Coming Together as a Church: Conflict in the Local Church

Workshop by Rev. Dr. John Weiler

In this Workshop I want to share some things I personally found helpful when dealing with Conflict

#1 Read as much as possible on the subject but become familiar with some key Resources:

Key Resources: The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to

Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande Every Congregation Needs a Little

Conflict by George Bullard Jr. Developing the Art of Gracious

Disagreement: Surviving Church Conflict from Discovery Series: Radio Bible Class

Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud Wounded by God’s People: Discovering

How God’s Love Heals Our Hearts by Anne Graham Lotz

#2 Think About Conflict under Three Categories:

First: The Bible and Conflict

Second: The Christian and Conflict

Third: The Church and Conflict

First: The Bible and Conflict

Question: What are some examples of conflict in the Bible? Group Discussion

Resource: The Bible and Resource Manual

Handout: The Bible and Conflict

Second: The Christian and Conflict

Question: What are some of the causes of conflict

between Christians? Group Discussion

Resources: 1) Developing the Art of Gracious Disagreement: Surviving Church Conflict (Handout)

How to Disagree with Integrity

1. Don’t agree if you don’t2. Look behind the issues3. Watch for signals4. Manage your side of the conflict 5. Focus on your Provider

2) The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict

Handout: Book Summary: The Four G’s

Third: The Church and Conflict

Question: How would your church manage

conflict in-house? Group Discussion

Resource: Every Congregation Needs a Little

ConflictWhy?

Every congregation needs a little conflict, or a healthy intensity of conflict for at least the

following SEVEN REASONS.

1. Congregations without a healthy intensity of conflict do not have passion around their mission, purpose, and vision.

2. Congregations without a healthy intensity of conflict do not have clear beliefs and core values.

3. Congregations without a healthy intensity of conflict are into an avoidance life style.

4. Congregations without a healthy intensity of conflict make shadow decisions that come from a group-think mentality.

5. Congregations without a healthy intensity of conflict do not have the opportunity to learn how to handle decision-making around complex issues, and thus handle transitional and unhealthy conflict when they are experienced.

6. Congregations without a healthy intensity of conflict do not learn how to keep conflict from escalating to an unhealthy intensity.

7. Congregations without a healthy intensity of conflict do not take many risks because they are afraid it will create conflict it cannot handle.

#3 Approach Conflict with a Simple Procedure: The Grid Procedure

GRID #1 – PRAYER GRID #2 – PROCESSGRID #3 – PEOPLE GRID #4 – PRODUCT

GRID #1 – PRAYER 2 Chronicles 7:14 “If my people, who are

called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Prayer that the conflict may be understood and solved

Prayer that the process decided upon will be led and blessed by the Lord

Prayer for the people and/or groups involved

Prayer for the Pastor(s) and Deacons Prayer for the best solution to be found and

followed Prayer for the Mediation facilitator (if needed) Prayer for patience and perseverance – in the

church and all involved in finding a solution Prayer for protection against evil and the evil

one. (Eph. 6:12) I have found that unless God shows up and

breaks through our hard hearts we have only a human decision at best.

GRID #2 – PROCESSA. What is the problem or issue that has

brought about this conflict? Seek to describe the issue in a few sentences if

possible. Seek to have those involved discuss and agree

on the description of the problem Is this problem or issue the real thing or is it

masking a deeper problem? Can this problem be resolved immediately or

later or should it be avoided? Is the problem or issue serious enough to seek

help? Handout: The Intensities Chart

B. How should this conflict be addressed?

What would be the best process to be followed? Matthew 18:15-17 should be studied, agreed

upon and followed by all involved and then followed as much as possible.

15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Ken Sande in The Peacemaker suggests the following five

steps: (pg. 186-196)

Step One: Overlook Minor OffencesStep Two: Talk in PrivateStep Three: Take One or Two Others AlongStep Four: Tell it to the Church (Church Accountability)Step Five: Treat Him/Her as a Nonbeliever

C. If the conflict involves groups in the church consider the following:

1. A meeting with the Pastor(s) and Deacons could begin the process Begin by discussing the GRIDS. Discuss how we can leverage Prayer in

the church and all involved. Seek to come up with a Process that

would be acceptable to all involved. List all groups and People concerned and

make sure they are all involved in the process.

Discuss what the solution should look like (Product).

2. The Process may look like this:

Pastor/mediator meets with all parties, groups separately to talk about their take on the issues.

Pastor/Mediator meets with all parties, groups together to discuss disagreements and determine where there is common ground and what will be needed to reach solutions.

Pastor/Mediator give a final report which contains recommendations to the groups for them to decide what they will do.

Pastor/Mediator is available to the groups to help in the implementation of their decisions or to hold them accountable in the decisions they have made or just allow the church leadership to act as they feel led by the Lord.

GRID #3 – PEOPLE

Make a list of all people involved in the dispute.

Jot down as much information about each person as is known or disclosed.

Seek to understand the positions of each person and why they have taken this position in the dispute.

Pray for each person and as the Lord prompts I respond seeking to bring a solution to the dispute.

GRID #4 – PRODUCT

Seek to agree on what the solution will look like.

What do we want to achieve if a mediation procedure is required

The goal should not be to achieve peace at any price.

Every voice is to be heard and considered but this does not mean that every opinion will be followed.

Ultimately we want the Lord to be glorified and the Church to be blessed and move forward.

Some Final Notes:

As the Grid Procedure progresses there needs to be a continual contact with all involved especially leaders

All procedures and meetings are to be continually run through the FOUR GRIDS.

Notes are to be recorded of all meetings so that there is written information available.

The chair of the meetings is to come with all agendas.

The chair should consider agenda items presented by the Pastor, Deacons or others involved.

From time to time as needed the Pastor or Mediator should bring a teaching or instruction to the individuals, groups or meetings.

Time for Questions/Discussion

Thanks for your participation