Journey Into The Lives Of Portugees

7/30/2019 Journey Into The Lives Of Portugees

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Journey Into The Lives Of Portuguese: An

Inside Look Of The Worlds Most Interesting

People


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Dear Fellow Scholars,

For over 15 years I have been studying and observing a strange sub culture

and learning and analyzing their customs. I myself am part of this sub culture but for

reasons unknown I have been able to control, to an extent, the amount of cultural

outbursts that may occur. I feel now that the time is right to reveal what I have

learned in hopes that it may educate others who are not familiar with these people.

Mind you I can speak the language but cannot write most things so bare with me. My

friends I write this short novel to uncover the worlds most mysterious

people.Portugees


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Chapter 1: What is a Portugee?

For those who are not familiar with these people already, (although most of

you may very well have come in contact with these interesting beings) Portugees

are people who dwell within the Portuguese Culture outside of Portugal. They are

not to be confused with other Portuguese people. The difference between the two is

that there is a major difference in the way each acts in society. For this study I will

describe only how I have seen them in American Society and within Portuguese

Families that have a Portuguese background.

Portuguese people have come to America and have learned the language to

an intensity that they are fluent in English and it is difficult to determine where they

have come from unless asked. Portugees have also made an honest attempt to learn

the language but have given up after Basic English and decided to speak a language

called Ameriguese (a mixture of English and Portuguese).

While Portuguese people have adapted to the American culture, Portugees

have decided to stay within the cultural ways that they brought over from Portugal.

I have taken some time to learn Ameriguese and unfortunately from my cultural

background I have taken to it easily. It has become a third language from me. Some

phrases commonly used include but are not limited to

Aye pa, make for come ova hea and help daddy pick the uvas from the vines


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Ahh maldeite, why you sit on Avos nice sofas?!

Johnny this is your mother, pick up you phone! Johnny? Oh Johnny the seniora on

the phone say you no there. If you no pick up I call the policia so they can bring you

here to eat sopas.

Portugees can be picked out from their choice in clothes. They take a liking to

Soccer Jerseys, high socks, socks with sandals, and sweat pants. Unless they are

going to Church or a Wedding Portugees dont conform to the social belief that they

need to dress nice. Now this is only true most of the time, there are occasions in

which a Portugee will dress nicely, mostly because they are attempting to impress

someone of the opposite gender.

Now not all things about these people are weird. They have a large capacity

to love and their work ethic is unrivaled by anyone else. Often we hear about how

much overtime they worked at the factory. How their Pay Shecks put Pao on the

mesa.

Overall there is still much to discuss about Portugees and I shall get into

much greater details as we progress through this journey.


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Chapter 2: Family (Household)

The one thing more important to a Portugee other than overtime, their grape

vines, the lawn, and the cleanliness of the house, their car, the TV, their soccer team,

and the size of their pay shecks is family. The love they have for family once again

is impressive. Family comes first in many occasions as long as the soccer game is

over. They are the first to offer you help in the event you are remodeling your house

or doing some sort of construction. In American culture you would pay your friend

for his service, perhaps give him a hand with his projects. In comparison a Portugee

is fine with a case of beer and a gallon of wine, nothing more nothing less. Labor is

cheap for family. Bricking a whole house would cost you a gallon of red wine and a

bushel of grapes from your vine.

One thing that needs to be pointed out is that the previous examples are from

a father straight from the Old Country. In this newer generation the task of

allowing a child to have a social life is passed to the mother. Often times they will

ask and the father will respond

I dont care, ask your mother

Around the house of a normal Portuguese home the Mother usually takes

care of the cleaning and the father takes care of the yard. While this is similar to a

family of Portugees, the one noticeable difference is that the kids are often called


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upon to help (especially in the early mornings of a Saturday off from school and

work). This causes crankiness in the children and arguments around the house. Dad

doesnt want to do anything cause there is a game on TV but mom needs the house

clean or death will be bestowed upon her.

There is the occasion where the wife will ask the husband to help with daily tasks

seeing as he does nothing but sit down and watch TV all day, but to no avail, the

father will pass it onto the kids saying,

Get off your cus and help you mutha in the kitchen, preguiosos

This very statement can and will infuriate the wife, causing a massive

argument which ends in the wife resuming her chores and the husband continuing

his routine of beer and watching TV resulting in the argument being completely

unnecessary. The father often will argue about how he works and what his money

does. A recent argument would state the following.

I workforty hours a week, twenty hours overtime to pay for your fancy educated

phones so you can make birds angry and play your friends with words? Why you

friends need words? They stupa or someting? And you cant help you motha with

the dishes? I no believe this. Go get me a beer and make for get outta the way of the

TV.


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In a Portugee family traditional Portuguese names are used, often times more

than once. In every family there is always two or more Fatimas, seven or more

Manuels, a Ze or two, ten to thirteen Joaos and thirty to forty Marias. (Numbers may

be off plus or minus two) Sometimes when a parent is a normal Portuguese person

they may chose to want an American name for their child. The other shall dispute

this and a compromise comes about with the middle name extremely Portuguese.

For example, Rachel Conceicao da Gloria Pereira. Or Dylan Agostinho da Praia

Silva. For the kids of the family this can result in a decline of cultural pride.

In the household there are many strict rules. Saturday morning you must be

up before the sun to start cleaning. You will clean until the house is done and then

you must sit down for lunch. As far as a clean house there is usually one room where

you are not allowed to sit. This is the nicest room in the house. This room is

reserved only for a prayer group or when important people come over. The

determination of a person important enough to sit on these couches is yet to be

discovered, but it is safe to say that not even the President of the United States

qualifies to rest on these couches. The President of Portugal may be able to and

there is a good chance if you are a Porto fan that Pinto da Costa will be allowed to sit

here.


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Chapter 3: Family Gatherings

At family gatherings it is interesting to note the behaviors of Portugees. It

does not matter if it is their house or not, the males will never go and get a beer for

only themselves, they will always return with multiple bottles to pass around to the

inner circle known as The Cousins. The cousins are the group at the party who

more or less stick together. They can usual be found near the grill or the coolers

containing the alcohol. In this group there is usually the funny guy, the guy who

offers life advice to the younger generation, the guy who is a connoisseur of beer

and wine, and the guy who laughs at the jokes and stories but does not contribute

much to the humor. They are all close and act as if they havent seen each other in

years even though they have seen each other in the past 24 hours.

At these family gatherings it is important to note that instead of comparing

children, they set out to embarrass them. The fathers never discuss how good of a

job the son did mowing the lawn but instead saying that, He should do it every

week since I work overtime to pay for his stupid phone.

T he mother on occasion will praise the children, mostly about school grades or

a job promotion in which they make lots of money so they can take care of mom

when she gets old, its the least they can do since I put up with their madera all their

lives. It can be an unfortunate burden but again they do take care of everything for

their children, a small sacrifice if you will.


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An interesting fact about family gatherings is the amount of food prepared by

each family. One family will bring more food for the party than they prepare in a

week for their own household. A side note, the average mother makes 10 times

more food than what is needed per meal for an average of a family of four. Now take

that into consideration for a family party of about 65 people. While extremely good

this food is bad for your heart, good for your soul. Signature dishes include seven

different types of chicken, four types of pork, various fish that was caught earlier in

the morning and carbs. Carbs are apparently vital to a Portugees well being. Bread is

crucial to every meal and must be present or the meal is no good. Cheese is an

important aspect of a meal. Without cheese the meal is frowned upon. There will be

more discussion on foods as we go along since that is important to this strange

culture.

Within this sub culture we can see how the children react differently to this

life style. Most children can be embarrassed by the actions that take place, a good

portion of them deny that they are present on their own behalf. Yet there is a much

larger group that enjoys this life. They embrace it with such pride that eventually

they adopt such characteristics. Although they arent as prominent as their parents,

it is enough that others around them can identify them as the offspring on a

Portugee.


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Chapter 4: Language

Probably the most interesting thing about the Portugee is the language.

Earlier I discussed some of the dialogue between a father and his children. Here I

would like to expand more on other phrases you may hear around these people.

The laws and rules of English speaking definitely do not apply for Portugees.

In fact, the way they speak give off the impression that they are uneducated. I can

proudly say that this is indeed false. There is so much wisdom and life advice that

seeps through the mouths of the wiser men and women, so much wisdom that it

rarely stops. These people can give life speeches that last hours, possibly even days.

Because American society is difficult for them to understand, they take it

upon themselves to create shortcuts. One often heard example is when they offer

you soda. Every soda to them is Sevenahp (The Ameriguese pronunciation of 7Up).

Sevenahp does not always mean you will get a 7Up or even a Sprite. There is a

chance you will get some sort of cola or even soda of the orange variety. Another

example of this is Cornflakesh. Every cereal is Cornflakesh. Be prepared to receive

Coacoa Puffs, Fruity Pebbles, or Rice Crispies when offered Cornflakesh for

breakfast.

Simple commands and requests in English turn into a puzzle within itself.

Aye pah! Throw down the stairs my hat


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Maria! Open the lights, I no see the TV!

Johnny, go to Basket Market and buy a Galinah e pao. Make sure you no forget the

queijo Sao Jorge.

When entering a home, they make their presents known with a loud

Wooooo. For the older ones, they come in and say hello repeatedly until they see a

person, they can hear someone respond hello but will not stop until they actually

see them. It is still a mystery as to why they perform such greeting rituals but we

still love them all the same.

Ordering food at a drive up becomes a humorous process to observe. Such

simple items can be said wrongly. Items such, as a Big Mac becomes a Big Man,

chicken nuggets turn into Shicken Mcnuggas. Even drinks. Diet coffee instead of

Decaf, Black Soda instead of Coke, even describing the color of ice as if it comes in

different varieties. This way of ordering food has caused the younger generations to

just write down what they want on a piece of paper and they hand it to the cashier

so thatthe order isnt messed up in any way.


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Chapter 5: Food

One major element of this culture is the food. Most of the time when the topic

of Portugees come up, there is always someone thinking about their food and

pastries. Pastel de nata, calde verde, chourisco, linguica, popsecos, the list goes on.

From various soups to delicious sweets Portugees boast some of the most delicious

foods. The pastries are sweet and flakey; the sardines are smelly and tasteful. A

known fact of cooking sardines is that they should be cooked after all the other food

on the grill and that grill may in fact have to be throw away because the smell

lingers for so long.

Here is the catch to it. The women of this group have a tendency to demand

that you eat. They try in various ways to get you to dine on fine cuisine. Once you

accept to try out some of the delectable foods they over feed you. Many a time I have

been faced with this experience. After a small supper of fish and potatoes with a

rather large bowl of soup and some bread smothered in butter and a little bit of

cheese, I am presented with the opportunity to eat some Portuguese sweet bread. It

is at this point where I was forced to decline because I was full from what was

supposed to be a small meal. Oh how I wish I could have escaped what came next. I

was attacked form all sides from this woman. I was too skinny, I barely ate anything,

and I was going to die from starvation. She was persistent with her attacks; all while

she still didnt sit down to enjoy this food herself. I finally succumbed to her efforts

and agreed to a small piece of sweet bread. She took out the loaf with delight as if I

had saved her from a cruel cruel death. Thinking there was no way this piece was


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going to be small, I watched in horror as she cut the large loaf in half and put it on

my plate.

With this mound of carbs on my plate I asked if it was possible to cut this half

in half, and then that half into another half. She quickly denied. She started speaking

in what I thought was a demonic tongue but realized that it was very fast and angry

Azorean Portuguese (From the island of Terceira to be exact). In fear I ate the sweet

bread and with eyes full of tears and sorrow, I finished it all. She would watch me for

the next hour and a half to make sure I did not throw up, for if I did, there would

have been hell to pay.

While these foods are in fact delicious they are extremely dangerous to your

health. Basic foods, such as eggs are turned into a calorie filled bomb of heart failure.

That simple egg is fried in a pool of oil. A brown colored product replaces the white

of the egg yet the yolk is still as yellow as the teeth of Joao da Praia who smokes 2

packs of cigarettes for breakfast. How this is done we do not know. I dont think the

world is ready for the secrets of their cooking methods. It should be contained

within the culture. If you are one of the few that know the contents of chourisco

then you should very well keep it to yourself. Such a delectable food should not be

ruined for everyone by revealing the contents.

The soups are one of the most well known items on a Portuguese menu, yet

there is little information on what goes in some of theses soups. How is it that pig

ears and pig feet are conveniently gone when the pig is killed? Nobody disposed of it

yet there is a large pot of soup on the stove. As fellow scholars I will let you further

contemplate this subject.


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I have been a victim of this delicious food for almost 21 years of my life. I am

still alive and well despite the multiple health risks that can arise from this food. I

may be immune to the fatty contents within, but I can say that truthfully there is no

way on earth that one can stop the consumption of even the weirdest of these foods

after being exposed for so long.


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Chapter 6: Sports

Sports hold a somewhat sacred ideology to Portugees. The main sport

obviously is futebol, or soccer, as it is known in America. From their club team to the

Portuguese National Team, to the Under 21 National Team they are put on the

pedestal as some of the most talented athletes in the world with nobody coming

close to their talents. That is unless they fail to score and they lose. Yes Portugees

are loyal to their teams; no they are not always supportive of each individual player.

An example of this would be Cristiano Ronaldo. He scores over 40 goals for Real

Madrid, the team he plays for in Spain. While playing for Portugal he misses an easy

goal and suddenly instead of being one of the best players in the world he turns into

a grande mulundo. He is booed and criticized until he scores a goal then he is some

sort of a genius to the sport.

Now in Portugal every team in the league is supported somewhere in the

country by Portuguese people. Here in America, Portuguese support one of three

teams. Sporting, Porto, and Benfica. While supporters of these three teams get along

during the offseason, they turn into rabid barbarians who will defend the honor of

their clube. While most Sporting and Porto fans can get along, it takes a lot of effort

for them to get along with Benfica fans without taking a jab at their respected teams.

Futebol season is the toughest for the females in the family. Neglect,

frustration, and lack of social interaction is what a normal female can experience

while soccer is on. During the games there is very little interactions. Knowing full

well the importance of each and every soccer game, the female will still try to

interrupt. They use tactics such as complaining and crying. Such strategies also


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include cooking and trying to guilt, yet to no avail. The game has already entranced

the viewers into a state of minimal interaction with those who are not taking part in

the game.

Many times we find that people of the Portugee culture think that the players

on the field thousands of miles away, can in fact hear them yelling.

E Pa! Shoot da damn ball!

He need to take Wolfswinkel out, ele no faz nada!! Burro!

The minimal interaction to the people outside of the inner circle is also

interesting. The wife is usually tasked to provide refreshments during the game.

Maria, v buscar uma beer

Ay, we hungry ova hea, wheres the favas? We gunna die of starvation, vais ver


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Chapter 7: Wisdom

In most cultures, we see that everyone is willing to give a life lesson. The rule

of thumb seems to be, the older you are, the more you have figured out about life. In

most cases, as you grow older you keep learning until your very last breath. This

however does not apply to Portugees. The older of these fine people seem to think

they have life figured out. There is no room for learning; it is a waste of time because

at the young age of 10 (or the 4th grade when they quit school) they have everything

figured out. They are always willing to give an hour-long speech to the younger

generation on how life should be lived.

There wisdom expands anywhere from work ethic to how you should raise a

family. The males usually practice this. They put an arm around you, look up into the

heavens and say,

To make the pay shecks to put the pao on the table, you need to work overtime. I

worked tree jobs and thats why I have a house and a Toyota Corolla.

Wise advice is bountiful within these men and they are never shy to pass it

around. Working is extremely important to them. A father will often tell his son,

When I was your age, daddy didnt go play ball with his friends. I went and milked

Avos cows.

Family parties for them are the equivalent to a life-bettering seminar except

its free of charge.

Even the wisest of philosophers that have graced Gods green earth could not

compare to what these people have to say.


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With this research I have only scratched the mountain of information that

can be revealed about these people. Such interesting specimens are the Portugees

who dwell in New Bedford, and Taunton, and Fall River, and other various

communities in the United States.


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Thank you.

If youve gotten this far then congratulations, youve made it to the end of our

journey. While there are many many other things to add I feel this is a good

introduction to Portugees. I enjoyed writing this because it is truly how my family,

and many of your families act. If you have the impression that I think badly of the

Portuguese people then you didnt read this in the right state of mind. I have

immense Portuguese Pride and love and respect my roots and my family. This story

was simply to make people laugh and hopefully I accomplished that with this.

Thank you for reading and watch out for my next piece..

Portugee Dictionary: Words and Phrases


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Documents

Journey Into The Lives Of Portugees