CHAPTER 2CHAPTER 2

CREATING BUSINESS CREATING BUSINESS MESSAGESMESSAGES

Audience orientedAudience oriented PurposefulPurposeful EconomicalEconomical

Improving Your Improving Your Business WritingBusiness WritingImproving Your Improving Your Business WritingBusiness Writing

To improve your writing skills, you needTo improve your writing skills, you need Good teaching materials with Good teaching materials with

excellent model documentsexcellent model documents An effective writing An effective writing

processprocess A trainer (like your A trainer (like your

instructor)instructor) PracticePractice

The Writing ProcessThe Writing ProcessThe Writing ProcessThe Writing Process

PrewritingPrewriting

AnalyzingAnalyzing the purpose and the purpose and the audiencethe audience Identifying your purposeIdentifying your purposeSelecting the best channelSelecting the best channelSwitching to faster channelsSwitching to faster channels

Factors Determining Factors Determining Channel SelectionChannel Selection

Factors Determining Factors Determining Channel SelectionChannel Selection

Importance of messageImportance of message Amount and speed of feedback Amount and speed of feedback

requiredrequired Necessity of a permanent recordNecessity of a permanent record Cost of the channelCost of the channel Degree of formality requiredDegree of formality required

Factors Affecting Factors Affecting Media RichnessMedia Richness

Factors Affecting Factors Affecting Media RichnessMedia Richness

SpeedSpeed InteractivityInteractivity Verbal and Verbal and

nonverbal cuesnonverbal cues Everyday Everyday

languagelanguage Focus on individualFocus on individual

Choosing Communication ChannelsChoosing Communication Channels

Choosing Communication ChannelsChoosing Communication Channels (continued)(continued)

Choosing Communication ChannelsChoosing Communication Channels (concluded)(concluded)

What channel is What channel is best to announce best to announce decreased decreased insurance insurance benefits for 250 benefits for 250 employees?employees?

E-mailE-mail

FaxFax

LetterLetter

MemoMemo

ReportReport

TelephoneTelephone

Voice MailVoice Mail

MeetingMeeting

ConversationConversation

WebWeb

What channel is What channel is best for a sales best for a sales message message promoting a new promoting a new product to product to customers?customers?

What channel is What channel is best for best for responding to responding to similar customer similar customer inquiries?inquiries?

E-mailE-mail

FaxFax

LetterLetter

MemoMemo

ReportReport

TelephoneTelephone

Voice MailVoice Mail

MeetingMeeting

ConversationConversation

WebWeb

PrewritingPrewriting

AnalyzingAnalyzing the purpose and the the purpose and the audienceaudience Identifying your purposeIdentifying your purpose Selecting the best channelSelecting the best channel Switching to faster channelsSwitching to faster channels

AnticipatingAnticipating the Audiencethe Audience Profiling the audienceProfiling the audience Responding to the profileResponding to the profile

AdaptingAdapting to the task and audience to the task and audience

Asking the Right Questions to Asking the Right Questions to Profile Your AudienceProfile Your Audience

Asking the Right Questions to Asking the Right Questions to Profile Your AudienceProfile Your Audience

(concluded)(concluded)

Spotlight Audience BenefitsSpotlight Audience BenefitsSpotlight Audience BenefitsSpotlight Audience BenefitsShape your statements to involve the reader.

Instead of this:

You will enjoy total peace of mind with our affordable hospitalization plan that meets all your needs.

Try this:

We are promoting a new plan that we believe has many outstanding benefits.

Draw onFamiliarWords

UseInclusiveLanguage

EmployPositive

Language

SoundConversational

CultivateA “You”

View

SpotlightAudienceBenefits

Create aCreate aMessage ThatMessage That

Suits YourSuits YourAudienceAudience

Cultivate a “You” ViewCultivate a “You” ViewCultivate a “You” ViewCultivate a “You” View

Emphasize second-person pronouns (you/your) instead of first-person pronouns (I/we, us, our)

Instead of this:Before we can allow you to purchase items on this new account, we must wait two weeks to verify your credit.

You may begin making purchases on your new account in two weeks.

Try this:

Create audience benefits and use the “you view.”

We are now offering H-P computers at discounted prices.

Revise these sentences:

We are pleased to announce that you have been approved to enroll in our leadership training program.

These are better:

You can now purchase H-P computers at discounted prices.

Congratulations! You have been selected to enter our leadership training program!

Sound ConversationalSound ConversationalSound ConversationalSound Conversational

Instead of this:The undersigned takes pleasure in . . .

It may be of some concern to you to learn that your check has been received and your account has been credited for $250.

I’m happy to . . .

Try this:

We’ve credited your account for $250.

Levels of Language UseLevels of Language Use

UnprofessionalUnprofessional ConversationalConversational FormalFormal

Found inFound in

Some comic Some comic strips, and strips, and songs, some songs, some commercials, commercials, some some conversations, conversations, some IM and some IM and email messagesemail messages

Business Business messages, messages, novels, most novels, most newspapers, and newspapers, and most magazines most magazines

Scientific writing, Scientific writing, legal documents, legal documents, scholarly books, scholarly books, formal essays, formal essays, proclamationsproclamations

UnprofessionaUnprofessionall

ConversationalConversational FormalFormal

ExamplesExamples

wastedwastednabnabbad-mouthbad-mouthdough, breaddough, breadstewed, stewed, plasteredplasteredI ain’tI ain’thumongoushumongoustighttight

ruinedruinedcatchcatchcriticizecriticizemoneymoneyintoxicated, intoxicated, drunkdrunkI’m notI’m notenormousenormousfrugalfrugal

annihilatedannihilatedapprehendapprehenddisparagedisparagecurrencycurrencyinebriatedinebriated

I am notI am notprodigiousprodigiouspenuriouspenurious

Revise to make the tone conversational, yet professional and concise.

To facilitate contract ratification, your negotiators urge that the membership respond in the affirmative.

Revise these sentences:

Kindly inform the undersigned whether or not your representative will be making a visitation in the near future.

These are better:

We urge you to approve the contract by voting yes.

Please tell me whether your representative will be visiting before June 1.

UnprofessionalUnprofessional ConversationalConversational FormalFormal

Characterized byCharacterized by

Incorrect Incorrect grammar, grammar, unpredictable unpredictable sentence sentence structure, structure, inappropriate inappropriate punctuation, punctuation, slang, slang, vulgarisms vulgarisms

Correct Correct grammar and grammar and punctuation, punctuation, conversational conversational tone, simple tone, simple sentence sentence structure, structure, familiar words familiar words

Correct Correct grammar, grammar, serious tone, serious tone, complex complex sentence sentence structure, structure, polysyllabic polysyllabic words words

Employ Positive LanguageEmploy Positive LanguageEmploy Positive LanguageEmploy Positive Language

Instead of this:Employees may not use the First Street entrance during remodeling.

We cannot fill your order until we receive an exact model number.

Employees may use the Market Street entrance during remodeling.

Try this:

We can fill your order once we receive an exact model number.

Hidden MessagesHidden MessagesHidden MessagesHidden Messages

Some words and phrases convey a Some words and phrases convey a

negative and unpleasant tone. negative and unpleasant tone.

They may imply a hidden message They may imply a hidden message

that the writer does not intend. that the writer does not intend.

Think twice before using the Think twice before using the

following negative expressions.following negative expressions.

Negative LanguageNegative Language

You overlookedYou overlooked

You state thatYou state that

You failed toYou failed to

You claim thatYou claim that

You are wrongYou are wrong

You do not understandYou do not understand

Your delayYour delay

You forgot toYou forgot to

Hidden MeaningHidden Meaning

You are carelessYou are careless

But I don’t believe youBut I don’t believe you

You are carelessYou are careless

It’s probably untrueIt’s probably untrue

I am rightI am right

You are not very brightYou are not very bright

You are at faultYou are at fault

You are inefficient and You are inefficient and carelesscareless

State ideas more positively.

We must withhold payment until you complete the job satisfactorily.

Revise these sentences:

If you fail to follow each requirement, you will not receive your $50 rebate.

These are better:

You will be paid promptly once the job is completed satisfactorily.

By following each requirement, you will receive your $50 rebate.

Use Inclusive LanguageUse Inclusive LanguageUse Inclusive LanguageUse Inclusive Language

Instead of this:Have you called a salesman?

Every executive has his own office.

This alternative is wordy and calls

attention to itself

Have you called a salesperson?

Try this:

All executives have their own offices.

Every executive has an office. All executives have offices. Every executive has his or

her own office.

Revise to use inclusive language.

Any applicant for the position of policeman must submit a medical report signed by his physician.

Revise these sentences:

Every employee is entitled to see his personnel file.

These are better:

Applicants for police officer positions must submit medical reports signed by their physicians.All employees are entitled to see their personnel files.

Adopt Plain LanguageAdopt Plain LanguageAdopt Plain LanguageAdopt Plain Language

Avoid federalese, bureaucratese, and Avoid federalese, bureaucratese, and inflated language.inflated language.

Federalese:Federalese: Each person to whom the request is herein Each person to whom the request is herein

addressed is henceforth solicited to submit, or to have his or addressed is henceforth solicited to submit, or to have his or

her department representative submit, to the Department of her department representative submit, to the Department of

Labor official described above, a comment on whether the Labor official described above, a comment on whether the

proposed plan, in his or her considered view, meets the proposed plan, in his or her considered view, meets the

requirements of the 2003 law.requirements of the 2003 law.

Simple Translation:Simple Translation: You may wish to comment on whether You may wish to comment on whether

the proposed plan meets the requirements of the 2003 law.the proposed plan meets the requirements of the 2003 law.

Draw on Familiar WordsDraw on Familiar WordsDraw on Familiar WordsDraw on Familiar Words

Avoid long, difficult, and unfamiliar words. Use short, simple, and common words whenever possible.

Less familiar wordsLess familiar words Simple alternativesSimple alternatives

encounterencounter meetmeet

extrapolateextrapolate projectproject

obligatoryobligatory requiredrequired

terminateterminate endend

Revise the following sentences using simpler language.

Please ascertain whether we must perpetuate our current contract.

He hypothesized that stock values would deteriorate.

Please find out whether we must continue our current contract.

He guessed that stock values would fall.

Revise the following sentences using simpler language.

Because we cannot monitor all activities, we must terminate the agreement.

I’ll interface with Mark to access his people.

Because we cannot check all activities, we must end the contract.

I’ll talk with Mark about using his staff.

Seven Ways Technology Can Seven Ways Technology Can Improve Your Business WritingImprove Your Business WritingSeven Ways Technology Can Seven Ways Technology Can

Improve Your Business WritingImprove Your Business Writing Fighting writer’s blockFighting writer’s block Collecting information electronicallyCollecting information electronically Outlining and organizing ideasOutlining and organizing ideas Improving correctness and Improving correctness and

precisionprecision Adding graphics for emphasisAdding graphics for emphasis Designing and producing Designing and producing

professional-looking documents, professional-looking documents, presentations, and Web pagespresentations, and Web pages

Using collaborative software for Using collaborative software for team writingteam writing