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Final Portfolio James Ryan Hamby Dr. Matthew Horton English 1101 08 December, 2011

English 1101 Final Porfolio

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Final Porfolio of all my works in english 1101

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Page 1: English 1101 Final Porfolio

Final Portfolio

James Ryan Hamby Dr. Matthew Horton

English 1101 08 December, 2011

Page 2: English 1101 Final Porfolio

English 1101 Final Portfolio Project Title

Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1

Quality Comparison .........................................................................................................................4

Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................5

Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................7

“What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................9

Revision Samples ...........................................................................................................................11

Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................12

Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................14

Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................16

Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................18

Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................20

Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................25

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December 8, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Ryan Hamby and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. As I look back on my first assignment in English 1101 I see how far I have come. It is obvious to me that I have improved in my writing and I am proud to say I have improved dramatically as a writer. This final, organized portfolio is an example of my improvements throughout the course. In English 1101 I was taught to change my writing format to show not only the author’s opinion but why that opinion is important. Throughout the class you have taught me to really focus more on writing and you have shown me how important it really is in our daily lives. You have also taught me to pay close attention to my grammar as well as longer more strengthened paragraphs. As you are reading over my portfolio I think you have better prepared me for more advanced English classes to come. This final portfolio really shows how willing I am to continue to push through the course and not give up at the beginning just because my grades were not up to par. I have learned to turn around my progress and it worked out for me in the long run because I have bettered my self as a writer because of your help and what was required in your class. You have taught me to focus on personal experiences in my writing. You also taught me that there is no such thing as a perfect piece of writing that there is always room for improvement. Even with this class coming to an end I know my pieces of writing are not perfect but with my newly improved writing skills and analytical skills I have critiqued my writings to the best of my ability. Once you view my portfolio I hope you see the improvement that I have and see that I have tried to do the best at what I was given as well as to the best of my ability. My least successful article response was “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits.” This article was about how our society today takes for granted all the technologies and advancements that we have made in the past years. How we don’t know our limits and we need to keep our limits and limitless ideas in balance so our economy and society thrive as a whole. My greatest challenge in revising this piece was really figuring out where to start. I felt there was a couple key things that needed to be changed to make this piece better. I feel I didn’t narrow my topic and I was too broad on the subject which really could confuse the reader or even cause the reader to get bored with my writing. I also found myself not only in this writing piece but many to follow that I would use unneeded words and phrases to lengthen my work. Even though in the long run that was only hurting my writing and my grade. In my second paragraph I felt that I did a better job but it still needed some work. I found my self not really focusing in on the author’s main points of view. Which after improving my skills as a writer it was easy to spot and correct in my marked up section of this article response and I feel I have a better understanding of how

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to write an article response. By revising this piece of writing it really improved my skills as well as the overall quality of my writing. My most successful article response was “North Korea's Digital Underground." I felt that this was one of my stronger and better pieces that I wrote throughout your course. I found myself really being able to elaborate more on the author’s point of view and I felt that the response was more on topic and better organized than some of the writing have been in the past. I definitely see where I could improve this piece and I think I capitalized on the moment in my revision period of this project. Although I stayed largely on topic there were some moments when I wouldn’t talk about the main reason of North Korea’s government shutting its people off from the outside world. In some places I noticed I was very biases towards some statements and opinions. I tried to stay away from that as much as possible but in some cases it was just to hard to do. When I first wrote this I noticed my second paragraph wasn’t to strong and was off topic so before turning in my article response I took the second paragraph and completely rewrote it to make it blend with the first paragraph. I did this in such a way that it still flowed as well as still meets the guidelines necessary to get the grade. Overall my revisions organized my writing and bettered me for future writing to come. My most successful article essay was “Crush Point.” I definitely focused more on personal experience in this essay and I feel like I did a good job on showing the reader the authors point of view but truly making the paper show my first hand experience with large crowds. I felt like I finally understood the meaning of using a first hand experience in a piece of writing, something I had never done before. It really showed in my grade and you even stated that I had done a better job with my essay than past essays. The few parts that I did feel like I messes up on where easy to fix and even though easy I felt it made my paper flow better and gave the reader a better understanding. Some of my sentences I felt needed to be rearranged for better flow. I also found myself adding sentences to better get the point across. I also feel in a way that it was hard to find anything to revise because the paper sounded so good. I really had to focus on the revision and really remember what I was taught that no matter the grade there is always room for improvement. Your feedback for this essay was very positive and also helped me in my revision. I found all of your feedback to help me in some way and I feel that it has made me a better writer and really helped me to get a better grade on this essay. With all my growth in the semester I still am no where near close enough to being able to call myself a perfect writer. I am very aware that all my pieces have room to get better and I might not be able to see those problems at the moment because of my current level of writing. I have learned through this semester to really focus in on one subject and to not go off the path and I hope to keep that skill throughout my days as a writer. One of my main goals in my pursuit to becoming a better writer I want to focus on harder pieces and really try to push myself to become a great writer. In both my article responses, I struggled on elaborating on one specific point of view. This is not to say that I haven’t improved in that department because I have made a great improvement throughout the semester. I also caught myself adding unnecessary ideas and word phrases to my writing in order to meet a length requirement or just make my work lengthier. By adding all this extra stuff that wasn’t needed I really took away from the opportunity to go more in depth and really focus in on a deeper and better idea. My grade this semester has really stayed in the C range and I am disappointed in myself as a student that I didn’t push harder and really

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raise the bar and perform better to get a better grade. I think I have figured out why this is though. I feel like I didn’t ask why my scores, however continuing to increase percentage wise didn’t make my grade go up. I was accepting the passing grades even though that is not me as a student I always thrive to do my best and get the best out of everything I did and I feel like I came up short this time. To me this is apart of growing up and maturing in my first semester of college. Its all a part of growing up and taking on bigger and better responsibilities. Even though I have greatly bettered my writing skills and techniques I know there are greater things to learn that I have not discovered yet and will take time. With my experiences in English 1101 I hope to be able to display myself as a well learned and intelligent student in both the professional and social worlds. The final portfolio choice for the final exam was definitely a choice I am glad I made. I feel like my grade that was reflected by you on my works was pretty accurate and I believe I deserve those grades based on the amount of effort I put towards them. I am actually happy that I have learned how to become a better writer and my skills have been put to the test. With my increase in performance throughout the semester in your class I can feel like I went from ok to good and did not take a negative approach to the course and give up. I really feel that my writing has bettered me in other classes and I thank you for that. I also see my writing and grammar skills improving in the work force which makes me feel good as a person and also makes me look good. Thank you so much for reviewing my portfolio, English 1101 has been an extremely beneficial class to me. Sincerely, James R. Hamby

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Least Successful Article Response

Is the Sky the Limit?

Berry, Wendell. “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits.” Harper’s Magazine. The Harper's

Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 26 August 2011.

In Windell Berry's “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits” he has some very

interesting point of views that I find key to our way of living. His article shows that we as a

society have a desire for more even though we can see how great an impact it has not only on our

lives and economy but as well as our environment. He states that our limitlessness for power is

not only unchristian like but will lead to the downfall of our society and the destruction of our

environment. By taking a limitlessness approach to life we open new doors that we have never

experienced before which could alter our society greatly. Berry really gets the point across that

we need limits and through those limits it shows how things really are and how they really work.

As long as limits and limitlessness are balanced we can assure our success for the years to come

as our society advances in technology and better life styles.

Wendell Berry goes on to describe America's culture and how foolish we are to think that

limitlessness and freedom is what will make society culturally sound. He gives evidence to his

writing through Kentucky's pro coal energy and tax policies. For America to be culturally

significant we in fact need limits and need to know what they are. He uses Marlowe's Faustus

and Milton's Satan to show how we are self-obsessed in being all powerful, that we don't focus

on what is important. The importance being our environment. Without a thriving environment

we won’t be around to see our limitless thoughts and ideas put into play. If we as a society

continue to go down this path we will destroy what we have worked so hard to get in today's

society.

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Most Successful Article Response Is the Internet only for a few?

Boynton, Robert S. "North Korea's Digital Underground." The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly

Group, April 2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011

In the article, “North Korea’s Digital Underground” by Robert S. Boynton, the author

explains the cultural significance of this issue. Boynton states “to smuggle facts into or out of

North Korea is to risk imprisonment and even execution.” Even with this extreme punishment,

half-dozen stealthy media organizations outside the country are using new and old technologies

to try and break a communistic grip on information. Boynton’s main argument over this issue is,

how can we as a country let this “closed society” deteriorate from the inside out? Few North

Koreans have access to Twitter, Facebook, or even YouTube. In fact, 25 million people don’t

even have access to the Internet. Until recently, experts could say just about anything they

wanted to about North Korea, because there was no hard evidence to prove them wrong.

Boynton shows the reader that this type of barrier from the rest of the world isn’t right and

should be stopped at all costs. With growing technologies all countries should be able to share

this amazing design and not have a regime cutting them off from the outside world.

At a time when much of the world takes for granted all the growing network and

technological advances we have, it is easy to forget how much is being denied to the people who

live under the veil of darkness. Sure other countries have tried to find ways to limit the Internet,

through a type of filter; North Korea has chosen to stay off the map completely. But how long

can North Korea’s iron grip keep this country in the dark? With more and more technologies

being smuggled in and out of the country there are holes starting to appear in the system. Of

course, there aren’t any facts stating that the North Koreans want Internet over Nuclear

technologies. I feel certain though with Kim Jong Il’s love for Weapons of Mass Destruction that

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vote wouldn’t matter. It all comes down to priority; it is much easier to set up the Internet than it

is to make a WMD. Priority is important and the best interest for a countries people is imperative

in a thriving society. This priority should be reversed and changed for the good of the people of

North Korea as well as the rest of the world.

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What’s the Difference?

For my most successful article response, I choose “North Korea’s Digital Underground.”

This article was about Robert S. Boynton, the author explaining the cultural independence of the

issue. Boynton states “to smuggle facts into or out of North Korea is to risk imprisonment and

even execution.” Even with this harsh punishment half-dozen stealthy media organizations are

using new and old technologies to try and break a communistic grip on this country. In my first

paragraph I explain how few North Koreans even have access to Twitter, Facebook, and even

YouTube. In fact, 25 million people don’t even have access to the internet. Boynton shows the

reader that this kind of barrier from the rest of the world isn’t right and should be stopped at all

cost. This “closed society” shouldn’t have that title in the first place; they should be reunited

with the rest of the world. In my second paragraph I focused on how most people in the rest of

the world take for granted how valuable our advanced society is. It is easy to forget how much is

denied to the people of North Korea who are under a veil of darkness. I also stated that priority is

important and the best interest for a countries people is imperative in a thriving society. This

priority should be reversed and changed for the good of the people of North Korea as well as the

rest of the world. I felt this was definitely my better work and I could tell that my skills as a

writer are continuing to increase.

For my least successful article, I choose “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits.”

This article, written by Windell Berry is something I find very true to life and something we as a

society should follow in our daily lives. Berry shows the reader that our limitlessness for power

is not only unchristian like but it will also lead to the destruction and downfall of our society and

environment. As long as we as a society can balance limits and limitlessness society can assure

their success for many years to come as our technology advances and we have better lifestyles.

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In my first paragraph Berry shows the reader how we as a society have a desire for more even

though we see the negative effect it is having on our society. His points of view really get the

reader to look at life and really put limits on things and always remember what our limits are. In

my second paragraph I really focused on how Berry thinks America’s culture is very foolish for

thinking society will survive off limitless thoughts and feelings. For America to be culturally

significant we in fact need limits and need to know what they are. I really think this was a good

article and I talked about all the necessary criteria, but just in too broad of a subject.

In both my articles I found a reoccurring trend but as well as seeing that my writing skills

have increased over the course. In my least successful article response I felt that I had too broad

of a subject and needed to focus more on the reader’s point of view. I feel strongly that my grade

of five out of ten truly reflected my work. This also helped me prepare and make the grade I did

on my most successful article response. In that article I found better ways of having one

approach and really focusing on what the writers point of view was. By becoming a better writer

that earned me a nine out of ten and my writing really showed it. I believe over the course of this

class I have become a better writer and I feel very strongly about this only continuing throughout

my life.

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Least Successful Article Response

Is the Sky the Limit?

Berry, Wendell. “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits.” Harper’s Magazine. The Harper's

Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 26 August 2011.

In his Windell Berry'sarticle “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits” ”, he Berry has

some very interesting point of views that I find key to our way of living. His article shows that

we as a society have a desire for more even though we can see how great an impact it has not

only on our lives and economy but as well as our environment. He states that our limitlessness

for power is not only unchristian like but will lead to the downfall of our society and the

destruction of our environment. By taking a limitlessness approach to life we open new doors

that we have never experienced before which could alter our society greatly. Berry really gets the

point across shows the reader that we need limits and through those limits Berryit shows how

things really are and how they really work. As long as limits and limitlessness are balanced we

can assure our success for the years to come as our society advances in technology and better life

styles.

Wendell Berry goes on to describes America's culture and how foolish we are to think

that limitlessness and freedom is what will make society culturally sound. For America to be

culturally significant we in fact need limits and need to know what they are. He gives evidence to

his writing through Kentucky's pro coal energy and tax policies. For America to be culturally

significant we in fact need limits and need to know what they are. He uses Marlowe's Faustus

and Milton's Satan to show how we are self-obsessed in being all powerful, that we don't focus

on what is important. Thate importance being is our environment and how we treat it. Without a

thriving environment we won’t will not be around to see our limitless thoughts and ideas be put

Formatted: Font: Italic

Comment [GSC1]: I added these few key words to the beginning of my article because I felt that by choosing these words the sentence will flow better. By flowing better I have learned that it gets the reader more involved in what they are trying to read.

Comment [GSC2]: Rewording this sentence really cut back on unneeded words that never got the point across just took up space.

Comment [GSC3]: I chose to change the order of these two sentences because the flow was messed up in the way I previously had it. Switching from one topic to another then going back to that previous topic was not needed and messed up the flow of the article.

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into play our daily roles in this world. If we as a society continue to go down this path we will

destroy what we have worked so hard to get in today's society.

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Least Successful Article Response

Is the Sky the Limit?

Berry, Wendell. “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits.” Harper’s Magazine. The Harper's

Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 26 August 2011.

In his article “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits”, Berry has some very

interesting point of views that I find key to our way of living. His article shows that we as a

society have a desire for more even though we can see how great an impact it has not only on our

lives and economy but as well as our environment. He states that our limitlessness for power is

not only unchristian like but will lead to the downfall of our society and the destruction of our

environment. By taking a limitlessness approach to life we open new doors that we have never

experienced before which could alter our society greatly. Berry shows the reader that we need

limits and through those limits Berry shows how things really are and how they really work. As

long as limits and limitlessness are balanced we can assure our success for years to come as our

society advances in technology and better life styles.

Wendell Berry describes America's culture and how foolish we are to think that

limitlessness and freedom is what will make society culturally sound. For America to be

culturally significant we in fact need limits and need to know what they are. He gives evidence to

his writing through Kentucky's pro coal energy and tax policies. He uses Marlowe's Faustus and

Milton's Satan to show how we are self-obsessed in being all powerful, that we don't focus on

what is important. That importance is our environment and how we treat it. Without a thriving

environment we will not see our limitless thoughts and ideas be put into our daily roles in this

world. If we as a society continue to go down this path we will destroy what we have worked so

hard to get in today's society.

Formatted: Different first page header

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Most Successful Article Response Is the Internet Oonly for a Select Ffew?

Boynton, Robert S. "North Korea's Digital Underground." The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly

Group, April 2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011

In the article, “North Korea’s Digital Underground” by Robert S. Boynton, the author

explains the cultural significance of this issue. Boynton states “to smuggle facts into or out of

North Korea is to risk imprisonment and even execution.” Even with this extreme punishment,

half-dozen stealthy media organizations outside the country are using new and old technologies

to try and break a the communistic grip on information. Boynton’s main argument over this issue

is, how can we as a country let this “closed society” deteriorate from the inside out? Few North

Koreans have access to Twitter, Facebook, or even YouTube. In fact, 25 million people don’t

even have access to the Internet. Until recently, experts could say just about anything they

wanted to about North Korea, because there was no hard evidence to prove them wrong.

Boynton shows the reader that this type of barrier from the rest of the world isn’t right and

should be stopped at all costs. With growing technologies all countriestechnology growing

through all different types of countries North Korea should be able to share this the same

amazing designprivileges and not have a regime cutting them off from the outside world.

At a time when much of the world takes for granted all the growing network and

technological advances we have, it is easy to forget how much is being denied to the people who

live under the veil of darkness. Sure, other countries have tried to find ways to limit the Internet,

through a type of filter; but North Korea has chosen to stay off the map completely. But hHow

long can North Korea’s iron grip keep this country in the dark? With more and more

technologies being smuggled in and out of the country there are holes starting to appear in the

system. With the North Korean Regime pushing for Weapons of Mass Destruction it will make it

Comment [GSC1]: I needed to capitalize a couple words in the title as well as add a word. I feel like the title flows better with the subject.

Comment [GSC2]: By adding and taking out groups of words I really feel that I fixed what was a not so good ending to a better and more appropriate way to finish out the paragraph. It really flows better and raps up the first paragraph and transitions better into what I talk about in the final paragraph.

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13

harder for the people of North Korea to get the technology they need. Of course, there aren’t any

facts stating that the North Koreans want Internet over Nuclear technologies. I feel certain

though with Kim Jong Il’s love for Weapons of Mass Destruction that vote wouldn’t matter. It

all comes down to priority; it is much easier to set up the Internet than it is to make a WMD.

Priority is important and the best interest for a countries people is imperative in a thriving

society. This priority should be reversed and changed for the good of the people of North Korea

as well as the rest of the world.

Comment [GSC3]: By adding this sentence it really helps the transition from one type of technology to another type smooth and will not confuse the reader where I thought it had before. I also thought I just jumped into another topic and left the reader with no information leading up to this new topic in my article response.

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Most Successful Article Response Is the Internet Only for a Select Few?

Boynton, Robert S. "North Korea's Digital Underground." The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly

Group, April 2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011

In the article, “North Korea’s Digital Underground” by Robert S. Boynton, the author

explains the cultural significance of this issue. Boynton states “to smuggle facts into or out of

North Korea is to risk imprisonment and even execution.” Even with this extreme punishment,

half-dozen stealthy media organizations outside the country are using new and old technologies

to try and break the communistic grip on information. Boynton’s main argument over this issue

is how can we as a country let this “closed society” deteriorate from the inside out? Few North

Koreans have access to Twitter, Facebook, or even YouTube. In fact, 25 million people don’t

even have access to the Internet. Until recently, experts could say anything they wanted to about

North Korea, because there was no hard evidence to prove them wrong. Boynton shows the

reader that this type of barrier from the rest of the world isn’t right and should be stopped at all

costs. With technology growing through all different types of countries North Korea should be

able to share the same privileges and not have a regime cutting them off from the outside world.

At a time when much of the world takes for granted all the growing network and

technological advances we have it is easy to forget how much is being denied to the people who

live under the veil of darkness. Sure, other countries have tried to find ways to limit the Internet

through a type of filter but North Korea has chosen to stay off the map completely. How long

can North Korea’s iron grip keep this country in the dark? With more and more technologies

being smuggled in and out of the country there are holes starting to appear in the system. With

the North Korean Regime pushing for Weapons of Mass Destruction it will make it harder for

the people of North Korea to get the technology they need. Of course, there aren’t any facts

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15

stating that the North Koreans want Internet over Nuclear technologies. I feel certain though with

Kim Jong Il’s love for Weapons of Mass Destruction that vote wouldn’t matter. It all comes

down to priority; it is much easier to set up the Internet than it is to make a WMD. Priority is

important and the best interest for a countries people is imperative in a thriving society. This

priority should be reversed and changed for the good of the people of North Korea as well as the

rest of the world.

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Hamby 1

Ryan Hamby

Professor Horton

English 1101

3 November 2011

The Assembly of Large Crowds

In his article, “Crush Point”, John Seabrook states, “crowds are a condition of urban life.

On subways and sidewalks, in elevators and stores, we pass in and out of them in the course of a

day”. Crowds are usually viewed as an inconvenience that is important to city living, but as a

society we always seem to join them. Crowds are at there most dangerous point when strength is

great. This “crowd crush” happens so fast that one might not even realize what has happened

until it is too late. The transition from a normal, everyday crowd to an intense smothering causes

a “crowd crush”. This term, “crowd crush” is simply defined as, when something interrupts the

flow of a crowd. People begin to close in around you as you’re being pushed involuntarily and

soon after you are struggling to take that next breath. In 1989, in England, ninety-five people

died after they were caught in a crowd crush at Hillsborough stadium when fans were trying to

get into a soccer match. A disaster like this one is usually depicted in the press as a “panic” and

not described how it actually occurred. With these types of “crowd crushes” becoming more and

more popular through the years many think it has to do with how the brain acts when it’s in a

large crowd. We as a society need to figure out this action and fast before more people fall

victim to a preventable disaster.

Many people portray the crowd as a single combined unit, which has a lot to do with

“mob psychology”. This “mob psychology” is a primitive instinct, followed by survival over the

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Hamby 2

welfare of others, which leads to “stampedes” and “tramplings”. So why do we still have to live

in a society that thinks about panics and stampedes? This question really hadmade an impact on

me when I was standing in line outside a Best Buy one early Black Friday morning of last year.

The term Black Friday in many peoples view point is the day after Thanksgiving when the stores

have discounted items, but the origins of this “Black Friday” are still very unclear. It seems that

the public officials and private security firms whose job is to insure crowd safety is starting to

diminish over the years. Standing in line on Black Friday really made an impact on how I view a

large crowd. People where getting angry with others just over their spot in line to get what items

they came for at a cheaper price. It really made me uncomfortable with all the pushing and

shoving that was going on while we waited for the doors to open. It was a major eye opener to

me and something that makes me think about getting involved in large crowds again. I was also

able to relate to the workers on the other side of the door. Working at Piggly Wiggly for over two

years now I have gone through my fair share of Holiday sales. In my opinion the intensity of the

crowd might be just as great for the people working the stores versus the ones standing outside

the stores. With the thought “crush point” coming to mind for me and other workers around the

holidays and big sales, is there anyway to keep a crowd safe when a large quantity of people

accumulate?

Crowds are very much the thought that comes to mind when we think of urban life. You

see them in places from subways to sidewalks, and in stores all around. Soccer games and rock

concerts seem to be the most likely events to generate a deadly crowd. Now large crowds have

migrated to stores, especially if that store has a great deal on some of the “must haves” out on the

market. With the increase in all type of different technologies society finds itself rapped up in the

middle of it all. I can remember waiting in line outside Best Buy early in the morning on Black

Comment [GSC1]: I felt this was a sentence that needed to be added in order to keep the flow of the paper and what I was trying to get across to the reader.

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Hamby 3

Friday before the store even opened to get my hands on the new Xbox 360 that just hit the

gaming world. It was suppose to be a huge success and I wanted one really bad. The demand and

want for my Xbox had really overcome the actual need to have one. Did I really need to spend

my money on that gaming system at that time? I didn’t, but I was still there in the dark and the

cold waiting for that store to open its doors. I believe that the mass organization of people

outside stores at ridiculous times of the day has to do with a basic need versus want. To be able

to keep up with the latest and greatest technologies and really be accepted by others is what

drives the people and me to stand in line and to do what they have done for centuries. That

experience has really made me stop and ask myself is it really worth it and do I really need it that

bad? Through all my experiences they really have made me look at my needs versus wants

closer. Whether it’s in the mall or at some concert people will always make crowds. It’s a part of

our everyday society and will continue to grow; we just need to make sure security and business

organizations have the safest planes for the mad rush of people.

Thought by some people, the term Black Friday, was first used when police in

Philadelphia described the large crowds that would swarm the streets after Thanksgiving. What

ever the case might be it is now a shopping holiday. I have stood and watched people race up and

down the isles looking for the best and cheapest items that Piggly Wiggly has to offer. Fights

break out throughout the day and when the days done there is a mess left in the wake of these

mob shoppers. Working as a bookkeeper atin Piggly Wiggly for sometime now I have

experienced many types of hectic crowds. With the store selling cheap technologies from laptops

to mp3 players and even TV’s, loads of people will come in to get the marked down items. It’s

almost like this holiday has turned our grocery store into a technological stop where food isn’t

even the topic of discussion. Should society really get this tangled up in Black Friday that people

Comment [GSC2]: By adding this sentence I can focus in on my subject and broaden my information on my topic. Adding these two sentences really gives the reader that extra bit of information that is needed to help them understand this topic. It also helps the paragraph flow as well as enhance the paper.

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Hamby 4

can and actually have lost their own lives over that one marked down item? The Wal-Mart in

Valley Stream knows, because that’s where Jdimytai Damour was trampled to death in what was

called the “Wal-Mart Stampede”. TheA Wal-Mart senior vice-president, Hank Mullany, said in a

statement, “Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family of the deceased. We are continuing to

work closely with local law enforcement, and we are reaching out to those involved.” These

types of statements should never be made over marked down items and other types of deals that

go on during Black Friday, its just plain ignorant and should not take over our society.

Over the past thirty years as these incidents happen more often than none our security

personnel and business organizations have learned a lot about large crowds and have become

better at keeping the public safe. These adjustments might change the atmosphere of sporting

events or concerts, but it has also made them safer. In Times Square on New Year’s Eve, the

police use metal container pens so that people celebrate inside a series of small regions, rather

than as one big mass. Crowd managers even use elevated viewing points to see over the crowd

and communicate with the people in the back easier. As well as cutting the line out completely

and having people wait inside before the sale actually starts is a great success. It makes the

somehow joy of the hunt in the line to just a plain line that wont escalate to a “crush point”.

Experts have found it best to always give yourself breathing room and a comfortable distance

between you and others. If you do get trapped in a large crowd and are trying to get out don’t

fight it rather, go with it, and try to work your way diagonally through the crowd to the outside.

If you feel faint, grab on to the nearest person and if you do happen to fall make sure you always

protect your head. As well as cutting the line out completely and having people wait inside

before the sale actually starts is a great success. It makes the somehow joy of the hunt in the line

to just a plain line that wont escalate to a “crush point”. With all these techniques and

Comment [GSC3]: By cutting this out towards the end of the paragraph and moving it to where it flows better with the rest of the paragraph really helps the reader understand more about what is being done to stop these “crowd crush’s.” I believe this statement fits best at this point in my paper versus the original spot that I had it in.

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Hamby 5

precautions businesses and police are taking, we as a society can begin to see an improvement in

how we go about our shopping needs.

With “crush point” being the main topic around holidays and big sales, business’s and

other organizations seem the need to find away to make the shopping experience a lot safer. This

is an issue that seems to be getting worse and worse as more and more holiday seasons go by.

With these new ideas to go about safe shopping and large crowd control, the safety of our society

seems to be getting better even as our obsession for new and improved items become greater.

From Thanksgiving to your ordinary shopping day we find ourselves getting mixed up in crowds

for the newest technology or just the best buys available. With crowds really becoming the

definition of urban life we have to shop safe, but not in a financial way, instead in a survival

technique. It’s almost sad that our society has come to this wide spread panic of unorganized

mobs. With advancing needs in our society we also need to have advancements in the way we go

about protecting these people when large crowds do accumulate, which to me has a large impact

on whether ill go back to a store on Black Friday. And if this ever happens when these large

crowds assemble, is there anyway to keep them safe and out of deaths grip? With that statement

in all business organizations around the world I think society is on the right track to having a

safer and happier all around shopping experience through the upcoming busy holidays.

The real question that stands out in my mind is will I really ever go through a Black

Friday again? Who knows, Iit probably will all depend on what type of item I need or want and

how large an impact it has on the technological world. I am starting to look at this situation from

a different perspective. Is that piece of technology really worth my life? I know I haven’t

experienced a “crowd crush” to the extreme, but that’s not stopping it from happening to me next

time a mob of people accumulate. For now I am going to find other means of staying safe and

Comment [GSC4]: I felt that this was a phrase that wasn’t needed in explaining my point of view on standing in line on Black Friday. Also by cutting that phrase out I feel it makes the sentence flow better.

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Hamby 6

still be able to get the items that I need or want at that time. I feel comfortable with my decision

until something is done to keep a crowd safe and under control.

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Hamby 7

Works Cited

Seabrook, John. “Crush Point.” The New Yorker. Condé Nast Digital, February 7, 2011. Web.

3, November, 2011.

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Hamby 1

Ryan Hamby

Professor Horton

English 1101

3 November 2011

The Assembly of Large Crowds

In his article, “Crush Point”, John Seabrook states, “crowds are a condition of urban life.

On subways and sidewalks, in elevators and stores, we pass in and out of them in the course of a

day”. Crowds are usually viewed as an inconvenience that is important to city living, but as a

society we always seem to join them. Crowds are at there most dangerous point when strength is

great. This “crowd crush” happens so fast that one might not even realize what has happened

until it is too late. The transition from a normal, everyday crowd to an intense smothering causes

a “crowd crush”. This term, “crowd crush” is simply defined as, when something interrupts the

flow of a crowd. People begin to close in around you as you’re being pushed involuntarily and

soon after you are struggling to take that next breath. In 1989, in England, ninety-five people

died after they were caught in a crowd crush at Hillsborough stadium when fans were trying to

get into a soccer match. A disaster like this one is usually depicted in the press as a “panic” and

not described how it actually occurred. With these types of “crowd crushes” becoming more and

more popular through the years many think it has to do with how the brain acts when it’s in a

large crowd. We as a society need to figure out this action and fast before more people fall

victim to a preventable disaster.

Many people portray the crowd as a single combined unit, which has a lot to do with

“mob psychology”. This “mob psychology” is a primitive instinct, followed by survival over the

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Hamby 2

welfare of others, which leads to “stampedes” and “tramplings”. So why do we still have to live

in a society that thinks about panics and stampedes? This question really had an impact on me

when I was standing in line outside a Best Buy one early Black Friday morning of last year. The

term Black Friday in many peoples view point is the day after Thanksgiving when the stores

have discounted items, but the origins of this “Black Friday” are still very unclear. It seems that

the public officials and private security firms whose job is to insure crowd safety is starting to

diminish over the years. Standing in line on Black Friday really made an impact on how I view a

large crowd. People where getting angry with others just over their spot in line to get what items

they came for at a cheaper price. It really made me uncomfortable with all the pushing and

shoving that was going on while we waited for the doors to open. It was a major eye opener to

me and something that makes me think about getting involved in large crowds again. I was also

able to relate to the workers on the other side of the door. Working at Piggly Wiggly for over two

years now I have gone through my fair share of Holiday sales. In my opinion the intensity of the

crowd might be just as great for the people working the stores versus the ones standing outside

the stores. With the thought “crush point” coming to mind for me and other workers around the

holidays and big sales, is there anyway to keep a crowd safe when a large quantity of people

accumulate?

Crowds are very much the thought that comes to mind when we think of urban life. You

see them in places from subways to sidewalks, and in stores all around. Soccer games and rock

concerts seem to be the most likely events to generate a deadly crowd. Now large crowds have

migrated to stores, especially if that store has a great deal on some of the “must haves” out on the

market. With the increase in all type of different technologies society finds itself rapped up in the

middle of it all. I can remember waiting in line outside Best Buy early in the morning on Black

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Hamby 3

Friday before the store even opened to get my hands on the new Xbox 360 that just hit the

gaming world. It was suppose to be a huge success and I wanted one really bad. The demand and

want for my Xbox had really overcome the actual need to have one. Did I really need to spend

my money on that gaming system at that time? I didn’t, but I was still there in the dark and the

cold waiting for that store to open its doors. I believe that the mass organization of people

outside stores at ridiculous times of the day has to do with a basic need versus want. To be able

to keep up with the latest and greatest technologies and really be accepted by others is what

drives the people and me to stand in line and to do what they have done for centuries. That

experience has really made me stop and ask myself is it really worth it and do I really need it that

bad? Through all my experiences they really have made me look at my needs versus wants

closer. Whether it’s in the mall or at some concert people will always make crowds. It’s a part of

our everyday society and will continue to grow; we just need to make sure security and business

organizations have the safest planes for the mad rush of people.

Thought by some people, the term Black Friday, was first used when police in

Philadelphia described the large crowds that would swarm the streets after Thanksgiving. What

ever the case might be it is now a shopping holiday. I have stood and watched people race up and

down the isles looking for the best and cheapest items that Piggly Wiggly has to offer. Fights

break out throughout the day and when the days done there is a mess left in the wake of these

mob shoppers. Working as a bookkeeper at Piggly Wiggly for sometime now I have experienced

many types of hectic crowds. With the store selling cheap technologies from laptops to mp3

players and even TV’s, loads of people will come in to get the marked down items. It’s almost

like this holiday has turned our grocery store into a technological stop where food isn’t even the

topic of discussion. Should society really get this tangled up in Black Friday that people can and

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Hamby 4

actually have lost their own lives over that one marked down item? The Wal-Mart in Valley

Stream knows, because that’s where Jdimytai Damour was trampled to death in what was called

the “Wal-Mart Stampede”. The Wal-Mart senior vice-president, Hank Mullany, said in a

statement, “Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family of the deceased. We are continuing to

work closely with local law enforcement, and we are reaching out to those involved.” These

types of statements should never be made over marked down items and other types of deals that

go on during Black Friday, its just plain ignorant and should not take over our society.

Over the past thirty years as these incidents happen more often than none our security

personnel and business organizations have learned a lot about large crowds and have become

better at keeping the public safe. These adjustments might change the atmosphere of sporting

events or concerts, but it has also made them safer. In Times Square on New Year’s Eve, the

police use metal container pens so that people celebrate inside a series of small regions, rather

than as one big mass. Crowd managers even use elevated viewing points to see over the crowd

and communicate with the people in the back easier. As well as cutting the line out completely

and having people wait inside before the sale actually starts is a great success. It makes the

somehow joy of the hunt in the line to just a plain line that wont escalate to a “crush point”.

Experts have found it best to always give yourself breathing room and a comfortable distance

between you and others. If you do get trapped in a large crowd and are trying to get out don’t

fight it rather, go with it, and try to work your way diagonally through the crowd to the outside.

If you feel faint, grab on to the nearest person and if you do happen to fall make sure you always

protect your head. With all these techniques and precautions businesses and police are taking, we

as a society can begin to see an improvement in how we go about our shopping needs.

Page 29: English 1101 Final Porfolio

Hamby 5

With “crush point” being the main topic around holidays and big sales, business’s and

other organizations seem the need to find away to make the shopping experience a lot safer. This

is an issue that seems to be getting worse and worse as more and more holiday seasons go by.

With these new ideas to go about safe shopping and large crowd control, the safety of our society

seems to be getting better even as our obsession for new and improved items become greater.

From Thanksgiving to your ordinary shopping day we find ourselves getting mixed up in crowds

for the newest technology or just the best buys available. With crowds really becoming the

definition of urban life we have to shop safe, but not in a financial way, instead in a survival

technique. It’s almost sad that our society has come to this wide spread panic of unorganized

mobs. With advancing needs in our society we also need to have advancements in the way we go

about protecting these people when large crowds do accumulate, which to me has a large impact

on whether ill go back to a store on Black Friday. And if this ever happens when these large

crowds assemble, is there anyway to keep them safe and out of deaths grip? With that statement

in all business organizations around the world I think society is on the right track to having a

safer and happier all around shopping experience through the upcoming busy holidays.

The real question that stands out in my mind is will I really ever go through a Black

Friday again? It probably will all depend on what type of item I need or want and how large an

impact it has on the technological world. I am starting to look at this situation from a different

perspective. Is that piece of technology really worth my life? I know I haven’t experienced a

“crowd crush” to the extreme, but that’s not stopping it from happening to me next time a mob of

people accumulate. For now I am going to find other means of staying safe and still be able to

get the items that I need or want at that time. I feel comfortable with my decision until something

is done to keep a crowd safe and under control.

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Hamby 6

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Hamby 7

Works Cited

Seabrook, John. “Crush Point.” The New Yorker. Condé Nast Digital, February 7, 2011. Web.

3, November, 2011.