Author: Breanna Welch

Reviewer: Rachel Cook

Ethnography Stage 3: Peer Review

1.         Locate at least two key passages in the ethnography. Give an example of something the writer does well. Suggest areas that could benefit from more description of the subculture, more explanation of the thesis, or forms of information that are needed to improve the passages. 

In your paper you explained well why women do not want to play golf and why they can not play golf in some settings. You did a good job of explaining why women ava disadvantage to the sport, even if they want to play, it is not a very popular sport. I think that you need more description about your research to back yourself up. Maybe talk about what else people said when you interviewed them.

2.  Find a section where the author uses primary research. Is the research used appropriately? Is it clear how the research supports the point being made by the author? Suggest areas where more primary research would be useful to help improve the ethnography

From what I am reading, your primary research is the interviews with the high school students? It is clear what you are trying to say, just elaborate more on the topic. I think if you talked about specifically who you interview and what the expectations were in the school for womens golf, then it would tie together better.

 3. Find a section where the author uses secondary research. Is the research used appropriately? Is it clear how the research supports the point being made by the author? Suggest areas where more secondary research would be useful to help improve the ethnography.

I see that your secondary research is your online research. You did a good job of finding the facts, but you didn’t really talk much about it, you just stated what you found. Talk more about how that relates.

4.         What overall idea does the ethnography convey to you?  How does your notion of the main idea compare to the author’s?  Explain how the author might revise the essay to make the thesis clearer; point out specific ways to accomplish this.  

I got from this ethnography that womens golf is not taken seriously and because it isn’t taken seriously, no one is able to play for various reasons. Talk about how this matters to you and your interest in golf.

5.         Suggest solutions to the problem(s) the author wanted you to focus on.

My last tip is to build a conclusion. Your paper was very good, but you just left the reader hanging at the end. Make sure to close your paper.