Some practical strategies for increasing the chance of a successful student-teacher conversation about behaviour

There’s an art:Challenge them but like them simultaneously– if they don’t own it, they ain’t going to change it.

Six Tips:Tip #1 Prepare emotionallyTip #2 Show undying good will to the student – make it really hard for them to hate youTip #3 Get Socratic – ask instead of tellingTip #4 Work through stretches of the truth respectfullyTip #5 Be brave enough to admit mistakesTip #6 Be aware of positioning and body language

Tip #1 Prepare yourself emotionally

• Anxiety is perfectly normal

• How will the student be?

• Some self administered CBT helps!– As painful as this kids is, he’s just a kid……– I’m going to show this kid I like them and I’m going to stick at it …….*

Supporting Teachers in the Work Place – Bill Rogers

Tip #2: Show undying good will to the student – make it really hard for them to hate you

• Deal with ANGER calmly • It’s an emotion that needs a VOICE

• There are ways to deal better with • with this raw emotion:•

Avoid demanding instant reform

These students rely on intelligent, emotionally poised teachers

Develop exit procedures - cool down cards, tickets, rewards, etc

Usually, system, parental and external support is crucial

Use POSITIVE BEHAVIOURAL SUPPORTS (may take years)

Relationship

Show you like ‘em (or fake it). Otherwise, they’ll bunker down and lash out to protect themselves. “Go to war”

Think fast

When in conflict, never ask;“What did you just say?”“Why did you do that?”LEAVE SECONDARY BEHAVIOUR ALONE….Pretend you didn’t hear or say “I’m sorry you feel that way…”

Avoid defending your position. Say: “Yeah! I can't make you do anything you don’t want to do.” "I like you too much to argue about this.” “That might be so, this is how it is going to be.”

“Mal, I like having you in this class. I need you to know that. But I was disappointed with your response when I asked you to get back on with your work. That’s just not like you to get uptight like that about simple teacher requests. What do you need me to know about what happened?

Use an affective statement straight up

Step 1: Affirm student

Step 2: Challenge the behaviour

Step 3: Give Right of reply

Step 2a: Re-affirm student

“You hate me / pick on me”

“I can get away with stuff”

“So you don’t like me now?”

“You don’t listen, it’s not fair”

You're the problem: You suck

I’m the problem: I suck

How I acted was the problem, You’re okay, I’m okay

“Mal, I like having you in this class. I need you to know that. But I was disappointed with your response when I asked you to get back on with your work. That’s just not like you to get uptight like that about simple teacher requests. What do you need me to know about what happened?

Use an affective statement straight up

Step 1: Affirm student

Step 2: Challenge the behaviour

Step 3: Give Right of reply

Step 2a: Re-affirm student

“You hate me / pick on me”

“I can get away with stuff”

“So you don’t like me now?”

“You don’t listen, it’s not fair”

You're the problem: You suck

I’m the problem: I suck

How I acted was the problem, You’re okay, I’m okay

The Restorative Practices ContinuumThorsborne & Vinegrad 2009

Individual conference

Small groupconference

Large groupconference

Classroomconference

Communityconference

Process

Teacher and Student

Teacher and several students

Teachers and whole class

Teachers, parents and students

Participants

‘The more serious the harm done, the more serious will be the response’

Affective statement

Dr. Robert Cialdini’s Research on Ethical Influence

Regent's Professor, Arizona State UniversityE-mail Robert Cialdini, Ph.D.www.influenceatwork.com

The Principle of liking

How do you convey ‘liking’ to a student without looking like a suck?

Put the spotlight on positive behaviour – what you notice will growPositive feedback on work – written can be effectiveGreet students politelyChallenge respectfullySay ‘goodbye’ on their way outMake a quick comment on something they’re interested in – act naive about it and invite them to teach you!Group praiseProximity praise – short and punchyBe careful about public praiseNon-verbal praise Don’t be afraid to make yourself look a bit goofy

What ideas do you have

Given the documented positive effects of teacher praise, it is puzzling why so many teachers make little use if it (Gable et a., 1983; Gunther & Denny, 1998; Shores et al., 1993; Sutherland & Wehby, 2001; Sutherland et al., 2002) cited in Gable, Hester, Rock & Hughes (2009)

Understanding Shame & Humiliation

We can only learn something positive from the painful emotion of shame when we feel

respected and accepted, particularly by those who point our shortcomings out to us.

Human Affect TheoryDonald Nathanson MD.

WITHDRAWAL

ATTACK SELF

AVOIDANCE

ATTACK OTHERS

Those who don’t feel loved, or lack the ability to love themselves can’t learn anything positive

from shame.

Braithwaite's Reintegrative Shaming Theory applied...

We are far less likely to acknowledge we have done the wrong thing if we feel disliked by the person confronting us

If a student feels we like and accept them they are more likely that they will accept the tough feedback when we have to give it

Chips in the bank are extremely important – make sure the bank has something in it when we need to make a withdrawal!

Tip #3: Get Socratic – ask questions instead of telling

(Name) Do you have any questions for me about why I asked you to leave the room....

Or Do you understand the reasons I...

Or Do you know why I ...?

Questioning instead of telling:•Conveys our desire to listen to them•Avoid cutting off / interrupting / contradicting •Be ready for different perception, blame, sugar coating

The Socratic Style – Restorative Questions

What was happening from your side?What made you decide to.../ What were you hoping would happen...What do you think about that now we’re having a chat about it?Who was affected by your behaviour (and how)....(what about you?)Which classroom rule was affected what you did?What do you think needs to happen to clean this mess up?*What ‘s a fair way for me to deal with it if this happens again?

The Restorative Practices ContinuumThorsborne & Vinegrad 2009

Individual conference

Small groupconference

Large groupconference

Classroomconference

Communityconference

Process

Teacher and Student

Teacher and several students

Teachers and whole class

Teachers, parents and students

Participants

‘The more serious the harm done, the more serious will be the response’

Affective statement

Be ready for a different version of the story - don’t expect a completely accurate account or get caught in small details*

remain calm, friendly and respectful – don’t contradict or interrupt themPoint out what you agree on 1st “I agree right up until the part where...”Challenge without accusing them of lying and lead them through your recollection “This is how I saw it...” “This is what I wrote down about it...”Use discrepancy assertion“Look, this confuses me Ben. On the one hand you're saying that you worked all lesson but on the other hand I have nothing that shows me that”

Tip #4: Work through stretches of the truth

Be specific about the behaviour:Avoid using general terms to describe the behaviour:•“You acted inappropriately”•“You were rude”•“You showed me attitude”•“You were violent”

Name it, ask permission to mirror it

Shared responsibility taking is a very powerful thing – it sometimes sets reciprocity in action

If you made a bad call, a wrong assumption, had a human moment, forgive yourself and admit it“I could have handled that part better”“I got really cranky and it didn’t help the situation”“I missed that bit”

This empowers kids to take responsibility for their bad decisions

We are (after all) modelling the restorative spirit

Tip #5: Be brave enough to admit own mistakes

Adolescent boys are not too far from the jungle!

Where’s the door?

Know your own defensive quirks*

Tip #6: Be aware of positioning and body language

Six Tips Overview:

Tip #1 Prepare emotionallyTip #2 Show undying good will to the student unleash the power of affective statementsTip #3 Get Socratic – ask questions instead of tellingTip #4 Work through stretches of the truthTip #5 Be brave enough to admit own mistakesTip #6 Be aware of positioning and body language