"Do one thing ... take this piece of chalk ..."

We are a unique species, aren’t we? Not humans. Indians, I mean. No other race speaks or spells like we do.

Take greetings for example.

A friendly clerk asking me for my name is apt to start a conversation with, “What is your good name?” As if I hold that sort of information close to my heart and only divulge my evil self. Bizarre.

I call these Indianisms.

Which got me thinking about a compilation, a greatest hits of the most hilarious Indianisms out there. And here they are. The most common ones, and my favorites among them.

1. 'Passing out'

When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate from that institution.

You do not "pass out" from that institution.

To "pass out" refers to losing consciousness, like after you get too drunk, though I’m not sure how we managed to connect graduating and intoxication.

Oh wait … of course, poor grades throughout the year could lead to a sudden elation on hearing you’ve passed all of your exams, which could lead to you actually "passing out," but this is rare at best.

2. 'Kindly revert'

One common mistake we make is using the word revert to mean reply or respond.

Revert means "to return to a former state."

I can’t help thinking of a sarcastic answer every time this comes up.

“Please revert at the earliest.”

“Sure, I’ll set my biological clock to regress evolutionarily to my original primitive hydrocarbon state at 1 p.m. today."

3. 'Years back'

If it happened in the past, it happened years ago, not "years back."

Given how common this phrase is, I’m guessing the first person who switched "ago" for "back" probably did it years back. See what I mean?

And speaking of "back," asking someone to use the backside entrance sounds so wrong.

“So when did you buy this car?”

“Oh, years back.”

“Cool, can you open the backside? I’d like to get a load in.”

4. 'Doing the needful'

Try to avoid using the phrase "do the needful." It went out of style decades ago, about the time the British left.

Using it today indicates you are a dinosaur, a dinosaur with bad grammar.

You may use the phrase humorously, to poke fun at such archaic speech, or other dinosaurs.

“Will you do the needful?”

“Of course, and I’ll send you a telegram to let you know it's done too.”

5. 'Discuss about'

“What shall we discuss about today?”

“Let’s discuss about politics. We need a fault-ridden topic to mirror our bad grammar.”

You don't "discuss about" something; you just discuss things.

The word "discuss" means to "talk about". There is no reason to insert the word "about" after "discuss."

That would be like saying "talk about about." Which "brings about" me to my next peeve.

6. 'Order for'

"Hey, let’s order for a pizza."

"Sure, and why not raid a library while we’re about it.”

When you order something, you "order" it; you do not "order for" it.

Who knows when or why we began placing random prepositions after verbs?

Perhaps somewhere in our history someone lost a little faith in the "doing" word and added "for" to make sure their order would reach them. They must have been pretty hungry.

7. 'Do one thing'

When someone approaches you with a query, and your reply begins with the phrase "do one thing," you're doing it wrong.

"Do one thing" is a phrase that does not make sense.

It is an Indianism. It is only understood in India. It is not proper English. It is irritating.

There are better ways to begin a reply. And worst of all, any person who starts a sentence with "do one thing" invariably ends up giving you at least five things to do.

“My computer keeps getting hung.”

“Do one thing. Clear your history. Delete your cookies. Defrag your hard drive. Run a virus check. Restart your computer....”

8. 'Out of station'

“Sorry I can’t talk right now, I’m out of station.”

“What a coincidence, Vijay, I’m in a station right now.”

Another blast from the past, this one, and also, extremely outdated.

What's wrong with "out of town" or "not in Mumbai" or my favorite "I'm not here"?

9. The big sleep

"I’m going to bed now, sleep is coming."

"OK, say hi to it for me."

While a fan of anthropomorphism, I do have my limits. "Sleep is coming" is taking things a bit too far.

Your life isn’t a poem. You don’t have to give body cycles their own personalities.

10. 'Prepone'

“Let’s prepone the meeting from 11 a.m. to 10 a.m.”

Because the opposite of postpone just has to be prepone, right?

"Prepone" is probably the most famous Indianism of all time; one that I’m proud of, and that I actually support as a new entry to all English dictionaries.

Because it makes sense. Because it fills a gap. Because we need it. We’re Indians, damn it. Students of chaos theory.

We don’t have the time to say silly things like "could you please bring the meeting forward."

Prepone it is.

There are many more pure grammatical "gems" in what we call Indian English. Perhaps in time I’ll list some more. And perhaps in the near future, we’ll get better at English.

Till then, kindly adjust.

Languages of India.

Language Family

Speakers (in millions, 2001)[2

5] State(s)

Assamese

Indo-Aryan, North Eastern

13 Assam, Arunachal Pradesh

Bengali

Indo-Aryan, Eastern

83 West Bengal, Tripura, Assam, Andaman & Nicobar Islands

Bodo

Tibeto-Burman

1.4 Assam

Dogri

Indo-Aryan, Northwestern

2.3 Jammu and Kashmir

Gujarati

Indo-Aryan, Western

46 Dadra and Nagar Haveli, Daman and Diu, Gujarat

Hindi

Indo-Aryan, Central

258–422[26]

Andaman and Nicobar Islands, Bihar, Chandigarh, Chhattisgarh, the National capital territory of Delhi, Haryana,Himachal

Language Family

Speakers (in millions, 2001)[2

5] State(s)

Pradesh, Jharkhand, Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan, Uttar Pradesh and Uttarakhand

Kannada Dravidian 38 Karnataka

Kashmiri

Indo-Aryan, Dardic

5.5 Jammu and Kashmir

Konkani

Indo-Aryan, Southern

2.5–7.6[27] Goa, Karnataka, Maharashtra, Kerala

Maithili

Indo-Aryan, Eastern

12–32[28] Bihar

Malayalam Dravidian 33 Kerala, Lakshadweep, Puducherry

Manipuri (alsoMeitei or Meithei)

Tibeto-Burman

1.5 Manipur

Marathi

Indo-Aryan, Southern

72 Maharashtra, Goa, Dadra & Nagar Haveli, Daman and Diu

Nepali

Indo-Aryan, Northern

2.9 Sikkim, West Bengal

Oriya

Indo-Aryan, Eastern

33 Odisha

Punjabi

Indo-Aryan, Northwestern

34 Chandigarh, Delhi, Haryana, Punjab

Sanskrit Indo-Aryan 0.01 non-regional

Santhali Munda 6.5

Santhal tribals of the Chota Nagpur Plateau (comprising the states of Bihar, Chattisgarh, Jharkhand, Odisha)

Sindhi

Indo-Aryan, Northwestern

2.5 non-regional

Tamil Dravidian 61 Tamil Nadu, Andaman & Nicobar Islands, Puducherry

Language Family

Speakers (in millions, 2001)[2

5] State(s)

Telugu Dravidian 74 Andhra Pradesh, Puducherry, Andaman & Nicobar Islands

Urdu

Indo-Aryan, Central

52 Jammu and Kashmir, Andhra Pradesh, Delhi, Bihar and Uttar Pradesh

Many more dialects and sub-dialects are there which are not relevant now.

Mother Tongue Influence On English.

Similarly native speakers of India do not keep away from their mother tongue.

While speaking English, some words in the following sentences reveal the influence of their own regional language: i.e. Kerala Malayalam. Maharashtra Marathi, Gujarat, Gujarati, etc. etc.

Where has ‘ungle’ (uncle) gone?

He has gone to ‘Oofees’. (Office)

Is ‘Anndy’ (Aunty) there inside the house?

No, she has gone to buy some ‘Ooranges’. (Oranges)

Please come in and have a cup of ‘Koofee’. (Coffee)

I hired an ‘ooto’. (Auto)

Where did you ‘werk’ (work) before?

I was there in ‘Thubai’ (Dubai).

Is there any other ‘Gelf’ (Gulf) country you have ‘werked’ (worked)?

Some more examples of words often pronounced with MTI effect are given below:

Lorry Loree

Octopus Ooktopus

“Onion” as “Aanion”, “College” as “Kalledge”, “Lorry” as “Laarry”, “Zero” as “jeero”,

“Office” as “Aafis”, “Doctor” as “Daaktar”, “Lodge” as “Laadge” and “Logic” as “Laagic”.

More examples….

Lodge Loodge

Logic Loogic

Honest Oonest

Hospital Oospital

Xrayettsray

Only wonly

Earn yearn

Money meney

Jumped jembd

World Werld

Simply zimbly

College Koollege

Doctor Dooktor

Onion Oonion

Auto Ooto

Daughter Dooter

Hotel Ootel

When the above mentioned words are considered, it is evident that native speakers of

Malayalam often have some issue with the vowel “O” being pronounced as “Oo” (the long

counterpart of the vowel), the consonant “P” being pronounced as “B” and the consonant “k”

pronounced as “G”. This problem is also faced by Tamilians who pronounce “Auto” as “Aato”,“Onion” as “Aanion”, “College” as “Kalledge”, “Lorry” as “Laarry”, “Zero” as “jeero”

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Tenses= Tension.

The concept of time can be split into:

The Present - What you are currently doing.

I eat, I am eating

The Past - What you did some time back.

I ate, I was eating

The Future - What you will do later.

I will eat, I will be eating

In the English language, tenses play an important role in sentence formation.

The tense of a verb shows the time of an event or action.

There are four types of tenses. Simple, Perfect, Continuous and Present

Perfect Continuous and each of these has a present, past and future form.

PRESENT TENSES

SIMPLE PRESENT TENSE

In Simple Present, the action is simply mentioned and there is nothing

being said about its completeness.

I eat.

I sleep.

I play.

PRESENT CONTINUOUS TENSE

In Present Continuous, the action is on-going/ still going on and hence

continuous.

I am eating.

I am sleeping.

I am playing.

PRESENT PERFECT TENSE

In Present Perfect, the action is complete or has ended and hence termed

Perfect.

I have eaten.

I have slept.

I have played.

PRESENT PERFECT CONTINUOUS TENSE

In Present Perfect Continuous, the action has been taking place for some

time and is still ongoing.

I have been eating.

I have been sleeping.

I have been playing.

PAST TENSES

SIMPLE PAST TENSE

In Simple Past, the action is simply mentioned and understood to have

taken place in the past.

I ate.

I slept.

I played.

PAST CONTINUOUS TENSE

In Past Continuous, the action was ongoing till a certain time in the past.

I was eating.

I was sleeping.

I was playing.

PAST PERFECT TENSE

Past Perfect is used to express something that happened before another

action in the past.

I had eaten.

I had slept.

I had played.

PAST PERFECT CONTINUOUS TENSE

Past Perfect Continuous is used to express something that started in the

past and continued until another time in the past.

I had been eating.

I had been sleeping.

I had been playing.

FUTURE TENSES

SIMPLE FUTURE TENSE

Simple Future is used when we plan or make a decision to do something.

Nothing is said about the time in the future.

I will eat.

I will sleep.

I will play.

FUTURE CONTINUOUS TENSE

The future continuous tense is used to express action at a particular

moment in the future. However, the action will not have finished at the

moment.

I will be eating at 9 a.m.

I will be sleeping when you arrive.

I will be playing at 5 p.m.

FUTURE PERFECT TENSE

Future Perfect expresses action that will occur in the future before another

action in the future.

I will have eaten before 10 a.m.

I will have slept before you arrive.

I will have played before 6 p.m.

FUTURE PERFECT CONTINUOUS TENSE

Future Perfect Continuous is used to talk about an on-going action before

some point in the future.

I will have been sleeping for two hours when you arrive.

I will have been playing for an hour when it is 5 p.m.

What are the Vowel Sounds?

From the 26 letters in the English alphabet, 5 of these letters are used to

make 19 vowel sounds. The other 21 letters are used to make the

25 consonant sounds.

The 19 vowel phonemes consist of:

5 Long Vowels

5 Short Vowels

3 Diphthongs

A long and short oo (2 sounds)

4 ‘r’ controlled vowel sounds

5 Long Vowel Sounds

Here are some examples:

Long /a/ as in gate

Long /e/ as in need

Long /I/ as in nice

Long /o/ as in yoke

Long /u/ as in you

You can also listen to them here:

5 Short Vowel Sounds

Here are some examples:

Short /a/ as in bat

Short /e/ as in bet

Short /I/ as in bit

Short /o/ as in bot

Short /u/ as in but

4 ‘r’ controlled sounds

‘R’ controlled sounds, have a vowel and the /r/ sound:

or – as in more

ar – as in car

er – as in her

air as in fair

3 Diphthongs

A diphthong is a combination of two sounds, each with two different spellings. Here are three examples:

/au/ as in Paul and aw as in crawl /ou/ as in mouse and ow as in cow /oi/ as in noise and oy as in boy

A Long and Short /oo/ sound

Long /oo/ as in moon

Short /oo/ as in book

So there you have it. The 19 vowel sounds. Of course there are many ways

to spell these sounds which we refer to as phonograms.

English Consonant Sounds

Consonant letters and their sounds

The 21 consonant letters in the English alphabet

are B,C, D, F, G, H, J, K, L, M, N, P, Q, R, S, T, V, X, Z, and usually W and Y: The

letter Y stands for the consonant [j] in "yoke", the vowel [ɪ ] in "myth" and

the vowel [i] in "funny", and for both consonantal and vowel sounds in

"yummy", for example; W almost always represents a consonant except in

rare words (mostly loanwords from Welsh) like "crwth" or "cwm".

A consonant letter usually represents one consonant sound. Some consonant letters, for example, c, g, s, can represent two different consonant sounds.

Letters Sounds Examples

b [b] baby, best, buy, bring, blind, absent, about, number, labor, robber, tub

c [s] [k]

center, cellar, cigarette, cinema, agency, notice; cake, come, cucumber, clean, cry, scratch, act, panic

d [d] day, dear, die, door, duty, admire, hidden, lady, kind, ride, ended

f [f] fast, female, five, forest, fund, fry, flight, often, deaf, cuff

g [g] [j] [zh]

game, gap, get, go, gun, great, global, giggle, ago, begin, dog, egg; general, gin, giant, agent, suggest, Egypt, energy, huge, manage; mirage, garage, beige, rouge

h [h] [-]

hair, help, history, home, hotel, hunt, behind, inherit; hour, honor, honest, heir, vehicle, Sarah

j [j] jam, Jane, jet, jelly, Jim, jingle, joke, John, June, just

k [k] Kate, kind, kill, kilogram, sky, blanket, break, take, look

l [l] late, let, live, alone, close, slim, please, old, nicely, table, file, all

m [m] make, men, mind, mother, must, my, common, summer, name, form, team

n [n] napkin, never, night, no, nuclear, funny, student, kindness, ton, sun

p [p] paper, person, pick, pour, public, repair, apple, keep, top, crisp

q (qu) [kw] [k]

quality, question, quite, quote, equal, require; unique, technique, antique, grotesque

r [r] rain, red, rise, brief, grow, scream, truck, arrive, hurry, turn, more, car

s [s] [z]

send, simple, song, system, street, lost, kiss, release; cause, present, reason, realism, advise, always, is, was

t [t] task, tell, time, tone, tune, hotel, attentive, student, boat, rest

v [v] vast, vein, vivid, voice, even, review, invest, give, move, active

w [w] wall, war, way, west, wind, word, would, swear, swim, twenty, twist

x [ks] [gz] [z]

exercise, exchange, expect, ex-wife, axis, fix, relax; exam, exact, executive, exert, exist, exit, exult; Xenon, Xerox, xenophobia, xylophone

z [z] [ts]

zero, zoo, horizon, puzzle, crazy, organize, quiz, jazz; pizza, Mozart, Nazi, waltz