her canoodling with

    Romanian nudist Midnight445 emerged on the

    internet. In an exclusive interview,

    Midnight (also known as Norbert) re-

    vealed that he hid the camera

    himself, with the intention of

    releasing the photos to boost his

    presence within the celebrity com-

    munity: "I 'ave been avay for so

    long, and I needed to tell the vorld

    that I am back, and more naked than

    ever!". Mrs SEG expressed her anger

    via twitter: "@Bzanna He had over 500 bars of #Woohooium in his

    bedroom, how could I resist?" Ashley's husband, Bridgeport

    celebrity chef Barry Tenderlove, was said to be coping by gorging

    himself on Cheezdoodles and chocolate milk. He declined to comment.

    FA PRODUCTIONS NEON MOVIE TO CONTAIN SUBLIMINAL

    MESSAGES ENCOURAGING VIEWERS TO EAT GRASS JELLO

    FA Productions Gus is in

    the media firing line

    after being accused of

    brainwashing his audi-

    ence. In what is

    reported to be a multi-

    million dollar deal be-

    tween the production

    company and Landgraab

    Enterprises, Gus has

    agreed to intertwine secret messages throughout the scenes of

    his new movie NEON. The product, Grass Jello, is currently not

    very popular on account of it tasting like feet, however Land-

    graab have mass-produced the product and needs to off-load it

    somehow. They decided that getting movie-goers to purchase the

    ghastly canned dessert would be an excellent idea, and FA

    Productions appeared to agree. Shame on you FA, shame on you.

  • ALEX AND SYLENT PARTY HARD IN

    SEASIDE WITH SNOOKI

    SSProductions and Sylentwhysper traded

    in their gaunt blue skin for fake tan

    as they danced the night away in New

    Jersey last week. The pair were

    thrilled to meet Nicole 'Snooki'

    Polizzi and her new boyfriend Pugsley

    McKaynine on the dance floor of her

    favourite nightclub. When asked about

    meeting Snooki, Sylent revealed: "I

    was surprised at how short she is".

    Alex stated: "It was the best night of

    my life!". The pair were disappointed

    to have to fly back home the next day

    to their heavy work schedules.

    MINRAED ARZHEL ASKED TO LEAVE AFTER

    MUSICAL PERFORMANCE AT CHARITY DINNER

    Minraed has been accused of discrimination

    following a musical performance for a charity

    evening in Quebec last week. The high-profile

    director of Lucinda offered to play her Bass at a

    benefit for the charity CARC (Canadians Against

    Ridiculing Clowns), but angered guests when she

    took to the stage with silly clown make-up, and

    made silly clown-faces during the performance. The

    Exposer spoke to CARC president Gus Hart: We

    have worked hard to improve the quality-of-life

    for misunderstood Canadian clowns, and Ms Arzhel

    has turned us back into a laughing stock!.

    Minraed insists that it was an innocent mistake:

    We had a power-cut at home, so I had no choice

    but to apply my make-up in the dark. Mr Hart said

    CARC received no formal apology from Ms Arzhel.

    CHARISMATIC? NOT SO MUCH Everything Flows director Charismatic789 has

    been kicked out of his synchronized ballet

    club Twinkletoes. Sources close to the group

    reveal that Charismatic has been burning the

    candle at both ends. Being a masterpiece

    movie maker by day, and a graceful swan by

    night has taken its toll on Charismatics

    wellbeing, and the group needed to think of

    the high standard they set themselves.

    BEFORE

    AFTER

  • BUZZ!

    POSTER SUBMISSIONS DUE

    JANUARY 15, SO GET CRACKING!

    CHECK OUT WHAT YOURE UP AGAINST SO FAR:

    Nebunedzar AAshleySEG

    MAKE AN AD! SUBMIT IT! RIGHT NOW!

    SylentWhysper

    Submissions for SIFF March 2012 are now

    being accepted. Before entering, please

    check out the SIFF Rules and Guidelines

    (above)

  • HALL OFHALL OFHALL OF

    Fame...Fame...Fame... OR ShameShameShame The picture of this

    monstrous woman was

    taken by Oakhaven

    Productions. Check

    out his gallery if youre

    interested, theres also

    one of her making out

    with a hairy ginger on

    her bed.

    No Norbert, naked is not

    the new black. While the

    exposer commends you

    on your lack of pants,

    the notion of being

    completely nude is

    absurd! The least you

    could do is put on a hat!

    Looks like Team Rockets blasting off again! But I jest!

    This great photo of Pinocchio as he is swept away by a

    fierce tornado is an excellent example of

    photojournalismthe poor wooden lad was found a few

    miles south of his departure point, in several pieces.

    Fortunately all the kings horses and all the kings men,

    COULD put Pinocchio together again! This photo was

    shamelessly taken from Ausagis gallery.

    CATKETTY21 FINED $10K AFTER DAMAGE TO PUBLIC PROPERTY

    CatKetty has got herself into trouble with the law

    recently after a rip-roaring Christmas Party on the

    Sunset Valley beach. The director and her production

    company, KDK21 Productions, lit up the sky with

    unsanctioned fireworks and seizure-inducing strobe

    lights. One firework broke a neighbors window, another

    started a fire in a city-owned garden. Local elderly

    woman, Bessie Clavell appeared to be enjoying herself,

    until a rogue firecracker accidently set fire to her

    skirt. She escaped injury, but had to walk home in her bloomers. Its understood

    that the production company received a $10,000 fine, and Ms Ketty has been banned

    from the beach for one year. Instead of remorse or concern, witnesses claim that

    Cat was amused by all of the mayhem occurring around her. Police have advised

    locals to think twice before attending one of her functions in the future.

    If only this guy was as good at

    interviewing as he was with a

    camera. After peeping tom

    Don Lothario brazenly

    snapped this flattering picture

    of Mercy director Nanami, he

    started firing off questions

    regarding her actors. With a

    swift Kung-Pao Karate chop

    from Nanami, the Don knew

    not to mess with a director on

    a deadline!

  • PLASTIC SURGERY SPECIAL! Stars today never seem to be happy with the way they look. Many celebrities

    today are trading in their tired old bodies in for a more youthful version of

    themselves. Today we showcase three different stars who have dipped their

    toes in the waters of cosmetic surgery.

    Bzanna

    It appears that Bzanna, accomplished director,

    actor and singer, decided her chest should be

    the same size as her list of completed projects.

    We caught the star sneaking into the infamous Dr

    Crumplebottoms PatchNDispatch Breast

    Augmentation and Rhinoplasty Clinic in the

    Bronx. Her procedure lasted less than two hours,

    and going by the pics, she got some decent

    results!

    Felix Ferret

    Felix Ferret, featured actor in SSProduction's films

    and Emperor of Evil series, was spotted visiting an

    exclusive cosmetic surgery clinic on the outskirts of

    LA. An insider revealed this week that Mr Ferret has an

    unhealthy desire to increase the size of his

    butt-cheeks. Previous attempts, including specialized

    gym workouts and protein shakes, have only lead to

    increased flatulence. It now seems that Felix has

    abandoned natural methods for cosmetic surgery. These

    shocking photos reveal Mr Ferret checking out his

    booty on the experimental Bum-a-tron 2000. The

    procedure is expected to set him back $3,500, not

    including on-going therapeutic buttock massages.

    Jinja Ninja

    Film director JN was not so lucky

    with his cosmetic surgery

    procedure. The star went to the

    same clinic as abovementioned

    Felix Ferret. Its believed that

    Mr Ninja requested a facelift, but

    as the clinic specializes only in

    cosmetic buttock surgery, they

    applied their trademark procedure

    to his face. Our source (and

    photo) suggests that JN is

    thrilled with his ne