The Evaluation of English 1101

The Evaluation of English 1101

Jordan Farley

Dr. Matthew Horton English 1101

07 December 2011

English 1101 Final Portfolio Project Title

Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1

Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................4

Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................6

“What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................8

Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................10

Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................12

Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................14

Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................16

Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................18

Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................24

1

December 7, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Jordan Farley and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College on the Oconee Campus. Through looking back at the work I have done throughout this semester in English 1101, I can see that I as a writer have improved considerably. While looking for the assignments to put in this portfolio I have seen that my first assignments and my most recent assignments are different in many ways. This is a portfolio filled and organized with the many assignment that I have done this semester. In my portfolio you will be able to see the progress from the basic simple style of writing to my new found technique of college writing. In my English 1101 class I learned how to write about the author of an Article’s point of view, along with how to write about what I think through explaining the opinion of the author. I also learned that I needed to work on my grammar and sentence styling to improve my writing skills. While reviewing my portfolio you will find that my transition from high school writing to English 1101 is very clear. In learning a new way of writing in English 1101 I learned that the key to success is knowing revisions are very important. Within my portfolio you can expect to find the progress I have made throughout the semester. It is important to read my portfolio to its full extent to understand how much I have enjoyed and learned in this class as a student. With the help and one on one conference you have given in this course you have encourage me to become a better writer. Through writing about personal experiences and relating it to articles I have been inspired to take writing as a positive outlet. After you view my portfolio you will be able to see the effort I have put into your class. My least successful article response was, “Berry’s outlook on the End…” My main reasoning in choosing this response as the least successful for revision wasn’t for the grade but because it was my first article response and I wanted to show my improvement based on my first piece. In revising this response I started off by reconstructing sentences and followed with adding new comments in order to clarify why I was incorporating quotes made by the author. This article was over the views society has on limitlessness, and how there needs to be a change of view on limits. I believe my biggest revisions were to clarify the quotes given by the author. In noticing my weaknesses I acknowledged that I now know what is supposed to be done. I originally had a tough time staying on topic in the first and second paragraph, but the amount of detail I provided was a great basis for the editing that I had to make on my responses. In the second paragraph I didn’t have enough quotes to support the importance of the point of view of the author and with the revisions I believe it turned the focus back on to the subject. Through all these revisions I feel my response is a better, more thought out writing piece.

2

My most successful article response was, “Change should be in Teaching.” In revising this piece I had a tough time with beginning the process of revision. As I began to search for parts of the response that needed help I came across the fact my opening sentences in each of my response have the title of the article I responded to in them and this allowed me to not only make revisions to this response, but it allowed me to change and enhance each of my pieces. With my new found learning of this rule, to never restate an article in its response, I changed the opening statement into one that could support the point of view of the articles author. Also, by adding explanations for the quotes used in this piece, I found it easier to understand the meanings for them to be used to support the point of view stated in the article. Cohn’s opinion on reaching and discussion will help so many to become more focused on school that I felt this was the main focus for the response. Through the addition of new comments I was forced to reflect on the entirety of the content as a whole to fit in with the new content added, thus making the revisions cohesive. Overall these revisions linked both the first and second paragraph allowing them to exist in harmony with each other and sticking to the topic of the article. My most successful article essay was, “Affairs of the Heart: Can Tear Friendships Apart.” With the main topic for this essay being on my experience with a direct contact on affairs, I was able to use this article to share not only my view point but an opposing view point of the author. In revising this article essay I observed that the opening was difficult to read and needed more supporting details to ease the reader’s review of the essay. By adding on to the first sentence I feel as if it allowed the reader to relate the article to the essay along with flow to the next sentence better. Also, my thesis statement was unclear and needed to be re-written, it was in need of being reworded so that a reader could tell what the essay was going to discuss throughout the essay. My original work had many sentence style errors and with a little time and tweaking was fairly easy to correct. I also failed to explain the topic sentence in the closing sentences in most of my paragraphs, meaning I had to revise and edit many of the paragraphs to fit the guidelines. Though it was my most successful essay it had room for improvement, and with the right amount of revision it was possible to correct. Though I have not become a perfect writer, I feel as if my writing skills have improved a great deal. Not only have I seen improvement in English 1101 I am able to concentrate and write at a higher level in many of my other classes. I have also seen improvement in grades I receive on research papers I my history and social science classes. Some of the problems I still face while writing are minor grammar problems and some sentence structure problems but are in the process of being worked on. Also, I sometimes fail to re-read my work resulting in careless mistakes in word placing errors and short changing my work. Some goals I continue to work toward are ultimately becoming a better writer and having great proof reading skills. I plan to keep improving my English skills and hope to be able to say I am a great college writer. Based on my experience this semester I can predict that I not will continue to grow and improve as a writer but will be able to prepare documents for my future, such as job applications along with working on the job and being able to organize my documents there. Through the basics of computer work and writing skills I can see improvement from within.

3

Through this final portfolio option for my exam I have been able to evaluate myself along with the work I have done. Throughout this English 1101 course I have improved my writing to a higher level and have learned how to use many different computer skills as well. Although my grades have stayed consistent and might not have been the highest, I feel as if my efforts have been tremendous. With stating this I believe my overall grade for the course should be a high B to an A. My work is not perfect but I believe I have shown improvement and a unique style. Even though I haven’t made straight A’s I think my improvement should outshine my grade point average. In closing I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my portfolio and say that your English 1101 course has been helpful and enjoyable.

Sincerely,

Jordan J. Farley Jordan J. Farley

4

Least Successful Article Response

Berry's outlook on the end...

Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper's Magazine. The Harper's

Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. Aug. 18,2011.

In the article, “Hell Hath No Limits”, Wendell Berry’s point of view is evident. He

provides a multitude of examples on how Greed and Waste contribute to the belief that we think

we are limitless in today’s society. The concept of limitlessness contributes to the desire to be

efficient at any cost, and to make advancements on everything in our natural world. On the

contrary, everything has limits. In pointing this out Berry states,” we are not likely to be granted

another world to plunder in compensation for our pillage of this one”. Berry also states that we

must have limits or we will cease to exist as humans. In reminding us of the arts, Berry

acknowledges that it is artist, not scientist, who have dealt with the problems of limits. Artists

have limitless possibilities on the outcome of their work, but when they have finished their work

it does not need to be enhanced or duplicated. In closing, Berry makes known that it is too late to

use thriftily the first half of the world’s supply of natural resources. He states that, we should

slow down on consumptiveness and make the most of what we have, to try to live within our

limits and live a little longer than what is expected now.

Wendell Berry’s point of view is extremely important to think about, because it is the

imminent truth. Berry’s article forces us to examine our own life, to see the truth in how we

ourselves think we are limitless. He encourages us evaluate that we cannot start from the

beginning, but start from here on out limiting ourselves on what we have left. He challenges us

to see what so many are blind to, that our natural resources are what keep us alive and that we

are the ones using them wastefully. Berry’s point of view is one that everyone should take in to

5

consideration, because it will directly have effect on us all. We are the only ones that can make a

difference in how fast our natural resources are consumed, and how to make an efficient plan to

slow down on our consumption rate. He makes us look at how having limits will better our

society, and to look at what resources we do have, and what we are willing to give up to live a

longer life. We as a collective society need to use Berry’s article as a beginning to change, and to

make a way to delay our imminent fate.

6

Most Successful Article Response

Change should be in Teaching...

Cohn, Paula Marantz. "The Seduction" The American Scolar. The American Scholar, Winter

2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011.

In the article “The Seduction”, Paula Marantz Cohn wants us to understand education in

today’s society is sought to be something we have to do, that grades are what students are

concerned about rather than learning the material. Cohn expresses that students look at required

courses as just that a requirement, not a class that could potential help them in the future. By

changing her style from a strict syllabus to a discussion oriented flexible style of teaching, the

students were more eager to learn. Cohn defends her point of view by stating, “the level of

discussion and some of the insights in the papers were as elevated as anything I had experienced

in classes were the student were better prepared and more initially receptive.” Cohn believes

when more discussion in the classroom takes place rather than assigning a multitude of papers

and readings, that students focus on what is being taught throughout the course. Cohn stresses

that when a grade is more important the learning declines. By stating,” Even if the responses are

partial and inarticulate, if they are genuinely felt, they can make the words on the page seem an

adjunct to real life—and there is nothing more seductive to students than life”, she demonstrates

that when discussion takes place in the classroom, where there is more than just one perspective

of the assignment, students that would most likely give up or not understand the material get a

higher level of understanding. She points out that “when the class is integrated as a whole,

students respect each other for what they bring to the discussion of a text by virtue of being the

individual that they are.” Therefore Cohn’s main message is,” literary study should be a kind of

7

performance of the text by the class, making all material important on a level outside of just a

grade.”

The idea Paula Marantz Cohn offers about how the way of teaching affects the way a

student views the importance of learning is extremely significant. She recognizes something

most overlook, and reminds us that our culture has converted college students’ outlook on the

importance of learning as a form of earning a grade. Everyone should take into consideration that

when a grade is not the most important result at the end of a course students learn and retain the

knowledge more efficiently. Cohn addresses the facts most people do not want to face. She

challenges other college professors to take on the discussion oriented and more flexible way of

teaching, and to make the overall goal of the course focus on the material and knowledge there is

to learn rather than gaining a grade for the credit needed to earn a degree. Most importantly, she

emphasizes that for students to focus on the importance of the class, students as well as

professors need to prepare themselves before they begin the class. She exclaims that with less of

a strain on a multitude of assignments that it would be wise to prepare yourself for a discussion,

so that at the end of the course you have mastered the material. Students and teachers together

need to examine the concern for learning from Cohn’s message, because in the end it could

further their future as well as affect those who will be receiving the services from their

occupation.

8

What’s the Difference?

My most successful article response was, “Change Should be in Teaching.” This article

response is over an article that discusses the subject of the success of a student and that in part it

comes from the way a professor teaches. My response was rewarded a nine out of ten. In the first

paragraph I explained how Paula Marantz Cohn encourages us view education as potential help

for the future. That a future bases focus style of teaching is a main factor in the success of a

student. With quotes supporting Cohn’s point of view, she encourages discussion in class to

integrate her students so that they can take on more than one perspective of the material. Cohn

went into detail on how her experience with incorporating class discussion formed a better

overall change in the student’s grades. Not only did she see improvement in grades but she saw

her students receive a better understanding on the material that was being taught. Also, in

paragraph two I included the cultural significance of Cohn’s opinion and how it challenges the

student to focus not only on their grades but to acknowledge the knowledge they are obtaining. I

believe my article response was great but with the revising I gave it in the mark ups it is even

better.

For my least successful article response I chose, “Berry’s Outlook on the End…”

Wendell Berry believes that limitlessness comes from the idea that in today’s society greed and

waste contribute to the fact people believe that they are limitless. He states that with the

evolution of technology and the way people view natural resources our society is slowly fading

away. On this article response I received an eight out of ten as a grade. In the first paragraph I

enlightened on Berry’s point of view on how limitlessness is looked over by so many. That

everything and person has limits and humans would cease to exist without these limits. I did not

use a multitude of quotes within this paragraph for support but rather felt I focused on facts that

9

were view point throughout the piece. Berry challenges us to look at an uncomfortable truth, he

forces us to observe that our Natural resources are limited and wasting away fast. He encourages

us to examine our lives, to see how limitless we think we are and to try and change the way we

wastefully use the resources we receive. My article response met and followed the guidelines,

but I do believe I could have taken a little more time to review the response and revise it to earn

the higher grade.

As I was comparing these two article responses I noticed a similarity in the downfalls of

the pieces. Even though I made a point higher on the best one their mistakes were similar. The

most dominant mistake was staying on subject, not going off topic by summarizing the article

instead of giving the direct view of the author. Also, many of my other article responses received

an eight out of ten as well thus keeping with the trend. In response, “Berry’s Outlook on the

End,” I threw in words or sentences just meet the length requirement. I did the same in, “Change

should be in Teaching,” as well, by adding the title of the article at the beginning of both. In

observing the fact I did not enhance my grade to its full potential throughout the course, looking

back I should have scheduled a conference time with Dr. Horton to discuss how I need to

improve. Immediately, I should have strived to earn better grades, to improve my scores instead

of settling for an eight or nine out of ten. In all I do believe that learned how to correct my

mistakes and some key tools on how to better my writing and hope that in the future this style of

writing will come into action.

10




Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. Aug. 18,2011.

In the article, “Hell Hath No Limits”, Wendell Berry’s point of view on limitlessness is

evident throughout his entire article. He provides a multitude of examples on how Greed and

Waste contribute to the belief that as a society we think we are limitless in today’s society. The

concept of limitlessness contributes to the desire to be efficient at any cost, and to make

advancements on everything in our natural world. On the contrary, everything has limits and in .

In pointing this out Berry states,” westates, “we are not likely to be granted another world to

plunder in compensation for our pillage of this one”. This statement made by Berry means that,

while we are so wastefully using our natural resources to their entirety today, we are not going to

be given a new world to waste in the same. Berry also states that we must have limits or we will

cease to exist as humanshumans’ altogether. ByIn reminding us of the arts, Berry acknowledges

that it is artist, not scientist, who have dealt with the problems of limits. Artists have limitless

possibilities on the outcome of their work, but when they have completedfinished their work it

does not need to be enhanced or duplicated; unlike scientist whose work evolves as the world

changes and therefore they have no definite limit on the end of their work.. In closing, Berry

expressesmakes known that it is too late to use thriftily the first half of the world’s supply of

natural resources. He states that, “we should slow down on consumptiveness and make the most

of what we have,” to try to live within our limits so that our society mightand live a little longer

than what is expected of it now.

Formatted

Comment [J1]: The reason for taking this out of the beginning is, because you should never state the name of the article you are responding to in your response. I was not aware of this rule before I wrote this response and now have learned that it is not appropriate to restate the article title in the response.

Comment [J2]: I have taken out this period and extended the sentence because it made better since. The first sentence was too short and it seemed a little off topic. Also, the next sentence flows easier with the added extra at the beginning.

Comment [J3]: This added sentence helps clarify the importance of the quote made by Berry. I explains what he is trying to express by the statement and was needed for the reader of this response to fully understand the quote.

Comment [J4]: This added extra helps to compare artist and scientist limitlessness more evenly. It balances the sentence and gives a better outline on why artist are limitless yet are not wasteful, while scientist have no definite limits.

11

Wendell Berry’s point of view is extremely important to think about when considering

the subject of limitlessness., because Iit is the imminent truth on the direction our world is

coming to. Berry’s article forces us to examine our own life, to see the truth in how we ourselves

think we are limitless and how we so effortlessly waste scarce resources. He encourages us

evaluate that we cannot start from the beginning, but start from here on out limiting ourselves on

what we have left. “We must learn again to ask how we can make the most of what we are, what

we have, what we have been given,” by this statement hHe challenges us to see what so many are

blind to, that our natural resources are what keep us alive and that we are the ones using them

wastefully. that we as a society have to review our own lives in order to make a change. Berry’s

point of view is one that everyone should take in to consideration, because it will directly affect

our society as a wholehave effect on us all. We are the only ones that can make a difference in

how fast our natural resources are consumed, and how to make an efficient plan to slow down

the on our consumption rate of our society. BerryHe forces us to observe makes us look at how

having limits will better our society, and to look at what resources we still do have, and what we

are willing to give up to live a longer life. We as a collective society need to use Berry’s article

as a beginning to start a change, and to make a way to delay our imminent fate.

Comment [J5]: This comment helps keep the paragraph on topic. It explains from the beginning that this article is all about limitlessness and explains that Berry’s focus is on the impact of limits to our society.

Comment [J6]: The addition of this quote to the paragraph helps tie in Berry and his article to the importance of the subject of limitlessness. Also, I had no quotes in this paragraph and did not meet the requirements for this assignment in the second paragraph.

Comment [J7]: By changing makes us look, to forces us to observe, makes the statement sound more intellectual and helps the reader to actually focus. It allows the reader to observe at the end what the response is all about if they have not actually read the article.

12




Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. Aug. 18, 2011.

Wendell Berry’s point of view on limitlessness is evident throughout his entire article. He

provides a multitude of examples on how Greed and Waste contribute to the belief that as a

society we think we are limitless. The concept of limitlessness contributes to the desire to be

efficient at any cost, and to make advancements on everything in our natural world. On the

contrary, everything has limits and in pointing this out Berry states, “we are not likely to be

granted another world to plunder in compensation for our pillage of this one”. This statement

made by Berry means that, while we are so wastefully using our natural resources to their

entirety today, we are not going to be given a new world to waste in the same. Berry states that

we must have limits or we will cease to exist as humans’ altogether. By reminding us of the arts

Berry acknowledges that it is artist, not scientist, who has dealt with the problems of limits.

Artists have limitless possibilities on the outcome of their work, but when they have completed

their work it does not need to be enhanced or duplicated; unlike scientist whose work evolves as

the world changes and therefore they have no definite limit on the end of their work. In closing,

Berry expresses that it is too late to use thriftily the first half of the world’s supply of natural

resources. He states that, “we should slow down on consumptiveness and make the most of what

we have,” to try to live within our limits so that our society might live a little longer than what is

expected of it now.

Wendell Berry’s point of view is extremely important to think about when considering

the subject of limitlessness. It is the imminent truth on the direction our world is coming to.

13

Berry’s article forces us to examine our own life, to see the truth in how we ourselves think we

are limitless and how we so effortlessly waste scarce resources. He encourages us evaluate that

we cannot start from the beginning, but start from here on out limiting ourselves on what we

have left. “We must learn again to ask how we can make the most of what we are, what we have,

what we have been given,” by this statement he challenges us to see what so many are blind to,

that our natural resources are what keep us alive and that we are the ones using them wastefully

that we as a society have to review our own lives in order to make a change. Berry’s point of

view is one that everyone should take in to consideration, because it will directly affect our

society as a whole. We are the only ones that can make a difference in how fast our natural

resources are consumed, and how to make an efficient plan to slow down the consumption rate

of our society. Berry forces us to observe at how having limits will better our society, and what

resources we still have, and what we are willing to give up to live a longer life. We as a

collective society need to use Berry’s article as a beginning to start a change, and to make a way

to delay our imminent fate.

14



Cohn, Paula Marantz. "The Seduction" The American ScolarScholar. The American Scholar,

Winter 2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011.

In the article “The Seduction”, Paula Marantz Cohn wants us to understand education in

today’s society is sought to be something we have to do, throughout this article she states that

grades are what students are concerned about, rather than learning the material. Cohn expresses

that students look at required courses as just that a requirement, not they do not view these

courses as a class that could potential help them in the future. By changing her style from a strict

syllabus to a discussion oriented flexible style of teaching, the her students were more eager to

learn. Cohn defends her point of view by stating, “the level of discussion and some of the

insights in the papers were as elevated as anything I had experienced in classes, were the student

were better prepared and more initially receptive.” Cohn believes when more discussion in the

classroom takes place rather than assigning a multitude of papers and readings, that students

focus on what is being taught throughout the course. She believes that when students begin to

enjoy work and don’t feel a heavy amount of stress they are more apt to learning and obtaining

knowledge. Cohn stresses that when a grade is view as the most more important focus the

learning declines. By stating,” Even if the responses are partial and inarticulate, if they are

genuinely felt, they can make the words on the page seem an adjunct to real life—and there is

nothing more seductive to students than life”, by this she demonstrates that when discussion

takes place in the classroom, where there is more than just one perspective of the assignment,

students that would most likely give up or not understand the material get a higher level of

understanding. She points out that “when the class is integrated as a whole, students respect each

Formatted

Comment [GSC1]: The reason for taking this out as stated in the least successful article response is because you should never state the article you are responding to in the response. Now knowing the rules for this I am positive I have learned this rule for future use.

Comment [GSC2]: By changing the to her makes the meaning of the statement stick to the topic of Cohn. It make it clearer that she is talking about her situation and her experience with her students.

Comment [GSC3]: This added statement helps explain the importance of making learning enjoyable for students.

15

other for what they bring to the discussion of a text by virtue of being the individual that they

are,” meaning through the perspective of individual students in discussions others in the class

can view the topic as they might not have before. Therefore Cohn’s main message is,” literary

study should be a kind of performance of the text by the class, making all material important on a

level outside of just a grade.”


student views the importance of learning is extremely significant for one to observe. She

recognizes something most overlook, and reminds us that our culture has converted college

students’ outlook on the importance of learning as a form of earning a grade for their GPA.

Everyone Every college student, along with professor, should take into consideration that when a

grade is not the most important focus for the course, result at the end of a course students learn

and retain the knowledge more efficiently. Cohn addresses the facts most people do not want to

face,. sShe challenges other college professors to take on the discussion oriented and more

flexible way of teaching, and to make the overall goal of their course focus on the material and

knowledge there is to learn rather than gaining a grade for the credit needed to earn a degree.

Most importantly, she emphasizes that for students to focus on the importance of the class,

students as well they along withas professors need to prepare themselves before they begin the

class. She exclaims that with less of a strain on a multitude of assignments, that it would be wise

to prepare yourself for a class discussion, so that at the end of the course you have mastered the

material. Students and teachers together need to examine the concern for learning from Cohn’s

message, because in the end it could further their future as well as affect those who will be

receiving the services from their occupation.

Comment [GSC4]: This added extra statement was needed to help explain the importance for Cohn to incorporate class discussion in her course and why she believes it helped her students.

Comment [GSC5]: Makes the statement directly to college student and professors instead of a broad everyone.

16



Cohn, Paula Marantz. "The Seduction" The American Scholar. The American Scholar, Winter

2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011.

Paula Marantz Cohn wants us to understand education in today’s society is sought to be

something we have to do, throughout this article she states that grades are what students are

concerned about, rather than learning the material. Cohn expresses that students look at required

courses as just that a requirement, they do not view these courses as a class that could potential

help them in the future. By changing her style from a strict syllabus to a discussion oriented

flexible style of teaching, her students were more eager to learn. Cohn defends her point of

view by stating, “the level of discussion and some of the insights in the papers were as elevated

as anything I had experienced in classes, were the student were better prepared and more initially

receptive.” Cohn believes when more discussion in the classroom takes place rather than

assigning a multitude of papers and readings, that students focus on what is being taught

throughout the course. She believes that when students begin to enjoy work and don’t feel a

heavy amount of stress they are more apt to learning and obtaining knowledge. Cohn stresses

that when a grade is view as the most important focus the learning declines. By stating,” Even if

the responses are partial and inarticulate, if they are genuinely felt, they can make the words on

the page seem an adjunct to real life—and there is nothing more seductive to students than life”,

by this she demonstrates that when discussion takes place in the classroom, where there is more

than just one perspective of the assignment, students that would most likely give up or not

understand the material get a higher level of understanding. She points out that “when the class is

integrated as a whole, student’s respect each other for what they bring to the discussion of a text

17

by virtue of being the individual that they are,” meaning through the perspective of individual

students in discussions others in the class can view the topic as they might not have before.

Therefore Cohn’s main message is,” literary study should be a kind of performance of the text by

the class, making all material important on a level outside of just a grade.”


student views the importance of learning is extremely significant for one to observe. She

recognizes something most overlook, and reminds us that our culture has converted college

students’ outlook on the importance of learning as a form of earning a grade for their GPA.

Every college student, along with professor, should take into consideration that when a grade is

not the most important focus for the course, students learn and retain the knowledge more

efficiently. Cohn addresses the facts most people do not want to face, she challenges other

college professors to take on the discussion oriented and more flexible way of teaching, and to

make the overall goal of their course focus on the material and knowledge there is to learn rather

than gaining a grade for the credit needed to earn a degree. Most importantly, she emphasizes

that for students to focus on the importance of the class they along with professors need to

prepare themselves before they begin the class. She exclaims that with less of a strain on a

multitude of assignments, it would be wise to prepare yourself for a class discussion so that at the

end of the course you have mastered the material. Students and teachers together need to

examine the concern for learning from Cohn’s message, because in the end it could further their

future as well as affect those who will be receiving the services from their occupation.

Farley 18

18

Jordan Farley

Professor Horton

English 1101

27 September 2011

Affairs of the Heart: Can Tear Friendships Apart

Mark Oppenheimer, who wrote “Married, with infidelities,” declares that the impulses

people have that lead to affairs within a relationship, many couples in today’s society can relate

toon their spouse or partner most people can identify with. Oppenheimer sheds light on the fact

that with the number of affairs raising so many people feel it is a normal part of society. In an

online chat through email, on the topic of infidelity and being open to your significant other, sex-

advice columnist Dan Savage stated that, “some people need more than one partner;, just as

some need flirting, others need to be whipped, and others need lovers of both sexes.” and He

states, we“we can’t help our urges, and we should not lie to our partners about them.” The

thought that Savage could make such a statement lead Oppenheimer many to believe that many

people think that it is ok to have an affair. This outlook on life is such an upcoming and popular

belief, that many come to this conclusion that infidelities are just a way of life. Through mass

media, people deem it a reasonable way on how to lead a successful life. But, tThe main question

taken into consideration is why do people find it so intriguing? The answer is not as simple as

what Savage seems to believe. He states that, “a more flexible attitude within marriage may be

just what a straight community needs, that the people who hold monogamy as the main indicator

to a successful marriage gives people an unrealistic outlook on their marriage.” Not only does

this statement made by Savage seem appealing to most it is the way most people are treating

their relationships, andbut it is ultimately how the future generations will accept marriages.

Formatted

Comment [GSC1]: The reasoning for the change in the opening sentence is an attempt to reach out in more capturing way. With the addition of few words the sentence structure is better.

Comment [GSC2]: By replacing many with Oppenheimer this sentence sticks to the subject and people being discussed in the paragraph. It also defines what Oppenheimer states and thinks.

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19

Cara, a good friend I have known since kindergarten, had a tough teenage life., The

causes for those tough years were because of her aunt and uncle, to who were her legal

guardians., They felt it was alright to lead two separate relationships along with their marriage,

and had no concern for how it would affect Cara. During middle school we became close friends;

we started spending time with each other out outside of school and were getting to know each

other better. In our eighth grade year Carashe began to be more reserved not wanting to hang out

or talk as we always had. She began acting like a delinquent, skipping school, doing things to get

in trouble, not acting like the Cara I had become was close friends with. In about the eleventh

grade Cara had done enough wrong things to get kicked out of school and was sent to live with

her grandmother in Florida;, making the only way I could communicate with her was through

Facebook and we became as close as before. She started opening up about why she was acting

that this wayand letting me know the truth behind her actions, which werewas because of her

aunt and uncle’s adulterous acts and she was ashamed. Cara’s actions had a deeper meaning

behind them so much that she felt depressed and skeptical. These feelings of depression and

skepticism were results of the affair and the way her aunt and uncle treated her along with each

other. Though I didn’t know what she was going through internally then, the way she was feeling

in return had a dramatic toll on our friendship. Through our downfall and the recovery of our

friendship I took on a new enlightened perspective on the affects and aspects of an affair.

Adulterers’ needs and wants are not the only things affected by an affair, but it is the emotions

and relationships of the family and friends of the adulterer who are ultimately affected by this

immoral act.When an affairs takes place, the adulterers lives aren’t the only ones affected, but

their family and friends are the ones who have to ultimately deal with the immoral act.

Comment [GSC3]: By making this two sentences it makes the first sentence sound better. When reading it before the change it sounded like a run on sentence and was confusing.

Comment [GSC4]: By changing was to had become clarifies that we were friends and are friends again today. It makes the reader have a hope that we have become friends again and not just shooting down that we could have a friendship again.

Comment [GSC5]: By changing the thesis statement around I feel as if the thesis is clearer. As one of the grading comments I received I took it into consideration that the thesis was hard to read the way it was an thought that with the change it would help.

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20

Because of the affair and the way her aunt and uncle treated her, lead Cara into

depression and skepticism. The way they reacted when Cara tried expressing her feelings about

their affair resulted to her retreating to herself. This caused Cara to feel the same way toward

everyone, even me. She dealt with her pain at school by getting into as much trouble as possible

so that she wouldn’t have to be around people, with the end consequence of being kicked out of

school. The plan in her mind was to get as far away from the place she was living and the people

in it as possible. Cara was so depressed at this point she did not even want to speak to me and

made excuses every time I asked to hangout. Before Cara would have never made an excuse not

to hangout, she would have done just the opposite and make an excuse just to hang out. She

didn’t trust anyone because of the withaffair, with the fear of being lied to or rejected. Although

talking with Cara now, as opposed to before she moved, I feel as if she has beat her depression

and is now able to begin to trust more and more people every day. She now has the

understanding that not everyone is the same, that there are genuine and honest people in this

world that ultimately care for her like me. She has figured out how to deal with her depression

from the affair and turn it into motive to get through the day.

The reality that Cara was pulling away from our friendship concerned me, the thought

that she did not ever want to spend time together made me want to give up on trying to keep our

friendship going. The affect that the affair was having on our friendship was colossal. She began

to associate with the “bad crowd”, the people known for never doing what was right or what they

were told, ditching me for people who would get her into trouble. I couldn’t understand why she

would pick them over me, because she knew I cared about her more than they did. When I would

try and sit with her at lunch or talk to her in the hall her new friends made me feel like a social

outcast, not at all welcome. Cara wouldn’t even acknowledge me at all, and when. I would say

Comment [GSC6]: Adding this statement helps readers to see how close Cara and I had gotten. That Cara was a people person before and was very interested in hanging out with friends.

Comment [GSC7]: This statement clarifies the way that I felt about the change in Cara, about how much I was confused because I had no idea about what was going on.

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21

hiey occasionally in the hall at school she would nod, but that was about as much communication

as she would allow. Her actionsThis later came down to us not even speaking to each other.

After Cara moved it was months later that I got a friend request with a message attached on

Facebook. The message was an apology on how awful she had treated me and how she was sorry

for giving me the cold shoulder. We began to rebuild our friendship this way through Facebook,

she had exclaimed that there was no legitimist excuse for behavior and I forgave her right away.

I let her know that I was going to do everything possible to help her through the rest of her

situation. We have now expressed that to each other that we arewere going to do everything

possible to get back to the way our friendship was before the affair and act as if this didn’t affect

us at all.

Though when I first heard of Cara’s aunt and uncle’s affair I was shocked and

disappointed, the ending results lead me to have a broader and more personal perspective on the

effects of an affair. Through mine and Cara’s relationship fumble, I took on an aspect of concern

not only for the partner of the adulterer, but for the family and friends of the adulterer. and the

other person. My views on affairs use to be just a judgment on the adulterer, that it was morally

wrong on their behalf and they would be the ones having to suffer and answer for their wrong

doings. But by going through thise friendship downfall with Cara as a result of the affair, I

learned that when it comes down to the itend the family and friends suffer tremendously and

have to answer to others for not only their actions of retaliation but for the actions of the

adulterer. The choice one person makes has an effect on someone else’s choice and then their

choices has an effect on another and this begins a cycle. I feel that I was able to mature as an

adult and realize that my own choices do not only affect me but everyone I am associated with,

Comment [GSC8]: I do believe that this was suppose to be like in the original piece. But as I changed this it allowed me to change were to are making an effort even to this day to rebuild out friendship.

Comment [GSC9]: By removing these words it helps the sentence stick to the thesis. Along with this change there are a few others in this revision that help the paper stick to the thesis.

Farley 22

22

that when the thought of making a wrong decision starts to form within, you need to think about

whom all will this decision effect, and howand how bad will it affect others lives as well.

Although I still cannot understand how Cara’s aunt and uncle can live with themselves

after committing such a demoralizing act, I believe that Cara was the one affected the most in the

end. I can remember what Cara went through and looking back on it, the affair affected our

friendship more than we noticed. Because of everything that Cara had to endure she knows how

much it can affect others by her decisions. She knows that there is a time and place for most

things and that by your actions you can affect other without even noticing. Also, our friendship is

better than before even though we don’t see each other every day we talk constantly and visit

with each other as much as possible. As a result of her actions and our friendship recovery

process, Cara is now attending college to become a counselor for troubled youth with

relationship and trust issues. Also, another cause to Cara’s depression and the downfall of our

friendship could have been a result of the reason she was adopted and living with her aunt and

uncle in the first place. Her dad had left her mom for someone else when Cara was a baby, this

lead her mom to drug abuse and arrest, with the need for a guardian for Cara. She believes that

her actions on trying to end our friendship were to save herself from heartache, because of

everyone in her life had left her in some way. As a result of her actions and our friendship

recovery process, Cara is now attending college to become a counselor for troubled youth with

relationship and trust issues. Cara has had to go through a great amount of hardships to get to

the state of mind she is in today, and. aAs a result of Cara’s situation, I have seen that an affair

has a great effect on the family and friends and families go through the toughest hardships but

they cannot change what has already been done, but only decide how to live a better life for

themselves.

Comment [GSC10]: By adding in this word it focuses on peoples lives and brings into perspective on the fact that it does affect a life and not nothing.

Comment [GSC11]: This helps the reader know that Cara has learned from this experience. That she knows a way to prevent herself form making anyone feel this way.

Comment [GSC12]: By moving this statement down to this location it ties it into the closing statement. It helps end the paper on a lighter note and express how a negative situation can help others see their full potential.

Farley 23

23

Works Cited

Oppenheimer, Mark. “Married, With Infidelities.” The New York Times Magazine. The New

York Times Company, 30 June 2011. Web. 17 Sept. 2011.

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24

Jordan Farley

Professor Horton

English 1101

27 September 2011

Affairs of the Heart: Can Tear Friendships Apart

Mark Oppenheimer, who wrote “Married, with infidelities,” declares that the impulses

people have that lead to affairs within a relationship, many couples in today’s society can relate

to. Oppenheimer sheds light on the fact that with the number of affairs raising so many people

feel it is a normal part of society. In an online chat through email, on the topic of infidelity and

being open to your significant other, sex-advice columnist Dan Savage stated that, “some people

need more than one partner; just as some need flirting, others need to be whipped, and others

need lovers of both sexes.” He states, “We can’t help our urges, and we should not lie to our

partners about them.” The thought that Savage could make such a statement lead Oppenheimer

to believe that many people think it is ok to have an affair. This outlook on life is such an

upcoming and popular belief, that many come to this conclusion that infidelities are just a way of

life. Through mass media people deem it a reasonable way on how to lead a successful life. But,

the main question taken into consideration is why do people find it so intriguing? The answer is

not as simple as what Savage seems to believe. He states that, “a more flexible attitude within

marriage may be just what a straight community needs, that the people who hold monogamy as

the main indicator to a successful marriage gives people an unrealistic outlook on their

marriage.” Not only does this statement made by Savage seem appealing to most it is the way

most people are treating their relationships, and it is ultimately how the future generations will

accept marriages.

Farley25

25

Cara, a good friend I have known since kindergarten, had a tough teenage life. The causes for

those tough years were because of her aunt and uncle to who were her legal guardians. They felt

it was alright to lead two separate relationships along with their marriage, and had no concern for

how it would affect Cara. During middle school we became close friends; we started spending

time with each other out outside of school and were getting to know each other better. In our

eighth grade year Cara began to be more reserved not wanting to hang out or talk as we always

had. She began acting like a delinquent skipping school, doing things to get in trouble, not acting

like the Cara I had become close friends with. In about the eleventh grade Cara had done

enough wrong things to get kicked out of school and was sent to live with her grandmother in

Florida; making the only way I could communicate with her was through Facebook and we

became as close as before. She started opening up about why she was acting that way and letting

me know the truth behind her actions, which were because of her aunt and uncle’s adulterous

acts and she was ashamed. Cara’s actions had a deeper meaning behind them so much that she

felt depressed and skeptical. These feelings of depression and skepticism were results of the

affair and the way her aunt and uncle treated her along with each other. Though I didn’t know

what she was going through internally then, the way she was feeling in return had a dramatic toll

on our friendship. Through our downfall and the recovery of our friendship I took on a new

enlightened perspective on the affects and aspects of an affair. When an affair takes place, the

adulterers lives aren’t the only ones affected, but their family and friends are the ones who have

to ultimately deal with the immoral act.

Because of the affair and the way her aunt and uncle treated her, lead Cara into

depression and skepticism. The way they reacted when Cara tried expressing her feelings about

their affair resulted to her retreating to herself. This caused Cara to feel the same way toward

Farley26

26

everyone, even me. She dealt with her pain at school by getting into as much trouble as possible

so that she wouldn’t have to be around people, with the end consequence of being kicked out of

school. The plan in her mind was to get as far away from the place she was living and the people

in it as possible. Cara was so depressed at this point she did not even want to speak to me and

made excuses every time I asked to hangout. Before Cara would have never made an excuse not

to hangout, she would have done just the opposite and make an excuse just to hang out. She

didn’t trust anyone because of the affair, with the fear of being lied to or rejected. Although

talking with Cara now, as opposed to before she moved, I feel as if she has beat her depression

and is now able to begin to trust more and more people every day. She now has the

understanding that not everyone is the same, that there are genuine and honest people in this

world that ultimately care for her like me. She has figured out how to deal with her depression

from the affair and turn it into motive to get through the day.

The reality that Cara was pulling away from our friendship concerned me, the thought

that she did not ever want to spend time together made me want to give up on trying keeping our

friendship going. The affect that the affair was having on our friendship was colossal. She began

to associate with the “bad crowd”, the people known for never doing what was right or what they

were told, ditching me for people who would get her into trouble. I couldn’t understand why she

would pick them over me, because she knew I cared about her more than they did. When I

would try and sit with her at lunch or talk to her in the hall her new friends made me feel like a

social outcast, not at all welcome. Cara wouldn’t even acknowledge me at all, and when I would

say hi occasionally in the hall at school she would nod, but that was about as much

communication as she would allow. Her actions later came down to us not even speaking to

each other. After Cara moved it was months later that I got a friend request with a message

Farley27

27

attached on Facebook. The message was an apology on how awful she had treated me and how

she was sorry for giving me the cold shoulder. We began to rebuild our friendship through

Facebook, she had exclaimed that there was no legitimist excuse for behavior and I forgave her

right away. I let her know that I was going to do everything possible to help her through the rest

of her situation. We have now expressed to each other that we are going to do everything

possible to get back to the way our friendship was before the affair and act as if this didn’t affect

us at all.

Though when I first heard of Cara’s aunt and uncle’s affair I was shocked and

disappointed, the ending results lead me to have a broader and more personal perspective on the

effects of an affair. Through mine and Cara’s relationship fumble, I took on an aspect of concern

not only for the partner of the adulterer, but for the family and friends of the adulterer. My views

on affairs use to be just a judgment on the adulterer, that it was morally wrong on their behalf

and they would be the ones having to suffer and answer for their wrong doings. But by going

through this friendship downfall with Cara as a result of the affair I learned that when it comes

down to the it the family and friends suffer tremendously and have to answer to others for not

only their actions of retaliation but for the actions of the adulterer. The choice one person makes

has an effect on someone else’s choice and then their choices has an effect on another and this

begins a cycle. I feel that I was able to mature as an adult and realize that my own choices do not

only affect me but everyone I am associated with, that when the thought of making a wrong

decision starts to form within, you need to think about whom all will this decision effect, and

how bad will it affect others lives as well.

Although I still cannot understand how Cara’s aunt and uncle can live with themselves

after committing such a demoralizing act, I believe that Cara was the one affected the most in the

Farley28

28

end. I can remember what Cara went through and looking back on it, the affair affected our

friendship more than we noticed. Because of everything that Cara had to endure she knows how

much it can affect others by her decisions. She knows that there is a time and place for most

things and that by your actions you can affect other without even noticing. Also, our friendship is

better than before even though we don’t see each other every day we talk constantly and visit

with each other as much as possible. Also, another cause to Cara’s depression and the downfall

of our friendship could have been a result of the reason she was adopted and living with her aunt

and uncle in the first place. Her dad had left her mom for someone else when Cara was a baby,

this lead her mom to drug abuse and arrest, with the need for a guardian for Cara. She believes

that her actions on trying to end our friendship were to save herself from heartache, because of

everyone in her life had left her in some way. As a result of her actions and our friendship

recovery process, Cara is now attending college to become a counselor for troubled youth with

relationship and trust issues. Cara has had to go through a great amount of hardships to get to

the state of mind she is in today, and as a result of Cara’s situation, I have seen that an affair has

a great effect on the family and friends and families go through the toughest hardships but they

cannot change what has already been done, only decide how to live a better life for themselves.

Farley29

29

Works Cited

Oppenheimer, Mark. “Married, With Infidelities.” The New York Times Magazine. The New

York Times Company, 30 June 2011. Web. 17 Sept. 2011.

Documents

The Evaluation of English 1101