Baker's DozenWild Tales of the Great Northwest

(or at least told in the Great Northwest)

Created by

Tom Stewart

Entered byTrisha Stewart

ContentsChapter 1

4

Chapter 2 14

Chapter 3 21

Chapter 4 28

3

Baker's Dozen

It was an absolutely beautiful day for flying. I was northbound in the right seat of a 1951 Beachcraft D-18 somewhere over Southern Alaska. To my immediate left was John Baker. John is a very interesting character. In times past, he might have been called a "Renaissance Man". He has filled many roles in the past. He holds a Phd from MIT in Physics, served as a professor prior to joining the Air Force in 1964. He flew combat in Vietnam in an old C-47 "Puff the Magic Dragon" with its 50-mm Vulcan canon prior to joining NASA as an Astronaut in 1969. He flew a Lunar mission in Apollo, although he did not actually walk on the surface. "Someone has to tend the fire and put out the welcome mat." he said, whenever asked about the mission.

We were heading out to one of John's favorite fishing holes along with eleven other New Yorkers trying to get away from the grind of the Big Apple. We were all equipped to "rough it" for five days and were eagerly anticipating getting our lines wet! Since John's retirement from the Air Force, he has been conducting tours, which usually include flying somewhere in his antique Beech. I was in the right seat because I have had some experience garnered in a Cessna 150 and John thought I could get a little twin time as well as give him some relief so he could drink his coffee and relax a bit.

John is a rough fit in the old Beech. His 6' 4" frame leaves something to be desired in legroom. I suppose the 18 was designed with smaller pilots in

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mind. The two front seats never slid too far back, as they run into the wing spar, which divides the cockpit from the cabin. He could easily have afforded a more modern aircraft with more room, but he said that there is something soothing about the steady hum of the two Pratt & Whitney Wasp Jr.s delivering 300 horsepower each. The Wasp Jr is rated at 450 and is very comfortable at approximately 70 per cent of power. I must admit that even the slow beat of non-synchronization is relaxing and lulls one into a secure and even dreamy mood.

Off to the right I could see snow capped mountains reaching up to the sky above the horizon. That means they were pretty big as we were cruising VFR at 7500 feet. They must have been more than 50 miles east, but the air was very clear and crisp that fine October day and distance was an illusion. Ahead was a steady blanket of green trees interrupted at times with the many small jewels that were lakes. We had about 150 miles to traverse before arriving at the particular lake where the Northern Pike were waiting. They won't have to wait too much longer as the old 18 was making a steady 160 miles each hour that we were airborne.

Suddenly Fred, an advertising account executive, began shouting, trying to get John's attention. Fred has had his nose almost pressed against the left window the entire trip. He pointed out that the port engine didn't look quite normal. I looked closely at the engine and swallowed hard. The entire cowling was belching thick black smoke at every seam. I didn't see any flames, but to say that I

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was concerned is one of the understatements of the year. John merely shook his head and asked if I would mind if he took the controls.

"No", I shouted. "Please take the controls and be damned quick about it." I really felt that he didn't have to be so polite about it.

John took control of the situation as if it were another Times Crossword, or some other event that happened with amazing regularity. In a seemingly unbroken motion he pulled back the mixture to lean on the ort engine and hit the feathering button. He then turned off the fuel to the engine and shut down the generator. As the big propeller wound down to a halt, he killed the magneto, opened the starboard cowl flaps to the "trail" position and increased the power by six inches and the RPM by 200. He cranked in some right rudder trim and nose up trim to accommodate the slower airspeed at which we could maintain altitude with only one engine. All the time he was studying the smoke with his hand seemingly hovering over the fire bottle switch for the port engine.

The smoke quickly abated and John grinned as he stated " I hate it when this happens. At least we won't have to waste a perfectly good C02 bottle on it." John then started a slow turn to the right and called out "we are going to take a slight detour. I have an old friend who has a ski-lodge about 12 miles south-east of us."

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"Albert is probably not open for business, but he has a nice 3,000 foot strip and hanger where we can park this thing for as long as it takes to remedy the smoke situation. "John said. " He might even welcome some company at this time of year. In any case, he has some coming soon."

John had the Beach heading about 122 degrees and seemed perfectly relaxed behind the yoke. He even turned and asked if I wanted to see what it felt like to fly the 18 on one engine. I looked at him rather askance and just shook my head back and forth.Right then I really only wanted him to concentrate on getting us down in one piece; I didn't have the slightest desire to contribute to what I felt might be my ultimate demise.

In about five minutes, John pointed out what appeared to be the smallest postage stamp of a clearing that I have ever seen. There was a tiny cut between the trees stretching out ahead of us. It didn't seem as wide as the average two-lane road and I was absolutely certain that the 52' wingspan of the D-18 would not fit between the trees.

John seemed to sense my intrepidation and said, "Don't be concerned, the runway is almost 75' wide. I have landed there many times." He reached for the mike and announced on the Unicom "Beech 5287 Kilo on a three mile final for southeast runway at Albert's Hideaway."

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He dropped the gear and added about 20 degrees of flaps. He reduced the power on the right and slowed to about 110. He grinned and said "We should be able to maintain single engine control quite a bit slower; the book claims 91 knots, but I like a little insurance.

We came sailing over the trees at the western end of the runway with scant inches to spare then lightly touched down on the turf as John pulled back the power and we were rolling down the runway. He was pressing the brakes lightly and brought the plane to a coasting halt on an asphalt pad directly in front of a good-sized hanger. John said " I tried to get us in close, there is no need for us to push this thing any further than necessary." It is an exercise in futility to try and taxi this thing on one engine."

"I am glad that we were able to get down with no trouble." John said. "I have landed here many times, but this is the first time I ever tried it with one engine smoking!"

"I don't want to hear that!" I said.

I really don't like it when John gets into one of his super modest moods. Sometimes he is so damned cool when anyone with any sense whatsoever would be screaming and running around in circles, he will say "tsk tsk"

We all exited the plane into the chilled Alaskan afternoon. John started opening the hanger door and said "We need to get the plane into the hanger soon

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as it will be dark in another hour. It will probably be in the low 20's tonight."

"I must apologize" John said, "There is only one way to get into the hanger and if you all will help push we can get in out of this breeze quickly."

We all quickly found a place on the plane to push and with John guiding the tail wheel the plane silently rolled into the hanger with a minimum of heavy breathing on our part. John started the hanger door down as a red haired and equally red-faced man came puffing up.

"Welcome to Albert's Hideaway!" he exclaimed. "I'm Albert Johnson and any friend of John Baker's is a friend of mine. The bar will be open soon as I can get there and we will rustle up some dinner shortly. I am here alone right now. I do mix a mean drink and I am perfectly happy to turn John loose in the kitchen and will be glad to eat someone else's cooking."

Albert looked like a German Burgermeister complete with his liederhosen, suspenders, and stocking cap. Later we found that he tried to dress in order to give his lodge the flavor of a Swiss Chalet. We followed his path through the trees, each of us carrying our gear.

As we cleared the trees we came upon a beautiful large "A" frame structure which appeared to have plenty of room for three times our number. Behind the lodge was a small lake, which had been absolutely invisible from the airstrip. All in all it

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appeared to be a fine place for an emergency landing!

John led the way into a large lobby-like room and indicated that we should pile our gear near the desk at the far end for the time being. He told us that he was sure Albert would show us to rooms after dinner. We then continued into a dining hall with a bar at the far end hiding Albert from the chest down. To the right was a fireplace complete with a roaring fire inviting us to present our chilled hands and backsides.

Albert called out "Welcome again! The house specialty is hot buttered rum although we have other drinks. We also have a complete selection of beers and the finest wine cellar in all of Alaska. Name your poison."

"We are here due to a mechanical peccadillo." John said, "I have insurance to cover situations like this so don't worry about a bill. Albert will be well compensated and we should all try to make the best of the situation."

"That is the kind of talk I like to hear," said Albert." John, you know where the walk-in freezer is. I have everything well stocked to open the ski season in a few weeks. Take one of our fearless aeronauts and break out sirloins for everyone. I am sure that there may be some jangled nerves that need to be settled."

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"I'll be happy to help." Said Pierre. "I am quite at home in the kitchen and have been too busy running my restaurant to be able to cook. It will be my pleasure to help feed this bunch and besides I always loved a captive audience."

John and Pierre went on to the kitchen and Albert started pouring the Buttered Rum for all the rest of us. Things were definitely looking up for the first time since Fred spotted the smoke. In fact this was becoming an excellent adventure after all.

Allow me a moment to introduce myself. I am Kenneth (Kit) Carson. I make a decent living selling commercial time on KBTV, an "up and coming" (I like to think) NY TV station. Every year I try to take a vacation and get away from it all. It seemed at that moment that I had really outdone myself. I had always wanted to see Alaska and now I was getting a lot more than I had bargained for!

Albert was really keeping us well supplied. He explained that we had power due to a huge diesel dynamo. Further there were some tapes so music was available but that television was out until his land cable was repaired. There was no broadcast within range and he really had not gotten with the new-fangled satellite TV yet. Albert also began passing out keys. He explained that there was probably little need to use the keys for locking purposes, but that we could identify our rooms from the number on the handle.

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Pierre came back to the bar and announced that dinner was well under way. He and John and thawed the steaks in the convenient microwave oven and preparations should be complete in about 45 minutes. "I found a few other things that should prove interesting." He said with a grin. Albert nodded his approval and suggested that we stow our gear in our rooms and refresh ourselves for dinner in 45 minutes. We all agreed and headed out.

When we returned we were delighted to find that Pierre had set 14 places in the dining room complete with stemware and linen and was busy setting out a Caesar salad. John came in with a cart absolutely groaning with medium-rare steaks, baked potatoes, and asparagus with Hollandaise. Albert was busy pouring Lambrusco. Whatever else was going to happen, it was evident that we were not going to starve!

Dinner was absolutely wonderful. John would not tell us what he had done to the steaks and I never found out where Pierre found the asparagus. There are many restaurant owners in New York that would have envied that meal.

After dinner Albert broke out cigars and a VSOP Brandy that I had never heard of but have often ordered since that night. We all began relating great meals that we had in the past that even approached the fine dining of that evening. No one was even close except for John.

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"I helped prepare the meals for the Apollo Astronauts." He stated. "Of course money was no object and we had a meal like tonight except for the alcohol. Space presents particular problems in cuisine. Sauce tends to drift away from the food and we ended up going to tubes not unlike toothpaste containers. Naturally the food had to share its consistency with baby food although it didn't taste like baby food.

"As a matter of fact we were able to preserve the flavor in a rather unique fashion so the final effect was very pleasing. Until tonight I haven't ever approached the pleasure I got from a meal."

John continued to muse about the Apollo meal and then a strange twinkle seemed to appear in his eye and the corners of his mouth turned up in a subtle smile as he said: "NASA as a restaurant in the Apollo mission had great food… but no atmosphere!"

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Chapter 2

The next morning dawned clear and crisp. I awoke refreshed and full of energy. I wondered what would happen next. John soon came striding down the hall announcing that the sun was high over the yardarm and breakfast would be getting cold soon.

Our group of intrepid travelers soon gathered in the dining hall to a "help yourself" breakfast of eggs and bacon complete with home fries, biscuits and gravy. Albert had come through again on the drink department, only this time it was orange juice and some of the best coffee I had ever tasted. I'm certain that the fresh air and excitement served to garnish our appetites.

John said that he planned to spend some time in the hanger to determine the extent of damages to the Beech. I had not even thought about it. It is very much like John to accept the inevitable and not burden anyone about it. He also announced that the lake behind the lodge was teeming with Northern Pike and we were welcome to fish. He said "The Pike here are not quite as eager as they are at our original destination. They will present more of a challenge and it might take until noon to catch as many as you could at the other lake by 11:30. You have the time; after all you are on vacation. Enjoy!"

In less time than it takes to tell about it we were picking our fishing spots on the lake. If these fish were less eager then I am glad that we did stop here as I would have been quite fatigued removing hooks and rebaiting them. It seemed that I had no more than cast and once again I was in a tug-o-war with another fish determined to pull me into the water.

Shortly after noon we all gathered at the lodge laden with all the fish we could carry. Albert directed us to a table

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at the rear of the lodge where we could clean the fish. "There is running water back there. Clean up the fish and bring them into the kitchen. We will set out enough for dinner and put the rest in the walk-in freezer." He said. "I am afraid that I don't have much to offer in the way of entertainment. Some of you might want to take a nap of I have some maps showing the various ski trails. They have no snow and provide excellent hiking at this time.

Pierre said "George has agreed to help me in the kitchen tonight. We will have dinner prepared at six. I'm not too sure how George will do in the kitchen, but it will be nice to find some purpose for him that will do anyone any good." We all laughed because George is good natured enough most of the time but in his role as trial attorney becomes transformed into some kind of pit bull. George had a good year last year bringing in a couple of multi-million dollar settlements on contingency.

I was a little tired and slightly sun burned. I didn't realize that the sun could burn at this latitude. I suppose the reflection from the water and the breeze had something to do with the results. I decided to do the nap thing and quickly fell asleep even with the warmth from my neck and face.

I awoke around 4:30 and bathed and shaved. Years of habit have made me uncomfortable if I don't keep freshly shaved. I went down to the bar and found several of my companions already there. Albert was happily pouring drinks and was living up to his claim. I asked him for a martini and it was as near perfect as any I have ever had.

John was back and reported that the damage to the plane was relatively minor. "The main exhaust collector ring developed a hole. The hot exhaust was directed onto the root of the de-icing boot, which is rubber, and that is the source of all the smoke. The damage to the boot is minimal. I found enough titanium to repair the collector ring, although

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it will take a day or two to dis-assemble the ring, weld it up, and re-assemble."

John continued "I can radio Ketchikan and have another plane to take us out or you can stay here a few days more until I can complete the repairs. Talk it over and let me know after dinner.

Pierre came in from the kitchen and announced "Dinner will be ready in about 15 minutes. George has been showing some real talent in the kitchen. There may be hope for him yet. I am happy to see that you are all here and have brought your appetites. I'll be right back."

In practically no time George and Pierre were back with two carts laden with food. They served up a salad along with the fish, which had been filleted and broiled with some type of almondine sauce. There were some delicious green beans and corn bread alongside. Albert was busy pouring a white wine of some type I could not determine. All things considered, dinner was excellent.

The conversation around the dinner table soon made it evident that no one wanted to bail out on our adventure. Fred said, "I think I can speak for everyone. The fishing is excellent here and I came to fish. This is the second great dinner in a row and that is not bad. We'll ride this one to the end and I don't care if it takes a couple of weeks to leave."

"Hear, hear!" came from the rest of the group.

Fred then turned his attention to George. "Do any of you know the difference between a snake lying in the road and an attorney lying in the road?" There were some headshakes and murmurs of "no" from around the table. Fred continued "It is all the skid marks from cars trying to miss the snake!"

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George groaned and said "One of the reasons I came on this trip was to get away from lawyer jokes. Come on fellows, give me a break! Of course my life nearly became at risk in the state of Louisiana last year, The General Assembly passed a law creating a season on lawyers to run concurrently on the season on armadillo.

There were some provisions prohibiting the taking of lawyers from the rear of an ambulance or using a baited field with offers of cash or free Scotch. There was a limit enacted of only three lawyers a day. Fortunately the Governor, an attorney, vetoed the measure."

Ira, our self-proclaimed 'Indian guide' said" Even Shakespeare had his problems with lawyers 400 years ago. As I recall in one of his plays he wrote 'Kill all the lawyers'."

Albert was pouring brandy again and passing out cigars. We were sitting around the fire and the mood was mellowing out. George released a huge cloud of smoke and said "It is not as easy taking a case to trial as you might think. Just before we came I lost a case that I think I should have won. The judicial system is getting harder to predict every day."

John turned to George and said "We have nothing but time on our hands this evening. It might be entertaining if you would fill us in on the details of your case.

George replied " I guess it would be all right, I haven't really talked through that case with anyone. I'll have to change the names to protect the innocent, so to speak. I'll start with an attorney named Frank."

This brought a laugh from the rest of us, then George continued.

"Actually my client called me from the hospital. He had been in a car accident several years ago and had suffered

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massive internal injuries and broken bones. This is all incidental and the Doctors had pronounced him in good health following an extended recovery time. Apparently there were more extensive damages than were diagnosed at the time.

"Two years ago he was having some problems and was diagnosed as diabetic. It seems that he suffered damage to the pancreas and it had finally failed. His physician suspected that his accident was the cause, but my client had settled long ago and signed a rather comprehensive release. The situation worsened due to poor circulation and he began to show signs of gangrene in his feet and toes.

It was determined that some of his left toes would have to be removed and right leg would be amputated above the knee. The infection had spread up his right leg and without the surgery his very life was at risk.

"He followed his natural tendency and obtained a second and even third opinion. All agreed with the original diagnosis. He was scheduled for surgery at a major NY teaching hospital.

"The surgery proceeded and due to some yet undetermined fluke, the surgeon proceeded to amputate the left leg above the knee. There were toes sticking out from beneath the drape that were obviously gangrenous and the leg was removed before anyone noticed that only the toes were infected on the left. After completing the left, it was discovered that the right leg was really the bad one and it was amputated as should have been done in the first place.

"My client called from the hospital following his operation. He was madder than hell and wanted me to sue everyone from the original accident to the current hospital and all personnel. My first reaction was that we should restrict the suit to the present hospital. He argued that the

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original accident started the chain of events and could not be overlooked.

"We took the case to trial and were doing all right. The representative of the insurance company involved made an appearance and presented his settlement agreement to the court. In his settlement my client had agreed to hold the company harmless against any and all claims at present or that might arise in the future in return for the original compensation of cash and payments of all his hospital expenses. They agreed that a misfortune had occurred, but insisted that it was not their fault.

"The current hospital also denied responsibility and the case soon became one individual against another, all claiming 'It is not my fault'. You have no idea how complicated things can become when you open suit against more than a single entity.

"The Judge took all the arguments under advisement and adjourned the court. It took almost six weeks until the Judge called the court back into session. He awarded my client actual damages from the hospital plus one dollar from the original carrier. That one-dollar was the problem with the settlement. At the behest of the hospital, an appeal was mounted. In the appeal hearing the original settlement was again presented with the argument that there was no way that the original hospital policy could have it's coverage extended to include the payment of punitive damages.

"The appeal affirmed the original decision and left my client with no remedy and to add insult to injury my bill. We probably could have collected had we left the first company out of the suit. We didn't see it that way in the beginning and now it is too late."

John had that strange look on his face again. He said, "If I understand you correctly the case hinged upon your client releasing the first company after they had paid his

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original claim. If you had restricted your suit to only the fact that the current surgeon had amputated too much of a good leg you probably would have won."

"That is the substance of it." Agreed George "There were a few suggestions that my client was getting greedy and the actual tragedy of his loss got lost in the shuffle."

John shook his head and mused, "It is entirely obvious why you lost this case. I am surprised that you didn't see it sooner."

"Why is that?" asked George.

"Your client" John replied, "did not have a leg to stand on!"

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Chapter 3

Ira got up and went to Albert for a refill on his brandy. "That is quite a tale George." He said. "It demonstrates an old Native American saying that has been handed down from father to son for many generations 'White man speak with forked tongue!'"

John said, "That is all too true. I had almost forgotten your Indian heritage Ira. I do remember you as a student at MIT."

Ira took a sip of his brandy and said "I am quite proud to have attended MIT and was most fortunate to be one of your students."

Fred asked "Is it really true that Indians have a weakness for alcohol? I f I remember correctly, your namesake died of alcohol poisoning."

"I am proud of my namesake. Ira Hayes was a truly great American. You know that he was one of the Marines who raised the flag on Iwo Jima. It is also true that he later drank too much. Of course many people remember him from the ballad by Johnny Cash." Ira said.

"Actually I don't think there is a lot of truth to they myth about Indians and alcohol. I am able to enjoy my brandy as much as any of you. I think that historically my people were unused to the white man's firewater, which led to overindulgence. When I was growing up on the reservation there were no more drunks around than I can find in any alley in New York"

"Tell us about growing up." Said Fred.

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Ira continued "Some of my earliest memories revolve around riding horses. By the time I was eight summers I could ride a bucking horse as well as any man. I remember the rodeo in Tulsa where I got my first buckle in the youth division. I grew up on a Cherokee reservation a little outside of Talaquah, Oklahoma. Of course, if it hadn't been for my riding, I would never have become an electrical engineer."

"I know there is not an easy connection between horses and engineering. What happened is in my eighth summer a horse reared and fell backward with me and then rolled and crushed my right leg and broke several ribs. While I was in the hospital the Red Cross volunteer brought me a crystal radio kit to keep me occupied. I figured out the assembly and was absolutely fascinated with its operation. With just a bit of germanium and a thin wire called a 'cat whisker' I was able to bring in music from thin air. It seemed like magic to me.

"After I was released from the hospital I obtained other radio projects. I learned to build amplifiers and soon had stereo music in my lodge. I obtained an AARL guide and taught myself code. I soon obtained a Novice License and was communicating with the rest of the world.

"I never got back into riding again. I recovered with a definite limp and lacked the strength to grip a horse as I once did. I threw myself into my education and quickly absorbed all the science and then the math to make it work that I was able to find in Eastern Oklahoma. By the time I graduated from high school, the Soviets had launched their first Sputnik. As is too often the case in this country, congress passed some legislation giving scholarships to students who demonstrated talent and need. I was long on need and able to hold my own in the talent category. I was awarded a scholarship and was planning on attending OSU at nearby Stillwater.

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"The Tribal Chief called me in that summer and asked "Ira if you could attend any college you wished, would it be OSU?"

I told him that my first choice would be MIT, but even with my scholarship the cost was too much for me to even dream of.

The Chief told me "Do not even allow those bad thoughts to enter your mind. I have heard that one of the surest paths to failure is to begin a vast undertaking with a half-vast idea. I have talked your situation over with the Tribal Council and they agree that it would bestow great honor on our tribe when you are successful. We will undertake to financially aid you in this quest. It will not be a free ride and will be a long and hard journey. We feel that you have the ability to undertake this journey and we will help you as much as we are able to."

With this encouragement I applied and was accepted at MIT for the fall term. I thanked the Tribal Elders and with their blessing and bus ticket left for Boston. I met another student on the bus also bound for MIT. I looked him up after we had been there a couple of months, but he had already gone back home.

"It was not always easy to even survive in Boston. I had my room and tuition paid by scholarship, but someone forgot to mention to me about books and eating. I managed somehow. I washed dishes. I swept buildings. I even had a part in a Wild West show for a while. I got to play the part of the Indian and carried a bow and arrow for the first time in my life.

"I remember once I needed another text and even used it was $20 more than I had. Another student had told me of a location where I could sell my blood for the $20 I needed. I went down to the blood bank and made the necessary arrangements for them to draw a pint of blood. When they

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had finished and paid me I remarked that someone would be very lucky to get a pint of Cherokee blood. The nurses seemed interested and began to ask me about my Cherokee heritage."

One nurse asked," Are you a full blooded Cherokee?"

I smiled and said "Not really. At the present time I'm about a pint low!"

"During the summers I returned to Oklahoma and found work in the oil fields most of the time. There was one stretch that I was able to get on a road construction crew. I did many different things and most of them were hard work. I got lean and mean I suppose, but I made it. I struggled through and got my BS in Engineering just as the war in Vietnam was heating up. John left MIT to fly combat and I followed, although I was just an infantryman. I did a two-year tour and then returned to MIT with a military scholarship and the GI Bill.

"I completed my MS in Electrical Engineering. I wrote my thesis on a rather obscure bus application in computers that has become the standard of the industry. I had several offers from representatives from the Silicon Valley, or what has become that area today. I went there for a year and managed to save almost double what the tribe had contributed to my education. I developed several different hardware applications, which were adopted by the computer industry and by the military. I was bright enough to make sure that I held the patent rights to everything I developed.

"I sold many of my ideas for cash and a bit of the pie. I tried to obtain stock and options and often sold for a small price and a lot of stock. It was a gamble, but it paid off in the long run. In three years time I was not what you might consider wealthy, but I was comfortable and probably could have quit then and lived from my royalty income.

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"I kept working but a gnawing feeling was growing in my belly. I knew something was bothering me but I was not certain exactly what it was. It seemed that no matter what I did there seemed to be something that I should do. One day it dawned on me that it was payback time. I had gotten to where I was by standing on the shoulders of the Tribe.

"I went to see my banker and consulted a lawyer. Together we formed an endowment foundation with a scholarship fund to be awarded to an outstanding Native American student each year. You better believe that I insisted that it include texts and food.

"I then took six months leave of absence and returned to Eastern Oklahoma. I found the Chief and explained what I had done. I explained that the foundation would help any eligible Native American. I also explained that I had the need to do something specifically for my particular tribe.

The Chief examined me closely. He said, "Ira, the Council and I are very proud of you. You have done well and have brought great honor to our tribe. Our faith in you was justified and that is more thanks than we deserve. Your foundation and the fact that many more of our people will be able to benefit from your actions in years to come also honor us.

He then led me behind his lodge and pointed up the hill. "See the outhouse up the hill?" he asked. I nodded and he continued "Our reservation is not the most modern. In the winter often times our older squaws have difficulty climbing that rocky path and trying to carry a lantern. I understand that the white man has certified you as a Master of Electricity. Is this not so?"

I said "Yes Chief, it is true what you say, although it is usually said a little differently."

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"Ira, then it is possible that you could do our tribe a great service," he said. "You could make a light to shine in the darkness and make that outhouse easier to find at night."

Ira continued "Let me tell you, this was not exactly what I had in mind in terms of service to the reservation. The Chief had spoken and I felt bound to follow his wishes. I went to Tulsa the next morning and purchased the necessary materials. I placed Malibu lights along each path to the outhouse and installed indirect lighting inside. I also lit the outside of the outhouse. I installed motion sensors so that the power came on when anyone started on the path or was inside the outhouse. I felt that it would benefit the most if everything were on when needed and off otherwise. Three days later everything was in place and after sundown I found the Chief.

"Chief, " I said" come with me I want to show you what I have done." I took him to the beginning of the path and as he started up the hill all the lights came on. It was quite impressive if I do say so myself. The Chief solemnly walked up the hill, entered the outhouse and surveyed the inside then returned to me, as we walked back to his lodge, he noticed the lights going out.

"It is great magic that you have brought us!" he said. "It is good."

I told him "It is the magic of technology. I hope it serves you and the Tribe well."

"I returned to New York and started the consulting business that I still operate today. Over the years I have had many different and satisfying tasks. I don't believe that I have ever gotten the satisfaction from any other that I got that day. I am in touch with the Chief occasionally and he reports that with the exception of a few bulbs which have

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been replaced that my lighting system is still in operation and the pride of every Cherokee."

Fred remarked "That is a truly amazing story! I didn't realize that you were pure Cherokee when you were joking about being our Indian Guide. I have to admire your success compared to your humble beginnings."

George said "Compared with your story, I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I congratulate you on your success."

John rose and said with a smile "I would like to offer a toast to Ira. You are truly a remarkable individual and I never knew all you have told us this evening even when you sere my student. I feel that most of us are missing the most amazing part of your story.

John raised his glass and said, "Here is to Ira Hayes Moon, the first Indian to ever wire a head for a reservation!"

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Chapter 4

Day three was a duplicate of the day before with a slight increase in temperature. The warmth motivated Ira to announce that he was into exploring the ski trails and Fred. Pierre, and George decided to accompany him. They also planned some hunting if any of the local game cooperated. Dale Newman’s ears perked up at the mention of hunting and he agreed to go also. Dale is a photographer and does most of his hunting with his camera. He had a fantastic album of game photos with him.

I decided that I still hadn’t had my fill of fishing and returned to a location I had spotted the day before. Bob Jackson the computer analyst went with me that day. We soon got into our fishing and if possible, the fish were even more eager today.

I was fly fishing today. I spotted a ripple over to my right where a tree had fallen into the water. I watched for a moment and it repeated. Something big was having breakfast over there! I flicked my fly in that direction and a fish that looked like a Bass took it hard! I played with it for a few moments and got it in close as Bob came up with a landing net and helped me bring it in. It was a whopper!

Bob said Looks like we can expect a change in the weather. The fish always seem to know about the weather before we do and bite accordingly.”

I said ~I never really thought about it. It does seem that I’ve had some of my best catches just before a major change. We will have to watch today and tomorrow and see.”

We caught all the fish we thought we could carry and started back to the lodge about 11:30. On the way we met with Don Ross, the geologist, also carrying a huge string of fish. We

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took them back to the cleaning table only to find that Ralph Conner was already cleaning his catch. Ralph offered to help with our catch, as he was nearly finished.

We gladly accepted his offer and soon we had all the fish clean and ready for the freezer. As we were taking them into the lodge Ralph said “This certainly has been a change for me. I have been so wrapped with my beverage distribution the last few years that I have hardly had time for anything that was not business related.”

We quickly put the fish in the freezer and decided that some lunch was in order. We went to the bar and asked Albert about the possibility of beer and sandwiches. John was in the bar and volunteered to get sandwiches as Albert started setting out beer.

John told us that he had removed the collector ring from the plane and had repaired it. He explained that it needed to cool and it would be a few hours before he could begin to put it back together. He had located enough rubber and cement to repair the icing boot and that repair needed to cure overnight. If all went well, he thought that the plane should be air worthy again tomorrow.

Ralph remarked that Albert had an excellent assortment of beer available, many of the brands being those that he dealt with. He also told John that as far as he was concerned to take another day on the plane.

Albert asked Ralph how it was that he had gotten into the beverage distribution business.

“I grew up in Montgomery, Alabama. I had just returned there from the Army when an uncle called and told me of a job I could have in Florida." Ralph said.

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“I moved to New York from Miami.” he continued.” I was a driver for a Florida beverage company and I learned the business very well. I had an opportunity to start my own business in New York and I jumped on it.”

“I’ll bet that there are a lot of differences between New York and Miami in your business.” I said.

“Not as many as you might think. Of course there is the obvious one of climate, but the tastes in beverages are very similar. The one difference is that I haven’t had as many problems with slick roads. We have ice and snow in New York but the drivers know how to handle it. In Florida it rains almost every day and it seems to make the traffic go nuts.”

"I remember one of our drivers was making a delivery to Key Biscayne with a full load of beer when a car came at him out of nowhere. He turned to avoid a collision and skidded off the edge of the causeway and overturned. He wasn’t hurt, but his load spilled breaking many of the cases and spilling beer down the rip-rap.”

“The cans weren’t hurt that badly. The bottles were a different situation entirely. I took an empty truck and a couple of loading dock workers out to try and clean up the mess.”

“It was a sort of a circus when we got there. Motorists stopping to grab a couple of cases and the police trying to stop them complicated the situation. There were two wreckers trying to position themselves to right the overturned truck.

“The big problem proved to be the seabirds. I never realized that gulls and pelicans liked beer! They were everywhere. We almost had a battle trying to pick up the salvageable cases. The more that the birds were able to drink, the more aggressive they were getting. Those birds seemed to learn quickly too! A couple of the larger ones

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soon realized that if they picked up a full bottle and dropped it on a rock that it would break and supply more fresh beer. The rocks were getting slicker by the minute.

“All the broken glass was not helping our efforts. The birds could handle it much better than the dockworkers. I had to send one of the men to the hospital with glass in his foot. I called for more workers and heavy boots for the rest of us.

Perhaps it was all the talk of beer and the power of suggestion, but Albert kept himself busy pouring more beer for all of us. John’s sandwiches kept disappearing at an amazing rate and he kept returning to the kitchen for more as more fishermen arrived. Ralph resumed.

“I’m not sure what kind of communication system those birds employed. There were probably less than a hundred or so when I got there, but by the time reinforcements arrived there must have been over a thousand sea birds flapping and squawking in the area. Of course with all the beer those birds were drinking they were also crapping all over the cargo the trucks the wreckers, the workers, and us.

“By this time the police had closed the causeway to all traffic except for those actually involved in the cleanup. It was funny in a way and it was also serious. The antics of the birth got to be more and more comical as the day proceeded. We had to get another truck to try and pick up the broken glass. The birds kept at it, breaking more bottles and drinking more beer.

About that time Ira and his explorers returned. John and Albert brought them up to date in the food and drink department. I urged Ralph to tell the rest of our party about the birds.

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I was telling of an incident that happened when a beer truck overturned on the Key Biscayne Causeway.” Ralph said.ttI remember that.” Dale said. “I was in Miami at that time and I took my camera out and got some fine Photos that I was able to free lance to the N Y Times. The birds got very aggressive. Birds seem to be angry drunks!”

“That’s right.” Ralph said. “That is as close to violent birds as I have ever seen. They soon started squabbling among themselves over the spoils.

Fred said, “It is strange that you are talking about birds. We had some experience with birds this morning too. We flushed a covey of pheasant and were able to bring home nine of them all together. We have been cleaning them and Pierre is going to prepare them for dinner. He is starting on them now.”

“The fun really started when the TV crew got there. They set up to report the action when some of the birds got it into their little brains that the lenses on the cameras were glass and might have beer in them. The pelicans kept flying into the cameras, which made a mess of them. The whole flock seemed to have developed the runs by this time and the TV crew was unable to get any usable footage.

“At times I was reminded of scenes from Hitchcock’s bird movie. The difference was that instead of flying around in a flock the birds seemed to fly around at random. It reminded me of men who get into the blind staggers just before they pass into unconsciousness. The birds were colliding and falling into the bay as well as onto the causeway.

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“The birds on the causeway were wandering around in circles and tripping over their own feet. Did you ever see the Disney production showing ducks landing on a lake that was frozen? That is the way these birds were. Some were still drinking and the rest were running into each other both in the air and on the ground.

“As the afternoon wore on, the birds were getting to be less of a problem. More and more of them were just lying where they fell and were not bothering anyone. We were starting to make progress with our clean up. We got all the canned beer picked up and were not able to salvage a single bottle.

“We started using our shovels and got all the big pieces of glass and cardboard picked up. The causeway looked like the aftermath of an infantry battle. The setting sun glinted from the small pieces of glass lying among the still as death birds. There was not a single bird left flying and very few even moving.

“We gathered up the birds from the causeway and moved them out of the roadway. They were dead drunk and we piled them along the side in the rip-rap to sober up. I’ll bet that most of those birds woke up with the mother of all hangovers.

“We called out a veterinary to look at the birds. He said that some of them would probably die of alcohol poisoning, but that the majority would recover if we just let them sleep it off. We made a final search for salvageable beer and live birds. It was nearing the end of the day and we wouldn’t have light much longer. The situation was finally in order.

“The police agreed to keep the causeway closed until early the next morning when I agreed to return and pick up any dead birds. I was one of the last to leave as I literally drove off into the setting sun.

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John got that funny smile on his face and summed up the story.“It was the end of the search and there was not a single Tern left un-stoned!”

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