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No. 2. Vol. I. A T SEA. 31st Oct. 1914.
^)HE word to conjure w ith in these days is ^ the word P O W E R ; not alone in the
mechanical sense, but in every sphere of life and activ ity : m otive power in
the mechanical and comm ercial world, social and political power in the w orld of men. The symbols of it are many and various, and some of the ways to it are devious and hard. Men sell their souls for it, and find it in the end as dust and ashes. From the beginning until now, men for the lust of it have drenched the w orld in blood and brought upon it unspeakable calamities. One man in our own generation dreams of it, and plans for it for a score of years, and plunges the world into the most frightful catastrophe it has ever witnessed in order to gratify his vaulting ambition. To realise his dream of a world wide empire, and, what he calls, the God-given destiny of himself and his people, he ruthlessly destroys the very flower of European M anhood; his own
i8 ORARI TATLER.
and th at o f other peoples — and lets loose upon
W estern C iv iliza tio n the fiendish forces o f hate
and lust and destruction. T o m aterialise his dream
o f power, men are dehum anised un til th ey act as
devils, so that w om en and little children in their helpless m isery, suffer unspeakable th in gs at th eir
hands. P ow er is adm irable when it is used in an
a lto geth er adm irable w a y : and it seems to us th at
the allied forces at this tim e o f w orld crisis are
using it in an a lto geth er adm irable w ay, w hen they
use the pow er o f m en and th in gs to curb the
m adness th at w ould w reck the w orld. A great
arm y is one o f the m ost im pressive sym bols o f
pow er, unless, indeed, it be a fleet o f m igh ty
battleships, strain in g at th eir anchors or steam ing
out to sea. But in the presence o f the great engines
o f d estruction m an ufactured by m odern science,
an arm y m ay w ith er lik e the grass before the blast
o f a furnace, and the m igh tiest battleship th at ever rode the seas, in a few m om ents m ay becom e a floatin g debris o f scrap iron. B y how m uch
m ore then is the call for m en— m en o f courage and resource-—m en w ho are w illin g to risk all and
pay the fu ll price if need be. A n d how that call is being answ ered th ey know , w ho are gath erin g from East, and W est, and N o rth and South from
all the seven seas, to stand shoulder to shoulder w ith their k ith and kin in fo rt and fie ld until
the day is won. In th at con n ection the deathless
story o f the retreat from M ons and the fight at Y p res stirs and th rills us. T h e blood o f our k ith
and kin runs red in our veins and leaps at the
sto ry o f how th ey fought, and how th ey fell, ever w ith th eir faces to the foe. A t M ons the enem y th ou gh t to sweep them off the face o f the earth,
h urled p icked battalion s against th eir th in nin g
ORARI TATLER. 19
lines, surrounded them with a ring of steel, sent word to the Kaiser that they held them in the hollow of their hands, and then wondered why they did not surrender when according to all the German-made rules of war they were beaten. But the Britishers were true to the traditions of the race, and not know ing that they were beaten, they extricated themselves from the ring of steel, at tremendous cost to the enemy, and after five unspeakable days they rested from their deathless deeds, a living remnant of flesh and blood power.
20 ORARI TATLER.
It should be put on record that on reaching Hobart the G.O.C. complimented the Orari on the way in which she “Kept Station” during the run from W ellington. W e offer our congratulations to Captain Weston.
Here, in A lbany, we have been joined by the battle cruiser Melbourne of the Australian fleet, the fastest and most up-to- date cruiser of our escort. The I ’Buki has gone to Freemantle to coal, and will probably return before we resume our voyage.
Col. Meldrum, with some of the officers of the W.M.R. rowed over from the Arawa on Thursday morning, and spent some time on board. Later in the day Col. Malone came over to have a look at his chargers, and warmly complimented the officers and men on the appearance of all their horses.
Lieut. Logan, as an old Duntroon student was invited to dine with the Australian G.O.C. and other fellow students on W ednesday evening.
One pleasing feature of our life on the Orari is the happy relations subsisting between the various authorities on board. W e have a civil authority in the person of the Captain, a military authority in the person of the O.C., and an intermediary between these on the one hand, and the Admiralty and the G.O.C. on the other, in the person of the N.T.O. It is quite conceivable in such a case that there might be friction at times, and that the atmosphere should on occasion be charged
ORARI TATLER. 21
with electricity. It says much for the geniality and good sense of all concerned that there is a perfect understanding between the heads of departments, which obviates all trouble.
W e cannot withhold our meed of admiration for the dash and daring of the Emden, the German cruiser in the Indian Ocean. According to the latest news she has accounted for seventeen vessels The Commander has “played the game” and has paid us the compliment of acting up to the best traditions of the British N a v y ; and when he is captured, as we do not doubt he will be in the end, he w ill deservedly merit and receive all the honours of war. W e understand that our Japanese escort is keen to try conclusions with him. If he fights with the same dash with which he raids, he w ill give a good account of himself. W e should like nothing better than to see him fall into the hands of our escort. There are grave possibilities bound up in such a contingency, but we should cheerfully face them.
An informal visit was paid on Friday to the Hororata the latest addition to the N.Z.S.Co’s. line, and one of the Australian transports, by Captain Weston, the O. C. Major W hyte, Major Chambers and Surgeon Captain McLean. A
boats crew of members of the force, under Lieut. Joll, rowed the party across the bay. The conditions were fairly easy going,
but the return journey was more difficult on account of a head wind, and the crew including the Lieut, had had enough by the
time they had reached the Orari. The boys on the Hororata gave the Orari boys a good reception, and questioned them about friends of theirs living in New Zealand, ranging from North Cape to Stewart Island.
W e expect our sporting editor to supply us with an account of the Boxing Competitions when they are completed. W e witnessed some very good bouts on No. 4 hatch on Friday night. A man reveals his temperament in boxing just as later on he will show it in fighting. One man falls upon his opponent in a flash and rains blows upon him like a fury. His opponent,
22 ORARI TATLER.
cool and steady, wards them off as best he can, and, waiting his^opportunity, he plants a staggering blow that has all his strength behind it. One man starts slowly almost stolidly until he is stung into action by a smartly landed blow from the man in front of him. One man is so much on spring wires
that he ties himself in a knot, and sprawls in the ring; but he is up again in a flash, darting at his opponent like a wasp on the wing. Boxing is a fine thing to teach a man self control. The angrier he gets the more he puts himself at the mercy of a
good boxer ; the warier and cooler he is, the better chance he has to give a good account of himself.
O rd erly O fficer — " I can taste nothing w ron g
w ith this soup.”
T ro o p e r — ‘ ‘ No, Sir, but the coo k calls it T e a .”
'Y o u can prevent sea sickness
b y w ill pow er, m y b o y.”
T h e same gentlem an
exercising w ill.
ORARI TATLER. 23
TROOPSHIP No. 6.
Engine Room.
Situated amidship is the source of propulsion, which consists of two sets of triple expansion, condensing Engines, built by Denny & Co. of Dumbarton.
The diameters of the Cylinders are, H. P. 25° I P. 42 "4 P. 710" “ the stroke being 48" ” .
Steam is admitted through a balanced piston valve, to the H. P. cylinder, at 200 lbs. pressure to the square inch, and is expanded down to 60 lbs. pressure before entering the intermediate cylinder, from which it exhausts into the low pressure valve casing and cylinder at 10 lbs. pressure— 25 lbs. absolute. It enters the main condensers, of which there are two, at two pounds absolute pressure, where it is condensed by impinging on 1500 tubes made from Muntz metal, through which the sea water is circulated by two powerful centrifugal pumps.
The condensed steam and vapour are drawn from the condensers by Edward’s patent air pumps, producing a vacuum up to 28 inches, that is, destroying 14 lbs. of the
atmospheric pressure. From the air pumps the water is drawn into the main feed pumps, which force it back into the boilers ; passing on its w ay through filters, which extract any grease or solid matter held in the water, and through a live-steam heater, where its temperature is raised to 220° Fahr.
Under certain conditions the raising in temperature of the boiler feed water, greatly reduces the coal consumption, besides reducing the deteriorating of the boilers to a minimum.
The main shafts are of Mild Steel 14" (inches) in diameter, and the propellers are 16 feet in diameter, having 4 blades set at a pitch of feet 18' 9":
A t 75 revolutions per minute, the engines are capable of propelling the vessel, deep laden, at 13 knots.
Steam is generated in five multitubular marine boilers, working under Howden’s forced draught system, which
24 ORARI TATTLER.
doubles the consumption of coal per square foot of five-grate area. Each boiler has 3 furnaces of the Morison suspension bulb type corrugation.
A t 12 knots the consumption of coal per day amounts to 85 tons.
For the present voyage 3570 tons of N. Z. coal have been placed in the bunkers.
In the Main Engine Room there is also an auxiliary condenser with separate circulating and air pumps for use in port; a ballast pump capable of discharging 2000 gallons overboard ; a sanitary pump ; a fresh water pump ; a duplex circulating pump, and two evaporators each capable of making 30 tons of fresh water per day, from sea water.
The electrical installation consists of a 60 kilowatt set, comprising two machines, generating current at 100 v o lts ; supplying the various circuits with current for several hundred lamps, an 8 H. P. motor driving a force draught fan for ventilating purposes at 850 revolutions per minute, 35— 2 Y2 ampire fans, several electric radiators and the wireless apparatus.
The refrigerating machinery consists of two Haslam ammonia compression machines.
The ammonia, after compression in the cylinders is expanded through regulating valves, into coils round which brine is circulated, or into batteries through which air is driven by large fans. The action in either case is the sam e; the ammonia leaving the compressors as a liquid, and expanding into a gas, it draws the necessary Latent Heat of evaporation from the surrounding brine or atmosphere.
These latter, greatly reduced in temperature are then driven into the insulated holds, the brine through pipes, and the air through ducts.
The Insulated space is sufficient to hold 102,000 carcasses.Situated in the Refrigerating Engine Room, is the
Clayton Fire Extinguisher and Fum igator; from which pipes are led to the various compartments of the vessel.
This consists of a furnace in which pure sulphur is burned with a limited supply of Oxygen from the atmosphere, forming a gas S 3 O. which is blown into the burning hold.
W ith a weaker mixture any part of the vessel may be
fumigated, the desired result on vermin being guaranteed.
ORARI TATLER. 25
S A T U R D A Y 24th O CTO BER .
Those who were on the poop this morning before breakfast had an exciting experience. Looking astern we wondered to see the Ruapehu, or the Roop as she is called here, suddenly sheer off to port and then after a space of 5 minutes or thereabouts come back again, and hang broadside on to the follow ing ship, the Waimana, which was quickly lessening the distance between them. For a few minutes we felt that we were looking on a possible tragedy, that the Roop was in imminent danger of being cut in two, and that would have been quite as disastrous in its effects as a German torpedo. Something had gone wrong with her steering gear, and she lay quite helpless and broadside on to the Waimana. From where we looked it seemed as though the bows of the Waimana just managed to scrape past and we all drew a big breath of relief. It requires very little imagination to picture the horrors of such a collision if it had taken place. The whole fleet had to slow down while the Ruapehu's steering gear was repaired.
Rifle practise, at a target trailed behind the ship, was indulged in for the first time this afternoon, and we had some good shooting.
The sky is full of fleecy, copper coloured clouds which indicate very hot weather inland; so says one who speaks with authority. It is therefore better to be here than there.
Official lo g : — Distance run 262.
SU N D A Y 25th O CTOBER.
W e passed a quiet, uneventful d ay— a good muster gathered on the “ fore peak” for church parade this morning. In the evening the Chaplain conducted a short, song service on the
26 ORARI TATLER.
fore hatch. A ripple of amusement went round the faces of the congregation this morning, when the preacher, referring to one of the early disciples, said, “he could swear like a trooper” .
Official log:— Dist. run 272 knots, wind W .N.W .
M O N D A Y 26th O CTO BER .
The Ruapehu is again providing us with something to think about. The sad news was passed around the fleet this morning of our first casualty. Lance Corporal Gilchrist of the Ruapehu died suddenly last night. The funeral was held this afternoon, and must have been for his comrades, an impressive sight. A funeral at sea is, at any time, an arresting experience, but when it is participated in, as in this case by a whole fleet, it is invested with an unique solemnity. W hile Gilchrist was in life he was a mere insignificant member of the expedition, like any of the rest of us, but, dead, he was invested with such majesty, that for the space of fifteen minutes the pulsing engines of the fleet ceased their throbbing, while the men on each ship stood at attention, the bands played the “Dead March”, and the short service appointed for a burial at sea was read. The Ruapehu took station as near as possible in the centre of the fleet, for the service, and, that completed, returned to her appointed place. It may be, that some poor mother w ill learn by wireless today, that her boy has been buried at sea.
The temperature has been fairly high all day, and it takes the sea breeze to keep us cool.
Official lo g :— Dist. run 267 kn ots; wind, variable.
T U E S D A Y 27th O CTO BER .
Nothing of note has happened today. There have been many inquiries as to when the the Orari Tatler goes to press, W e hope to satisfy inquirers tomorrow morning. A fresh follow ing wind has put up the sea considerably, and were we plugging into it, instead of steaming before it, some members of the force would not be feeling too happy.
(It might be mentioned that the Orari has several times during the past 48 hours lost her station, having struck a bad bunker of coal).
Official log : Dist, run 264 knots. W ind E.S.E.
ORARI TATLER.
W E D N E S D A Y 28th O CTOBER.
2 7
W e passed between Breaksea Island and Cape Bald about ten o’clock this morning and dropped our anchors on the seaward side of the great fleet of transports lying in the outer harbour. The dullest imagination must have been stirred by the sight which met the eye.
Excluding our escort we are 38 transports, all told, filled with horses and men ; counting the crews of the ships there cannot be less than 34,000 men ly in g in the bay. W e form a long line, three deep, extending from the inner harbour to the entrance of the bay. Later in the day we were ordered to take station in the inner harbour to load 200 tons of coal. The Mounganui and the Athenic were already lying alongside the wharf, but there was no room for us to go alongside and we dropped anchor in the stream. The Australian ships are not painted an elusive grey, as ours are, but wear the colours of the steamship lines to which they belong. This lends variety to the scene ; but we cannot help thinking that the fleet would look much more formidable, if all were painted a uniform grey. A general order, was issued yesterday, forbidding any one on the transports taking a photo, without special permission.
The first number of the Orari Tatler, dated Saturday 24th October, was published today, and quickly passed into circulation ; and, had it been possible to produce them, many more editions could have been disposed of. The Editor received many expressions of approval, one of the best being by a member of the crew. “Not so bad for a bloomin’ parson” . He is kept humble by the thought that it takes very little to please men on board a transport.
A s we passed the Australian transports today, on our w ay to the inner harbour, many a hearty cheer was given and received. The crews of the battleships looked particularly smart as they stood “ at attention” .
T H U R S D A Y 29th O CTO BER .
Today we came out of the inner harbour to our old anchorage near the heads. The deck boats, were lowered and races were indulged in by crews representing the different troop decks
28 ORARI TATLER.
Some one suggested that they had gone fishing, judging by the number of “crabs” that were caught. That was unkind because the majority of the men were expert rowers, some of them medallists. One of the ship’s officers said of one crew “that it managed the boat as well, if not better than the sailors” . The greatest fun, however, was in lowering the boats and shipping the crews. One member of the editorial staff who was inclined to be bilious, had the heartiest laugh he has enjoyed for a long time, and found it better than a dose of medicine. The men were like dogs off the chain, and entered into the sport like schoolboys.
M ilitary terms were mostly in evidence— Shouts of “L eft”, “L eft” “Get into your stride Mate” , “Dress by your R ight” abounding. W e hope to have the report of the races from our sporting editor.
W e have been struck by the appearance of the country today. It looks barren, but pretty. There appears to be a good deal of limestone, which should augur well for the soil, other things being equal.
The beaches as seen from the ship, are a dazzling white, and slips on the far hillside look like snow. From where the Orari lies at anchor we see all the transports, and at night the lights have the appearance, against the dark background of the hills, of a low lying city with its twinkling lights.
F R ID A Y 30th O CTOBER.
The chief event this morning was a visit from the G.O.C. Some of the horses are getting irritable owing to the heat and too much feeding and too little exercise, with the result that the men are beginning to have trouble in cleaning::, out the stalls. This morning one of the troopers had a narrow escape of being killed, escaping with a number of severe bruises. A long the front of the horse stalls a beam 6 x 6 is fixed. A lready in some cases horses have worn it more than half w ay through, pawing at it when feed time comes round.
ORARI TATLER. 29
The Onlooker.
The Onlooker has been fairly busy as w ill be seen by what fo llo w s:—
The storm last week revealed the quality of the '‘Bachelor” . H e’s a “grafter” and not afraid to tackle the whole job himself, when the men are hors de combat; and he knows how to do it too. He is such a handy man that he would make a “Benedict”
just after the modern woman’s heart. W e feel sure that he would dress the baby, and bring the w ife her morning cup of tea.
“JOCK” has little to say for himself, but he gives you the impression that he is always taking something in. His men make up for his silence : they fondly believe that “Jock” will be another “Kitchener”, and they w ill follow him through the deepest German trench to victory.
“T H E D O C ” Behind that non-committal look and that carefully groomed moustache, there is more than at a first glance appears.
The “Doc” like some of his countrymen, keeps you at arms length until be has had time to “ dissect” you a little. He “lays hands suddenly on no man” and, according to circum
stances, that look of his expands into a genial smile or contraccs into a forbidding frown. His understudy, who only joined us the day we left W ellington, was taken to our arms at once. His name is Mac C(or)mick ; and so he may be either Scotch or Irish.
The “V.S.” must know every horse in the ship by this time, and that is saying a good deal, seeing there are over 700 horses on board. The Major is a man who seems to see nothing, but who in reality sees everything, and what he does not know
about a horse is not worth knowing.
30 ORARI TATLER.
“S P A R K S ” has been adopted by every member of the Junior mess, the president included, “ for he’s a jo lly good fellow ” .
W e forgive him freely when he gives us no wireless.news, but some of us think, all the same, that with a littlephore enterprise it wouldn’t be difficult to give us some every morning. No, “Sparks” would never make a good W ar Correspondent.
There are two L O G A N S ; both are grafters in their particular line and will be heard of some day.
“Maunsell” is one of those likeable fellows you cannot withstand. He has an English name, is probably Irish, judging by the “bulls” he has already perpetrated, and “ ought to be Scotch” says a member of the force. “Dont you see, man, that his name is made up of two Scottish words” .
“Bruiser” so far has not had much opportunity to justify h is
name. For some days at the beginning of the voyage like the man we read of in our last issue, he lay gazing, if not at the sky, at the roof of his cabin, and for once in his life he was considerably “ bruised” both in his spirits and in his body.
ORARI TATLER. 31
B y our own Reporter.
Police Court News.Resident M agistrate: Major W H Y T E .
( H e takes the blame ).
His worship, on looking down the Crime List, stated
how pleased he was to note the small number of “ delinquents” , and also the comparative mildness of the crim es; but what pleased him most o f all was the total absenc’e of female defaulters on this boat. He sincerely trusted this happy state of affairs would last, but expressed the fear that this
epidemic of stowaways might spread while we were in port, to some of the blondes and brunettes who looked with longing eyes on the officers, and incidentally, the men of the good ship Orari.
On the word to “ Carry on ” Chief Detective Anderson in stentorian tones called the name of “ John Me Pherson Grant ” . This man, whose looks were rather against him,
was called upon to answer the charge of being a Scotsman, and also on the second count of being a native of Inverness.
The accused through the aid of an interpreter pleaded guilty to being a Scotsman, but on it being explained to his worship that Inverness is a “ long, long w ay from T ip p erary” the accused was let off on the second charge. His honor with great leniency inflicted a fine of 15/— on the first charge, which accused immediately paid into court, in the recognised ship’s currency, to wit, two canteen
coupons and a promise.
.The next case, was one brought by Police Constable A llardice against at least five of the troopers, and also the Chief Engineer. It was a gross case of “ exposure of the person. ” The accused, who certainly did look a barefaced lot when lined up, explained to his honor, that they had only shaved their heads and exposed them to the elements
in the vain hope that they might be better covered with
hair in the near future. His honor, who was at first
32 ORARI TATLER.
inclined to treat this case with the utmost rigour of the law, realised that it would indeed be hard to punish such “ highly p olish ed” gentlemen, and only imposed the slight restriction of 8 hours “ Hair Drill ” per day.
During this “ Exposure Case ” the Doctor was noticed to be in a state of the utmost embarrassment, sitting with averted face, and blushing violently.
A t this stage of the proceedings, “ Come to the Cookhouse D o o r” was heard loudly blown outside, and in the resultant rush, there were several casualties, which were attended to ,by the “ Red Hot Cross Bun Brigade ” .
F a t t y .
ORARI TATLER. 33.
It is some ten years now since wireless first came before the public. Since then great strides have been made, both in reliability and distances obtainable. A few years back, a distance of 200 miles was considered remarkable, but now,, anything under 1500 miles is quite ordinary.
A ship’s plant consists of two complete wireless sets, one of which is worked from storage batteries. This is called the emergency set, and has proved most efficient in many cases
when vessels have been in distress. Should a ship be wrecked the power set would quickly be rendered useless, for the water would stop the ship’s dynamos, thereby cutting off the supply of current to the wireless house W ith the emergency set, however, it is possible to work as long as the ship is afloat, providing that the operator does not “ bolt” . When a message is sent out a great electric strain takes place, which causes electrical vibrations. These vibrations produce ether waves, which are propagated with the speed of light, about 186,000 miles per second, and can be detected great distances from their source, by means of instruments specially designed for the purpose. It has been said that the great disadvantage of
wireless, is that there is no secrecy, owing to the fact that a ship can pick up any message. O f course in time of war this is a disadvantage, but extensive codes and cyphers are used, and are not likely to be deciphered except by those for whom the messages are intended.
W ireless was not invented for secrecy, but for an additional means of life-saving at sea, and it is obvious that a distress message would stand a better chance of being picked up i f all ships could hear it, than if only certain ships could.
The latest addition to wireless is the “ Radio-goniometer”' or “wireless compass” which shows accurately the direction
Wireless.
34 ORARI TATLER.
from which signals come. This “Marconi” , apparatus is independent of the regular wireless outfit on board ship, and it requires no power for operation. A ll that is necessary is a separate installation of aerial wires, presenting two triangles that bisect each other at right angles. The range of the compass is from 40 to 50 miles, and can be manipulated simply either by “Sparks” or the “N avigating officer” . The wireless compass should ultimately be relied on quite as much as the foghorn, although the sounding apparatus can never be dispensed with, until all vessels have a
■complete wireless equipment.
W ireless Telegraphy has already been of great service in locating vessels in a fog.
Messages exchanged between ships and shore stations, have served to keep commanders informed of vessels near them, and experienced operators can gauge the proximity of another vessel, by the increasing strength of received signals as the ■distance diminishes. Some coast stations send out wireless time signals, and ship's chronometers can be accurately adjusted ■daily. Comparatively few errors in the reception of messages are n ade, but one crops up now and again. One operator received a weather report from W ellington not long ago, which informed the astonished skipper that the barometer was rising “tenderly” . This of course should have read Barometer, rising tendency”, but as the operator in question was a comparatively new hand, he may be forgiven for this little faux pas.
A course of instruction in wireless telegraphy includes sending, receiving, magnetism, electricity and heroism. The last subject includes all that is necessary for the operator to know concerning wrecks, attitude to lady passengers who interrupt during the transmission of “ S.O .S.” messages, how to take a flying leap from the masthead as the ship’s funnel disappear beneath the waves., and other essentials.
ORARI TATLER. 35
That, an Orari trooper on learning that -no leave was to be granted at Hobart, expressed his disgust by saying, “T hey’re treating us like b ab ies; T hey ’ 11 be putting on our nighties and putting us to bed next.”
That, the following, colloquoy took place between a tourist and an Irishman,— “W hat are those red berries growing yonder on the hill side ?” “Oh, they’re black berries” , “How can they be black berries, when they are red}” “ Oh they’re always red, when they ’re green”
That, the stewards of this boat are the most attentive and obliging lot it has ever been our fortune to meet.
That, the “Kiw i” grudges the “Kangaroo” his daily allowance
of grog.
That, Colombo is so openly and freely talked of as our next port of call, that one suspects, it is being done to cover up
our real route, and put the enemy off the scent.
On Dit.
36 ORARI TATLER.
Correspondence.
( The Editor takes no responsibility for the opinions expressed)
Dear Mr. Editor,
I feel as I must rite, and thank yer for bein’ so kind as to speak to Alick. I ses to Enery, (’Enery’s me mate yer know), “Enery”, ses I, didn’t I tell yer that the bloomin’ editor would knock that there ship’s clock into time. O ’course ’e ’ad to hev time to ring up A lick, but there y ’ are, as soon as that bootiful pyper o’ bisn (Here our readers can picture an editorial blush) kem out I’m blowed if that there ship’s clock didn’t come into time w iv’ me old ‘ticker’, an’ she’s bin keepin’ time ever sence” .
I ses to ’Enery, “Enery”, ses I, “wot the'-O. C. couldn’t do, wot the skipper couldn’, do. wot the N.T.O. couldn’t do, an’ ’e can do most things I tell yer, I’m blowed if that there editur hasn’t did. Y er can bet yer life ’e rit to A lick ” , I ses to Enery. ’Enery sir is lookin’ over me shoulder, an’ ’Enery ses to me, “This yere editur will think as yer too familiar, Buster, talkin about Alick, when yer ought ter say, Sir Alexander Godley, or the G.O.C.” “ Get out” , ses I, “the editur’s a man o’sense” ses I, “ ’e knows its pure affeckshun, ’cos w hy ? A lick ’s a tip topper, ’e i s ; ’e’s none o’ yer tony blokes wot doesn’t care ad----- (ye needn’t fill that ere word in sir if yer thinks it is abit strong for yer bootiful pyyer) ’e’s none o’ yer tony blokes as ’as no time for the ‘Tommies.’ ’E goes for the bloomin’ossifers wot doesn’t take care o’ their men, an’ as like as not, ’Enery, when the editur sent ’im word a s ’ow they wus a treatin’ of us crooel in this ere ship, an’ ruinin' our stummicks cos the clock kep always retreatin’ at tea time, ’e up, an’ ’e sends ’em a round Robin, ’e does” .
“ Ses ’e, like as not Enery, ’Tyke more bloomin’ care o’ the
stummicks o ’ those m en’ e’ ses,’’Cos why?. Didn’t yer know
ORARI TATLER. 37
the harmy fights on its stummick V I doesn’t rightly know’ ’ow that can be, ’Enery, but I’ve ’eerd tell of it, an, so. like as not ’Enery, A lick said it.” Do yer thinks it means, Mr. Editur, that yer lies on yer stummick in the trenches, and crawls on yer stummick to get at the enemy ? Howsomedever, Mr. Editur, 1 must thank yer for a doin’ of it, an’ it aint played any tricks sense, an’ the pendijutis is quite gone, an, I’m agoin, to transcribe to yer pyper, wen I gets me pay.
Yours respectfully,
Bu s t e r .
38 ORARI TATLER.
The Troopship,
You ask what it’s like on a troopship, sir, That’s a thing that I finds ’ard to tell For it ain’t exactly like home, sir,And it ain’t altogether like ’Ell.
Y er see, our ship ’ad the ’orses She bein’ a steady old ’en A nd on her we ’ad nigh eight ’undred W ith a ’andfull of two ’undred men.
W e started away on a FridayA nd of course ’ad the usual “ good byes”It ain’t a good sight to look on, sir,And see women with tears in their eyes.
But we were off, and soon felt much better For our breakfast and breeze from the sea And was skippin’ on deck like sailors Thinkin’ Neptune and us would agree.
From our top deck to bottom was ’orses Standin’ in row upon row :To One who was jumped in upon us W e looked like a bloom in’ big show.
Three times a day, sir, we fed ’em And three times we cleaned out their sta lls ; And we thought that “Reveille” and “ Stables” W as two of the rottenest calls.
Now it wern’t over cool down below, sir,A nd the sea ’ad developed a swell.The result you can guess was unpleasant And most of us blokes was unwell.
Poet’s Corner.
ORARI TATLER.
The smell of the ’orsesw as sickenin’.Poor beggars, they didn’t do grand,They stumbled and staggered about, sir,In their wild endeavours to stand.
Now a soldier can always go “tucker"And pricks up his ears at the call,But sometimes around our mess table There wasn’t a soldier at all.
How did we manage with “Stables”When the sea was playing us tricks ?W ell them as was well and our “ bosses” Rubbed shoulders, and hoed in like bricks.
But seasickness don’t last forever A nd its got its comic side too,W e soon had full musters for breakfast And cleaned up our porridge and stew.
Now I ain’t goin’ to grumble at quarters T ho’ it wern’t quite a floatin’ ’otel,And the time that we passed in the tropics W as the part that was mostly like ’Ell.
W hen a man goes to fight for his country ’E don’t look for chicken and ’am,Tho’ we grumbled and growled a lot, sir, W e all got our butter and jam.
Yes, most of our day it was “Stables”O f our ’orses we all thought a lo t :Gawd only knows what they suffered And the names what we called ’em was ’ot.
But sometimes we shouldered our rifles And blazed off at targets afloat,And the S.M. he gave us instruction To keep us from,actin’ the goat.
Would I go through it again, sir ?W ell rather, I reckon I would,Though fightin’ is mostly w hat’s bad, sir,It brings out a lot what is good.
L/Sergt. H.L.R. COOKSEY.
29/10/14.
39
