CONFLICT

Building conflict competence

DIFFICULTIES that lead to conflict

In a dilemma:each choice may lead to unacceptable outcomes

In difficult decisions:the right answer is theoretically possiblebut not with the available resources

In wicked problems:refinements are always possiblebecause new requirements keep emerging

With multiple viewpoints:different groups use different values to assess outcomes

CONFLICT

Conflict is:• Inevitable• Complex• Emotionally challenging

Conflict-competence requires:• Safety• Openness

OUTCOMES of CONFLICT

Conflict can be a problem, or an opportunityIf unmanaged, conflict may lead to:

• Heightened negative emotions• Lower productivity

If properly managed, conflict can:• Uncover new ideas, explore and vet alternatives• Improve team cohesiveness & commitment• Enhance productivity

TYPES of CONFLICT

Relationship Conflict:• People try to find someone to blame• Attribute task difficulties to other people’s bad intentions• Negative emotions: frustration, anger, stress, fear• > poor productivity, divisiveness and poor decision making

Task Conflict:• Robustly debating issues, exploring and vetting options• Positive emotions: opportunity, challenge, energized, learning• > heightened creativity, aiming for a resolution

Four times as many words describe relationship conflict. Why?Facilitators aim to turn this round, to develop conflict competence

DIFFERENCES: a source of conflict

• Personalities innovative / traditional, confident / diffident

• Preferences for detail / big picture, see Myers-Briggs

• Styles desire to win / conflict avoidance

• Values & Principles equality / excellence

• Culture individualistic / collectivist, expressive / restrained

• Knowledge & Experience not understanding suggestions

• Needs & Goals project / home dept, ambiguous team goals

OTHER SOURCES of CONFLICT

• Feeling Incompatible < ? only due to misunderstanding

• Unmet Expectations < no progress reports / task feedback

• Time / Resource Pressures > no time to listen, reverting

• Emotion > outbursts, talking less, feeling hurt, embarrassment

• Misunderstanding & Distrust <> attributing bad motives

• Stereotypes > seeing a profession / disability, not an individual

• Previous conflicts > expect same problems to occur again

CONFLICT NORMS:

OPENNESS

• Expect differences• Don’t avoid conflict• Value different viewpoints• Directly state opposing views• In stating a new view the person has taken a risk

Now they are vulnerable, so take care• Provide psychological security

CONFLICT NORMS:

COHESIVENESS

• Feel jointly responsible for goals• Feel jointly responsible for consequences• Share information• Seek clarity about goals and roles• Make decisions together• Develop team rewards, not individual rewards• Learn from how and when members cooperate

BUILD CONFLICT-COMPETENCE

Team must accept that conflict is inevitable

Discuss in advance how to react to conflict

Agree ‘conflict norms’ as to how to behave

CONFLICT NORMS:

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Be aware of your own emotions around conflict• Acknowledge your emotions and manage them• Cool down, slow down• Reflect on what’s happeningBe aware of other people’s emotions around conflict• Don’t assume they’ll feel the same as you would• Seek to understand their perceptionsTalk about emotions. If in doubt, choose to talk.

CLIMATE for CONFLICT-COMPETENCE

• Trust• Safety• Genuineness• Emotional Intelligence• Positive attitudes• OpennessDoes the surrounding organisation provide these?

CONFLICT-COMPETENT COMMUNICATION

• Reflective thinking

• Delayed responses

• Listening for understanding

• Expressing emotions

• Staying on-track

ATTITUDES

Share assumptions and attitudes about conflictIsobel thinks this is best done one-to-one at first

• How do we feel about conflict?• Recall times when conflict was useful

Trust enables people to take risks, be open & honestIsobel has seen people relieved to ‘tell it as it is’

QUOTES from REAL MEETINGS

“Yes, I can see where you’re coming from, but that would be a problem for us because …”

“I’m sorry, we’ll have to find another word. We need a word that isn’t your ‘client’, or our ‘patient’.

Why? Erm… What would happen if someone, just one person, worked full-time on the oldest cases?

Is it just me? I feel as if we’re not understanding each other.

Do I hear you saying …?

REQUIREMENTS for TRUST

Trust requires three beliefs:• Ability Believing the other person can deliver• Benevolence Believing they care about me• Integrity Believing they adhere to acceptable principles

Trust also requires ability to trust, which depends on:• Attributions based on stereotypes, past experience, …• Moods make it difficult to give people benefit of doubt• Leaders who are consistent and tell the truth

BUILDING TRUST

You want people to believe that you will:• Have their best interests at heart• Not harm them when they are vulnerable• Not speak about people behind their back• Let them know how you feel• Admit when you are wrong• Listen to their side of the story, give them benefit of doubt• Hold everyone accountable for agreements made

TRUST requires COURAGE

Trust requires the courage to:• Be personally responsible for your own actions• Share your experiences, ideas and feelings• Demonstrate your own vulnerability• Follow through on your promises• Take the risk of listening to others• Clarify expectations and explore new ground• Show concern for the welfare of others

REPAIRING TRUST

Any breach of trust rapidly festers >• Cognitive response: negative attributions > distrust• Affective response: negative emotions > anger

Any breach must be repaired right awayPerpetrator must take responsibility and apologiseVictim must decide whether to forgive and move on

PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY

Psychological safety refers to group situations

It describes:• A feeling of safety that enables people to take risks• The belief that others won’t embarrass, reject or punish you

It encourages people to:• Speak up when they are concerned, seek help, admit vulnerability• Take risks, debate issues, push boundaries, express dissent

It requires openness, trust and mutual respect

BEHAVIOURAL INTEGRATION

• Collaborative spirit• People feel comfortable together• Don’t expect colleagues to let them down• Don’t expect colleagues to take advantage• Avoid covert meetings• Smaller teams• Rewarding entire team > focus on joint aims

NEUROPHYSIOLOGY of EMOTIONS

Emotions are triggered in the amygdalaEmotions are modulated in the pre-frontal cortex

• Positive emotions: left pre-frontal cortex• Negative emotions: right pre-frontal cortex

Above a certain level of emotional stress:• fight-or-flight hormones are released• rational thinking becomes very difficult

AMYGDALA & PREFRONTAL CORTEX

Triggers emotions Modulates emotions

THE TRIUNE BRAIN

• Instinctive reactionscome from the brainstem

• Emotional memoriesarise from the limbic system(the Amygdala)

• Rational thought occurs in the neocortex

NEUROPHYSIOLOGY of EMOTIONS

Emotions are triggered in the amygdalaEmotions are modulated in the pre-frontal cortex

• Positive emotions: left pre-frontal cortex• Negative emotions: right pre-frontal cortex

Above a certain level of emotional stress:• fight-or-flight hormones are released• rational thinking becomes very difficult

CONFLICT DYNAMICS

TRIGGER

The technical term ‘Trigger’ means an imprint from past traumas,

We experience a trigger when feelings well up.This is a knee-jerk reaction to past problems.But we should try to react in the ‘here and now’

CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS

Be aware of your own emotional triggersWhat irritates you?

Cool downSettle your heightened emotions

Reframe:understand > empathise > nurture

Then you will be ready to look outwards again

COOL DOWN

To cool down:Breathe deep and slowCentre yourself (just below the navel)Observe your own emotions, for reviewing laterBe mindful: pay attention to your experiences at present

Look for any subjectivity and de-emphasise itMeditate: This takes some learning

But it is quite achievable

RE-FRAME ATTRIBUTIONS

Look for cognitive empathy:understand where other people are coming from

Then look for emotional empathy:feel with the other person’s feelings(but remember, your reaction may be different from theirs)

And finally: compassionate empathyare you willing to nurture the other person?

LOOK OUTWARDS

With you emotions under control, you are ready forCognitive reappraisal:

Look for less sinister motives (‘You have the power to revoke your estimate of the situation’)

Perspective talking:Address core concerns:

appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status, role/purpose

If none of this is working: slow down, call time-out

CONFLICT INTENSITY LEVELS

1. Differences – different viewpoints, each understands the others’ views, no discomfort

2. Misunderstandings – what is understood by some is different from what is understood by others. ?intent

3. Disagreements – even if people understand, they still feel discomfort. ?constructive or destructive.

4. Discord – conflict causes relationship difficulties, even beyond the context of the original conflict.

5. Polarisation – inability to see the other side’s point of view

Avoidance pushes conflict underground to fester, leading to infected relationships and poor decisions

Vehement argument may succeed in the short term, but it jeopardises future collaboration

Yielding generates expectation that you’ll yield againSarcasm undermines emotional safetyBlocking pushes conflict underground, like avoidance

DESTRUCTIVE RESPONSES

CONSTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOURS

Perspective Talk express the opposing viewpoint / feelings, as you understand them

Listen for Understanding seek first to understand, then to be understood

Create SolutionsExpress Emotions honest clear description of feelings, implied request for help

Reach Out act to communicate, repair emotional damage, apologise, make amends

Think Reflectively, Delay Responses take time out

Observe and Adapt

KNOW YOUR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS

Know your emotional triggersAre you particularly irritated by people who are:

unreliable / too analytical / unappreciative / hostilemicro-managing / self-centred / untrustworthyexploitative / arrogant / sarcastic / ignoring detailperfectionists / always right / emphasising detailaloof / abrasive