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English Final Exam Portfolio
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English 1101 Final Portfolio Project Title
Table of Contents
Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1
Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................4
Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................6
“What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................8
Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................10
Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................12
Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................14
Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................16
Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................18
Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................24
1
December 7, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Jordan Farley and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College on the Oconee Campus. Through looking back at the work I have done throughout this semester in English 1101, I can see that I as a writer have improved considerably. While looking for the assignments to put in this portfolio I have seen that my first assignments and my most recent assignments are different in many ways. This is a portfolio filled and organized with the many assignment that I have done this semester. In my portfolio you will be able to see the progress from the basic simple style of writing to my new found technique of college writing. In my English 1101 class I learned how to write about the author of an Article’s point of view, along with how to write about what I think through explaining the opinion of the author. I also learned that I needed to work on my grammar and sentence styling to improve my writing skills. While reviewing my portfolio you will find that my transition from high school writing to English 1101 is very clear. In learning a new way of writing in English 1101 I learned that the key to success is knowing revisions are very important. Within my portfolio you can expect to find the progress I have made throughout the semester. It is important to read my portfolio to its full extent to understand how much I have enjoyed and learned in this class as a student. With the help and one on one conference you have given in this course you have encourage me to become a better writer. Through writing about personal experiences and relating it to articles I have been inspired to take writing as a positive outlet. After you view my portfolio you will be able to see the effort I have put into your class. My least successful article response was, “Berry’s outlook on the End…” My main reasoning in choosing this response as the least successful for revision wasn’t for the grade but because it was my first article response and I wanted to show my improvement based on my first piece. In revising this response I started off by reconstructing sentences and followed with adding new comments in order to clarify why I was incorporating quotes made by the author. This article was over the views society has on limitlessness, and how there needs to be a change of view on limits. I believe my biggest revisions were to clarify the quotes given by the author. In noticing my weaknesses I acknowledged that I now know what is supposed to be done. I originally had a tough time staying on topic in the first and second paragraph, but the amount of detail I provided was a great basis for the editing that I had to make on my responses. In the second paragraph I didn’t have enough quotes to support the importance of the point of view of the author and with the revisions I believe it turned the focus back on to the subject. Through all these revisions I feel my response is a better, more thought out writing piece.
2
My most successful article response was, “Change should be in Teaching.” In revising this piece I had a tough time with beginning the process of revision. As I began to search for parts of the response that needed help I came across the fact my opening sentences in each of my response have the title of the article I responded to in them and this allowed me to not only make revisions to this response, but it allowed me to change and enhance each of my pieces. With my new found learning of this rule, to never restate an article in its response, I changed the opening statement into one that could support the point of view of the articles author. Also, by adding explanations for the quotes used in this piece, I found it easier to understand the meanings for them to be used to support the point of view stated in the article. Cohn’s opinion on reaching and discussion will help so many to become more focused on school that I felt this was the main focus for the response. Through the addition of new comments I was forced to reflect on the entirety of the content as a whole to fit in with the new content added, thus making the revisions cohesive. Overall these revisions linked both the first and second paragraph allowing them to exist in harmony with each other and sticking to the topic of the article. My most successful article essay was, “Affairs of the Heart: Can Tear Friendships Apart.” With the main topic for this essay being on my experience with a direct contact on affairs, I was able to use this article to share not only my view point but an opposing view point of the author. In revising this article essay I observed that the opening was difficult to read and needed more supporting details to ease the reader’s review of the essay. By adding on to the first sentence I feel as if it allowed the reader to relate the article to the essay along with flow to the next sentence better. Also, my thesis statement was unclear and needed to be re-written, it was in need of being reworded so that a reader could tell what the essay was going to discuss throughout the essay. My original work had many sentence style errors and with a little time and tweaking was fairly easy to correct. I also failed to explain the topic sentence in the closing sentences in most of my paragraphs, meaning I had to revise and edit many of the paragraphs to fit the guidelines. Though it was my most successful essay it had room for improvement, and with the right amount of revision it was possible to correct. Though I have not become a perfect writer, I feel as if my writing skills have improved a great deal. Not only have I seen improvement in English 1101 I am able to concentrate and write at a higher level in many of my other classes. I have also seen improvement in grades I receive on research papers I my history and social science classes. Some of the problems I still face while writing are minor grammar problems and some sentence structure problems but are in the process of being worked on. Also, I sometimes fail to re-read my work resulting in careless mistakes in word placing errors and short changing my work. Some goals I continue to work toward are ultimately becoming a better writer and having great proof reading skills. I plan to keep improving my English skills and hope to be able to say I am a great college writer. Based on my experience this semester I can predict that I not will continue to grow and improve as a writer but will be able to prepare documents for my future, such as job applications along with working on the job and being able to organize my documents there. Through the basics of computer work and writing skills I can see improvement from within.
3
Through this final portfolio option for my exam I have been able to evaluate myself along with the work I have done. Throughout this English 1101 course I have improved my writing to a higher level and have learned how to use many different computer skills as well. Although my grades have stayed consistent and might not have been the highest, I feel as if my efforts have been tremendous. With stating this I believe my overall grade for the course should be a high B to an A. My work is not perfect but I believe I have shown improvement and a unique style. Even though I haven’t made straight A’s I think my improvement should outshine my grade point average. In closing I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my portfolio and say that your English 1101 course has been helpful and enjoyable.
Sincerely,
Jordan J. Farley Jordan J. Farley
4
Least Successful Article Response
Berry's outlook on the end...
Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper's Magazine. The Harper's
Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. Aug. 18,2011.
In the article, “Hell Hath No Limits”, Wendell Berry’s point of view is evident. He
provides a multitude of examples on how Greed and Waste contribute to the belief that we think
we are limitless in today’s society. The concept of limitlessness contributes to the desire to be
efficient at any cost, and to make advancements on everything in our natural world. On the
contrary, everything has limits. In pointing this out Berry states,” we are not likely to be granted
another world to plunder in compensation for our pillage of this one”. Berry also states that we
must have limits or we will cease to exist as humans. In reminding us of the arts, Berry
acknowledges that it is artist, not scientist, who have dealt with the problems of limits. Artists
have limitless possibilities on the outcome of their work, but when they have finished their work
it does not need to be enhanced or duplicated. In closing, Berry makes known that it is too late to
use thriftily the first half of the world’s supply of natural resources. He states that, we should
slow down on consumptiveness and make the most of what we have, to try to live within our
limits and live a little longer than what is expected now.
Wendell Berry’s point of view is extremely important to think about, because it is the
imminent truth. Berry’s article forces us to examine our own life, to see the truth in how we
ourselves think we are limitless. He encourages us evaluate that we cannot start from the
beginning, but start from here on out limiting ourselves on what we have left. He challenges us
to see what so many are blind to, that our natural resources are what keep us alive and that we
are the ones using them wastefully. Berry’s point of view is one that everyone should take in to
5
consideration, because it will directly have effect on us all. We are the only ones that can make a
difference in how fast our natural resources are consumed, and how to make an efficient plan to
slow down on our consumption rate. He makes us look at how having limits will better our
society, and to look at what resources we do have, and what we are willing to give up to live a
longer life. We as a collective society need to use Berry’s article as a beginning to change, and to
make a way to delay our imminent fate.
6
Most Successful Article Response
Change should be in Teaching...
Cohn, Paula Marantz. "The Seduction" The American Scolar. The American Scholar, Winter
2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011.
In the article “The Seduction”, Paula Marantz Cohn wants us to understand education in
today’s society is sought to be something we have to do, that grades are what students are
concerned about rather than learning the material. Cohn expresses that students look at required
courses as just that a requirement, not a class that could potential help them in the future. By
changing her style from a strict syllabus to a discussion oriented flexible style of teaching, the
students were more eager to learn. Cohn defends her point of view by stating, “the level of
discussion and some of the insights in the papers were as elevated as anything I had experienced
in classes were the student were better prepared and more initially receptive.” Cohn believes
when more discussion in the classroom takes place rather than assigning a multitude of papers
and readings, that students focus on what is being taught throughout the course. Cohn stresses
that when a grade is more important the learning declines. By stating,” Even if the responses are
partial and inarticulate, if they are genuinely felt, they can make the words on the page seem an
adjunct to real life—and there is nothing more seductive to students than life”, she demonstrates
that when discussion takes place in the classroom, where there is more than just one perspective
of the assignment, students that would most likely give up or not understand the material get a
higher level of understanding. She points out that “when the class is integrated as a whole,
students respect each other for what they bring to the discussion of a text by virtue of being the
individual that they are.” Therefore Cohn’s main message is,” literary study should be a kind of
7
performance of the text by the class, making all material important on a level outside of just a
grade.”
The idea Paula Marantz Cohn offers about how the way of teaching affects the way a
student views the importance of learning is extremely significant. She recognizes something
most overlook, and reminds us that our culture has converted college students’ outlook on the
importance of learning as a form of earning a grade. Everyone should take into consideration that
when a grade is not the most important result at the end of a course students learn and retain the
knowledge more efficiently. Cohn addresses the facts most people do not want to face. She
challenges other college professors to take on the discussion oriented and more flexible way of
teaching, and to make the overall goal of the course focus on the material and knowledge there is
to learn rather than gaining a grade for the credit needed to earn a degree. Most importantly, she
emphasizes that for students to focus on the importance of the class, students as well as
professors need to prepare themselves before they begin the class. She exclaims that with less of
a strain on a multitude of assignments that it would be wise to prepare yourself for a discussion,
so that at the end of the course you have mastered the material. Students and teachers together
need to examine the concern for learning from Cohn’s message, because in the end it could
further their future as well as affect those who will be receiving the services from their
occupation.
8
What’s the Difference?
My most successful article response was, “Change Should be in Teaching.” This article
response is over an article that discusses the subject of the success of a student and that in part it
comes from the way a professor teaches. My response was rewarded a nine out of ten. In the first
paragraph I explained how Paula Marantz Cohn encourages us view education as potential help
for the future. That a future bases focus style of teaching is a main factor in the success of a
student. With quotes supporting Cohn’s point of view, she encourages discussion in class to
integrate her students so that they can take on more than one perspective of the material. Cohn
went into detail on how her experience with incorporating class discussion formed a better
overall change in the student’s grades. Not only did she see improvement in grades but she saw
her students receive a better understanding on the material that was being taught. Also, in
paragraph two I included the cultural significance of Cohn’s opinion and how it challenges the
student to focus not only on their grades but to acknowledge the knowledge they are obtaining. I
believe my article response was great but with the revising I gave it in the mark ups it is even
better.
For my least successful article response I chose, “Berry’s Outlook on the End…”
Wendell Berry believes that limitlessness comes from the idea that in today’s society greed and
waste contribute to the fact people believe that they are limitless. He states that with the
evolution of technology and the way people view natural resources our society is slowly fading
away. On this article response I received an eight out of ten as a grade. In the first paragraph I
enlightened on Berry’s point of view on how limitlessness is looked over by so many. That
everything and person has limits and humans would cease to exist without these limits. I did not
use a multitude of quotes within this paragraph for support but rather felt I focused on facts that
9
were view point throughout the piece. Berry challenges us to look at an uncomfortable truth, he
forces us to observe that our Natural resources are limited and wasting away fast. He encourages
us to examine our lives, to see how limitless we think we are and to try and change the way we
wastefully use the resources we receive. My article response met and followed the guidelines,
but I do believe I could have taken a little more time to review the response and revise it to earn
the higher grade.
As I was comparing these two article responses I noticed a similarity in the downfalls of
the pieces. Even though I made a point higher on the best one their mistakes were similar. The
most dominant mistake was staying on subject, not going off topic by summarizing the article
instead of giving the direct view of the author. Also, many of my other article responses received
an eight out of ten as well thus keeping with the trend. In response, “Berry’s Outlook on the
End,” I threw in words or sentences just meet the length requirement. I did the same in, “Change
should be in Teaching,” as well, by adding the title of the article at the beginning of both. In
observing the fact I did not enhance my grade to its full potential throughout the course, looking
back I should have scheduled a conference time with Dr. Horton to discuss how I need to
improve. Immediately, I should have strived to earn better grades, to improve my scores instead
of settling for an eight or nine out of ten. In all I do believe that learned how to correct my
mistakes and some key tools on how to better my writing and hope that in the future this style of
writing will come into action.
10
Least Successful Article Response
Berry's outlook on the end...
Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper's Magazine. The Harper's
Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. Aug. 18,2011.
In the article, “Hell Hath No Limits”, Wendell Berry’s point of view on limitlessness is
evident throughout his entire article. He provides a multitude of examples on how Greed and
Waste contribute to the belief that as a society we think we are limitless in today’s society. The
concept of limitlessness contributes to the desire to be efficient at any cost, and to make
advancements on everything in our natural world. On the contrary, everything has limits and in .
In pointing this out Berry states,” westates, “we are not likely to be granted another world to
plunder in compensation for our pillage of this one”. This statement made by Berry means that,
while we are so wastefully using our natural resources to their entirety today, we are not going to
be given a new world to waste in the same. Berry also states that we must have limits or we will
cease to exist as humanshumans’ altogether. ByIn reminding us of the arts, Berry acknowledges
that it is artist, not scientist, who have dealt with the problems of limits. Artists have limitless
possibilities on the outcome of their work, but when they have completedfinished their work it
does not need to be enhanced or duplicated; unlike scientist whose work evolves as the world
changes and therefore they have no definite limit on the end of their work.. In closing, Berry
expressesmakes known that it is too late to use thriftily the first half of the world’s supply of
natural resources. He states that, “we should slow down on consumptiveness and make the most
of what we have,” to try to live within our limits so that our society mightand live a little longer
than what is expected of it now.
Formatted
Comment [J1]: The reason for taking this out of the beginning is, because you should never state the name of the article you are responding to in your response. I was not aware of this rule before I wrote this response and now have learned that it is not appropriate to restate the article title in the response.
Comment [J2]: I have taken out this period and extended the sentence because it made better since. The first sentence was too short and it seemed a little off topic. Also, the next sentence flows easier with the added extra at the beginning.
Comment [J3]: This added sentence helps clarify the importance of the quote made by Berry. I explains what he is trying to express by the statement and was needed for the reader of this response to fully understand the quote.
Comment [J4]: This added extra helps to compare artist and scientist limitlessness more evenly. It balances the sentence and gives a better outline on why artist are limitless yet are not wasteful, while scientist have no definite limits.
11
Wendell Berry’s point of view is extremely important to think about when considering
the subject of limitlessness., because Iit is the imminent truth on the direction our world is
coming to. Berry’s article forces us to examine our own life, to see the truth in how we ourselves
think we are limitless and how we so effortlessly waste scarce resources. He encourages us
evaluate that we cannot start from the beginning, but start from here on out limiting ourselves on
what we have left. “We must learn again to ask how we can make the most of what we are, what
we have, what we have been given,” by this statement hHe challenges us to see what so many are
blind to, that our natural resources are what keep us alive and that we are the ones using them
wastefully. that we as a society have to review our own lives in order to make a change. Berry’s
point of view is one that everyone should take in to consideration, because it will directly affect
our society as a wholehave effect on us all. We are the only ones that can make a difference in
how fast our natural resources are consumed, and how to make an efficient plan to slow down
the on our consumption rate of our society. BerryHe forces us to observe makes us look at how
having limits will better our society, and to look at what resources we still do have, and what we
are willing to give up to live a longer life. We as a collective society need to use Berry’s article
as a beginning to start a change, and to make a way to delay our imminent fate.
Comment [J5]: This comment helps keep the paragraph on topic. It explains from the beginning that this article is all about limitlessness and explains that Berry’s focus is on the impact of limits to our society.
Comment [J6]: The addition of this quote to the paragraph helps tie in Berry and his article to the importance of the subject of limitlessness. Also, I had no quotes in this paragraph and did not meet the requirements for this assignment in the second paragraph.
Comment [J7]: By changing makes us look, to forces us to observe, makes the statement sound more intellectual and helps the reader to actually focus. It allows the reader to observe at the end what the response is all about if they have not actually read the article.
12
Least Successful Article Response
Berry's outlook on the end...
Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper's Magazine. The Harper's
Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. Aug. 18, 2011.
Wendell Berry’s point of view on limitlessness is evident throughout his entire article. He
provides a multitude of examples on how Greed and Waste contribute to the belief that as a
society we think we are limitless. The concept of limitlessness contributes to the desire to be
efficient at any cost, and to make advancements on everything in our natural world. On the
contrary, everything has limits and in pointing this out Berry states, “we are not likely to be
granted another world to plunder in compensation for our pillage of this one”. This statement
made by Berry means that, while we are so wastefully using our natural resources to their
entirety today, we are not going to be given a new world to waste in the same. Berry states that
we must have limits or we will cease to exist as humans’ altogether. By reminding us of the arts
Berry acknowledges that it is artist, not scientist, who has dealt with the problems of limits.
Artists have limitless possibilities on the outcome of their work, but when they have completed
their work it does not need to be enhanced or duplicated; unlike scientist whose work evolves as
the world changes and therefore they have no definite limit on the end of their work. In closing,
Berry expresses that it is too late to use thriftily the first half of the world’s supply of natural
resources. He states that, “we should slow down on consumptiveness and make the most of what
we have,” to try to live within our limits so that our society might live a little longer than what is
expected of it now.
Wendell Berry’s point of view is extremely important to think about when considering
the subject of limitlessness. It is the imminent truth on the direction our world is coming to.
13
Berry’s article forces us to examine our own life, to see the truth in how we ourselves think we
are limitless and how we so effortlessly waste scarce resources. He encourages us evaluate that
we cannot start from the beginning, but start from here on out limiting ourselves on what we
have left. “We must learn again to ask how we can make the most of what we are, what we have,
what we have been given,” by this statement he challenges us to see what so many are blind to,
that our natural resources are what keep us alive and that we are the ones using them wastefully
that we as a society have to review our own lives in order to make a change. Berry’s point of
view is one that everyone should take in to consideration, because it will directly affect our
society as a whole. We are the only ones that can make a difference in how fast our natural
resources are consumed, and how to make an efficient plan to slow down the consumption rate
of our society. Berry forces us to observe at how having limits will better our society, and what
resources we still have, and what we are willing to give up to live a longer life. We as a
collective society need to use Berry’s article as a beginning to start a change, and to make a way
to delay our imminent fate.
14
Most Successful Article Response
Change should be in Teaching...
Cohn, Paula Marantz. "The Seduction" The American ScolarScholar. The American Scholar,
Winter 2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011.
In the article “The Seduction”, Paula Marantz Cohn wants us to understand education in
today’s society is sought to be something we have to do, throughout this article she states that
grades are what students are concerned about, rather than learning the material. Cohn expresses
that students look at required courses as just that a requirement, not they do not view these
courses as a class that could potential help them in the future. By changing her style from a strict
syllabus to a discussion oriented flexible style of teaching, the her students were more eager to
learn. Cohn defends her point of view by stating, “the level of discussion and some of the
insights in the papers were as elevated as anything I had experienced in classes, were the student
were better prepared and more initially receptive.” Cohn believes when more discussion in the
classroom takes place rather than assigning a multitude of papers and readings, that students
focus on what is being taught throughout the course. She believes that when students begin to
enjoy work and don’t feel a heavy amount of stress they are more apt to learning and obtaining
knowledge. Cohn stresses that when a grade is view as the most more important focus the
learning declines. By stating,” Even if the responses are partial and inarticulate, if they are
genuinely felt, they can make the words on the page seem an adjunct to real life—and there is
nothing more seductive to students than life”, by this she demonstrates that when discussion
takes place in the classroom, where there is more than just one perspective of the assignment,
students that would most likely give up or not understand the material get a higher level of
understanding. She points out that “when the class is integrated as a whole, students respect each
Formatted
Comment [GSC1]: The reason for taking this out as stated in the least successful article response is because you should never state the article you are responding to in the response. Now knowing the rules for this I am positive I have learned this rule for future use.
Comment [GSC2]: By changing the to her makes the meaning of the statement stick to the topic of Cohn. It make it clearer that she is talking about her situation and her experience with her students.
Comment [GSC3]: This added statement helps explain the importance of making learning enjoyable for students.
15
other for what they bring to the discussion of a text by virtue of being the individual that they
are,” meaning through the perspective of individual students in discussions others in the class
can view the topic as they might not have before. Therefore Cohn’s main message is,” literary
study should be a kind of performance of the text by the class, making all material important on a
level outside of just a grade.”
The idea Paula Marantz Cohn offers about how the way of teaching affects the way a
student views the importance of learning is extremely significant for one to observe. She
recognizes something most overlook, and reminds us that our culture has converted college
students’ outlook on the importance of learning as a form of earning a grade for their GPA.
Everyone Every college student, along with professor, should take into consideration that when a
grade is not the most important focus for the course, result at the end of a course students learn
and retain the knowledge more efficiently. Cohn addresses the facts most people do not want to
face,. sShe challenges other college professors to take on the discussion oriented and more
flexible way of teaching, and to make the overall goal of their course focus on the material and
knowledge there is to learn rather than gaining a grade for the credit needed to earn a degree.
Most importantly, she emphasizes that for students to focus on the importance of the class,
students as well they along withas professors need to prepare themselves before they begin the
class. She exclaims that with less of a strain on a multitude of assignments, that it would be wise
to prepare yourself for a class discussion, so that at the end of the course you have mastered the
material. Students and teachers together need to examine the concern for learning from Cohn’s
message, because in the end it could further their future as well as affect those who will be
receiving the services from their occupation.
Comment [GSC4]: This added extra statement was needed to help explain the importance for Cohn to incorporate class discussion in her course and why she believes it helped her students.
Comment [GSC5]: Makes the statement directly to college student and professors instead of a broad everyone.
16
Most Successful Article Response
Change should be in Teaching...
Cohn, Paula Marantz. "The Seduction" The American Scholar. The American Scholar, Winter
2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011.
Paula Marantz Cohn wants us to understand education in today’s society is sought to be
something we have to do, throughout this article she states that grades are what students are
concerned about, rather than learning the material. Cohn expresses that students look at required
courses as just that a requirement, they do not view these courses as a class that could potential
help them in the future. By changing her style from a strict syllabus to a discussion oriented
flexible style of teaching, her students were more eager to learn. Cohn defends her point of
view by stating, “the level of discussion and some of the insights in the papers were as elevated
as anything I had experienced in classes, were the student were better prepared and more initially
receptive.” Cohn believes when more discussion in the classroom takes place rather than
assigning a multitude of papers and readings, that students focus on what is being taught
throughout the course. She believes that when students begin to enjoy work and don’t feel a
heavy amount of stress they are more apt to learning and obtaining knowledge. Cohn stresses
that when a grade is view as the most important focus the learning declines. By stating,” Even if
the responses are partial and inarticulate, if they are genuinely felt, they can make the words on
the page seem an adjunct to real life—and there is nothing more seductive to students than life”,
by this she demonstrates that when discussion takes place in the classroom, where there is more
than just one perspective of the assignment, students that would most likely give up or not
understand the material get a higher level of understanding. She points out that “when the class is
integrated as a whole, student’s respect each other for what they bring to the discussion of a text
17
by virtue of being the individual that they are,” meaning through the perspective of individual
students in discussions others in the class can view the topic as they might not have before.
Therefore Cohn’s main message is,” literary study should be a kind of performance of the text by
the class, making all material important on a level outside of just a grade.”
The idea Paula Marantz Cohn offers about how the way of teaching affects the way a
student views the importance of learning is extremely significant for one to observe. She
recognizes something most overlook, and reminds us that our culture has converted college
students’ outlook on the importance of learning as a form of earning a grade for their GPA.
Every college student, along with professor, should take into consideration that when a grade is
not the most important focus for the course, students learn and retain the knowledge more
efficiently. Cohn addresses the facts most people do not want to face, she challenges other
college professors to take on the discussion oriented and more flexible way of teaching, and to
make the overall goal of their course focus on the material and knowledge there is to learn rather
than gaining a grade for the credit needed to earn a degree. Most importantly, she emphasizes
that for students to focus on the importance of the class they along with professors need to
prepare themselves before they begin the class. She exclaims that with less of a strain on a
multitude of assignments, it would be wise to prepare yourself for a class discussion so that at the
end of the course you have mastered the material. Students and teachers together need to
examine the concern for learning from Cohn’s message, because in the end it could further their
future as well as affect those who will be receiving the services from their occupation.
Farley 18
18
Jordan Farley
Professor Horton
English 1101
27 September 2011
Affairs of the Heart: Can Tear Friendships Apart
Mark Oppenheimer, who wrote “Married, with infidelities,” declares that the impulses
people have that lead to affairs within a relationship, many couples in today’s society can relate
toon their spouse or partner most people can identify with. Oppenheimer sheds light on the fact
that with the number of affairs raising so many people feel it is a normal part of society. In an
online chat through email, on the topic of infidelity and being open to your significant other, sex-
advice columnist Dan Savage stated that, “some people need more than one partner;, just as
some need flirting, others need to be whipped, and others need lovers of both sexes.” and He
states, we“we can’t help our urges, and we should not lie to our partners about them.” The
thought that Savage could make such a statement lead Oppenheimer many to believe that many
people think that it is ok to have an affair. This outlook on life is such an upcoming and popular
belief, that many come to this conclusion that infidelities are just a way of life. Through mass
media, people deem it a reasonable way on how to lead a successful life. But, tThe main question
taken into consideration is why do people find it so intriguing? The answer is not as simple as
what Savage seems to believe. He states that, “a more flexible attitude within marriage may be
just what a straight community needs, that the people who hold monogamy as the main indicator
to a successful marriage gives people an unrealistic outlook on their marriage.” Not only does
this statement made by Savage seem appealing to most it is the way most people are treating
their relationships, andbut it is ultimately how the future generations will accept marriages.
Formatted
Comment [GSC1]: The reasoning for the change in the opening sentence is an attempt to reach out in more capturing way. With the addition of few words the sentence structure is better.
Comment [GSC2]: By replacing many with Oppenheimer this sentence sticks to the subject and people being discussed in the paragraph. It also defines what Oppenheimer states and thinks.
Farley 19
19
Cara, a good friend I have known since kindergarten, had a tough teenage life., The
causes for those tough years were because of her aunt and uncle, to who were her legal
guardians., They felt it was alright to lead two separate relationships along with their marriage,
and had no concern for how it would affect Cara. During middle school we became close friends;
we started spending time with each other out outside of school and were getting to know each
other better. In our eighth grade year Carashe began to be more reserved not wanting to hang out
or talk as we always had. She began acting like a delinquent, skipping school, doing things to get
in trouble, not acting like the Cara I had become was close friends with. In about the eleventh
grade Cara had done enough wrong things to get kicked out of school and was sent to live with
her grandmother in Florida;, making the only way I could communicate with her was through
Facebook and we became as close as before. She started opening up about why she was acting
that this wayand letting me know the truth behind her actions, which werewas because of her
aunt and uncle’s adulterous acts and she was ashamed. Cara’s actions had a deeper meaning
behind them so much that she felt depressed and skeptical. These feelings of depression and
skepticism were results of the affair and the way her aunt and uncle treated her along with each
other. Though I didn’t know what she was going through internally then, the way she was feeling
in return had a dramatic toll on our friendship. Through our downfall and the recovery of our
friendship I took on a new enlightened perspective on the affects and aspects of an affair.
Adulterers’ needs and wants are not the only things affected by an affair, but it is the emotions
and relationships of the family and friends of the adulterer who are ultimately affected by this
immoral act.When an affairs takes place, the adulterers lives aren’t the only ones affected, but
their family and friends are the ones who have to ultimately deal with the immoral act.
Comment [GSC3]: By making this two sentences it makes the first sentence sound better. When reading it before the change it sounded like a run on sentence and was confusing.
Comment [GSC4]: By changing was to had become clarifies that we were friends and are friends again today. It makes the reader have a hope that we have become friends again and not just shooting down that we could have a friendship again.
Comment [GSC5]: By changing the thesis statement around I feel as if the thesis is clearer. As one of the grading comments I received I took it into consideration that the thesis was hard to read the way it was an thought that with the change it would help.
Farley 20
20
Because of the affair and the way her aunt and uncle treated her, lead Cara into
depression and skepticism. The way they reacted when Cara tried expressing her feelings about
their affair resulted to her retreating to herself. This caused Cara to feel the same way toward
everyone, even me. She dealt with her pain at school by getting into as much trouble as possible
so that she wouldn’t have to be around people, with the end consequence of being kicked out of
school. The plan in her mind was to get as far away from the place she was living and the people
in it as possible. Cara was so depressed at this point she did not even want to speak to me and
made excuses every time I asked to hangout. Before Cara would have never made an excuse not
to hangout, she would have done just the opposite and make an excuse just to hang out. She
didn’t trust anyone because of the withaffair, with the fear of being lied to or rejected. Although
talking with Cara now, as opposed to before she moved, I feel as if she has beat her depression
and is now able to begin to trust more and more people every day. She now has the
understanding that not everyone is the same, that there are genuine and honest people in this
world that ultimately care for her like me. She has figured out how to deal with her depression
from the affair and turn it into motive to get through the day.
The reality that Cara was pulling away from our friendship concerned me, the thought
that she did not ever want to spend time together made me want to give up on trying to keep our
friendship going. The affect that the affair was having on our friendship was colossal. She began
to associate with the “bad crowd”, the people known for never doing what was right or what they
were told, ditching me for people who would get her into trouble. I couldn’t understand why she
would pick them over me, because she knew I cared about her more than they did. When I would
try and sit with her at lunch or talk to her in the hall her new friends made me feel like a social
outcast, not at all welcome. Cara wouldn’t even acknowledge me at all, and when. I would say
Comment [GSC6]: Adding this statement helps readers to see how close Cara and I had gotten. That Cara was a people person before and was very interested in hanging out with friends.
Comment [GSC7]: This statement clarifies the way that I felt about the change in Cara, about how much I was confused because I had no idea about what was going on.
Farley 21
21
hiey occasionally in the hall at school she would nod, but that was about as much communication
as she would allow. Her actionsThis later came down to us not even speaking to each other.
After Cara moved it was months later that I got a friend request with a message attached on
Facebook. The message was an apology on how awful she had treated me and how she was sorry
for giving me the cold shoulder. We began to rebuild our friendship this way through Facebook,
she had exclaimed that there was no legitimist excuse for behavior and I forgave her right away.
I let her know that I was going to do everything possible to help her through the rest of her
situation. We have now expressed that to each other that we arewere going to do everything
possible to get back to the way our friendship was before the affair and act as if this didn’t affect
us at all.
Though when I first heard of Cara’s aunt and uncle’s affair I was shocked and
disappointed, the ending results lead me to have a broader and more personal perspective on the
effects of an affair. Through mine and Cara’s relationship fumble, I took on an aspect of concern
not only for the partner of the adulterer, but for the family and friends of the adulterer. and the
other person. My views on affairs use to be just a judgment on the adulterer, that it was morally
wrong on their behalf and they would be the ones having to suffer and answer for their wrong
doings. But by going through thise friendship downfall with Cara as a result of the affair, I
learned that when it comes down to the itend the family and friends suffer tremendously and
have to answer to others for not only their actions of retaliation but for the actions of the
adulterer. The choice one person makes has an effect on someone else’s choice and then their
choices has an effect on another and this begins a cycle. I feel that I was able to mature as an
adult and realize that my own choices do not only affect me but everyone I am associated with,
Comment [GSC8]: I do believe that this was suppose to be like in the original piece. But as I changed this it allowed me to change were to are making an effort even to this day to rebuild out friendship.
Comment [GSC9]: By removing these words it helps the sentence stick to the thesis. Along with this change there are a few others in this revision that help the paper stick to the thesis.
Farley 22
22
that when the thought of making a wrong decision starts to form within, you need to think about
whom all will this decision effect, and howand how bad will it affect others lives as well.
Although I still cannot understand how Cara’s aunt and uncle can live with themselves
after committing such a demoralizing act, I believe that Cara was the one affected the most in the
end. I can remember what Cara went through and looking back on it, the affair affected our
friendship more than we noticed. Because of everything that Cara had to endure she knows how
much it can affect others by her decisions. She knows that there is a time and place for most
things and that by your actions you can affect other without even noticing. Also, our friendship is
better than before even though we don’t see each other every day we talk constantly and visit
with each other as much as possible. As a result of her actions and our friendship recovery
process, Cara is now attending college to become a counselor for troubled youth with
relationship and trust issues. Also, another cause to Cara’s depression and the downfall of our
friendship could have been a result of the reason she was adopted and living with her aunt and
uncle in the first place. Her dad had left her mom for someone else when Cara was a baby, this
lead her mom to drug abuse and arrest, with the need for a guardian for Cara. She believes that
her actions on trying to end our friendship were to save herself from heartache, because of
everyone in her life had left her in some way. As a result of her actions and our friendship
recovery process, Cara is now attending college to become a counselor for troubled youth with
relationship and trust issues. Cara has had to go through a great amount of hardships to get to
the state of mind she is in today, and. aAs a result of Cara’s situation, I have seen that an affair
has a great effect on the family and friends and families go through the toughest hardships but
they cannot change what has already been done, but only decide how to live a better life for
themselves.
Comment [GSC10]: By adding in this word it focuses on peoples lives and brings into perspective on the fact that it does affect a life and not nothing.
Comment [GSC11]: This helps the reader know that Cara has learned from this experience. That she knows a way to prevent herself form making anyone feel this way.
Comment [GSC12]: By moving this statement down to this location it ties it into the closing statement. It helps end the paper on a lighter note and express how a negative situation can help others see their full potential.
Farley 23
23
Works Cited
Oppenheimer, Mark. “Married, With Infidelities.” The New York Times Magazine. The New
York Times Company, 30 June 2011. Web. 17 Sept. 2011.
Farley24
24
Jordan Farley
Professor Horton
English 1101
27 September 2011
Affairs of the Heart: Can Tear Friendships Apart
Mark Oppenheimer, who wrote “Married, with infidelities,” declares that the impulses
people have that lead to affairs within a relationship, many couples in today’s society can relate
to. Oppenheimer sheds light on the fact that with the number of affairs raising so many people
feel it is a normal part of society. In an online chat through email, on the topic of infidelity and
being open to your significant other, sex-advice columnist Dan Savage stated that, “some people
need more than one partner; just as some need flirting, others need to be whipped, and others
need lovers of both sexes.” He states, “We can’t help our urges, and we should not lie to our
partners about them.” The thought that Savage could make such a statement lead Oppenheimer
to believe that many people think it is ok to have an affair. This outlook on life is such an
upcoming and popular belief, that many come to this conclusion that infidelities are just a way of
life. Through mass media people deem it a reasonable way on how to lead a successful life. But,
the main question taken into consideration is why do people find it so intriguing? The answer is
not as simple as what Savage seems to believe. He states that, “a more flexible attitude within
marriage may be just what a straight community needs, that the people who hold monogamy as
the main indicator to a successful marriage gives people an unrealistic outlook on their
marriage.” Not only does this statement made by Savage seem appealing to most it is the way
most people are treating their relationships, and it is ultimately how the future generations will
accept marriages.
Farley25
25
Cara, a good friend I have known since kindergarten, had a tough teenage life. The causes for
those tough years were because of her aunt and uncle to who were her legal guardians. They felt
it was alright to lead two separate relationships along with their marriage, and had no concern for
how it would affect Cara. During middle school we became close friends; we started spending
time with each other out outside of school and were getting to know each other better. In our
eighth grade year Cara began to be more reserved not wanting to hang out or talk as we always
had. She began acting like a delinquent skipping school, doing things to get in trouble, not acting
like the Cara I had become close friends with. In about the eleventh grade Cara had done
enough wrong things to get kicked out of school and was sent to live with her grandmother in
Florida; making the only way I could communicate with her was through Facebook and we
became as close as before. She started opening up about why she was acting that way and letting
me know the truth behind her actions, which were because of her aunt and uncle’s adulterous
acts and she was ashamed. Cara’s actions had a deeper meaning behind them so much that she
felt depressed and skeptical. These feelings of depression and skepticism were results of the
affair and the way her aunt and uncle treated her along with each other. Though I didn’t know
what she was going through internally then, the way she was feeling in return had a dramatic toll
on our friendship. Through our downfall and the recovery of our friendship I took on a new
enlightened perspective on the affects and aspects of an affair. When an affair takes place, the
adulterers lives aren’t the only ones affected, but their family and friends are the ones who have
to ultimately deal with the immoral act.
Because of the affair and the way her aunt and uncle treated her, lead Cara into
depression and skepticism. The way they reacted when Cara tried expressing her feelings about
their affair resulted to her retreating to herself. This caused Cara to feel the same way toward
Farley26
26
everyone, even me. She dealt with her pain at school by getting into as much trouble as possible
so that she wouldn’t have to be around people, with the end consequence of being kicked out of
school. The plan in her mind was to get as far away from the place she was living and the people
in it as possible. Cara was so depressed at this point she did not even want to speak to me and
made excuses every time I asked to hangout. Before Cara would have never made an excuse not
to hangout, she would have done just the opposite and make an excuse just to hang out. She
didn’t trust anyone because of the affair, with the fear of being lied to or rejected. Although
talking with Cara now, as opposed to before she moved, I feel as if she has beat her depression
and is now able to begin to trust more and more people every day. She now has the
understanding that not everyone is the same, that there are genuine and honest people in this
world that ultimately care for her like me. She has figured out how to deal with her depression
from the affair and turn it into motive to get through the day.
The reality that Cara was pulling away from our friendship concerned me, the thought
that she did not ever want to spend time together made me want to give up on trying keeping our
friendship going. The affect that the affair was having on our friendship was colossal. She began
to associate with the “bad crowd”, the people known for never doing what was right or what they
were told, ditching me for people who would get her into trouble. I couldn’t understand why she
would pick them over me, because she knew I cared about her more than they did. When I
would try and sit with her at lunch or talk to her in the hall her new friends made me feel like a
social outcast, not at all welcome. Cara wouldn’t even acknowledge me at all, and when I would
say hi occasionally in the hall at school she would nod, but that was about as much
communication as she would allow. Her actions later came down to us not even speaking to
each other. After Cara moved it was months later that I got a friend request with a message
Farley27
27
attached on Facebook. The message was an apology on how awful she had treated me and how
she was sorry for giving me the cold shoulder. We began to rebuild our friendship through
Facebook, she had exclaimed that there was no legitimist excuse for behavior and I forgave her
right away. I let her know that I was going to do everything possible to help her through the rest
of her situation. We have now expressed to each other that we are going to do everything
possible to get back to the way our friendship was before the affair and act as if this didn’t affect
us at all.
Though when I first heard of Cara’s aunt and uncle’s affair I was shocked and
disappointed, the ending results lead me to have a broader and more personal perspective on the
effects of an affair. Through mine and Cara’s relationship fumble, I took on an aspect of concern
not only for the partner of the adulterer, but for the family and friends of the adulterer. My views
on affairs use to be just a judgment on the adulterer, that it was morally wrong on their behalf
and they would be the ones having to suffer and answer for their wrong doings. But by going
through this friendship downfall with Cara as a result of the affair I learned that when it comes
down to the it the family and friends suffer tremendously and have to answer to others for not
only their actions of retaliation but for the actions of the adulterer. The choice one person makes
has an effect on someone else’s choice and then their choices has an effect on another and this
begins a cycle. I feel that I was able to mature as an adult and realize that my own choices do not
only affect me but everyone I am associated with, that when the thought of making a wrong
decision starts to form within, you need to think about whom all will this decision effect, and
how bad will it affect others lives as well.
Although I still cannot understand how Cara’s aunt and uncle can live with themselves
after committing such a demoralizing act, I believe that Cara was the one affected the most in the
Farley28
28
end. I can remember what Cara went through and looking back on it, the affair affected our
friendship more than we noticed. Because of everything that Cara had to endure she knows how
much it can affect others by her decisions. She knows that there is a time and place for most
things and that by your actions you can affect other without even noticing. Also, our friendship is
better than before even though we don’t see each other every day we talk constantly and visit
with each other as much as possible. Also, another cause to Cara’s depression and the downfall
of our friendship could have been a result of the reason she was adopted and living with her aunt
and uncle in the first place. Her dad had left her mom for someone else when Cara was a baby,
this lead her mom to drug abuse and arrest, with the need for a guardian for Cara. She believes
that her actions on trying to end our friendship were to save herself from heartache, because of
everyone in her life had left her in some way. As a result of her actions and our friendship
recovery process, Cara is now attending college to become a counselor for troubled youth with
relationship and trust issues. Cara has had to go through a great amount of hardships to get to
the state of mind she is in today, and as a result of Cara’s situation, I have seen that an affair has
a great effect on the family and friends and families go through the toughest hardships but they
cannot change what has already been done, only decide how to live a better life for themselves.
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