Peer Review Sheet: Final Reflective Essay

Author’s name: Bryan MurrReviewer’s name: Alisha Patel

Reviewer:  Read the writer’s comments above, and read the entire draft through once without making any comments. Then reread the draft in order to answer the following questions.

Introductory paragraph(s): Write down the sentence or sentences that contain this reflection paper’s main idea (according to you). Does the author focus on an overarching main idea (a theme/metaphor/quote/symbol, etc.)? Suggest how the thesis statement/main idea could be strengthened, clarified, or otherwise improved. Does the author state which “evidence” (research sources, artifacts and/or menu items) will be examined in the rest of the essay? Suggest how the author could improve this part of the essay. The author uses a overarching main idea of asking a question at the beginning of the paper… “should I give that homeless man money”The thesis statement can be strengthened by adding a sentence that summarizes the introduction in one sentence either at the end or the beginning, aside from the question asked in the beginning.The author does not state the resources/artifacts used in the introduction. He can improve this on the second paragraph by adding in what he used to strengthen the statements within that paragraph.  Supporting paragraphs: Check to make sure the content of the paper supports the thesis and that additional evidence or content is not needed to support it. Indicate one paragraph in which the writer’s evidence is strong, and state the reasons why you think so. Then find one paragraph that needs more evidence. Drawing from your own experiences or understanding of the type of assignment the author is discussing, suggest evidence from menu items (or other areas) that might work to better illustrate or develop the main idea or subclaims.

The paragraph with the interview with teacher can use more support. The author could elaborate the difference between direct contact vs. internet sources, etc.The paragraph that is the strongest is the “strategic action plan on homeless” Organization: Number the paragraphs in the author’s paper. Then, use the space below to describe the purpose or main idea of each paragraph. Check to make sure the paper follows a consistent organizational pattern and is effectively

organized with clear paragraphs (focused around one sub-claim) and smooth transitional/topic sentences. When you finish, suggest where the writer might improve the organization of the paper through the use of transitional sentences, by focusing on one topic in each paragraph, by restructuring the order of paragraphs, etc.

1 Introduction – The main idea is the question that is brought up within this culture of “Should I give that homeless many money?”

2 Beginning position/prior to research -  Cannot just answer yes or no, its more complicated than that

3 Teacher interview – Based on this direct contact helped form his view from the first artifact

4 Storify -  Understanding the sense of community among the homeless.5 Strategic Action Plan on Homelessness  - many ways to help the homeless

without giving them money6 Conclusion? That they are other homeless people than just the bad ones.Overall, the flow of the essay is good, although the author should address what he is going to talk about in the beginning of his essay. Also, maybe include the challenges he faced and also what was easy for him during his research. Also include the split within the culture, people who are opposed and people who are for giving money to the homeless.     List the 2 most important things the author should focus on during revision. Listed above.    Respond to the author’s questions in prompt number 2 above.

Author: When your essay is returned, read the comments by your peer reviewer and do the following:

1. Compare your description of the thesis statement with your reader’s. Consider your reader’s comments and revise your thesis statement if necessary.

The reviser for this paper said that I needed to strengthen my thesis statement. I agree with them, I have a good idea for the intro paragraph, but I am lacking a strong thesis statement.

Choosing whether or not to give a homeless man money is a moral question that we all should have a clear answer to.

2. What additional evidence from the research you’ve read, from your experiences, from your observations, etc. would strengthen the support for your thesis?

I should add in a conclusion to wrap up my final reflective essay, and I should think about using a few more menu items to support my claims.

3. Make a revision plan. List, in order of importance, the 3 most important things that you need to do as you revise your essay.

1. Strong thesis statement.

2. Make a strong conclusion paragraph.

3. Add in any necessary information to conclude my essay.