StrengtheningFamily Coping Resources Peer-to-Peer Group … · 2019. 8. 1. · SFCR-P2P groups are designed for individuals at any stage in recovery who are interested in trying to

Strengthening Family Coping Resources

Peer-to-Peer Group Intervention Manual

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StrengtheningFamilyCopingResourcesPeer-to-Peer(SFCR-P2P)

PeerLeaderGroupModel

LaurelJ.Kiser,Ph.D.,MBA

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Acknowledgements

ThanksgotomanywhohelpedadaptStrengtheningFamilyCopingResourcesmanualandmaterialsforuseasapeer-to-peergroupmodel.

Aspecialthankstothosewomenwhoworkedtodevelopeachsession:

CharleneCotton

and

RegiaAcheampong,KhalishaFaunteroy

AndtoallthenumerouswomenwhoparticipatedinthegroupsinSistersEmpoweringSistersWomen’sPeerRecoveryCenter.

AppreciationgoestoCommunityConnections,especiallytoMaxineHarris,ReneeRobertson,ChristinaBuswell,CorinneMeijer,andRebeccaWolfsonBerley,forhavingthevisiontouseSFCRinthiswayandforcollaboratingtomakethisadaptationareality.

ThisadaptationofSFCRwassupportedinpartbyfundingfromTheCenterforSubstanceAbuseTreatment(SubstanceAbuseandMentalHealthServicesAdministration)undertheRecoveryCommunitySupportProgram.

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TABLEOFCONTENTS

Introduction

SessionOutlinesandMaterials

Family

FamilyFirst…………………………………………………………………………………17LifeChoices………………………………………………………………………………..23FamilyLifeCycle…………………………………………………………………………35FamilyTraditionsandRoutines.……………………….…………………………49OurFamilyValues……..…………………………………………………..…………..61

Traditions

RelativeInterview……………………………………………...……………………….71RitualFamilyTree………………...…………………………………………………….85TellingFamilyStories……………………………………………….....................95ThingstoCelebrate!.......................................................................103

Routines

DearJournal..………………………………………………………………………………117DevelopingDailyRoutines…………………………………………………………..131WhoseChoreIsItAnyway?............................................................141Let'sEat…..………………………………………………………………………………….149ThingsGetintheWay…..…………………………………………………………….173

Safety

StressandFamilyRelaxation…….…………………………..…………………….187YourChildandFeelingScared…….……………………….………………………199SettingLimits……….…………………………………….…….…………………………209TheElephantintheRoom…………………………………………………………..219

Connections

PeopleHelp……………………………..………………..……………………………….227SpiritualSupport…………………………………………..…………………………….237LaughterisImportant!....................................................................247

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ManualIntroduction

BACKGROUND

SistersEmpoweringSisters(SES)isapeer-ledrecoverycommunityofwomen.AttheSESCenter,womeninrecoveryfromsubstanceabuse,traumaticdistress,andmentalhealthproblemsplanandparticipatein awide range of activities designed to support their long-term recovery and to help otherwomenmove into and through recovery. SES offers a peer-lead recovery community that emphasizesempowerment, mutual support among participants, and enhancing the life skills necessary to full,healthy,andhopefullives.

As SES developed,women talked frequently of themanyways inwhich stressful relationships posedthreatstotheircontinuedrecovery.Ofconcerntothewomenwastheintergenerationaltolloftrauma,substanceabuseandmentalhealthproblems.Substanceabuse,mentaldisorders,andtraumacaneachdisrupt relationships with parents, siblings, children, and grandchildren. These women were acutelyaware of the difficult relationships they hadwith their ownparents and families and how theywererecreating these relationships in the next generation. These women expressed concerns about theirrelationshipswiththeirchildrenandtheirfamilies.

Astheyexploredtheseconcernsfurther,itbecameclearthatrelationshipswiththeyouthintheirlives(especially 10-18 year olds) and some young adults in their families were especially problematic formany women. Frequently, drug use, violence, and sexuality in the lives of younger family membersservedas“triggers”forpossiblerelapsefortheirmothers,oldersiblings,aunts,andgrandmothers.Thewomenrecountedwaysinwhichtheirowntraumahistoriesbecameentangledwiththoseofyouthandyoungadults intheir families.Womensaidthat itwashardtodistinguish“usual”adolescentbehaviorfromextremebehaviorproblems,becausetheirreactionswerefrequentlybasedontheirownteen-agestruggles,includingsubstanceabuseandviolentvictimization.Forexample,womenreportedformerlyusingwiththeirteens(orthattheirmothersusedwiththem)to“bond”or“connect”withtheyouthintheirfamilies.

SESpeerswhoserecoveryismuchmorefirmlyestablishedhaveactivelybeguntoseekwaystobemoreeffective rolemodelsand/orparentsduring suchcomplex reactionsandcoping responses.Theyhaveconsistently talked of the importance of untangling the interwoven experiences of substance abuse,traumaticviolence,andmentalhealthproblemsintheirfamilyhistoriesandcurrentrelationships;thisisanecessity in their recovery journeys. Especially regarding thenextgeneration, theyouthandyoungadults with whom they have important relationships, women in SES who are further along in theirrecoveryhavedescribedtheirstrongneedstointerruptthecycleofsubstanceabuse,ofviolence,andofmental health problems that have so often characterized their families. As onewomen said, “It’s soimportant to connect to this next generation, people like my daughter who is out there using. Ifsomeonehad reachedout tome,maybe Iwouldn’thave stayedout there so long.Therearea lotofhurtingwomenstilloutthereusing.”Whenseenintheperspectiveoffamilyhistoriespervadedbydrug

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and alcohol misuse, violent victimization, and mental health problems, it is not surprising that SESwomenvoicestrongcommitmenttomakingsurethatthenextgenerationoftheirfamilieshasalltheyneedinterpersonallytoavoidaddictionandviolence(the“intergenerationalcurse”).

PURPOSEOFSTRENGTHENINGFAMILYCOPINGRESOURCESPEER-TO-PEER(SFCR-PP)GROUPMODEL

SFCR-P2P is a manualized, peer-led group intervention focused on improving intergenerationalrelationshipsandespeciallyontrans-generationaltrauma,violence,substanceabuseandmentalillness.Themaingoalof thegroups is tohelpparents identifyandbuildontheskills theyneedforsustainedrecoveryinthecontextsoftheircurrentfamilyandthenextgenerationofyouthandyoungadults.

Alongwith their Peer Group Leaders, parents focus on reconstructing intergenerational relationshipswheneverpossible, “letting go”when reconciliation is not possible (or perhapsnotdesirable, aswithfamily perpetrators of violence), interrupting the cross-generational transmission of substance abuseand trauma, and leaving a legacy of guidance based on their own experiences and learning. SFCR-PPprovides parents with a safe, structured and predictable way to discuss intergenerational concernsaroundsubstanceabuseand trauma.Thegroupssupportparents tomakeconnectionsbetweentheirtrauma, substance abuse, mental illness and parenting practices. Each session provides a setting forthemtodevelopideasabouthowtoreconnect,repairandrecalibratetheirparentingrelationships,toaccept responsibility formistakes/choicesmade,and tomove forward to strengthen their family.Thedesiredoutcomesforparticipantswhoattendthesegroupsaretwofold:1)enhancing/strengtheningaparent'sownrecoveryand2)betterpositioningparentsinrecoverytohelpfamilymemberswithwhomshehasmeaningfulrelationshipsavoidsubstanceabuse,violenceandvictimization.

STRENGTHENINGFAMILYCOPINGRESOURCES(SFCR)

SFCR-P2P is an adaptation of SFCR, a trauma-focused, multi-family, skill-building intervention. SFCR isdesignedforfamilieslivingintraumaticcontexts.Sincemostfamilieslivingintraumaticcontextscontendwith on-going stressors and threats, SFCR is designed to increase coping resources in children, adultcaregivers, and in the family system to prevent relapse and re-exposure. Specifically, SFCR builds thecoping resourcesnecessary tohelp familiesboost their senseof safety, functionwith stability, regulatetheiremotionsandbehaviors,andimprovecommunicationaboutandunderstandingofthetraumastheyhaveexperienced.SFCRreliesonthecorecomponentsofempiricallysupportedtraumatreatmentsplusnatural healing and coping resources to provide a behavioral- and skills-based framework forstrengtheningfamilyprocesses.

SFCRgroupoutlinesandmaterialshavebeenadaptedtofocusonelaboratingorstrengtheningcopingresources for parents in recovery. In the new adapted format, SFCR-P2P provides an exceptionalopportunityforhelpingparentsplacestructureandprocessaroundtheirownfamilypractices,beliefs,values,andculturalcontextsand improvetheirprotective function.Asparents learnnewcopingskillsthey are encouraged to promote positive change in their family’s daily life and home environment.Parentsareencouragedtobelievethattheycanusetheirnewskillstocreate“positivechainreactions”witheffectsthatcouldbeseenacrossgenerations.

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ConductingSFCR-P2PGroups

SFCR-PEER-TO-PEERPARTICIPANTS

SFCR-P2Pgroupsaredesigned for individuals at any stage in recoverywhoare interested in trying tointerruptthecycleoftrauma,violenceandaddictioninthenextgenerationsoftheirfamilies.

PEERGROUPLEADERS

SFCR-P2Pgroupsareledbypeerswhoprovidethesupportneededforparentstorelatemorepositivelyto thenext generations of their families. Parentswho “havebeen there” in copingwith the stressfulaspectsofsubstanceabuse,ofviolence,andofmentalhealthproblemsareinauniquepositiontooffersupporttootherparentsnewertorecovery.Thosewhosefamilieswereformerlyparticularlystressfulandhavenowbecomeamorestablepartoftheirownrecoveryworkareparticularlywell-equippedtoassistothersinthistaskofbuildingasolidrecovery-focusedbasewiththeirfamilies.Theseparentsarebestpoisedtolistenwithoutjudgment,askingparentswhattheywanttodoandwhattheiroptionsare,relateenoughoftheirownstoriestoexpressthattherecanbeapositiveoutcomeandthatSFCR-P2Pcanhelpparentsget thehelpand support theyneed.Only they can say, "I know, it'shard. I'vebeenthere."

During SFCR-P2P groups, the peer group leaders maintain a focus on specific issues related toconstructive family coping. They attend each session with a positive attitude and high expectations.Theymaketheparentsparticipatingfeelthatthistimeisspecial.Theyencourageeachgrouptoformanetworkandmakepositiveuseofallthepeopleresourcesavailableduringeachsession.Wheneventshappentothreatenthecontinuityorcohesionofthesession,thepeerleadersmodelflexibleproblem-solvingskillsandconflictresolution,yetmanagetoensurethatthegroupproceedsandthegoalsforthegroupareaccomplished.Finally,theyencourageahighlevelofparticipationfromeachpersonattendingregardlessofstageofrecoveryorabilities.

Inaddition,peergroupleadersmustbesensitivetotheneedsoftraumavictims.Theyareawareofthephysiologicalandemotionalreactionsthataretriggeredbyremindersoftraumaticeventsandworktoidentify these triggers andhelpparticipants regulate their expressionsof distress. Peer group leadersarealsokeenlyawareofthecontagiousnatureoftraumaticdistresssopaycarefulattentiontogroupprocesses.Finally,peergroupleadersrealizethatpeerfacilitationisdifficultandmakeeffortstoworkthroughtheirownreactionstothetraumapainthatisexperiencedwithinthegroup.Theyunderstandthatpeerleadershiprequirescontinuedinvolvementandparticipationintheirownrecovery.

Each of the SFCR-P2P session topics has the potential to trigger a reaction in the parents whoparticipate.Theymayoftenhavebadmemoriesorexperiencesthatrelatetothetopicbeingdiscussed.Theirownfamiliesmaynothaveprovidedthemwithahealthyandhappyfamilylife.Theymayfeelthattheir life circumstances have not allowed them to provide a healthy and happy family life for theirchildren. A consistentmessage in each session should be that new skills can help them change theirfamilyandgivethenextgenerationabrighterfuture.

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TrainingforUtilizingSFCRPeer-to-Peer

SFCR-P2PgroupscanonlybeconductedbytrainedandexperiencedPeerMentors.Inadditiontotheirtraining and experience in providing peer-to-peer support services, SFCR-P2P Leaders attend one- ortwo-daysofexperiential learning.Over these two-days,peerswhowillbe leading thegroupshaveanopportunitytolearnfirst-handabouttheconceptsandmaterialsbeingused.

Peer group leaders also receive trainingonhandlingdifficult situations that arise, specifically, how toassistanyparticipantdealingwithdifficultemotionsandtoprovidesupportandappropriatereferralstoparentswhomightneedassistance.

Formentalhealthcliniciansworkingwithpeer leaders inprovidingsupportservices takingpart in theSFCR-P2P training is also important forunderstanding the conceptsand fordetermining thepotentialpointsatwhichparentsmayneedadditionalsupport.

Group leaders should receive weekly supervision from supervisors and/or consultants who haveadvancedtrainingandexperienceinimplementingtheSCFR-P2Pgroups.

STRUCTUREOFTHEGROUPS

The sessions included in SFCR-P2P are arranged under five conceptual headings: Family, Traditions,Routine,SafetyandConnections(seeTableofContents).Thesessionsdonotneedtobeofferedinanyorderbut canbe scheduledby thepeergroup leadersbasedonanassessmentofwhere theparentsparticipatingareintheirrecoveryandtheirneedsforspecificskills.

SFCR-P2Pgroupsare conductedusingaworkshopmodelwithopenenrollment, inwhichparents candropinforanynumberofsessions.Eachsessionrunsforonehourfacilitatedbytwopeermentors.Onementortakestheroleofleaderwhiletheothermentorassists.Theco-facilitatorisalsoavailabletoaidany participants struggling with the activity or discussion. Clinical backup or liaison to help providesupportorone-to-oneassistanceifagroupparticipantbecomesdistressedisstronglyrecommended.

Peergroupleadersmeetpriortoeachgrouptoreviewsessionmaterials,prepareforthegroupwithaclear understanding of roles, and discover and process where their own triggers might be in thetopics/materialstobepresented.

Peer leadersalsomeetbrieflyaftereachgroupfordebriefing.Theyreviewhowthesessionwent,talkaboutwhatcouldhavebeendonedifferentlyandtakesomenotesforfuturereference.Theyalsoshareanyconcernsrelatedtoparticipantsinthegroupanddecidewhetherthereisanyfollow-upneededtoaddressspecificissuesraised.ThisdeliberateapproachtoSFCR-P2Pfacilitationsupportspositivegroupoutcomes.

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UsingtheManualandSupportingMaterials

Thismanual consists of session outlines alongwith supporting handouts andmaterials. There are 21sessions. The description of each session indicates the objective of the group, discussion guide,questionstohelpguidediscussion, reflections, tips forpractice,anda listofsupportinghandoutsandmaterials.

Thepeergroup leadersusehandouts toguidediscussionor tohelpparticipants focus their thoughts.Theleadersalsomakeuseofflipcharts.Ontheflipcharts,thepeerleadershaveoutlinedthediscussionquestions or activities.With permission fromparticipants, peer leaders record the discussion as theymovethroughthesepagesontheflipcharts.Peerleadersendeachgroupwithahopefulmessageandarequestthatparticipantstakewiththemwhattheylearnedingroupandgoingforwardmaketheskillstheylearnedpartofyourfamilyroutinebypracticing.Havingafolderforeachparticipanthelpsorganizematerialsforfutureuse.

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PeerGroupFacilitationTips*

Thisisagroupthatfollowsamanual.Inthemanual,eachsessionisoutlinedindetail.Itisimportanttobefamiliarwithallsessioncontentandmaterials.Haveaplanbeforegrouptimeabouthowyouwanttorunthegroupandpresentthematerials.

Peergroupfacilitatortasksinclude:

• Openingthegroup,checkinginwithparticipantsandremindingeveryoneofguidelines/groundrulesincludingconfidentiality.

• Monitoringtime,groupshouldstartandendontime.• Allowingeachpersonwhowantsachancetospeak.• Keepingdiscussionontrack,followingthemanualandinanappropriatetone.• Clarifyingandsummarizingforgeneralunderstanding.• Modelingappropriatebehaviorasagroupparticipant.• Managingconflictwhenitarises.• Beingawareofwhat’shappeningwithindividualswhomightbetriggered,hurting,

uncomfortable,orincrisismayneedasupportedmomenttocalmdownandareferral.• Closingthediscussionatendofgrouptime.• ___________________________________________________• ___________________________________________________• ___________________________________________________

Herearesomedosanddon’tsforpeergroupfacilitators:

• DO:o Restate:Insimpleterms,sopeoplewillknowthey’vebeenlistenedto.o Askclarifyingquestions:“Canyoutellusmoreabout…”o Redirect:Askotherparticipantstoreacttowhathasbeensaid.o Reflect:“Itsoundsasthough…”o Validate:Expressunderstandingofwhatsomeonehasshared,(doesnotmeanyou

agree/condone).o Summarize:Reviewtheconversationuptothispoint.o Share:Yourownfeelings,experiences.o ___________________________________________________o ___________________________________________________

• DON’Ts:o DON’Tdominatediscussion.o DON’Tpreachorlecture.o DON’Ttellparticipantswhattheyshoulddo.o DON’Ttrytorunatherapysession.o DON’Tbejudgmental.o ___________________________________________________o ___________________________________________________

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Settingupsomegroupguidelines/groundrulesatthebeginningofeachgrouphelpsthemrunsmoothly.Herearesomeideas:

• Sharetheair:everyonegetsachancetotalk.• Onepersonspeaksatatime.• Whatissaidinthegroupstaysinthegroup.• Groupmembersareallequal.• DifferencesofopinionareOK.• Use“I”language.(Don’tdirectorblame).• It’sOKnottoshare.• Groupmembersareallresponsibleformakingthegroupasafeplacetoshare.• Stepup,stepback(ifyouareonthequietside,talkmore;ifyouarealwaystalking,giveothersa

turn).• ___________________________________________________• ___________________________________________________• ___________________________________________________

*Adaptedfrom:DepressionandBipolarSupportAlliance(DBSA);SupportGroupFacilitationGuideRIPeer

RecoverySpecialistCertificationExamStudyGuidePreparedbyJSIResearch&TrainingInstitute,Inc.fortheRhodeIslandDepartmentofBehavioralHealthcare,DevelopmentalDisabilitiesandHospitals

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FAMILY

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FamilyFirst

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupisfocusedonsettingchildrenandimmediatefamilyasahighpriority.

OUTLINE:

Thegroupbeginswithadiscussionofpriorities.First,definewhatapriorityis.Asimpledictionarydefinitionis“Athingthatisregardedasmoreimportantthananother.”

Havegroupmembersmakealistoftheirpriorities.Discusshealthyandunhealthypriorities.Talkabouttheimportanceofsettingchildrenandfamiliesasahighpriority.Talkaboutsomeofthejoysandburdensthatcomealongwithtakingcareofchildrenandfamilies.Makealistofsomeoftheobstaclesthatgetinwayofkeepingchildrenandfamiliesasahighpriority.

Discusshowtheirchildrenandfamilywouldknowtheywerethetoppriority.

Discussstrategiesparentscanusetomakesurethattheirchildrenandfamilystayatoppriority.

Endthegroupbyhavingeachparentshareonestrategythattheyplantousetokeeptheirchildrenandfamilyahighpriority.

QUESTIONSTOGUIDEDISCUSSION:

Whatisapriority?

Whataresomeofyourpriorities?

Havetherebeentimeswhenyourprioritieswerenothealthy?Whatwereyourprioritiesthen?

Whatbarriersmightyoufacetryingtomakeyourfamilyahighpriorityatthispointinyourlife?

Ifyousetyourchildrenandfamilyasatoppriority,whatcanyoudotoletthemknowtheyaresoimportant?

IMPORTANTPOINTSTOMAKE:

Ü Parentswhowereexposedtoadversechildhoodeventsmayhaveanincreasedunderstandingoftheirchildren’sexperiencesandtheneedforsensitivityandsupport.Butsomeparentsaretriggeredbytheirchildren’sneedsandfindbeingasensitiveand

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supportiveparenthardtomanage.

Ü Sometimesthings(working,men,drugs,alcohol,runningthestreets,partying)becomeprioritiesevenifwedon’twantthemtobe.

Ü Parentsexpresstheircommitmentbymaintainingsharedtimeandexperiences,investinginthefamilyasaunit,andmaintainingthatcommitmenttothefamilydespiteobstacles.

Ü Planning,problem-solvingandfollow-throughareneededtomaintainthiscommitment.

REFLECTIONS:

Bytakingpartinthisgroupparentsthinkabouthowtomaketakingcareoftheirchildrenandfamilysoimportantthatnothingelsematters.Theywillunderstandhowtouseskillslikeplanning,problem-solving,andfollow-throughtoshowtheirchildrenandfamilyhowimportanttheyare.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundsettingfamilyasapriority:

1. Makeacommitmenttospend5minuteseachdaythisweekwithoneofyourchildren.Turnoffyourcellphone,TV,gamingdevicesduringthattimeandjustenjoybeingtogether.

2. Dosomethingextraforoneofyourchildrenthisweek.Nextweekyoucandosomethingspecialforsomeoneelseandspreadthelove.

HANDOUTS(andothermaterialsneeded):

TipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

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Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around setting family as a priority:

� Make a commitment to spend 5 minutes each day this week with one of your children. Turn off your cell phone, TV, gaming devices during that time and just enjoy being together.

� Do something extra for one of your children this week. Next week you can do something special for someone else and spread the love.

� (Write your own tip)___________________________________

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Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:FamilyFirstFeedbackForm

Date: Location:

Icametogroupbecause .

Myfavoritepartofgrouptodaywas .Foreachitembelow,circlethenumberthatbestmatchesyourexperienceatgrouptoday.

Atgrouptoday,Ilearnednewskillstohelpme…

Disagree

NeitherAgree

norDisagree

Agree

1. Makemyfamilyatoppriority ! " #2.Knowmyhealthypriorities ! " #3.Worktogethertosolveproblems ! " #4.Knowhowwearefeeling ! " #5.Spendmoretimetogether ! " #6.Showmyfamilyhowimportanttheyare ! " #

Ihavecometo StrengtheningFamilyCopingResourcesgroupsbeforetoday.

Ienjoyedmyselftoday: YES NO MAYBEIplantocomeback: YES NO MAYBE

AdditionalComments:_____________________________________________________________________________________

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LifeChoices

OBJECTIVE:

Inthisgroup,wetalkabouthowwemakechoicesinlifethatbegininourchildhooddreams.Welookathowlifecircumstancescanchangethedirectionofthechoicesthatwemake.Wediscusswaysthatwecanstayincontrolofthosechoicesandmakethemhappen.

OUTLINE:

Usethehandout,LifeChoices,toleadadiscussionaboutthechoicesthatwemakeinlife,bothgoodandbad.Encourageparticipationbyaskingeachgroupmembertotellwhattheirlifeplanswereateachstageofdevelopment.Talkaboutthelifechoicesthatgroupmembershavemadeovertheirlifetime.Talkaboutgoodchoicesandnotsogood(orbad)choices.Provideextrasupporttothosewhomaybetriggeredbythispartofthediscussion.HandoutPathtomyFuture.Haveparentschooseagoalfortheirfuture.Havethemthinkaboutthestepsthattheyneedtotaketoachievetheirgoal,thechallengesthattheymighthavetoovercome(ladders),andthethingsthatmighthappentoknockthemoffthepath(chutes)toreachingtheirgoal.Haveeachgroupmembershareaboutafuturegoalandtheirplanstoachieveit.Finishbytalkingabouthowparentscansupportchildreninsettinggoalsandreachingthem.


Asachild,canyourememberwhatyousaidwhenanadultaskedyou:“Whatdoyouwanttobewhenyougrowup?”

Asateenager,canyourememberwhatyouwishedyourlifewouldbelikeasanadult?Wereyougoingtofinishhighschool?Gotoatradeschoolorcollege?Wereyougoingtowork?Haveacareer?Wereyougoingtogetmarried?Havechildren?Didyouimaginehavingabigorsmallfamily?Didyouimaginelivinginanapartmentorinahouse?

Asayoungadult,doyouremembermakingchoicesabouthowyouwantedtoliveyourlifeordidyoujustletthingshappen?

Ifyoucouldgobackanddoitalloveragain,whatwouldyoudodifferently?

Whatwouldyoutellyourchildrentohelpthemlearnfromyourgoodandbadchoices?

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Ü Asyoungchildren,ourplayisaboutourdreamsandaspirations.

Ü Asteenagers,wehavebigideasaboutwhowewanttobeandwhatwewantourfuturetobelike.

Ü Parentscanhelptheirchildrenrealizetheseearlydreamsandaspirations.

Ü Parentsinrecoverycanhelptheirchildrenmakedifferentchoicesthantheonestheymade.

REFLECTIONS:

Wemakelifechoicesallourlives.Youarenevertooyoungortoooldtomakelifechoicesandtryourbesttomakethemhappen.Wehopethatthosewhoattendedwalkawaywithsometoolstohelpthemselvesandthenextgenerationmakegoodchoicesabouttheirfuture(regardlessoftheirlifestruggles).

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundlifechoices:

1. Talkduringfamilymealsaboutdifferentchoicesonecanmakeinliferegardinghopesanddreams.

2. Collectinspirationalquotesandputtheminascrapbookorontherefrigerator.Readthemtogetherandtalkabouthowtheycaninspireyourfamilytomakegoodchoices.

3. Talktogetheraboutfamilymemberswhohave“madeit”.Whatchoicesdidtheymakealongthewaytogetwheretheywantedtobe?

4. Takethefirststeptowardthegoalthatyoupickedforyour“PathtoMyFuture”.


LifeChoicesPathtomyFuture(handoutablankoneandonefilledoutasanexample)TipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

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Life Choices

We all make choices about what we want our life to be like. Often our

ideas about our future begin in childhood.

As a child, can you remember what you said when an adult asked you: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Those were your 1st life plans! You may have spent hours playing and pretending about these things.

As we grow up, our ideas about what we want our life to be become like

scripts written for a play. We go over these scripts many times as we

daydream about our future.

As a teenager, can you remember what you wished your life would be like as an adult? Were you going to finish high school? Go to a trade school or college? Were you going to work? Have a career? Were you going to get married? Have children? Did you imagine having a big or small family? Did you imagine living in the city or the country? Did you imagine living in an apartment or in a house?

One of the hardest things about life is making our scripts come true.

Some people do not think that anything they do will make their life

dreams come true. So, they just let life happen to them. Other people

think that if they make plans, they can work to make their dreams

come true. These people make decisions or choices that match their

dreams. For example, they ask themselves – If I skip school today,

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where will I be tomorrow? If I have sex with this person and we have a

baby, what will happen to me then?

As a young adult, do you remember making choices about how you wanted to live your life or did you just let things happen? If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

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Path to My Future

Step 4:

Step 3:

Step 2:

Step 1:

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Path to My Future Example

-+

Step 4:

Take GED exam

Step 3:

Go to tutoring for math

Step 2:

Attend classes regularly

Step 1:

Take entrance exam and enroll in class

Get a GED

Failtheexamthefirsttime.

Getsickandmisssomeclasses.

Haveahardtimewithmath.

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Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around life choices and your family’s future:

� Talk during family meals about different choices one can make in life regarding hopes and dreams.

� Collect inspirational quotes and put them in a scrapbook or on the refrigerator. Read them together and talk about how they can inspire your family to make good choices.

� Talk together about family members who have “made it”. What choices did they make along the way to get where they wanted to be?


_________________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:LifeChoicesFeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

NeitherAgree

norDisagree

Agree

1. RememberthegoodandbadchoicesIhavemade ! " #

2.Stayincontrolofmychoices ! " #

3.Trymybesttomakehealthychoices ! " #

4.Don’tletthingsgetinthewayofmyhealthychoices ! " #

5.Planforapositivefuture ! " #

6.Supportmychildreninmakinghealthychoices ! " #



AdditionalComments:

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_____________________________________________________________________________________

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FamilyLifeCycle

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupisfocusedonthefamilylifecycle.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbyhavinganopendiscussionofthefamilylifecycle.HandoutTheMoreThingsChangeanduseitasaguide.Makealistofthingsthatmighthappeninafamilytodisruptthelifecycle(forexample,incarceration,druguse,relationships,mentalillness,anddeathofafamilymember).Havegroupmemberstalkaboutwhichthingsonthislisttheyhavecontrolofandwhichtheyhavelittleornocontrolof.Afterreadingthehandoutanddiscussingthefamilylifecycle,dothefamilytimelineactivity.ParentscanlistimportanteventsanddatesontheFamilyTimeLinehandout.Handouttimelineandpensandhavegroupmembersadddatestothelinethatindicatewhenimportantthingshappenedtothefamily(forexample,familystarted,babiesborn,familymembersleftthefamily,newfamilymembersjoined,thefamilymoved,etc.).Parentscanusestickersormagazinepicturestoillustrateeventsalongtheline.Havegroupmembersthinkabouttheirtimelineandidentifythingsthathavedisruptedtheirfamilylifecycle.Havegroupmembersthinkabouthowtheirchildrenmighthaveexperiencedfamilylife.Endthegroupbyhavingeachparenttellastoryaboutherfamilyinthefutureifshetookcontrolofsomeofthethingsthathavedisruptedherfamilylifecycle.


Whatisafamilylifecycle?

Whatisthefamilylifecycleofmostfamilies?

Whataresomethingsthatcanhappentodisruptthefamilylifecycle?

Whichofthesethingsdoyouhavesomecontrolover?

Howcanyouchangeyourfuturebymakinglifechoicesnow?

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Ü Thereisanormalcyclethatmostfamiliesgothrough.

Ü Inmanyfamilies,somethinghappenstodisruptthisnormalcycle.

Ü Wehavecontroloversomeofthethings(notallofthem!)thathappentodisruptourfamilylifecycle.

REFLECTIONS:

Bytakingpartinthisgroupwehopethatparentswillbepositivelymotivatedtopurposelychangethedirectionofthewaysomethingsareheadedintheirfamilies.Bylookingbackattheirpast,theymaybeabletomakethefuturemorestableandpredictableforfuturegenerationsoftheirfamilies.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundthefamilylifecycle:

1. Tellyourchildrensomestoriesaboutyourfamilyhistory.2. Talktoyourchildrenaboutthefutureofyourfamilyandhowyouwouldlikeittobe.


TheMoreThingsChangeDiscussionGuide(forLeaders)TheMoreThingsChangeFamilyTimelineExampleFamilyTimeline(printedon11x14paper)Paper,pens,stickersormagazinesTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

©Kiser201337

TheMoreThingsChangeDiscussionGuide

1. Present the Family Life Cycle and talk about normative family change, transitions, and loss.

2. Introduce the idea that family rituals, traditions, and routines are important in marking these transitions.

3. Have participants discuss the traditions and rituals that families use in this way. Examples

include: weddings, birth and naming ceremonies, graduations, and funerals. 4. Present the idea that major family life events almost always alter the normative family life

cycle. 5. Discuss the difficulties presented by major family life events that occur off time or outside

the family life cycle. Examples include: often unexpected, untimely and out of order, more difficult to cope with, more difficult to find meaning in, etc.

6. Talk about major family life events that have affected their families. 7. Talk about how these major life events changed their families.

©Kiser201338

©Kiser201339

The More Things Change

Families change. They have a beginning, middle, and an end. This is called the Family Life Cycle.

A family begins when a couple comes together or a baby is born. Other children may be born into the family. Families with young children face a lot of challenges.

Children grow up and go through different stages. Families need to change with each of these new stages.

Children reach adulthood and leave home.

Adult children form relationships and have children of their own. Parents become grandparents.

Parents become older and die.

©Kiser201340

Almost always, something happens to disturb this cycle.

6 Adults leave the family through conflict or divorce.

6 New adults, like new partners, come into the family.

6 A parent becomes ill or disabled and cannot care for the children.

6 A family member dies before reaching old age.

6 A child leaves or is removed from the home before adulthood.

Kiser © 2006

Family Timeline: Example

Caregivers Grandpa Marcus Family moved

married died to Baltimore City

1990 1999 2004

Future…

1988 1993 2000 2007

Caregivers Mia was born Little Marcus Mia started

moved into their own was born high school

apartment

Kiser © 2006

©Kiser201342

My Family Time Line

Future…

©Kiser201344

©Kiser201345

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around your family life cycle:

� Tell your children some stories about your family history.

� Talk to your children about the future of your family and how you would like it to be.


_________________________________________________

Notes:

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©Kiser201347

SFCR-PPGroup:FamilyLifeCycleFeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

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1. Understandmyfamilylifecycle ! " #

2.Knowwhatgetsinthewayandimpactsmyfamily ! " #


4.Don’tletthingsgetinthewayofmyhealthychoices ! " #

5.Planforapositivefuture ! " #

6.Sharemyideasaboutthefuturewithmychildren ! " #



AdditionalComments:

_____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

©Kiser201348

©Kiser201349

FamilyTraditionsandRoutines

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgrouphelpsusidentifythewaysthatourfamilycansharepositivetimetogetheronaregularbasisandmakeitspecial.Weremembersomeofthewayswedidthisinthefamilywegrewupinandthinkofwaysthatwecancarryonsomepositivetraditionswithourfamilynow.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbydevelopinganunderstandingoffamilytraditionsandroutines.UseIntroductiontoFamilyRitualsandRoutinestoguideadiscussion.Askparentstothinkaboutthewaythingsweredoneintheirfamilieswhentheyweregrowingup.Encourageeveryonetosharememoriesandtellstoriesaboutspecialevents,birthdays,holidays,bedtime,etc.Usethesememoriesandstoriestotalkabouttheimportantcharacteristicsoftraditions,ritualsandroutines.Althoughsomeparentsmayhavetroublethinkingofpositivetraditionsfromtheirchildhood,encouragethemtotry.Somegroupmembersmayhavedifficultywiththisactivityiftheygrewupunderstressful,abusive,orunhappycircumstances.Donotpushanyonetosharemorethantheyarecomfortablesharing.Acknowledgethatsometimesfamilymemoriescanbepainful.Endthegroupwithahopefulmessagethatnewfamilytraditionscanbestartedatanytime.Newfamilytraditionscancreatelastingpositivememoriesforchildrentopassontothenextgeneration.


Whatarefamilytraditionsandroutines?

Whatmakesaneventatraditionorroutine?

Whyarefamilytraditionsandroutinesimportant?

Whataresometraditionsandroutinesthatyourememberyourfamilydoingwhileyouweregrowingup?(makealist)

Howcanfamiliesstrengthentheirtraditionsandrituals?

©Kiser201350


Ü Familiespassdowntraditionsandroutinesfromonegenerationtothenext.

Ü Allfamilieshaveroutinesandtraditions.

Ü Familyroutinesandtraditionschangeastimegoesby.

Ü Somefamiliesstopdoingcertaintraditions.

Ü Somefamiliesmaketheirtraditionsandroutinessoimportantthatnomatterwhathappenstheycontinuetocarrythemout.

REFLECTIONS:

Wecanlookbackatthefamilywegrewupinandthinkaboutwhatbroughtustogether.Wecandecidehowwewanttobringourfamilytogethernowtocelebratetogether,toworktogethertocarryoutourdailytasks,andtogetthroughtoughtimesasafamily.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundfamilytraditionsandroutines:

1. Makealistoftraditionsthatyoufeelareimportanttoyourfamily.2. Planamealwithyourfamilyanddoonethingtomakeitspecial(makeaspecialdish,

dressup).3. Tellyourchildrenastoryaboutaspecialfamilytraditionthatyouremember.4. Startanewtradition.


IntroductiontoFamilyRitualsandRoutinesTipsforPracticeFamilyFeedbackForm

©Kiser201351

Introduction to Family Traditions and Routines Discussion Guide

Why focus on families? Families are necessary. Families are a way we break down large groups into small ones to organize society. Families are important in the emotional and social lives of adults. Families play a major role in the normal growth and development of children. Four main functions support this important role:

• Families try to provide for the basic needs of the individuals in them including food, shelter, protection from dangers, affection.

• Families create a "home", give people a group to belong to, and a sense of who they are.

• Families help pass traditions and parenting practices between generations.

• Families provide ways for relating to the larger community. How do families accomplish these functions? Family rituals, traditions, and routines help families carrying out the functions of the family.

©Kiser201352

What are family traditions and routines?

Family traditions and routines involve family celebrations such as birthdays and holidays, traditions special to individual families, and everyday routines such as dinnertime.

• Holidays • Birthdays • Weddings • Funerals • Trips/Vacations • Picnics/Barbecues • Sports • Church

• Reunions • Family Meetings • Recreation/Leisure

Activities • Dinnertime • Bed Time • Chores • Family Education

What makes an event a tradition or routine?

• Doing it regularly over time • Doing it in similar ways each time • Family members who feel it is important and special

Why are family traditions and routines important?

Family traditions and routines help

• to explain who does what in the family, • to show who is in and who is outside the family, • to define rules of day-to-day family life, • to support the family, and • to declare who the family is.

©Kiser201353

What do we know about family traditions and routines?

• All families, no matter what size, age, race, nationality, income level, etc., have traditions and routines.

• Family traditions and routines are often passed down from generation to generation.

• Family traditions and routines almost always change over time. • Some family traditions and routines disappear altogether. • Some families make traditions and routines so important that no

matter what else happens they continue to carry them out.

©Kiser201354

How can families strengthen their traditions and routines?

Planning

ü Early planning by parents about what kind of family they want to have, what things they want to do as a family, what is important to their family.

ü Setting high expectations. ü Trying hard to follow through on these plans.

Tradition Integrity

ü Number of traditions. ü Richness of traditions. ü How involved the traditions and routines are. ü How long the family has been carrying out the traditions. ü Positive feeling about and meaning of family traditions.

Daily Routines

ü Making a habit of “bigger” routines (that can also become traditions in some families), such as dinner times, by making time for them regularly, no matter what else is happening.

ü Carrying out every day smaller habits or chores such as observing regular bed times for children, getting children to school, developing leisure time hobbies, and a wide range of likely activities that characterize the day-to-day life of most families with children.

Making It Special

ü Helps the family support their beliefs and values through living them daily.

ü Helps the family celebrate good things that happen and get through bad things that happen.

©Kiser201355

Roles

ü Family members know and agree what their part or job is when it comes to carrying out the duties that need to be done in the family on a regular basis or during special occasions. These are family wishes regarding who will do what when. In some families, this might mean that one person may be carrying most of the load for these activities while in other families everyone shares the responsibility.

ü Can tell who is in charge. ü Everyone knows which jobs are shared responsibilities.

Support

ü People outside the immediate family who are often included in the traditions and routines of the family.

ü People outside the immediate family who help when things go wrong.

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Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around family traditions and routines:

� Make a list of traditions that you feel are important to your family.

� Plan a meal with your family and do one thing to make it special (make a special dish, dress up).

� Tell your children a story about a special family tradition that you remember.

� Start a new tradition.


_________________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:FamilyTraditionsandRoutinesFeedbackFormDate: Location:




Disagree

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no

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1. Identifymyfamilytraditionsandroutines ! " #

2.Thinkaboutwhereourtraditionscomefrom ! " #

3.Changetraditionsandroutinesthatarenotworking ! " #

4.Carryoutfamilytraditions/routinesnomatterwhat ! " #

5.Spendmoretimetogether ! " #

6.Continueourtraditionsinthefuture ! " #



AdditionalComments:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

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OurFamilyValues

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupfocusesontheadoptionofsharedfamilyvaluesandhowtohelpfamiliesputtheirsharedvaluesintoaction.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupwithadiscussionaboutfamilyvalues.HandoutOurFamilyValuesasaguide.Havegroupmembersmakealistofsomevaluesthatfamiliesthinkareimportant.Astheymakethislist,havethemmaketheirownlistofvaluesthattheirfamilythinksareimportant.Talkaboutthedifferencebetweensurvivalvaluesandidealvalues.Discussfamilyvaluesfocusingonhowtheyexpresstheirvaluesorlivetheirvaluesintheirownfamilies.Forexample,somefamiliesvalueeducation.Theylivethisvaluebymakingsurethattheirchildrenattendschooleverydayreadytolearn,byhavingbooksaroundthehouseandreadingtogether,orbyhavingarulethathomeworkisdonebeforetheTVisturnedon.Nexthavegroupmembersthinkaboutawaythattheycanstartafamilytraditionorroutinethatsupportstheirsharedvalues.Parentscanuse“FamilyValuesandFamilyLife”(secondpageofOurFamilyValues)tothinkabouthowtheycoulddevelopapracticearoundafamilyvaluethattheywouldliketomakemoreimportantfortheirfamily.Thisactivitycanbedonebyeachparticipantindividually,bysmallgroupsofparticipantsdiscussingavaluetheyshare,orbythewholegroup.Endthegroupbyhavinggroupmembersshareideasabouthowtheyplantopracticeanimportantvaluewiththeirfamily.


Whatarefamilyvalues?

Whataresomeofyourfamilyvalues?

Howdidthisbecomeafamilyvalue?

Howdoesthisvalueguideyourfamily?

Howdoyouletyourchildrenknowthisisanimportantvalue?

Howcanyoumakethisvaluemoreimportantinyourfamily’sdailylife?

KiserÓ2013 62


Ü Familyvaluesguideourfamilyactions.

Ü Wecommunicatehowimportantavalueistousinhowweliveourlives.Childrenlearnthevaluesoftheirparentsbyhavingthesevaluesguidetheirdailyfamilylife.

Ü Sometimesoursurvivalvaluesarenotthesameasouridealvaluesandwehavetomakedifficultchoices.

REFLECTIONS:

Evenifparentsdidnotgrowupwithpositivefamilyvalues,theycanlearntoputtheminplaceastheyraisetheirownchildren.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparounddecidingonandcommunicatingyourfamily’svalues:

1. Talkwithyourchildrenaboutthevaluesthatyouthinkareimportant.2. Starttopracticeyourfamilyvalues.


OurFamilyValuesTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 63

Our Family Values

What are family values:

• Family values are what we believe in. • Family values are what we think is important. • Family values are shared. • Family values guide our family actions.

Here are some values that some families think are important.

Family Time Privacy Affection

Love Religion Fun

Respect Education Work

Sharing Money Home

List some other things that families’ value?

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

List things that your family values in the order that you value them:

1. ______________________________________ 2. ______________________________________ 3. ______________________________________ 4. ______________________________________ 5. ______________________________________

Kiser © 2008

KiserÓ2013 64

Family Values and Family Life

Plan a family routine/activity to strengthen one of your important family values. One of our important family values is _______________________________. We will show our belief in this value by carrying out the following family routine/activity: ___________________________________________________. Who will take part: _______________________________ ______________________________ _______________________________ ______________________________ _______________________________ ______________________________ _______________________________ ______________________________ _______________________________ ______________________________ _______________________________ ______________________________ When will we do it: ________________________________________________ What will we do: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Who will do what to get ready? Who? What? ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________

KiserÓ2013 65

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around your family values:

� Talk with your children about the values that you think are important.

� Start to practice your family values.

� (Write your own tip)_________________________________

_______________________________________________

Notes:

KiserÓ2013 66

KiserÓ2013 67

SFCR-PPGroup:OurFamilyValuesFeedbackFormDate: Location:




Disagree

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no

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1. KnowmywhatIvalueformyfamily ! " #

2.Carryoutfamilyroutinesthatsupportmyvalues ! " #


4.Don’tletthingsgetinthewayofmyvalues ! " #

5.TellmychildrenwhatIvalue ! " #

6.ShowmychildrenwhatIvalue ! " #



AdditionalComments:

_____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 68

KiserÓ2013 69

TRADITIONS

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KiserÓ2013 71

RelativeInterview

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupfocusesonfamilyconnectionsandtheimportanceofsharingaboutourfamilyheritagewithourchildren.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupwithanopendiscussionaboutthewaysthatweknoworlearnaboutourfamilyhistory.Whoknowsthingsaboutourfamilyhistorylike“howwegotourname”,“wheretherecipeforourfavoritefoodcamefrom”,etc.Introducetheideaofa“Relative”interview.Havegroupmembersidentifywhotheywouldliketointerviewtolearnabouttheirfamilyhistory.Havethemdecidewhentheywilldothisinterviewandwhetheritwillbeoverthephoneorinperson.Handoutthe“Relative”Interviewandhavegroupmemberspairupanddomockinterviews.Thesemockinterviewscaneitherbeaboutthefamilytheygrewupinoraboutwhattheywouldsayifoneoftheirchildrenwereinterviewingthem.Endthegroupbyhavingparentssharetheirplansfordoinga“Relative”Interviewandbytellingaboutsomethingsthattheytalkedaboutduringthemockinterviews.


Istheresomeoneinyourfamilyoraveryclosefriendwhohasknownyourfamilyforaverylongtimeandknowsalotaboutyourfamilyhistory?


Ü Ourfamilyhistoryisanimportantpartofwhoweare.

Ü Sharinginformationaboutourfamilyhistorywithour“relatives”isagoodwaytoconnect.

Ü Wecandecidetodothingslikethefamilywegrewupinortodothingsdifferently,butweneedtoknowaboutourfamilyhistorytomakethosechoices.

Ü Connectionswithfamilyareimportantandaremadestrongerbyoursharedhistory.

KiserÓ2013 72

REFLECTIONS:

Bytakingpartinthisgroupparentsleavethegroupreadytoreachouttoa“relative”tolearnabouttheirfamilyhistory,traditions,andheritage.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundgettingtoknowourfamilyhistory:

1. Callup,talktoorwritealettertosomeonewhoknewyourfamilywhenyouweregrowingupandaskthemsomeofthequestionsontheinterview.

2. Haveoneofyourchildreninterviewyouaboutwhenyouweregrowinguporwhentheyweregrowingup.


“Relative”InterviewTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 73

Instructions for Your

“Relative” Interview

Pick someone or several people to talk with who can

tell you about your family.

A “relative” can be anyone who has known your family for a long

time.

As a family, you may pick one person to interview or, if you want,

several people. Parents, adolescents, and/or older children can do

the interview. Each person can pick a “relative” to talk with.

Choose a time during the week when you can spend some time

talking with your “relative”.

You can talk with your “relative” in person or over the telephone.

You can take some notes during your conversation or you can just

remember what they tell you.

If you want, and have the equipment, you can make an audio or video

tape of your conversation.

If you have some questions that are not part of the interview, just add

them in as you talk.

Completing this interview might be triggering but doing it can get us

to think about what’s important for the health of future generations. If

some of the questions and answers make you sad and unhappy about

your childhood, you can think about how to change or make it

different for your children.

Kiser © 2008

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“Relative” Interview

Relative Interviewed: ________________________________________ Interviewer: __________________________________________________ Date: __________________ What is your full name? ____________________________________________________________ What was your family name when you were growing up? ____________________________________________________________ How did you get your name?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

Were you named after someone? ____________________________________________________________ Did you ever have a nickname? ____________________________________________________________ What was your family like when you were growing up?

Who raised you?

____________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 76

Who else lived with you?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

What was your home like?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

Who kept pictures of you when you were growing up?

____________________________________________________________

Do you remember any special stories your mother, father or grandparents told you?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

Did you have chores to do around your house when you were growing up?

____________________________________________________________

Did you and your family sit down at the table together for meals? ________

Who fixed the meal?

____________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 77

Did you say a blessing? ________

What were your favorite foods?

____________________________________________________________

At bedtime, what did you do? ____________________________________________________________

Did you have a regular time you had to go to sleep? ________

Do you remember a favorite bedtime story, poem or song?

____________________________________________________________

What birthday do you remember most from when you were growing up?

____________________________________________________________

What made it special?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

Did your family celebrate special occasions with a special meal? ________

What occasions?

KiserÓ2013 78

What did you like to have to eat for your special dinner?

____________________________________________________________

Did you eat at home or go out to a restaurant?

____________________________________________________________

What was your favorite holiday? __________________________________

What did your family celebrate?

____________________________________________________________

What did your family do together for fun?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

What was your favorite family activity?

____________________________________________________________

Did your family take trips or vacations? ________

Where did you go?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

Did you go to the same place often? ________

KiserÓ2013 79

What was your favorite trip or vacation?

____________________________________________________________ Who went with you?

____________________________________________________________

Did your family visit with relatives? ________

How did your family spend time with relatives?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

How often did you see relatives?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

Did they come to your house or did you go to visit them?

____________________________________________________________

Did you have any family reunions? ________

Was your family religious? ________

What religion did you practice? ___________________________________

KiserÓ2013 80

Did you go to a place of worship often? ________

Did you observe religious practices at home? ________

Did you celebrate religious holidays? ________

Were there family members that you always heard memorable stories about? ________

Who were they?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

Did you see/do you have any pictures of these relatives? ________

Who was/is the best story-teller in your family?

____________________________________________________________

Can you summarize where your family has been, and where you think it is going?

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

Kiser © 2008

KiserÓ2013 81

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around knowing your family history:

� Call up, talk to or write a letter to someone who knew your family when you were growing up and ask them some of the questions on the interview.

� Have one of your children interview you about when you were growing up or when they were growing up.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:RelativeInterviewFeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

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1.LearnaboutthefamilyIgrewupin ! " #

2.Knowhowmyfamilyhistoryispartofme ! " #

3.Makechoicesaboutourfamily’sfuture ! " #

4.Knowwhowecangotoforsupport ! " #

5.Connectwithmyfamily ! " #

6.Sharemyideasaboutthefuturewithmychildren ! " #



AdditionalComments:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

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RitualFamilyTree

OBJECTIVE:

Parentswillbeabletotalkabouthowfamilytraditionsarepassedfromonegenerationtothenext.Throughthisdiscussion,parentswilldiscovertherichnessanduniquenessoftheirtraditionsfromthepastandpresent.Theywillbeabletostayconnectedasafamilybypassingdownstrongtraditionstofuturegenerations.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbydefiningfamilytraditionsandrituals.Havegroupmemberslistsomeoftheirfamilytraditions.Brieflydiscussthesetraditionsandrituals.TheRitualFamilyTreehandoutcanbeusedtohelpgroupmembersmaketheirownlists.Groupmembersmakeritualfamilytrees.Onasheetofpaper,eachparenttracestherituals,traditions,androutinesthatarespecialtoherfamily.Eachparentdecideshowshewantstodepictherfamilyritualtreebasedondesign,color,cutoutleaves,flowers,fruits,etc.todepictareasofgrowthontheirtree,routinesthathavedied,etc.Aftertheritualfamilytreesarefinished,groupmembersthinkabouthowtheycantakecareoftheirtreesbypayingattentiontotheirrituals,keepingtheirritualsspecial,helpingtheirritualsgrow,planningfornewtraditions/ritualsoraddingbackoldorlostones,andchangingcurrenttraditionstomakethemmoremeaningful.TheycantakesomenotesabouthowtotakecareoftheirritualtreesonthehandoutCareofourRitualFamilyTree.Endthegroupwitheachmembersharingherplanstonurturetheirfamilyritualtree.


Whattraditionsdomyfamilypractice?Whatmakesthemspecial?Havetheychangedovertime?

Wheredidourtraditionscomefrom?

HowcanImakesurethatthesetraditionscontinueinmyfamily?

Whatnewtraditionscanmyfamilystart?

KiserÓ2013 86


Ü Familytraditionsareoftenpasseddownfromonegenerationtothenext.

Ü Familytraditionsandritualsarespecialbecausetheyhappenaboutthesamewaytimeaftertime,yearafteryear.

Ü Wecanstoptraditionsandritualsthatarenolongerspecialtoourfamilyandwecanstartnewones.

REFLECTIONS:

Thissessionisaboutmakingacommitmenttoupholdandfurtherdeveloptheirfamilyritualheritage.Parentsleavethegrouphavingthoughtabouthowtonurturetheirritualfamilytreebyobserving,watering,fertilizing,newplantings,andpruning.Thesearethingsthatwillhelptheirfamily’srituallifeflourish.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundourheritageoftraditions:

1. Talkwithyourfamilyaboutwhereyourtraditionscamefrom.2. Talktogetherwithyourfamilyaboutstartingsomenewtraditions.3. Doonethingtohelpyourfamilyritualtreegrow.


RitualFamilyTreeCareofourRitualFamilyTreeLargepaperorposterboardforeachparticipantPaper,markers,coloredpencils,constructionpaper,glueTipsforPracticeFamilyFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 87

RITUAL FAMILY TREE

Growing Your Tree Consider the following areas: Holidays ________________________________________________ Daily Routines ___________________________________________ Vacation ________________________________________________ Leisure _________________________________________________ Reunions _______________________________________________ Anniversaries ____________________________________________ Religion and Religious Practices _____________________________ Foods __________________________________________________ Legends ________________________________________________ Celebrations _____________________________________________ Other ___________________________________________________ Sharing your heritage

Discuss a ritual or tradition that is special to your family. What makes it special? Has it changed over time? How can you make sure that this ritual continues in your family?

Kiser, Heston, Paavola, Bennett © 1998

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KiserÓ2013 89

Care of Our Ritual Family Tree

Observing (paying attention to our rituals) __________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Watering (keeping our rituals healthy) __________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Fertilizing (helping our rituals grow) __________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

New Plantings (planning for new rituals/routines, adding back old or lost traditions) __________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Pruning (changing present rituals/routines to make them better) __________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Kiser, Heston, Paavola, Bennett © 1998

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Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around family traditions:

� Talk with your family about where your traditions came from.

� Talk together with your family about starting some new traditions.

� Do one thing to help your family ritual tree grow.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:RitualFamilyTreeFeedbackFormDate: Location:




Disagree

Neith

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no

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Agree

1.Thinkaboutwhereourtraditionscomefrom ! " #

2.Knowwhatmakesourtraditionsimportant ! " #

3.Makeourtraditionsspecial ! " #

4.Continueourtraditionsinthefuture ! " #

5.Knowwhatgetsinthewayofourtraditions ! " #

6.Worktogethertosolveproblems ! " #



AdditionalComments:

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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KiserÓ2013 95

TellingFamilyStories

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupisdesignedtobuildasenseofbelongingtothefamilybyrepeatingfamilystories.Parentsareencouragedtotellfamilystoriestotheirchildrenasawayofsharingaboutthefamily.

OUTLINE:

StartthegroupbysharingtheAnansemythabouthowstoriescametotheworld.Followthiswithaguidedopendiscussionaboutfamilystories.Groupmemberscantellsomestoriesfromtheirownfamilies.Trytohelpparentstellpositivefamilystoriesevenifitmaybedifficultforthemtothinkofone.Thesestoriescanbeaboutfamilytraditionsorheroes.Endthegroupbyhavinggroupmembersanswerthequestion:“Ifyouwereyourfamily’shero,whatstorywouldyouliketohearyourchildrentellaboutyou?”


Allfamiliestellstories,whydoyouthinktheydothat?

Whatkindofstoriesdofamiliestell?

Whoisthestorytellerinyourfamily?

Whataresomeofyourfavoritefamilystories?

Whatfamilystorieshaveyoupassedalongtoyourchildren?


Ü Familystoriesareoneofthewaysthatwepassinformationaboutwhowearefromonegenerationtothenext.

Ü Familystoriesprovideanoralhistoryofourfamily.

Ü Familystoriesgiveourfamiliesanidentity.

Ü Familystoriesleteachfamilymembertellabouttheirownexperienceandthen

KiserÓ2013 96

combinetheseseparateexperiencesintoonestory.

Ü Familystoriestellaboutourpast,helpustounderstandourpresent,andprovidesomedirectionforourfuture.

REFLECTIONS:

Ourfamilystoriesareimportant.Parentscanchangetheirfamilystoriestoreflectapositivefuture.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundsharingfamilystories:

1. Lookatfamilyphotoalbumswithyourchildren.Talkaboutwhoisinthepictures,whatwasgoingonwhenthepicturewastaken,andhowyouwerefeelingatthattime.Witholderchildren,itwouldbefuntosharebabypicturesandlistentowhatyourchildrenrememberfromwhenthosepicturesweretaken.

2. Duringamealoratbedtime,tellyourchildrenastoryeitherofyourchildhoodoradulthood.Thesearegreattimestobecloseandtosharepersonalstorieswitheachother.


AStory,AStoryTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 97

A Story, A Story As told by Gail Haley

This is a story about Ananse, the Spider Man. Once there were no stories on earth…all the stories belonged to the Sky God. Ding

Ananse wanted to buy the Sky God’s stories. The Sky God told Ananse the price of his stories…Osebo (the leopard), Mmboro (the hornet) and Mmoatia (the fairy). Ananse agreed to the price but the Sky God laughed and wondered how the weak old Ananse who was so small, so small could pay the price. Ananse found Osebo (the leopard) and tricked Osebo into playing a binding, binding game. Ananse tied the leopard by his foot, by his foot, by his foot, by his foot. He said now you are ready to meet the Sky God. Ding Next Ananse went to find Mmboro, the hornets who sting like fire. He held a banana leaf over his head like an umbrella. Then he poured water from the calabash over his head and said, “it’s raining, raining, raining so you should fly into my calabash so the rain will not tatter your wings.” The hornets thanked him as they flew into the calabash. Ananse quickly stopped up the mouth of the gourd and hung it on the tree next to Osebo. Ding Next Ananse carved a little wooden doll holding a bowl and covered it with sticky stuff. Then he filled the bowl with yummy food. He was waiting for Mmoatia, the fairy who men never see.Ding Mmoatia asked the doll baby if she could eat the yummy food. But the doll didn’t answer her. Mmoatia put her hand on the sticky doll and got stuck. Then Anase came out of hiding and said “now you are ready to meet the Sky God.” Ding Anase spun a web up to the sky and set Osebo, Mmboro and Mmoatia down at the feet of the Sky God. Ding The Sky God then called his people together and said, “from this day and going on forever, my stories belong to Ananse and shall be called Spider Stories. Ding So, Ananse took the golden box of stories back to earth. When he opened the box, all the stories scattered to the corners of the world, including this one. Ding

……I hope you liked this story!

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KiserÓ2013 99

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around sharing family stories:

� Look at family photo albums with your children. Talk about who is in the pictures, what was going on when the picture was taken, and how you were feeling at that time. With older children, it would be fun to share baby pictures and listen to what your children remember from when those pictures were taken.

� During a meal or at bedtime, tell your children a story either of your childhood or adulthood. These are great times to be close and to share personal stories with each other.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:TellingFamilyStoriesFeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

Neith

erAgree

no

rDisa

gree

Agree

1.Tellfamilystories ! " #

2.Knowmychildren’sfavoritefamilystories ! " #

3.Knowwhomyfamilyis ! " #

4.Sharehowwearefeeling ! " #

5.Thinkaboutourpast ! " #




AdditionalComments:

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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ThingstoCelebrate!

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupencouragesdeliberateplanningoffunfamilyactivitiesandcelebrations.Itstresseshowimportantitisforfamiliestocelebrateorhavegratitudeforthesmallstuffandteachestheskillsinvolvedinplanningandcarryingoutasuccessfulandhealthyfamilycelebration.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbyhavinggroupmembersmakealistofthethings(bigandsmall)thattheirfamilymightcelebrate.HavememberstakesomenotesonthehandoutThingstoCelebrate.Reviewthelistandhaveeachparentpickonethingonthelistthatshewantstoplanandcarryoutanactualcelebrationfor.Makesomeplansforcelebratingorexpressinggratitude.Eachparentcandecidewhenshewillhavethiscelebration,whowilltakepart,etc.ShecanwritedownherplansonthehandoutPlanningtoCelebrate.Partofanycelebrationismakingitspecial.Therearelotsofwaystomakeanyeventspecial.HandoutMakingItSpecial.Havegroupmembersthinkaboutwhattheyaregoingtocelebrateandlookoverthelistofwaystomakeitspecial.Picksomewaysthattheylike.Theydon’thavetopickanyoftheonesthatareonthelist,theycanusetheirownideas,too.Evenwhensomethingiswellplanned,thingscanstillgowrong.Spendafewminutesproblem-solvingsothatparentscanthinkaboutwhatmightgowrongandhowtheywouldfixit.Endthegroupbyhavinggroupmemberssharetheirplansforcelebrating.Makesurethattheyincludesomeofthethingstheyplantodotomaketheirfamilycelebrationspecial.


Whataresomethingsgoingoninyourfamilyrightnowthatyoucouldcelebrate?

Howwouldyoucelebrate________________?

Howcouldyoumakeyourcelebrationspecial?

Whatcouldgowrongthatwouldspoilyourcelebrationplans?

Whatcanyoudotomakesurethatyoucarrythroughwithyourplanstocelebrate?

KiserÓ2013 104


Ü Itisimportanttocelebratetogether.

Ü Celebratethebigandsmallgoodthingsthathappen.Celebratedailymomentstolargertraditions.

Ü Acelebrationdoesnothavetocostalot.

Ü Sometimespeoplecelebrateinunhealthyways.Makesureyourfamilycelebrationsarehealthyones.

Ü Evenifsomethingcomesup,itisimportanttogoaheadwiththecelebration.

REFLECTIONS:

Planningaspecialeventforourfamilyorafamilymembershowsthatyouthinkalotaboutthem.Takingthetimetoplanandmakeallthearrangements,evenifyouhavelittletoworkwith,willmakethecelebrationmeanevenmore.Thinkofthepositivememoriesyouwillmake!

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundcelebratingwithyourfamily:

1. Findsomethingsmalltocelebratewithyourfamilyanddoitthisweek.Plantodosomethingspecialtomarkthecelebration.Remembercelebratingdoesnothavetocostanymoney!

2. Includeyourfamilyindecisionsregardinganytypeofcelebration,whetheritisabirthdayparty,wedding,graduationparty,orholidays.Letyourchildrenpicksomethingassimpleaswhatcolorwillbeusedasthethemeforthecelebration.


ThingstoCelebrateCelebrationPlannerTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 105

1. ___________________________

2. ___________________________

3. ___________________________

4. ___________________________

5. ___________________________

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Moments to Celebrate Planner

hat will we celebrate:

_______________________________

hy will we celebrate:

_______________________________

hen: Date ________________ Time ________________

ho:

ow will we celebrate:

Kiser, Heston, Paavola, Bennett ©1998

W W W

W

H

KiserÓ2013 108

Suggestions for Making It Special

Food Dress Family Favorite � Dressed Up � One Favorite Dish for each family member

� Casual � Costumes �

A New Recipe � Formal � A Special Dish not Served Everyday

� Activities

Singing/Music �

Decoration Prayers �

Setting the Table � Talking � Family Ornaments � Silence � Candles � Holding Hands � Handmade Items � Family Circle � Balloons � Games � Banners/Signs � Telling Stories � Streamers � Dancing � Flowers � Exchanging Gifts � Exchanging Cards � Saying Blessings � Toasts �


KiserÓ2013 110

KiserÓ2013 111

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around celebrating with your family:

� Find something small to celebrate with your family and do it this week. Plan to do something special to mark the celebration. Remember celebrating does not have to cost any money!

� Include your family in decisions regarding any type of celebration, whether it is a birthday party, wedding, graduation party, or holidays. Let your children pick something as simple as what color will be used as the theme for the celebration.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:ThingstoCelebrate!FeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

NeitherAgree

norDisagree

Agree

1. Celebratebigandsmallthings ! " #

2.Knowhowwearefeeling ! " #

3.Spendmoretimetogetherhavingfun ! " #

4.Makemyfamilyfeelspecial ! " #

5.Remembertocelebrategoodthingsthathappen ! " #

6.Worktogethertodealwithchangesinplans ! " #



AdditionalComments:

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 114

KiserÓ2013 115

ROUTINE

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DearJournal

OBJECTIVE:

Journalsareawayofhelpinguskeeptrackofwhatwedoeveryday.Wecanuseadailyjournaltoidentifywhatroutinesareworkingbestandwhatroutinesmightneedtobechanged.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbydefiningroutines.Havegroupmemberslistthethingsthattheydoeveryday.Theycanlistthethingstheydotostarttheirdayandthingstheydotostarttheirchildren’sday.Movethroughthedaylistingroutinesthatarebothpersonalandroutinesthatinvolvethechildrenorfamily.Havetheparentstalkaboutthebestpartofthedayandthehardestpartoftheday.Havethemsharehowtheyfeelatdifferenttimesduringtheday.Endthegroupbyaskinggroupmemberstokeepadiaryforseveraldaysoverthenextweek.GivethemeachacopyofDailyJournaltouse.Theymightlearnsomethingsabouthowtheirroutinesareworkingornotworking.Theymayhavesomenewideasabouthowtomaketheirroutinesworkbetterfortheirfamily.Theymightalsoasktheirchildrentokeepadiaryforseveraldaystoseehowtheycouldhelptheirchildrendevelopbetterroutinesandhabits.


Whatdoyoudotostartyourday?Howdoesthatmakeyoufeel?(askagainaboutlunchtime,afternoon,dinnertime,eveningandbedtime)

Whatdoyourchildrendotostarttheirday?Howdoyouhelpthem?Howdoesthatmakeyoufeel?(askagainaboutlunchtime,afternoon,dinnertime,eveningandbedtime)

Whatisthebestpartofthedayforyou?

Whatistheworstpartofthedayforyou?

Howcanyouhelpyourchildrendevelopgoodroutinesandhabits?

KiserÓ2013 118


Ü Parentshavetheirownroutines,buttheyalsoestablishroutinesfortheirchildren.

Ü Ifparentstakecareofthemselvesandaccomplishtheirownroutines,theywillhavethetimeandenergytohelpstructuretheirchildren’sdailyroutines.

Ü Howwefeelduringthedayaffectswhetherwecanaccomplishourroutines.Stickingtoourroutineshelpsusfeelbetter.

REFLECTIONS:

Bytakingpartinthisgroupparentscanreflectonhowtheirpersonalroutinesareimportantandmustgetdoneforthemtomakesurethattheroutinesforthewholefamilyandforeachchildgetdone.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundknowingyourdailyroutine:

1. Keepajournaloverthenextweek.Findoutwhatroutinesyouhaveinplacethatsupportyourfamily.Findoutwhichofyourroutinesareworkingforyouandyourfamily.

2. Haveyourchildrenkeepajournaloverthenextweek.Helpthemidentifyroutinesthatareworkingandroutinesthatnotworkingsowell.


DailyJournalTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 119

DearJournal

For the next several days, please write down what you do at different times during the day. Describe what you did, when you did it, who you did it with, where you did it and any other details you can think of. Be sure to write down how you felt at those times. The journal forms are just to get you started, if you feel like writing more, feel free do to so.


KiserÓ2013 120

KiserÓ2013 121

Dear Journal,

We started the day by …

Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

KiserÓ2013 122


The best part of the day was …

Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

KiserÓ2013 123

Dear Journal,


Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

KiserÓ2013 124



Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

KiserÓ2013 125

Dear Journal,


Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

KiserÓ2013 126



Itmademefeel…

Itmademefeel…

KiserÓ2013 127

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around your daily routines:

� Keep a diary over the next week. Find out what routines you have in place that support your family. Find out which of your routines are working for you and your family.

� Have your children keep a journal over the next week. Help them identify routines that are working and routines that not working so well.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

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KiserÓ2013 129

SFCR-PPGroup:DearJournalFeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

NeitherAgree

norDisagree

Agree

1.Recognizethedailyroutinesthatwefollow ! " #

2.Worktogethertomakeplans ! " #



5.Changeroutinesthataren’tworkingwell ! " #

6.Carryoutfamilyroutines ! " #



AdditionalComments:

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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KiserÓ2013 131

DevelopingDailyRoutines

OBJECTIVE:

Inthisgroup,weidentifytheimportanceofdailyroutines.Whenraisingafamily,andtryingtorunasuccessfulhousehold,havingadailyroutineisvaluable.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbydefiningroutines.HandoutDailyRoutinesanddiscusswhyweneedroutinesbytalkingabouthowroutinessupporthealthyindividualandfamilyfunctioning.Discusswaystomakearoutinesuccessful.Talkaboutdailyfamilyroutinesthatareworkingandnotworkingforeachparent.UsetheDevelopingRoutineshandouttoleadthenextactivity.Haveeachparentpickafamilyroutinethatisnotworkinganddevelopanewonebasedonwhattheyhavejustlearnedaboutmakingroutinessuccessful.Thisactivitycanbedonebyeachparticipantindividually,bysmallgroupsofparticipantsdiscussingaroutinetheywanttoimprove,orbythewholegroup.Endthegroupwithmemberssharingabouttheirnewfamilyroutinesandgivingeachothersuggestionsaboutwhatcouldgowrongandhowtheymightchangetheroutinetomakeitwork.


Whatisadailyroutine?

Whydoyouthinkhavingroutinesisimportant?

Whatroutinesareworking(thingsgetdone!)?

Whatmakesthoseroutineswork?

Whatroutinesarenotworkingsowell?


KiserÓ2013 132

Ü Routinesjustdon’thappenandtheydon’talwayswork.Theytakesomeplanningtogetstarted.

Ü Knowthestepsittakestogetthetaskdone.

Ü Whendevelopingaroutineforyourfamily,KEEPITSIMPLE.

Ü Trydoingtheroutinethesamewayeveryday.

Ü Don’tgiveuponaroutinewhenitdoesnotgosmoothlythefirsttime,giveittimetowork.

Ü Changestepsinaroutinethatarenotworking.

Ü Havesomeoneinchargeofmakingsuretheroutinegetsdone.

REFLECTIONS:

Thissessionisaboutdeliberatepracticeofdailyroutines.Parentsleavethegrouphavingthoughtabouthowtoplan,problem-solve,andfollow-throughondailytasks.Thegroupstressestakingcontrolofthethingsthatafamilycantakecontrolofintheirdailyfamilylife.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundmakingroutinesworkatyourhouse:

1. Usingthetipsthatyoulearnedtoday,makesomechangesinoneofyourdailyroutinesthatisnotworkingverywell.

2. Bedtimeroutinesaresoimportantforchildrenofallages.Talktogetherabouthowyougetreadyforbedatnight.Usingthetipsthatyoulearnedtoday,developabedtimeroutinethatwillworkforyourfamily.Youmightthinkabouthavingaregularbedtimeandaboutsayinggoodnighttoeachothereverynight.


DailyRoutinesDevelopingRoutinesTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 133

DAILY ROUTINES

Routines are things we do the same way, every day, day after day. Usually these routine behaviors are focused on getting something done. Routines are "short hand" ways to get things done as smoothly as possible. A lot of the time we do these routines without even thinking about them, they become habits. But, like habits, there can be routines that work well and routines that do not work so well. A successful routine can:

� Give order to daily activities and help organize our days.

� Give us a sense of predictability so we can know what is supposed to happen from day to day.

� Help us get several things done without having to plan and think about each one.

� Be a way family members can work together -- Even young family

members can be a part of a routine.

� Give us structure and help build self-control.

� Give families a sense of identity: this is the way we do things.

DEVELOPING ROUTINES Routines do not just happen. Usually we develop them over time. They take some planning at first, but then, if they work, they keep going on and on. To make a daily routine work, we break the activity down into smaller steps. Each of these smaller steps can be described as to how it is done, who does it, when it is done and where it is done. Then when all the steps are put together, a workable routine is developed.

KiserÓ2013 134

Some things to think about when developing a routine are:

Ü How many steps are involved? Ü Is there an order or sequence for the steps? Ü How much time is needed to do all the steps? Ü Is there an organizing action or cue that starts the routine off? Ü Is someone in charge of making sure that the activity gets done?

Routines are important, but there are times when we cannot follow our routines. Sometimes we can plan for those times when we cannot rely on routines. By thinking about what can prevent our routines from happening we can look for ways to change the routine so the job still gets done. The work sheet will help you work through some of these steps. It is also important to remember that some of the things that prevent us from following our routines may be preventable and that keeping our routines may be more important than the activity that makes us change the routine. This is something that needs to be decided from time to time.

Kiser © 2008

KiserÓ2013 135

WORKSHEET: DEVELOPING ROUTINES

Routines are the things we do the same way every day, day after day. Routines can be developed by breaking certain activities down into steps and deciding what, when, who, and where each activity is done.

Pick a time of day when something happens on a regular basis. Getting going in the morning, eating supper, getting ready for bed are examples. Break this activity down into the small steps it takes to get the job done. Then write out the when, who, where of each step. Be very specific as you fill in each box.

ROUTINE: ___________________________ STEPS

WHEN

WHO

WHERE

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Routines are great ways to help us organize our days, but sometimes things just do not go the way we plan. Things happen that throw our routines right out the window. We cannot prevent those things from happening from time to time, but we can prepare ourselves for when they do. Use the space below to think about things that would force you to change the routine you developed on the chart above. Now write down ways you could change the steps to help keep the routine working as much as possible.

WHAT COULD HAPPEN

HOW STEP COULD CHANGE

WHEN

WHO

WHERE

1.

2.

3.

Common Problems with Routines

Ü Not enough time to do everything

Ü Steps are not organized in a certain order

Ü Steps are done in a different order every time

Ü No one is in charge

Ü There are too many steps

Ü Each step has to be done in exactly the same way every time

Ü ____________________________________________

Ü ____________________________________________

Kiser © 2008

KiserÓ2013 137

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around daily routines:

� Using the tips that you learned today, make some changes in one of your daily routines that is not working very well.

� Bedtime routines are so important for children of all ages. Talk together about how you get ready for bed at night. Using the tips that you learned today, develop a bedtime routine that will work for your family. You might think about having a regular bedtime and about saying goodnight to each other every night.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:DevelopingDailyRoutinesFeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

NeitherAgree

norDisagree

Agree




4.Worktogethertogetthingsdone ! " #

5.Changeroutinesthataren’tworkingwell ! " #

6.Carryoutfamilyroutinesnomatterwhat ! " #



AdditionalComments:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

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KiserÓ2013 141

WhoseChoreIsItAnyway?

OBJECTIVE:

Inthisgroup,wediscusstheimportanceofincludingeveryoneinthetasksthatneedtogetdoneeverydayoreveryweek.Thisgrouphighlightsthefactthateachmemberofthefamilyneedsajob/roleandcancontributetothefamily’ssuccess!

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbymakingalistofthetasksthatmustgetdoneinafamily.Talkaboutwhodoeseachtaskinthefamilynow.HandoutFamilyChoreChart.Thisisausefultooltohelpeveryoneinthefamilytakepartinmakingsurethatthethingsthatneedtogetdonegetdone.AlthoughtheFamilyChoreChartisbestcompletedbyeveryoneinthefamilytalkingaboutittogether,parentssometimesneedtoassignchores.Haveeachparentthinkabouthowchorescouldbesharedandhowshecanmakesurethateveryoneinthefamilyhasatask.Fillinthechartwithsomeideas.AftertheFamilyChoreChartiscompleted,discusswaysfortheparentstointroducetheideaathome.Familymembersmaywanttotakeondifferenttasksthantheonesassigned,buteveryoneshouldbeexpectedtotakepart.Afterthefamilyagreesonaplan,placetheFamilyChoreChartontherefrigerator.Givefamilymembersstarsorchecksforcompletingtheirtask.


Whatchoresdoyoudoeverydayoreveryweektomakeyourhomerunsmoothly?

Whatchoresdootherfamilymembersdo?

Doeseveryoneinthefamilyhelp?

HowcanIencourageeveryoneinmyfamilytoworktogethertogetthingsdone?


Ü Runningahouseholdishardwork;therearelotsoftasksthatneedtogetdoneregularlyforthingstorunsmoothly.

KiserÓ2013 142

Ü Sometimesparentsfeellikedoingthesetasksistheirjob.Theyfeelthattheymustdoeverything.Feelingthiswaydoesn’tfeelgood.

Ü Itisimportanttosharetasksinafamilyandforeveryonetocontribute.Fromtheyoungesttotheoldestmembersofthefamily,everyoneshouldhaveachore.

Ü Sometimesitisnoteasytogeteveryonetopitchin.Itisimportanttogivefamilymemberschoicesaboutwhatchorestheydo,togivethemlotsofpraiseandreinforcementfordoingtheirchores,andtogivethemsomeslackiftheycannotalwaysdotheirchoresright.

Ü Settingtheexpectationthateveryonewillhelpandthateveryonewilltrytogettheirchoresdoneisthekey.

REFLECTIONS:

Workingtogetherasafamilytogetthingsdonebuildsclosefamilybonds.Everyonefeelsgoodaboutbeinganimportant,contributingpartofthefamily.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundsharingworkatyourhouse:

1. Geteveryonetogetherandtalkaboutallthechoresthatmustgetdone.2. WorktogethertocompleteaFamilyChoreChartmakingsurethateveryone’snameis

onthelistatleastonce.3. Givefamilymemberscreditwhentheydotheirchores!


FamilyChoreChartTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 143

Family Chore Chart

Chores

I Can Do That!

I Did It!

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KiserÓ2013 145

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around sharing chores:

� Get everyone together and talk about all the chores that must get done.

� Work together to complete a Family Chore Chart making sure that everyone’s name is on the list at least once.

� Give family members credit when they do their chores!


_______________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:WhoseChoreIsItAnyway?FeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

NeitherAgree

norDisagree

Agree

1. Geteveryoneinvolved ! " #




5.Carryoutfamilychores ! " #

6.Worktogethertogetthingsdone ! " #



AdditionalComments:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 148

KiserÓ2013 149

Let’sEat

OBJECTIVE:

Thefocusofthisgroupisontheimportanceofhavingregulartimesduringeachweekwhenfamilieseatamealtogether.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbytakingapollabouthowoftengroupmembersshareamealwiththeirfamilies.Followthiswithadiscussionaboutthewhyitisimportanttoeatmealstogether.HandoutSharingaMealTogethertohelpguidethediscussion.Sharetipsformakingeatingmealstogetherapositiveexperience.Groupmemberscanshareaboutfamilymealtimesthattakeplacearoundimportantevents(forexample,Sundays,holidays,reunions),mealtimerules,andwaystomaketheirmealsspecial(forexample,favoritefoods,dressingup).Endthegroupbyhavingmembersplanamealtimeroutinethattheycanusewiththeirfamilies.UsethehandoutPlanningaMealtimeRoutineformyFamilytoleadthisactivity.


Howoftendoyoueatbreakfasttogetherasfamily?Howoftendoyoueatlunchtogetherasfamily?Howoftendoyoueatdinnertogetherasfamily?

Whydoyouthinkthateatingmealstogetherisimportant?

Howcanyoumakeeatingtogetherapositiveexperienceforyourfamily?

Doyouhavesomememoriesofspecialmealsasyouweregrowingup?

Whatgetsinthewayofyourfamilysharingmealstogether?


Ü Eatingtogetherasoftenaspossibleisimportant.

Ü Inviteeveryonetojoininthemealtime.

KiserÓ2013 150

Ü Whatyoutalkaboutduringthemealmatterssousethetimetomakeplans,shareabouttheday’sexperiences,andtellstories.

Ü Makeeatingtogetherimportantbyturningoffcellphones,TVs,videogames.

Ü Makeeatingtogetherenjoyable.

REFLECTIONS:

Parentssharetheirthoughts,feelingsandexperiencesabouteatingmealstogetherwiththeirfamilies.Theylearnabouthowtomakesharedmealtimesanimportantpartoftheirfamilyroutine.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundsharingmealstogether:

1. Plantoshareamealwithyourfamilyatleasttwotimesthisweek.2. Playaconversationgamewithyourfamilyatdinner.Usetheconversationprompts

fromgrouporwritedownsomesimplequestionsonscrapsofpaper.Haveeachpersonchoseoneandaskthequestionwrittenonit.Questionsmightbeaboutwhatthepersondidthatday,whattheyhaveplannedforthenextday,orsomethingaboutthempersonally.


SharingaMealTogetherPlanningaMealtimeRoutineformyFamilyConversationPrompts(printonbusinesscards)SingleholepunchRingbindersTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 151

SharingaMeal

Together

EatingmealstogetherisGREATforyourfamily.

Tipsformakingmealtimesabigsuccess…

Do’s

• Eattogetherasmanytimesasyoucanduringtheweek• Encourageeveryonetojoinin• Catchupwitheachother,talkaboutthedayandplanfor

tomorrow,tellstories• Relaxtogetherandhaveagoodtime• Haveaplanformealsandsomerulesaboutwhatisexpected

duringthemeal

Don’ts• Don’tletthingsgetinthewayofyourmealtime–turnoffthetv,

putawayyourphones• Don’tfusswitheachother-leaveconflictsforsolvingafterthe

meal

KiserÓ2013 152

KiserÓ2013 153

Let’s Eat Together

Pick a meal that you would like your family to eat together regularly. Choose a day of the week that you will share a meal together:

Circle a meal time that you share together:

Breakfast Lunch Dinner Plan your meal. Break this activity down into the small steps it takes to get the job done. Then write out the when, who, where of each step. Be very specific as you fill in each box.

STEPS

WHEN

WHO

WHERE

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Our family rules for making this meal a positive experience: 1. __________________________________________________________________

2. __________________________________________________________________

3. __________________________________________________________________

4. __________________________________________________________________

SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY

KiserÓ2013 154

Making it happen…

WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO CHANGE YOUR PLANS?

HOW STEP COULD CHANGE

WHEN

WHO

WHERE

1.

2.

3.

Talkaboutwhatyoudidtoday.

Talkaboutwhattheweatherisgoingtobe

liketomorrow.

Ifyoucouldbeanykindofanimal,whatanimal

wouldyoube?

Tellaboutsomethinginterestingyoudid

today.

Tellsomenewsaboutsomeoneinthefamily.

Talkaboutadreamyouhadrecently.

Givesomeoneacompliment.

ImitateyourfavoriteTVcharacter.

Tellaboutsomenewsyouheard.

Tellaboutsomeoneyoujustmet.

KiserÓ2013 156

KiserÓ2013 157

Listtenthingsthatyoudonotlikeaboutyour

family.

Ifyoucouldchangeonethingaboutyourself,whatwoulditbe?

Tellaboutyourfavoriteteacher.

Whatisyourfavoritesubjectinschool?

Whatisyourfavoritesport?

Tellaboutsomeoneyouadmire.

Tellsomethingfunnythathappenedtoyou

today.DoyoubelieveinGod?

Tellaboutsomeoneyousawtoday. Howwasschooltoday?

KiserÓ2013 158

KiserÓ2013 159

Doyouhavemuchhomework?

Doyouhavespecialplansfortheweek?

Talkaboutsomethingthatisbotheringyou.

Talkaboutsomethingthatyouarehappy

about.

Talkaboutsomethingyouaresadabout.

Tellaboutoneofyourgoodfriends.

Whatisyourfavoritefood?

Ifyouhadthreewishes,whatwouldyouwish

for?

Whatwouldyouliketobewhenyougrowup?

Whenyougotupthismorning,whatdidyoulookforwardtodoing?

KiserÓ2013 160

Tellaboutwhatyoudidafterschooltoday.

Whatsportsareyouplaying?

Haveyouheardanygoodjokeslately?

Whatshouldwedotonight?

Talkaboutsomethingyouaremadabout.

TalkaboutyourfavoriteTVshow.

Haveyouseenanygoodmovieslately?

Haveyoureadanygoodbookslately?

Whatareyoulearningaboutinschool?

Tellonenewthingyoulearnedtoday.

KiserÓ2013 162

KiserÓ2013 163

Saysomethingnicetosomeoneatthetable.

Talkaboutsomethingthatyouarelooking

forwardto.

Tellaboutsomethingyouaregrateful

fortoday.

Nametwothingsthatmakeyouhappy.

Talkaboutwhatyouliketodowhenyouhave

nothingtodo.

Whatisyourfavoritedinner?

Talkaboutsomethingthatyouhaven’tdone,butwouldliketotry.

Tellastoryaboutoneofyourgrandparents.

Haveyouhelpedanyonelately?

Listtenthingsthatyoulikeaboutyourfamily.

KiserÓ2013 164

KiserÓ2013 165

Tellaboutsomethingyoureallyworkedhard

forandthengot.

Talkaboutsomethingthatscaresyou.

Tellaboutsomethingthatyouprayfor.

Whocanyoutalktowhenyouneedhelp?

Howdoyoudecidewhatisrightandwrong?

Listthreethingsthataremostimportant

inyourlife.

Talkaboutsomethingyouwouldneverdo.

Doyoulikemakingplansorjustlettingthings

happen?

Namethreethingsthatmakeyoulaugh.

Trytomakethepersonnexttoyoulaugh.

KiserÓ2013 166

KiserÓ2013 167

Tellaboutadreamyouhadrecently.

Tellaboutthebestpresentyouever

got.

Tellaboutthebest

presentyouevergavetosomeone.

Listtenthingsthatwould

makelifeeasier.

Talkaboutsomethingthat

isworryingyou.

Shareagoodmemory

fromyourpast.

Shareabadmemoryfrom

yourpast.

Whatdoyouwanttobewhenyougrowup?

Complainaboutyour

chores.

Talkaboutsomethingthat

scaresyou.

KiserÓ2013 168

KiserÓ2013 169

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around sharing meals together:

� Plan to share a meal with your family at least two times this week.

� Play a conversation game with your family at dinner. Use the conversation prompts from group or write down some simple questions on scraps of paper. Have each person chose one and ask the question written on it. Questions might be about what the person did that day, what they have planned for the next day, or something about them personally.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

KiserÓ2013 170

KiserÓ2013 171

SFCR-PPGroup:Let’sEatFeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

NeitherAgree

norDisagree

Agree

1.Knowwhyit’simportanttoeatasafamily ! " #

2.Carryoutfamilymeals ! " #

3.Geteveryoneinvolved ! " #


5.Worktogethertolimitthingsthatgetintheway ! " #




AdditionalComments:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 172

KiserÓ2013 173

ThingsGetintheWay

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgrouphelpsusreflectonhowwefeelwhenthingsgetinthewayofourfamilyplans.Wediscusswhatgetsinthewayandtalkaboutwhatwecandoasparentstomakesurethatwecarryoutourplans.Welearnhowtofliptheproblemandfindsolutionstowhatgetsintheway.

OUTLINE:

Openthegroupbytalkingaboutsharedfamilytime.Groupmemberswillsharesomepersonalexperiencesabouthowthingsgetinthewayoftheirplans.Theywilltalkabouttheirfeelingsofdisappointment,frustration,anger,andanxiety.Oncetheyhaveidentifiedtheirownfeelings,talkabouthowtheirchildrenfeelwhenthingsgetintheway.ReviewtogethertheThingsGetintheWayhandout.Thegroupleaderswillintroduceaproblem-solvingstrategythatparentsmightusetodealwiththingsthatcomeupanddisrupttheirplans.UsetheFLIPtheProblemhandouttoteachthisstrategy.Thegroupcanuseoneofthemember’spersonalexperiencesaboutatimewhensomethinggotinthewaytolistpossiblesolutionsandtodecidewhichsolutionisbest.HavegroupmembersplananactivitytocarryoutduringthenextweekusingthehandoutCarryItOutthisWeek.Askthemtothinkaboutwhatmightgetinthewayandhowtheycanfliptheproblemandmakesuretocarryouttheirplans.


Whatkindsofactivitiesdoyouplantodowithyourchildren?

Sometimeswemakegreatplansbutthingscangetintheway.Whatgetsinthewayofyourplans?(makealist)

Howdowefeelwhenthingsgetinthewayofourfamilyplans?(makealist)

Howareourchildrenaffectedwhentheyexpectsomethingtohappenandthensomethinggetsintheway?

Aretherethingsthatwecandoasparentstohelpthingsgoasplanned?

Whensomethinggoeswrong,canwefliptheproblemandfindawaytocarryoutourplans?

KiserÓ2013 174


Ü Weallgetupsetwhenareplansaredisrupted.Childrenespeciallycountonthingsgoingaccordingtoplansmostofthetime.Thismakesthemfeelsafeandtakencareof.

Ü Keepplanssimpleandhavebackupplans.

Ü Useyourproblem-solvingskillstohelpthinkaboutwhatmightgetinthewayandhowyoucanhandleit.

REFLECTIONS:

Wefocusinthisgroupongainingcontroloverdailylifebyplanningandproblem-solving.Wewantfamiliestobelieveinthemselvesandtheirabilitytofollowthroughonwhattheyhaveplanned.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundanticipatinganexpectedeventandmakingsurethatithappens:

1. Sitdownwithyourfamilyandplanafamilyactivitysuchastakingawalkorplayingatapark.Ifneeded,useworksheetsthatyoucompletedingrouptoplanthedetailsoftheactivity,inadditiontobrainstormingaroundwhatmightgetintheway.Lastly,thinkaboutpotentialsolutionstothosethingsthatmaygetintheway.

2. Beforeyougotobedeachnightlistonethingthatgotinthewayandpreventedyoufromgettingsomethingdone.Thinkabouthowyoucouldstopitfromgettinginthewayagain.

3. Ifaproblemcomesupduringtheweek,remembertoFLIPit!


ThingsGetintheWayFLIPtheProblemCarryItOutthisWeekTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 175

Thingsgetintheway…Ahandoutforparents

We all have things that get in the way of our plans.

Ø When we have children and other everyday jobs, it can be hard to carry out planned activities.

Ø Day-to-day tasks like getting the kids to school, eating dinner, or getting to

bed can be hard when things get in the way.

Ø Special family plans, such as family dinners or visits to relatives, can also fall apart when things get in the way.

HOW DO WE FEEL WHEN THINGS GET IN THE WAY OF OUR FAMILY PLANS?

OUR CHILDREN FEEL THESE THINGS TOO!!

One important thing parents can do is to carry out plans. Why is this so important??

• We teach children steadiness, regularity, strength, and predictability.

• Steadiness, regularity, strength, and predictability are very important when the outside world is always changing, dangerous or explosive.

• When family life is steady and children know what to expect, they learn to TRUST their parents and others.

• By beating the “things that get in the way” and carrying out family plans, we show our children that we are trustworthy and responsible.

• We teach them to be the same.

KiserÓ2013 176

KiserÓ2013 177

F

L

I

P

*Adapted from Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Prevention of Relapse of Depression

Listallpossiblesolutions…

________________________________________________________________________

Identifythebestsolution…

______________________________________________________________________________

Planwhenandwheretousethisstrategy…

______________________________________________________________________________

Figureoutwhattheproblemisandwhatyouwant…

______________________________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 178

KiserÓ2013 179

Carry It Out this Week! Family Activity: ____________________________________

When? Day: ___________ Time: _____________ Where? ___________________________________ What do we need to carry out the activity?

(1) _________________________ (2) _________________________ (3) _________________________ (4) _________________________ (5) _________________________

What might get in the way? How will we deal with this? (a) ______________________ (a) ______________________

_________________________

_________________________

(b) ______________________ (b) ______________________

_________________________

_________________________

(c) ______________________ (c) ______________________

_________________________

_________________________

(d) ______________________ (d) ______________________

_________________________

Kiser © 2008 _________________________

KiserÓ2013 180

KiserÓ2013 181

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around what gets in the way:

� Sit down with your family and plan a family activity such as taking a walk or playing at a park. If needed, use worksheets that you completed in group to plan the details of the activity, in addition to brainstorming around what might get in the way. Lastly, think about potential solutions to those things that may get in the way.

� Before you go to bed each night list one thing that got in the way and prevented you from getting something done. Think about how you could stop it from getting in the way again.

� If a problem comes up during the week, remember to FLIP it!


_______________________________________________

Notes:

KiserÓ2013 182

KiserÓ2013 183

SFCR-PPGroup:ThingsGetintheWayFeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

NeitherAgree

norDisagree

Agree

1.Carryoutfamilyroutinesnomatterwhat ! " #



4.Supporteachotherwhenwearefeelingupset ! " #

5.Knowwhatgetsinthewayofourroutines ! " #

6.Worktogethertomakeplansandfollowthrough ! " #



AdditionalComments:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 184

KiserÓ2013 185

SAFETY

KiserÓ2013 186

KiserÓ2013 187

StressandFamilyRelaxation

OBJECTIVE:

Inthisgroup,weidentifystress,howtorecognizewhatstressfeelslikeandhowitaffectsyou.Wetalkaboutthebenefitsofrelaxationandhowpracticingrelaxationcanhelpthewholefamily.

OUTLINE:

StartthegroupbytalkingaboutstressusingtheStresshandout.Talkabouttimesthatparentsspendwiththeirchildrenandwhenthatbecomesstressful.Talkaboutwhatreactionsparentshavewhentheygetstressedwhilewiththeirchildren.TalkaboutrelaxationbeingawaytodealwithstressusingtheRelaxationhandout.Teachsomerelaxationtechniquesincludingabreathingexerciseandaprogressivemusclerelaxationexercise.Teachrelaxationskillsthatafamilycoulddotogether.Helpparentssetuparoutinetopracticerelaxationwiththeirchildren.Askthemtopickatimeandarelaxationpracticethattheycandoeverydayoreventwiceaday.HandouttheFamilyRelaxationRoutineWeeklyLogandaskgroupmemberstokeeptrackofwhentheypracticerelaxationwiththeirfamily.Endthegroupwithanotherrelaxationormindfulnessactivity.


Whathappenstoourbodieswhenwefeelstress?

Whathappenstoourbodieswhenwefeelrelaxed?

Whatthingsdoyoudonowtorelax?Whatthingsdoyourchildrendotorelax?


Ü Weallfeelstress,youngandold.Wefeelitmanytimesaday.Itisourbody’sreactiontodangeranditisautomatic.

Ü Whenwearerelaxed,ourbodyreactsintheoppositewaytowhenwearestressed.

KiserÓ2013 188

Ü Don’tjustuseyourrelaxationskillswhenyouarestressedoutorupset.

Ü Rememberrelaxingcanbehardatfirst.Stickwithitandeveryoneinthefamilywillhandlestressbetter.

REFLECTIONS:

Familytimecanbetenseespeciallywheneveryonecomeshomeafterbeingstressedoutallday.Wecanpracticerelaxationwithourchildren.Whenweknowhowtorelaxtogether,ourfamilytimecanbemorepeacefulandlessstressful.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundpracticingrelaxation:

1. Practiceyourrelaxationandmakearecordofitonyourlog.2. Makealistofthingsyouandyourfamilycandotoreducetensionandrelax.Putthelist

upontherefrigerator.Whenthingsstarttoheatup,pickonethingfromthelistandtryit.


StressRelaxationFamilyRelaxationRoutineWeeklyLogTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 189

We all feel stress. We feel it many times a day. It is an automatic reaction. Cave man experienced the stress response when he went into a cave and encountered a bear. Cave man would either fight the bear or head for the hills. The stress response is our body’s reaction to danger. Under stress, our body reacts by:

• Tensing our muscles for action • Increasing our heart rate and breathing rate • Raising our blood pressure • Alerting our mind • Providing quick energy

Because of this response, we are ready to face threats. Dealing with mild stress every day is not usually a problem. But when bad things happen a lot or when we do not feel safe, stress can build up. Built up stress can make us sick both physically and emotionally. Adapted from Child Sexual Abuse Treatment Project, Department of Psychiatry, University of Queensland. In collaboration with Protect All Children Today (PACT). Funded by NH&MRC. Authored by Peter Marrington

KiserÓ2013 190

KiserÓ2013 191

Relaxation Relaxation is a way to help us deal with stress. When we are relaxed, our body reacts in the opposite way to when it is stressed. When relaxed, our body reacts by:

• relaxing our muscles • slowing our heart rate and breathing rate • dropping our blood pressure • slowing down our thinking • resting and saving energy

Relaxation can happen in many ways. Think about ways you help yourself relax. _______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

___________________________________

Some ways of relaxing are healthy and some are not so healthy. Some healthy ways of relaxing are: breathing techniques, muscle release exercises, massage, meditations, and yoga. Some things that we do as hobbies are also relaxing, like knitting or fishing. Different techniques work for different people. Relaxing can also be learned.

Adapted from Child Sexual Abuse Treatment Project, Department of Psychiatry, University of Queensland. In collaboration with Protect All Children Today (PACT). Funded by NH&MRC. Authored by Peter Marrington

KiserÓ2013 192

Relaxation Tips Practice relaxing every day or even twice a day. Set up a routine for relaxing. Practice relaxing in the same place and at the same time every day. Find a quiet place to relax in. Don’t just use your relaxation skills when you are really upset or stressed out. Relaxing can be hard at first. Stick with it.

Family Relaxation Routine Weekly Log

Days Time How It Worked

Still Stressed

A Little Relaxed Relaxed Ah!

Sunday } ] ^ _

Monday } ] ^ _

Tuesday } ] ^ _

Wednesday } ] ^ _

Thursday } ] ^ _

Friday } ] ^ _

Saturday } ] ^ _

Kiser © 2008

KiserÓ2013 194

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around relaxation:

� Practice your relaxation and make a record of it on your log.

� Make a list of things you and your family can do to reduce tension and relax. Put the list up on the refrigerator. When things start to heat up, pick one thing from the list and try it.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

KiserÓ2013 196

KiserÓ2013 197

SFCR-PPGroup:StressandFamilyRelaxationFeedbackForm

Date: Location:




Disagree

Neith

erAgree

no

rDisa

gree

Agree


2.Understandoursignsofstress ! " #


4.Supporteachothertocalmdownandrelax ! " #

5.Carryoutfamilyrelaxationroutines ! " #

6.Helpmychildrenhandlestressbetter ! " #



AdditionalComments:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 198

KiserÓ2013 199

YourChildandFeelingScared

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupfocusesonidentifyingwhen,where,andwithwhomyourchildrenfeelscaredandhowtohelpyourchildrenfeelsafer.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbytalkingabouthowparents(evenanimalsandinsects)aresupposedtoprotecttheiryoung.HandoutYourChildandFeelingScared.Haveaguideddiscussionoftimeswhen,placeswhere,andpeoplewhomtheythinkmaketheirchildrenfeelscared.Thinkaboutbothphysicalandemotionalsafety.Makealistofhowparentsmightnoticethattheirchildrenarefeelingscared.Talkabouttheimportanceofkeepingawatchfuleyeontheirchildrensothattheycanknowwhentheirchildrenneedhelp.HandoutYourChildandFeelingSafe.Haveadiscussionofthingsthatparentscandotohelptheirchildrenfeelsafephysicallyandemotionally.Thislistwillincludemanythingsthatparentsarealreadydoing.Eachparentshouldpickasituationwhentheythinktheirchildrenfeelscared.Theycanlistsomewaysthatwouldhelptheirchildrenfeelsafer.ParentscanlistthestepstheywouldtakeontheSafetyRoutineWorksheet.Endthegroupwithparentssharingabouttheirnewplantokeeptheirchildrensafeandgivingeachothersupportformakingtheplanwork.


Arethereplaceswhereyourchildrenarescared?Aretherecertaintimesduringthedaythatyourchildrenarescared?Aretheirpeoplewhoyourchildrenfear?

Howdoyouknowwhenyourchildrenarefeelingscared?Whatarethesignsthatyourchildrenarescared?

Whatthingsareyoudoingnowtohelpyourchildrenfeelsafe?

Ifyouthinkaboutaspecifictimewhenyourchildrenfeelscared,aretherethingsthatyoucandotohelpthemfeelsafe?

KiserÓ2013 200


Ü Childrenneedtofeelsafetolearn,todevelophealthyrelationships,andtogrowuphealthy.

Ü Beingscaredalotcausestoomuchstressandcanleadtophysicalandmentalproblems.

Ü Parents(adults)arekeytokeepingtheirchildrensafe.

REFLECTIONS:

Afterthegroup,parentswillbeabletopinpointsomesignsthattheirchildrenarefeelingscaredandtheywillhavesomeideasaboutwhattodotohelptheirchildrenfeelsafer.Theywillleavethegroupwithaplantohelptheirchildrenfeelsafe.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundincreasingyourfamily’ssenseofsafety:

1. Discusswithyourchildrentimeswhenyouortheyhavenotfeltsafe.Describethephysicalsensationsassociatedwithfeelingunsafe–fastheartbeat,sweatinghands,shaking,etc.Thendescribewhatitfeelslikewhenyouaresafe–asenseofcalm,weightbeingliftedoff,etc.

2. Talktoyourchildrenaboutdifferentplacestheyfeelsafeanddifferentpeopletheyfeelsafewith.

3. Watchyourchildren’scueswhentheyareinasituationwheretheyfeelunsureoruncomfortable.Rememberthesecuestoensureyoucanhelpyourchildrenintheirfuturetimesofneed.

4. Comeupwithahomesafetyplan.Discusswithyourchildrenwhattodointimesoftrouble,whereyourfamilywillgo,whowillhelpthem,etc.


YourChildandFeelingScaredYourChildandFeelingSafeTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 201

Your Child and Feeling Scared

Name 3 places where your child might feel scared: _______________________________________

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

Name 3 times of the day when your child might feel scared:

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

Name 3 things or people that your child might be scared of:

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

KiserÓ2013 202

Watch your child closely in these situations. Put a checkmark by each of the things that you see your child doing: 1. stops playing _______

2. smiles or laughs _______

3. hides face _______

4. looks sad _______

5. is sweaty _______

6. whines or cries _______

7. looks scared _______

8. is shaky _______

9. gets angry ______

10. pretends _______

11. looks for adult _______

12. can’t pay attention _______

KiserÓ2013 203

Your Child and Feeling Safe Things I do now to help my child feel safe …

________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________

Things I can do to help my child feel safe …

________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________

KiserÓ2013 204

Developing a Safety Routine

Pick a time of day or a place when you or someone in your family

does not feel safe. Think of a routine that you could put in place to

increase your family’s sense of safety.

Break this activity down into the small steps it takes to reach the goal

of feeling safer. Be as specific as you can by deciding who will do

each step and when they will do it.

Situation: ________________________________

Steps to feeling safer:

Step 1: __________________________________________ Step 2: __________________________________________ Step 3: __________________________________________

Step 4: __________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 205

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around helping your family feel safer:

� Discuss with your children times when you or they have not felt safe. Describe the physical sensations associated with feeling unsafe – fast heartbeat, sweating hands, shaking, etc. Then describe what it feels like when you are safe – a sense of calm, weight being lifted off, etc.

� Talk to your children about different places they feel safe and different people they feel safe with.

� Watch your children’s cues when they are in a situation where they feel unsure or uncomfortable. Remember these cues to ensure you can help your children in their future times of need.

� Come up with a home safety plan. Discuss with your children what to do in times of trouble, where your family will go, who will help them, etc.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

KiserÓ2013 206

KiserÓ2013 207

SFCR-PPGroup:YourChildandFeelingScaredFeedbackFormDate: Location:




Disagree

Neith

erAgree

no

rDisa

gree

Agree

1.Keepmyfamilysafe ! " #

2.Feelsafeathomeandinthecommunity ! " #



5.Supporteachotherwhenwearefeelingscared ! " #

6.Planasafetyroutine ! " #



AdditionalComments:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 208

KiserÓ2013 209

SettingLimits

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupisfocusedonimprovingparents’abilitytohelptheirchildrenfeelsafebysettingandclearlycommunicatingfamilylimitsandrules.

OUTLINE:

HandoutSettingLimitsandstartthegroupwithaguideddiscussionabouttheimportanceofclearexpectationsandlimitsforfamilysafety.Talkabouthowlimitsleadtopredictabilityandknowingwhattoexpect.Talkaboutguiltandproblemskeepinghighexpectationswhenyouarefeelingbadaboutthingsthathavehappenedtoyourchildren.Talkaboutsettinglimitseventhoughyoubeliefthatyourchildrendonotlooktoyoutosettherules.Havegroupmembersmakealistoflimitsthatareimportantforfamilies.Someexamplesmightbe“noviolence”,“noalcoholordrugsinthehouse”,“acurfewforwheneveryonehastobeinthehouse”,or“rulesaboutwherethekidscangoandwhotheycanhangaroundwith”.Haveeachparentdecideonsomelimitsthattheyfeelarecriticalfortheirownfamily.Talkabouttipsforsettinglimits.UseSettingLimitsasadiscussionguide.ThenhandouttheFamilyLimitsWorksheetandhaveeachgroupmemberwriteherthreemostimportantlimitsforherfamilyinsidethefence.Ontheothersideoftheworksheet,haveparentslistbehaviorsthatfalloutsidethelimitandtheconsequencesforthosebehaviors.Endthegroupbyhavingmembersshareideasabouthowtheyplantocommunicatetotheirfamiliesthethreelimitsthattheyfeelarecritical.


Whatarelimits?

Whyisitimportantforfamiliestohavelimits?

Howdoyousetlimitsforyourfamily?

Howdoyouletyourchildrenhelpwithdecidingwhatthelimitsare?

Howdoclearlycommunicatewhatthelimitsaretoeveryoneinthefamily?

KiserÓ2013 210


Ü Limitshelpallfamiliesknowwhattheycanandcan’tdo.Theyhelpkeepeveryoneinthefamilysafe.

Ü Limitscanbehardtosetwitholderchildren(evenadultchildren),buttheyarestillnecessary.

Ü Forlimitstowork,theyshouldbeconsistent.

Ü Itisimportantforeveryoneinfamily,includingtheparentstofollowthelimits.

REFLECTIONS:

Byworkingtogetherasaunittosetlimits,everyoneinthefamilywillknowwhattoexpect.Thiswillmakeeveryonefeelsafer.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundsettinglimitstoimprovesafety:

1. Haveafamilymeetingandlistimportantlimitsthatkeepyourfamilysafe.Seeifyourfamily’slistmatchedthelistyoumadeingroup.Decideon3importantlimitsforyourfamilytofollow.

2. Beanexampletoyourfamilybymakingsurethatyouractionsandbehaviorsstaywithinthelimits.


SettingLimitsFamilyLimitsWorksheetTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

KiserÓ2013 211

Setting Limits

What are limits?

§ Limitsarerulesorgoalsabouthowwethinkpeopleshouldact.

§ Limitscomefromourbeliefsaboutwhoweare,whootherpeopleare,

andhowwewanttobehavearoundeachother.

§ Limitsdefinewhatweshoulddoandwhatweshouldnotdo.

Familiescreatelimitsbydecidingwhatisimportanttoeachfamilymember.

Infamilieswithyoungchildren,thisisdecidedmainlybytheparents.As

childrengrowupanddeveloptheirownideas,familylimitsmaychangeto

includethingsthatareimportanttoallfamilymembers.Withteenagers,itis

probablymoreimportanttodiscussfamilylimitsandrulesthantosimply

enforcethem.

Tips for Setting Limits

§ Setfirm,butrealistlimits

§ Onlyfocusonafewlimits

§ Focusonlimitsthatwillhelpkeepyourfamilysafe

KiserÓ2013 212

Setting Limits for Our Family

Write your three most important family limits inside the fence.

1.

2.

3.

KiserÓ2013 213

Limit Behaviors Outside the Limit

Consequences

1.

2.

3.

KiserÓ2013 214

KiserÓ2013 215

Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around setting limits:

� Have a family meeting and list important limits that keep your family safe. See if your family’s list matched the list you made in group. Decide on 3 important limits for your family to follow.

� Be an example to your family by making sure that your actions and behaviors stay within the limits.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

KiserÓ2013 216

KiserÓ2013 217

SFCR-PPGroup:SettingLimitsFeedbackFormDate: Location:




Disagree

Neith

erAgree

no

rDisa

gree

Agree

1.KnowthelimitsIthinkwillkeepmyfamilysafe ! " #

2.Knowhowtosetlimitsformyfamily ! " #


4.TellmychildrenwhatIexpect ! " #

5.Followthelimitsmyself ! " #

6.Haveaplanwhensomeonedoesn’tfollowthelimits ! " #



AdditionalComments:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

KiserÓ2013 218

KiserÓ2013 219

TheElephantintheRoom(DRAFT)

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupisfocusedonencouragingfamiliestotalkaboutdifficulttopicsinsafeandhealthyways.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbydiscussingwhyfamiliesshouldtalkdirectlyaboutdifficultthings.Makingalistofdifficultconversationtopicsthatfamiliesmightdiscussisagoodwaytogetgroupmemberstoshare.Havegroupmembersthinkaboutdifficultconversationstheirfamilieshavehadinthepast.Havethemthinkaboutconversationsthatweresafeandhealthy,andonesthatwerenotthatway.Discusswhattheirfamiliesdidtomakeconversationssafeandhealthy.Usethisdiscussiontomakealistoftipsforhavingsafeandhealthyconversations.Havegroupmembersbreakintosmallergroupsandpickadifficultconversationtopicfromthelistmadeatthebeginningofgroup.Roleplayhavingdifficultconversationsusingthetipslisted.Endthegroupbyhavingmembersshareabouttheirexperiencesintheroleplay.


Whyisitimportanttotalkdirectlyaboutdifficultthingswithyourfamily?

Whataresomedifficultthingsthatfamiliesneedtotalkabout?

Howdoyousetupdifficultconversationssothatyourfamilycanhavetheminsafeandhealthyways?

Howdoyouincludechildrenofdifferentagesintheseconversations?


Ü Familieswhodiscussthingsinopen,respectful,trustingandcaringwayscansolveproblemseasierandhavebetterrelationships.

Ü Familysecretsordifficultissuesthatarenevermentionedonlyseemtogetbiggerand

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biggerovertime.

Ü Itisbettertotalkaboutdifficultthingsdirectly.Thefamilyneedstounderstandthatalltopics,evendifficultones,areopenfordiscussion.

Ü Discussingdifficultissuesoftenrequiresthefamilytosetsomecommunicationrules.Somerulesthatfamiliesfindhelpfulinclude:makingsurethateveryonegetstotalk,avoidingstatementsthatplaceblame,threaten,orbelittle,listeningcarefullyandrespectfullytowhateachpersonsays,expressingpositiveandnegativefeelingswithoutlosingcontrol,andusingbreaksandcalmingskillswhenfamilymembersgettooupset.

Ü Youngchildrencantakepartindifficultconversationsbutparents/olderchildrenneedtolimittheinformationsharedandusesimpleappropriateexplanationstoprotecttheiremotionalsecurity.

REFLECTIONS:

Discussingdifficultissueswithinfamiliesmaybehardbutisimportant.Familiesneedtolearnhowtotalkaboutdifficulttopicsinhealthyandsafeways.Havingopenandhonestcommunicationmakesfamilyrelationshipsstronger.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundhavingdifficultconversations:

1. Haveafamilymeetingandpracticetalkingaboutaproblemthatyourfamilyisfacing.Beforeyoustart,talkaboutsomerulesthatyouwillfollowduringthediscussion.

2. Useeverydayeventstostartconversationswithyourfamily.


TipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

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Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around having difficult conversations:

� Have a family meeting and practice talking about a problem that your family is facing. Before you start, talk about some rules that you will follow during the discussion.

� Use everyday events to start conversations with your family.


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Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:TheElephantintheRoomFeedbackFormDate: Location:




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1.KnowthelimitsIthinkwillkeepmyfamilysafe ! " #

2.Knowhowtosetlimitsformyfamily ! " #

3.Followthelimitsmyself ! " #


5.Supporteachothertocalmdownandrelax ! " #

6. ! " #



AdditionalComments:

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CONNECTIONS

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PeopleHelp

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgrouphelpsparentsrealizethatsocialnetworksareimportantcopingresourcesforthemselves,theirchildrenandtheirfamilies.

OUTLINE:

StartthegroupbyhavinggroupmemberstalkaboutpeoplewhoareimportanttothemusingtheSociogram.Havememberswritethefirstnamesofeveryonewhotheythinkbelongsineachcircle.Dothefirstgrouptogether.Havememberswritethefirstnamesofeveryoneintheirimmediatefamilyinthe“immediatefamily”circle.Definetheirimmediatefamilyastheirchildrenandtheirpartner,iftheyhaveone.Theycanalsoincludeotherpeoplewhotheythinkofaspartoftheirinnermostcircle.Nextmovetotheirextendedfamily.Extendedfamilyincludesthosepeoplewhotheyconsiderfamily,liketheirparents,sistersandbrothers,auntanduncles,andmaybeotherslikeGodparentsorclosefamilyfriends.Somepeoplefilluptheircircleswithnameseasilywhileothershavejustafewnamesineachcircle.Makesurethatgroupmembersknowthatweallhavedifferentneedsforsupport.HandoutPeopleHelpandhavegroupmembersthinkaboutarecenttimewhentheirfamilywasunderstress.Havethemusetheirsociogramtoidentifypeoplewhohelpedthemoutduringthisstressfultime.Talkaboutwhatkindsofsupportpeopleprovidedtotheirfamily.Askthemtothinkofadditionalresourcesthattheycouldhaveusedand/orwishwereavailabletothem.Thismaybehardforsomemembersiftheyfeelpeoplehavebetrayedtheminthepastorthattheyhaveburnedouttheirsupportswhentheywerehavingseriousproblems.Endthegroupbyhavingmembersshareatimewhentheyprovidedsupporttoanotherfamily.


Whoisincludedinyoursupportnetwork?

Howdotheyprovidesupporttoyourfamily?

Doyourchildrengetthesupportthattheyneed?Whoprovidesthemwithsupport?

Intimesofstress,whodoesyourfamilyturnto?

Whodoyouprovidesupportfor?

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Ü Havingsupportfromothersisimportantforourmentalhealth.

Ü Havingsupportforourfamiliesisalsoimportant.Wecan’tdoeverythingbyourselves.

Ü Weallneedpeoplewecanturntowhenweneedhelp.Itisokaytoaskforhelpwhenweneedit.

Ü Itisalsoimportanttohelpotherswhentheyneedit.

REFLECTIONS:

Parentsbecomeaware(onbothcognitiveandemotionallevels)oftheirexistingsupportnetwork,includingitsstrengthsandweaknesses.Throughparticipatinginthegroup,theythinkaboutwaystoimprovethequalityoftheirfamilies’socialnetworkthroughbuildingexistingsupportsand/oraddingadditionalsupports.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundseekingsupport:

1. Workwithyourchildrentocreatealistofimportantpeopletocallintimesofneed.Thislistcanincludefamily,friends,churches,communityorganizations,teachers,police,etc.Discusswithyourchildrenhowthesepeoplewillbeabletohelpyourfamilyintimesofneed.Hangthelistnearthephoneforeasyaccess.

2. Chooseonepersonthatyouincludedinyoursupportsystemandcalltothankher/himforbeingthereforyou.


SociogramPeopleHelpTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

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IDENTIFYING AND EVALUATING RESOURCES

Identify a stressful event your family had to cope with during the past month or year. How did family members help each other cope? Did anyone from outside of your family help at that time?

Was their support helpful?

Do you wish other supports were available at the time to help you cope?

What else do you wish had been different about your supports and your coping?

Have you helped anyone else with their crisis recently (are you a source of support to others?

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Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around building a support system:

� Work with your children to create a list of important people to call in times of need. This list can include family, friends, churches, community organizations, teachers, police, etc. Discuss with your children how these people will be able to help your family in times of need. Hang the list near the phone for easy access.

� Choose one person that you included in your support system and call to thank her/him for being there for you.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:PeopleHelpFeedbackFormDate: Location:




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1. Givetothepeoplewhogivetome ! " #

2.Knowwhowecangotoforsupport ! " #



5.Askforhelpwhenweneedit ! " #




AdditionalComments:

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SpiritualSupport

OBJECTIVE:

Thisgroupencouragesparentstoincreaseawarenessofaspiritualmeaningtotheirfamilylifebyidentifyingsourcesofspiritualsupportandlookingatwaysforenrichingtheirfamily’sspiritualexperience.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupbydiscussingwhatspiritualitymeans.Thiscanbeanopendiscussionoryoucanstartwithadefinitionlike“personalbeliefsorvaluesthatgiveusasenseofbeingclosetonatureandtheuniverseandthathelpusfindmeaninginthingsthathappen.Maybeforyou,spiritualityincludesahigherpowerorforcethatgivesyoustrengthandhelpstoguideyou”.Findoutwhatspiritualitymeanstoeachoftheparentsparticipating.Havegroupmembersfocusontheirownspiritualresourcesatfirst.HandoutYourSpiritualResourcesanduseittoguideashortdiscussion.HandoutSourcesofSpiritualSupportandreviewthelistofspiritualsupports.Havegroupmemberstalkaboutoneortwosupportsthatareanimportantpartoftheirspiritualpractice.Nextdiscusshowparentssharetheirspiritualbeliefsandpracticeswiththeirfamilies.Endthegroupbyhavingparentsshareoneideaabouthowtheywouldenrichtheiruseofspiritualsupportswiththeirchildrenorfamilies.


Whatisspirituality?

Whataresomeofthewaysthatyoupracticeyourspirituality?

Howdoyoushareyourspiritualsupportswithyourfamily?

Whatsourcesofspiritualsupportwouldyouliketosharewithyourfamily?


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Ü Everyonehasdifferentideasaboutwhatspiritualitymeans.

Ü Spiritualsupportsoftenprovidestrengthintimesoftrouble.

Ü Childrenlearnaboutspiritualityandabouthowtousespiritualsupportsbywatchingtheirparentsorbypracticingthemasafamily.

REFLECTIONS:

Formanypeople,spiritualsupportsareasourceofstrengthwhenbadthingshappen.Whenfamiliessharestrongspiritualsupportsandparentslivebyexample,childrengrowupwiththesesupportsavailabletothemandarebetterabletohandleitwhenbadthingshappen.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundyourfamily’sspirituality:

1. Withsomepaperorevenajournal,writedowndifferentexperiences,inspirationalquotesoranythingelseyoucanthinkofthatyouwouldliketosharewithyourchildren.Whenyoufeelthetimeisright,sharethisandcreateadialogaroundthesespecialwritings.

2. Introduceyourchildrentodifferentsongs,hymns,orothermusicalselectionsthatspirituallymoveyou.Youcansharethesewithyourchildrennomatterwhatagetheyare.

3. Ifyoubelongtoanorganizedreligion,explaintoyourchildrenwhatishappeningwhenyouareatyourplaceofworship.Explainwhothepeopleare,whattheydoandhowthesehavebeenorcanbesourcesofhelpforyourfamily.


YourSpiritualResourcesSourcesofSpiritualSupportTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

YOUR SPIRITUAL RESOURCES

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When you are discouraged or feeling down, what keeps you going? _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

Where have you found strength in the past? _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

Do you believe in a power greater than yourself? Who or what is it? _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

How much control do you believe you have over what happens to you in your life? _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

Do you have a personal way to meet your spiritual needs? (for example, prayer, scripture, etc.) _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

What difference has spirituality made in how you have lived your life? _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________

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What are your special creative abilities? _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

Look over your answers, then write a couple of thoughts, insights, or ideas that occur to you about your answers. What do you notice? _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

(Adapted from the workbook, Working with Groups on Spiritual Themes)

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SOURCES OF SPIRITUAL SUPPORT

Examine the following list of sources of support for you. Look at the sources that existed in the past, are used in the present and those you would like to use in the future.

ACTIVITY PAST

PRESENT

WOULD LIKE

TO USE

Worship services Visit with clergy Talk with friends Prayer Meditation Music Song Poetry Scripture Other books Rosary Sacraments Helping Others Fellowship Writing Visiting Nature Movement/Dance Sharing a Meal

Other people

Other symbols

Other rituals

Look over your responses and write your thoughts, comments and questions about what you notice. __________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

(Adapted from the workbook, Working with Groups on Spiritual Themes)

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Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around spiritual supports:

� With some paper or even a journal, write down different experiences, inspirational quotes or anything else you can think of that you would like to share with your children. When you feel the time is right, share this and create a dialog around these special writings.

� Introduce your children to different songs, hymns, or other musical selections that spiritually move you. You can share these with your children no matter what age they are.

� If you belong to an organized religion, explain to your children what is happening when you are at your place of worship. Explain who the people are, what they do and how these have been or can be sources of help for your family.


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Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:SpiritualSupportFeedbackFormDate: Location:




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1.Thinkaboutwhatspiritualitymeanstous ! " #

2.Practicemyspiritualitywithmyfamily ! " #



5.Talkaboutmybeliefswithyourchildren ! " #

6.Usemyspiritualsupports ! " #



AdditionalComments:

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LaughterisImportant!

OBJECTIVE:

Thefocusofthisgroupisonpositiveemotionsandlaughter.Itisabouttheimportanceoffunandlaughterforhealthyfamilies.

OUTLINE:

Startthegroupwithashortactivitythatwillcreatelaughter(anice-breaker).Followthiswithanopendiscussionabouttherolelaughterplaysinfamilies.Groupmemberscantalkabouthowlaughterandasenseofhumordevelopinchildren.Theycansharefunthingsthattheirchildrenhavedoneorsaidatdifferentages.Groupmemberscanbrainstormaboutwaystocreatefunandlaughterwiththeirfamilies.Endthegroupwithanotheractivitythatwillcreatelaughter.


Howislaughterimportanttoafamily?

Howcanparentsberolemodelsfortheirchildrenabouthumorandlaughter?

Howdoeshumorandlaughterchangeaswegrowup?

Doyouremembersomefunnythingsthatyourchildrendidastheyweregrowingup?

Howcanparentshelptheirfamilylaughtogether?


Ü Laughterstartsduringinfancy.

Ü Laughtercanmakeyourfamilyhealthierandbringsuccess.

Ü Itisimportantforparentstohaveasenseofhumor.

Ü Encouragingfunfamilyactivitiesisimportant.

Ü Evenwhenbadthingshappen,humorandlaughterwhenusedrightcanrelievesomeofthestressandtension.

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Ü Childrenwillbemorerelaxedandhavebetterrelationshipswithparentswhotakeasecondtomakelaughterapartoftheirfamily.

REFLECTIONS:

Parentslearnaboutsteppingbackfromthenegativethingsintheirlivesandtakingtimeforfunandlaughterwiththeirchildren.

TIPSFORPRACTICE:

Herearesomeideasforactivitiesthatyouandyourfamilycanpracticeandenjoyathometoreinforcetheconceptsdiscussedingrouparoundhavingfuntimestogether:

1. Findasillygameandplayitwithyourfamily.2. Tellyourchildrensomefunnystoriesaboutthingstheydidwhentheywerelittle.3. Tellyourchildrensomefunnyjokesorgoodriddles.


LaughterisImportant!TipsforParents/CaregiversLaughingThroughLifeTipsforPracticeFeedbackForm

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Families that laugh together…

• are less stressed.

• have children that are smarter and healthier.

• help children be successful in life!

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Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

1. Be a laughter role-model.

2. Don’t laugh at a mean joke.

3. Have a sense of humor.

4. Encourage family fun time.

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Babies…

• Can understand humor!

• Begin laughing at 3-4 months old.

Toddlers… and Preschoolers…

• Love to play ‘peek-a-boo’.

• Will try to make others laugh.

• Think it is funny when pictures and sounds don’t match.

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School-Age Kids…

• Love to tell jokes.

• Think physical comedy is funny.

Teenagers…

• Love to tell jokes.

• Might make fun of anything ‘abnormal’.

Adults:

• Often laugh at the funny things their kids do!

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Tips for Practice

Today’s Date:

Here are some ideas for activities that you and your family can practice and enjoy at home to practice what we discussed in group around laughing and having fun with your family:

� Find a silly game and play it with your family.

� Tell your children some funny stories about things they did when they were little.

� Tell your children some funny jokes or good riddles.


_______________________________________________

Notes:

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SFCR-PPGroup:LaughterisImportant!FeedbackForm

Date: Location:




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1.Carryoutfamilyroutines ! " #


3.Spendmoretimetogetherhavingfun ! " #

4.Laughmore ! " #

5.Remembertocelebrategoodthingsthathappen ! " #

6.Encouragefunfamilyactivities ! " #



AdditionalComments:

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Documents

StrengtheningFamily Coping Resources Peer-to-Peer Group … · 2019. 8. 1. · SFCR-P2P groups are designed for individuals at any stage in recovery who are interested in trying to