FaithHealing for the Shattered Soul

LifestyleStress Free Mornings

The Magazine to Empower and Enrich Today’s Urban Woman Fall 2011

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Table of Contents

FaithHabits for a Lifetime ......................................... Page 1Healing for the Shattered Soul ........................ Page 2Find it in the Bible ............................................. Page 7Personal Prayer ................................................ Page 7

FashionDying Clothes to “Outlast” ................................ Page 4

Family/LifestyleSlasher Movies for Kids? ................................ Page 5 Stress Free Mornings ...................................... Page 6

Editor-in-Chief ............................. Crystal WackerWriting Editor .......................... Christina WilliamsFrench Translation ................ Sophia ChouchaneSpanish Translation ....................... Jodi-Kay EllisSpanish Editor .......................... Mona Ré ShieldsContributing Authors ............ Karen Rogers Blake Julie Livingood Dorothy Valcàrcel Crystal Wacker Joselyn Ward Graphic Artist .............................. Robert GibsonPhotos .................................. Karen Rogers Blake Julie Livingood

What a fantastic time of year! For most of us it means cooler days and trees changing colors. It is also the time when kids go back to school, which adds more structure to our days.

Structure isn’t a bad thing because it helps us manage our days, accomplish our tasks, and still have time for the little things that make us happy. Joselyn Ward shows us how to have stress-free mornings with just a little planning the

night before. And speaking of nights, no one likes nightmares, and we don’t want our little ones suffering through them. So help guard their minds by controlling what they watch on TV.

Teacher Julie Livingood (just love that last name!) explains why slasher and horror movies aren’t appropriate for kids to watch. Just because it’s available doesn’t mean that it’s good. We have to

make choices about what is good and best for our eyes to see and our minds to think about. Psalm 101:3 is a good guideline for anyone of any age. “I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I hate all who deal crookedly; I will have nothing to do with them.” Verse 6 goes on to teach, “I will search for faithful people to be my companions.” The Bible helps us know how to live. If you’re like a lot of people, you may not have read the Bible much and you might find it difficult to understand. So let me tell you a little secret of mine. I learned most of my Bible stories from a children’s Bible story book! It’s true. It all started when I was little. Everyday before school my mother would read a Bible story to me and then pray with me. I even remember one day in sixth grade being mad at my parents because they insisted we have devotions (that’s what people call reading your Bible and praying) even though it meant being late to class. Now I realize devotions were a top priority for my parents and NOTHING would change it -- not even if I fooled around and made myself late! God always came first. As I grew up, those Bible story books became part of my library. I read them again and I learned so much. Then I read them with my Bible open to where the stories were found. I learned the Bible stories just like I learned how to do a math problem -- one step at a time. That’s how we learn what’s in God’s Word. So just take it a step at a time. I started with a Bible story book. Start with what interests you. Then ask God to help you understand. Pray with your kids that God will take care of them and help them learn. Make this part of your daily habit, whether in the morning or night. I guarantee that it’s one of the BEST habits you could ever start!

Crystal Wacker Editor-in-Chief

Haven’t You Suffered Long Enough?

Abuse is when someone is treated in a way they are not supposed to be treated. If you’ve gone through any kind of abuse – whether sexual, physical, emotional, mental or a combination of these – you suffered when it was happening. And yet it’s not over. Chances are you suffer again and again and again in your mind, in your heart, and in your emotions as the damaged parts of you relive the pain of abuse.

My question to you is, “Haven’t you suffered long enough?”

Healing from abuse comes from:

#1 The truth about what happened being told openly and not hidden, and

#2 God’s truth about you – your body, your worth, your value, your being – being heard and

received in those dark, hidden, isolated places deep inside you.

As someone who has been healed from years of abuse, I offer you these suggestions.

Say What Happened

Admit it to yourself. Tell someone else. Go there. Jesus said, “The truth shall set you free.” We need to live in the truth and not downplay what happened.

Many people don’t want to talk badly about their mom, dad, uncle, or “family friend,” so they don’t tell the bad things they did. Psalm 18:19 says that God puts us in a large space. In this large space there is room for the feeling of love and connection with the abuser and those who didn’t stop it, AS WELL AS hating (our gut feelings) them, and being angry and enraged with them.

Don’t justify the abuser’s actions with statements like, “Well, he was really going through a hard time, and he didn’t mean to do it.” Or, “It wasn’t that big a deal.”

It was a big deal and it pains you. Something’s off. Something is not quite right, and it’s affecting your relationships and your life – now.

Don’t minimize what happened. “Well, so and so had it much worse.” It doesn’t matter if someone else had it worse. It matters that you were hurt. You were treated

incorrectly. No matter how “small” the abuse, it really did (and does) affect you. You matter.

“Going there” doesn’t mean you’re going backward. Going there means you’re going forward. The truth is, there comes a point when if you don’t go there, you can’t go forward at all. You’ll feel like you’re stuck.

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By Karen Rogers Blake

Recognizing that many women have suffered some kind of abuse in their lifetime, we have asked Karen Rogers Blake to help us figure out how to work through the pain and scars ...

HEALING COMES FROM

TRUTHABOUT WHAT HAPPENED

& God’s TRUTH about You

In order to be healthy, you must say and come to grips with what happened – and not let it be hidden anymore. But it’s important to know that it doesn’t stop with just talking about it over and over. After you expose the pain, it’s time to let God’s truth come in. The truth will set you free.

Sounds simple, but it’s not easy. You must persevere.

Realize You Probably Have a Shattered Soul

It will help you to realize that you probably have a shattered soul. Technically, it’s called dissociation. Dissociation occurs. . .

■ usually in early childhood ■ when something

traumatic is happening and there is no one around to help you escape. The event is too painful or scary to bear, so instead of letting you go crazy, your mind “splits off” from itself and puts the experience of the event into its own little compartment.

It feels like part of you takes the abuse while the rest of you goes away and is “safe.” Part of you takes it and the rest of you “doesn’t feel a thing” and would even say, “Nothing happened.” But it did happen, and pieces of your shattered soul are holding the memories and the pain.

This is why in your current life, part of you can be fine, then all of sudden you’re not fine, and you don’t know where that’s coming from. It’s coming from these places that long ago were cut off and isolated – the places that are the

“keepers of the pain.” You did it to survive. But now the abuse is over and it is safe (and necessary for your well-being) to come back together.

I’ve experienced this as the healing work of God in and with me. You can too; I know it.

Connect with God

Realize that God hates what happened to you (Isaiah 61:8). He wasn’t in on it. He did not and does not say that what happened to you is okay. If you have had trouble connecting with God at some deep levels, this may be why: You thought that because the abuse happened, He was in on it.

He wasn’t.

This brings up real questions about why God allowed the abuse. I’m not telling you to deny those questions. They are valid. But don’t

let your questions about where He was and why He allowed it to stop you from going to Him, connecting with Him, and receiving from the One who can help you the best.

I also asked those questions, then put them on a “shelf” for God to answer in His timing (which He did!). While you are waiting, do everything you can to connect with the One who can unravel all the mess – and free you from it.

I have a plaque that says, “A Friend gathers your scattered pieces and gives them back to you in the right order.” God is that Friend.

He will bring you truth about yourself, what happened, how He feels about it, the truth about your body, your value, and your being. And He will dispel the lies about your being dirty, guilty, unwanted, and that it was your fault. Receive the truth about and from Him. This you will find in the Bible and in a good Christian church.

Take Care of Yourself

Keep trying.

Keep pursuing your healing. Keep praying. Look for a counselor or friend who will walk with you through your healing. I would love to say, “Go to church and you will immediately find someone who understands and will walk through this with you.” Unfortunately not everyone understands. If they say something like, “Just trust God and get over it,” then move on to another person or church. Keep seeking help until you find it. You are that important!

Plan on getting extra rest. The process of healing is physically and emotionally draining. The good news is: Your regular life will continue. As God was healing

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1. Say What Happened2. Realize you probably have a Shattered Soul3. Connect with God4. Take Care of Yourself5. Don’t be afraid of your own feelings

cut out & keep

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By Crystal Wacker

Outwit, outplay, outlastClothes, that is!

me from abuse of the past, I was still a mom, worked at a job, and I was involved in my community.

The bad news is, your regular life will continue! (No, that’s not a mistake!) It means in the midst of “going there” and receiving truth to replace the lies, you still have a lot to do. So cut out what is not necessary in your life and don’t be surprised or feel guilty if you need to sleep more. Don’t Be Afraid of Your Own Feelings

Finally, don’t be afraid of your own feelings. Don’t be afraid of admitting and knowing what happened. Go there with God. He’s waiting for you. (He’s already there!) God knows how to set you free. He knows how to lead you. And He knows how to give you those shattered and scattered pieces back – in the right order.

So go for it. Haven’t you suffered long enough?

Karen Rogers Blake ministers God’s healing to shattered souls and teaches others to do the same. For more information go to her website: www.HealingForTheShatteredSoul.com

Continued, Healing for the Shattered Soul

Wait! Don’t throw those pants away. Don’t give those faded hand-me-downs to the next on the list!

Outwit the stores; make it new. Outlast the past; make it better than new. Outplay the game; dye it!Renew the color and it will be better than new! No need to spend money on a new skirt -- dye it instead.

Dying breathes new life into a garment without spending much money. All that’s needed is foil, dye (best to use same color as clothes), and salt. To be safe, read the label to see what kind of material your garment is made of. Synthetics don’t take dye as easily as cottons. Wool and silk materials require special care, so read the instructions carefully.

Basic do-it-yourself dying instructions are easy. You can use a pot on the stove or a washing machine.

1. Gather everything of the same color that looks faded. Read the tags to see whether it’s suitable to dye. Make sure the clothes are clean (don’t dye them dirty). Before washing, estimate the weight of all the clothes combined. Wash, but don’t dry.

2. If using the washing machine, run very hot water, making sure there’s enough water to cover the clothes you plan to dye.

3. Dissolve the dye in the hot water. Use the right number of packets based on the dry weight of all the clothes being dyed. To help the dye “take,” pour in 1 cup of salt and allow it to dissolve.

4. To help keep the washing machine clean, line inside the lid with tin foil. Put the lid down; swish the dye in the hot water.

5. Place the clean, wet clothes in the dye bath. Put the lid down and swish. Open the lid and let them sit in the dye bath for at least 30 minutes.

6. If you think you should check the clothes, wear rubber gloves and use long metal tongs to pull the material up. When satisfied with the color, run the clothes through the entire wash cycle.

7. Rinse again until the water rinses clear. Dry.

8. Wash an empty load with detergent and bleach before using the machine for clothes. It’s as good as new. And your clothes will be BETTER THAN NEW!

Helpful Tip: When these freshly dyed clothes need to be laundered again, don’t mix them with whites or colors for about two times.

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Slasher Movies & Horror Houses:

By Julie Livingood

Throughout the month of October, horror or “slasher” movies are on TV for Halloween. Movies such as Friday the 13th, Nightmare on

Elm Street, Child’s Play, and others show stabbings, people chopping off heads and limbs, bloodiness, guts spilling out of gaping wounds, and other extreme violence in such detail that they are the most terrifying movies ever made.

During this time, there are many “Horror Houses” where children and adults can walk through scenes with actors and props that are so terrifying that many come out screaming and crying.

According to multiple studies, children who watch slasher movies or are exposed to horror houses react to their fears in unhealthy ways, both physically and emotionally.

The most common short-term effects are clinging to an older sister, brother, or adult; trembling, crying, screaming, loss of appetite, increased heart rate, upset stomach, shock, and shortness of breath. Even though

most of these will last only for a period of time, they can contribute to long-term effects such as nightmares, anxiety, sleeping problems, aggressiveness, and fears of dying, being alone, or being in the dark. These long-term effects may last for years and even into adulthood.

Research has also shown that the younger the child (age three and older) is when exposed to horror movies, the longer the negative effects may last.

College students involved in studies have reported that seeing even one horror movie during childhood resulted in behaviors and fears they still carry as young adults.

For children to grow up with a healthy sense of safety and security and a healthy view of people around them and in the world, it is important for parents to guide them away from slasher movies and other forms of horror.

For Halloween this year, look for churches that have events such as Fall Festivals or other activities that are not terrifying for children, but can still give them the fun of getting candy and dressing up as heroes, princesses, animals, and other non-scary characters. Enjoy having fun as a family and keep the fear from movies, horror houses, and other Halloween activities where it belongs: far away from kids’ hearts and minds.

. Julie Livingood just moved to Chatanooga, TN, to begin a new job teaching math and science. She loves to teach, loves astronomy and loves riding motocycles with her husband.

Unhealthy

Fear

Mornings don’t have to be

crazy. You can enjoy

the mornings with your children

including a sit down breakfast

without the fuss. Prep work is key

to starting your day off right:

Get a coffee maker with a timer.

Your coffee can start brewing and be hot and

ready before you are.

Have breakfast items ready.

Set out the pancake griddle. Even set the table.

It makes for less to do in the morning. You can just

cook and eat.

Make quick, easy meals.

Scrambled eggs are yummy, but if you chop

veggies the night before you can throw them in to

make an omelet with toast on the side. Place hash

browns and breakfast sausages together on a tray

and bake. Pancakes, french toast, and waffles

are fast, but if you chop fruit the night before, you

can add them in for a more interesting and healthy

breakfast

Pack lunches the night before.

When I moved to an area in which I had to

prepare lunches for the kids everyday, I wasn’t

prepared for the extra work, much less with four

kids. But I learned very quickly how to get that

chore out of the way.

Have the kids pack their lunches for the next

day as soon as they get home from school. As soon

as they clean out their bags, have them fill them

up again and place them in the fridge. You can

even dedicate a spot in the refrigerator just for their

lunches. In the morning all they have to do is put

them in their backpacks.

Set out clothing the night before.

This is a must! When the outfits are decided

on the night before, there should be no changing it.

Just have them get dressed and they’re ready to go.

Less stressful mornings mean a more meaningful

start to the day. You and your children will

appreciate a fuss-free morning. And you will find

that your day will be more positive and productive,

which is always good for work and school.

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By Joselyn Ward

Joselyn Ward is a regular contributor and lives with her husband and four daughters in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada. She grew up in Williamsburg, New York. As a child attended Metro Ministries Sunday School (an aggressive inner-city outreach program). Always determined to grow, she volunteered in that ministry and eventually was invited to go on staff where she met her husband. Currently Joselyn is a child and youth worker for group homes speciallizing in mentally and physically disabled children.

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Given to you by:

I’m a Reach UP woman! www.myreachup.com coming soon I’m a Reach UP woman! www.myreachup.com coming soon

God’s Emergency Numbers Author Unknown

When you feel sad - call John 14When you are lonely or fearful - call Psalm 23When you have sinned - call Psalm 51When you grow bitter and critical - call 1 Corinthians 13When you worry - call Matthew 6: 19-34When you feel down and out - call Romans 8: 31-39When your prayers grow selfish - call Psalm 67When you are in danger - call Psalm 91When your faith needs built up - call Hebrews 11When God seems far away - call Psalm 139

When others fail you - call Psalm 27

When you leave home to labor or travel - call Psalm 121

When you want assurance - call Romans 1: 1-30

For Paul’s secret of happiness -call Colossians 3:12-17When the world seems bigger than God - call Psalm 70 and Jeremiah 33:3

If you believe in Jesus Christ, call Him up!

A Prayer for the Day By Dorothy Valcàrcel

“When I want to run - hold me,When I want to turn away -- turn me roundWhen I want to hide -- race me to my hiding place and win.When I want to hurt others --defect my aim.When I want to hurt myself -- love me.When I cry, grab me quickly and rock me safely in Your arms.”