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FRIENDLY NOT FRIENDS
Kama Oyeshiku-King & Karen Gibbs-Love
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Kama Oyeshiku-King, MSG
Kama has been in the field of gerontology for over 30 years. Studying at Hampton
University and the University of Southern California, Kama has dedicated her life and
profession to helping seniors and advocating on behalf of this population. Kama has
worked in various fields in Gerontology including positions at the Alzheimer’s
Association, SCAN Health Plan, City of Los Angeles Department of Aging, and
BrownRichards & Associates EAP. She has also worked as a Service Coordinator
(including supervisor and grant writing) for the last 15 years. Kama was a member of
the 2016 AASC Conference planning committee. She is a member of AASC and
Leading AGE Georgia.
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Karen Gibbs-Love, MSG
Karen is a Resident Wellness Director at Western Seniors Housing Management in
Southern California. She has been in the field of Aging for over 20 years, studying at
the University of Detroit Mercy and later at California State University Fullerton.
Karen has worked in Senior Housing as a Service Coordinator for over 10 years,
gaining a profound appreciation for the wide range of obstacles and opportunities
awaiting most seniors. She has focused on developing practical approaches to
empower seniors in the areas of self-determination, education, health, and wellness.
Karen was co-presenter at the AASC Conference in Dallas, TX in 2014 and is a
member of both AASC and Leading Age California.
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Kama Oyeshiku-King, MSG
Kama-C. Oyeshiku-King
Service Coordinator
Briarcliff Oaks
2982 Briarcliff Road, NE
Atlanta, GA 30329
404-634-3263 (phone)
404-634-1133 (fax)
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Karen Gibbs-Love, MSG
Resident Wellness Director
Our Lady of Guadalupe
17103 Magnolia Street
Fountain, Valley, CA 92708
714-843-6338 (phone)
714-848-8643 (fax)
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Learning Objectives
Tools to assist you in being
friendly and not friends with your
residents.
Understand how to provide help
without crossing boundaries.
Knowing your company’s polices.
What to do when you cross into
the “friend zone.”
How to treat each resident in a
fair and friendly manner.
How to build trust with your
residents.
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Is it okay to hug and or kiss our residents?
Can this be misconstrued the wrong way?
What does this have to do with being friendly not friends?
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Friendly not Friends can be a hard concept to grasp.
We want to be friendly to our residents.
Being friendly is easy. Can be misinterpreted as a
true friendship.
Being friends with residents can be a recipe for
disaster!
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The upside of friendly not friends.
It makes our job easier by setting boundaries.
We can serve our residents in a more fair and
honest way.
Our residents are clear on what we can and will do
to assist them.
The professional relationship remains professional.
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The downside of friends not friendly.
It can blur the lines in our daily tasks.
It can show favoritism to the residents we serve.
They will think they deserve to be treated
“special.”
The professional relationship becomes more casual.
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How do we set boundaries with the population we serve?
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Setting Boundaries … 101
Learn how to say “no” in a clear
and concise way.
Make sure you address residents
in a professional way. (Mr., Ms.,
or Mrs., unless asked otherwise).
Make a conscious decision to
treat each resident in a fair
manner.
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Can I be friends with
residents and have
boundaries at the same
time?
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Have these situations happened to you?
Can I have a ride?
Can I borrow a few dollars?
Can I use your phone (personal) to call my relative?
Please take these few dollars… I know you need them for_____?
The other staff did it, why can’t you?
I won’t tell anyone… just remember me next time_____?
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“I friended you…”
How do you deal with residents on social media wanting to “friend” you? Is it ever OK?
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Have you gone too far…?
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Do you need to reel it back in?
Ask yourself this..
When did I cross the
line?
How did this happen?
Will other
residents/staff notice?
How can I pull back?
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WHAT DO YOU THINK?
CAN BEING FAIR,
FRIENDLY,
AND FRIENDS CO-EXIST?
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Can you build trust with your residents without being friends?
https://bcimedia.com/wp-
content/uploads/2016/02/consistency-Trust-
Stock-Image-2.29.2016.jpg
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How can we be friendly to those who speak another language?
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If all else fails… check your employee handbook and HUD guidelines!
What are your
companies
polices on
boundaries ?
What are the
HUD
guidelines?
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Reference & Resources
www.parsonsgroupinc.com (Can
caregivers be friends with residents?)
www.medscape.com (Why you can’t be
friends with your patients)
www.willowtreecounselling.ca (Why
your counselor is not your friend)
www.psychologytoday.com Tips to
create healthy boundaries)
AASC Program Manual for
Service Coordinators: Section 2:
Safety, Self Care and Risk
Avoidance for SC’s & Gifts
Offered From Residents.
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QUESTIONS & DISCUSSION
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