Issue No.2 - January 4, 2012

THE WEEKLY

EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!

EXPOSER!

PRINCESS KIARA WAS SEEN

HAVING A COZY DATE WITH

TWILIGHT STAR TAYLOR

LAUTNER ON TUESDAY. A

WITNESS DESCRIBED THE

COUPLE AS A PAIR OF

“GIGGLY GERTY’S”.

FA PRODUCTIONS’ NEW MOVIE NEON SET TO CONTAIN SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES,

AASHLEYSEG & NORBERT’S AASHLEYSEG & NORBERT’S

ROMANTIC RENDEVOUS!ROMANTIC RENDEVOUS!

ALEX & SY PARTY NJ STYLE! ALEX & SY PARTY NJ STYLE!

CHARISMATIC’S

“FALL” FROM

GRACE

CHECK OUT

THE LATEST

COSMETIC

SURGERY

SCANDALS!

MINRAED’S MAKEUP MINRAED’S MAKEUP MINRAED’S MAKEUP

MALFUNCTION!MALFUNCTION!MALFUNCTION!

CATKETTY’S BRUSH WITH THE LAW AFTER DANGEROUS CHRISTMAS PARTY ON

PUBLIC BEACH

EXTRA SIFF BUZZ!

CHECK OUT WHAT’S

BEEN HAPPENING!

AASHLEYSEG'S EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR

WITH ROMANIAN NATURALIST

It seems that AashleySEG's world is crumbling

around her. Just hours after she was fired from

her role in JN's new movie Ayla the Dryad,

these saucy snaps of her canoodling with

Romanian nudist Midnight445 emerged on the

internet. In an exclusive interview,

Midnight (also known as Norbert) re-

vealed that he hid the camera

himself, with the intention of

releasing the photos to boost his

presence within the celebrity com-

munity: "I 'ave been avay for so

long, and I needed to tell the vorld

that I am back, and more naked than

ever!". Mrs SEG expressed her anger

via twitter: "@Bzanna He had over 500 bars of #Woohooium in his

bedroom, how could I resist?" Ashley's husband, Bridgeport

celebrity chef Barry Tenderlove, was said to be coping by gorging

himself on Cheezdoodles and chocolate milk. He declined to comment.

FA PRODUCTION’S NEON MOVIE TO CONTAIN SUBLIMINAL

MESSAGES ENCOURAGING VIEWERS TO EAT GRASS JELLO

FA Production’s Gus is in

the media firing line

after being accused of

brainwashing his audi-

ence. In what is

reported to be a multi-

million dollar deal be-

tween the production

company and Landgraab

Enterprises, Gus has

agreed to intertwine secret messages throughout the scenes of

his new movie NEON. The product, Grass Jello, is currently not

very popular on account of it tasting like feet, however Land-

graab have mass-produced the product and needs to off-load it

somehow. They decided that getting movie-goers to purchase the

ghastly canned dessert would be an excellent idea, and FA

Productions appeared to agree. Shame on you FA, shame on you.

ALEX AND SYLENT PARTY HARD IN

SEASIDE WITH SNOOKI

SSProductions and Sylentwhysper traded

in their gaunt blue skin for fake tan

as they danced the night away in New

Jersey last week. The pair were

thrilled to meet Nicole 'Snooki'

Polizzi and her new boyfriend Pugsley

McKaynine on the dance floor of her

favourite nightclub. When asked about

meeting Snooki, Sylent revealed: "I

was surprised at how short she is".

Alex stated: "It was the best night of

my life!". The pair were disappointed

to have to fly back home the next day

to their heavy work schedules.

MINRAED ARZHEL ASKED TO LEAVE AFTER

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE AT CHARITY DINNER

Minraed has been accused of discrimination

following a musical performance for a charity

evening in Quebec last week. The high-profile

director of Lucinda offered to play her Bass at a

benefit for the charity “CARC” (Canadians Against

Ridiculing Clowns), but angered guests when she

took to the stage with silly clown make-up, and

made silly clown-faces during the performance. The

Exposer spoke to CARC president Gus Hart: “We

have worked hard to improve the quality-of-life

for misunderstood Canadian clowns, and Ms Arzhel

has turned us back into a laughing stock!”.

Minraed insists that it was an innocent mistake:

“We had a power-cut at home, so I had no choice

but to apply my make-up in the dark”. Mr Hart said

CARC received no formal apology from Ms Arzhel.

CHARISMATIC? NOT SO MUCH…

Everything Flows director Charismatic789 has

been kicked out of his synchronized ballet

club “Twinkletoes”. Sources close to the group

reveal that Charismatic has been “burning the

candle at both ends”. Being a masterpiece

movie maker by day, and a graceful swan by

night has taken its toll on Charismatic’s

wellbeing, and the group needed to think of

the high standard they set themselves.

BEFORE

AFTER

BUZZ!

POSTER SUBMISSIONS DUE

JANUARY 15, SO GET CRACKING!

CHECK OUT WHAT YOU’RE UP AGAINST SO FAR:

Nebunedzar AAshleySEG

MAKE AN AD! SUBMIT IT! RIGHT NOW!

SylentWhysper

Submissions for SIFF March 2012 are now

being accepted. Before entering, please

check out the SIFF Rules and Guidelines

(above)

HALL OFHALL OFHALL OF

Fame...Fame...Fame... OR ShameShameShame The picture of this

monstrous woman was

taken by Oakhaven

Productions. Check

out his gallery if you’re

interested, there’s also

one of her making out

with a hairy ginger on

her bed.

No Norbert, naked is not

the new black. While the

exposer commends you

on your lack of pants,

the notion of being

completely nude is

absurd! The least you

could do is put on a hat!

Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again! But I jest!

This great photo of Pinocchio as he is swept away by a

fierce tornado is an excellent example of

photojournalism…the poor wooden lad was found a few

miles south of his departure point, in several pieces.

Fortunately all the kings horses and all the kings men,

COULD put Pinocchio together again! This photo was

shamelessly taken from Ausagi’s gallery.

CATKETTY21 FINED $10K AFTER DAMAGE TO PUBLIC PROPERTY

CatKetty has got herself into trouble with the law

recently after a rip-roaring Christmas Party on the

Sunset Valley beach. The director and her production

company, KDK21 Productions, lit up the sky with

unsanctioned fireworks and seizure-inducing strobe

lights. One firework broke a neighbor’s window, another

started a fire in a city-owned garden. Local elderly

woman, Bessie Clavell appeared to be enjoying herself,

until a rogue firecracker accidently set fire to her

skirt. She escaped injury, but had to walk home in her bloomers. It’s understood

that the production company received a $10,000 fine, and Ms Ketty has been banned

from the beach for one year. Instead of remorse or concern, witnesses claim that

Cat was amused by all of the mayhem occurring around her. Police have advised

locals to think twice before attending one of her functions in the future.

If only this guy was as good at

interviewing as he was with a

camera. After peeping tom

Don Lothario brazenly

snapped this flattering picture

of Mercy director Nanami, he

started firing off questions

regarding her actors. With a

swift Kung-Pao Karate chop

from Nanami, the Don knew

not to mess with a director on

a deadline!

PLASTIC SURGERY SPECIAL! Stars today never seem to be happy with the way they look. Many celebrities

today are trading in their tired old bodies in for a more youthful version of

themselves. Today we showcase three different stars who have dipped their

toes in the waters of cosmetic surgery.

Bzanna

It appears that Bzanna, accomplished director,

actor and singer, decided her chest should be

the same size as her list of completed projects.

We caught the star sneaking into the infamous Dr

Crumplebottom’s Patch’N’Dispatch Breast

Augmentation and Rhinoplasty Clinic in the

Bronx. Her procedure lasted less than two hours,

and going by the pics, she got some decent

results!

Felix Ferret

Felix Ferret, featured actor in SSProduction's films

and Emperor of Evil series, was spotted visiting an

exclusive cosmetic surgery clinic on the outskirts of

LA. An insider revealed this week that Mr Ferret has an

unhealthy desire to increase the size of his

butt-cheeks. Previous attempts, including specialized

gym workouts and protein shakes, have only lead to

increased flatulence. It now seems that Felix has

abandoned natural methods for cosmetic surgery. These

shocking photos reveal Mr Ferret checking out his

booty on the experimental Bum-a-tron 2000. The

procedure is expected to set him back $3,500, not

including on-going therapeutic buttock massages.

Jinja Ninja

Film director JN was not so lucky

with his cosmetic surgery

procedure. The star went to the

same clinic as abovementioned

Felix Ferret. It’s believed that

Mr Ninja requested a facelift, but

as the clinic specializes only in

cosmetic buttock surgery, they

applied their trademark procedure

to his face. Our source (and

photo) suggests that JN is

thrilled with his new look.

Before After

Before After