D amanna looked at the twitching toes, the wasted legs and twisted club foot, the naked lower body

bearing a thin torso in a dirty brown-chequehd shirt, the protruding teeth evident through the happy smile, the mouth which babbled nothing but gibberish.

He felt a pang of guilt, a spasm of self-pity when he looked at his son. What had he done to deserve Apu?

Apu noticed his father staring at him. He hastily stuffed in the last handful of rice, and as it dribbled out of the comers of his mouth, he raised himself on all fours and crawled towards the kitchen. He dragged himself out through the back door, where an imposing hillock adjoined the ancient house. He struggled to the tap to rinse his mouth when he no- ticed the familiar peacock on top of the hillock. He smiled and let out a happy cry. He then remembered that his fa- ther was still in the house, so he returned quietly and went straight to the bedroom he , shared with his grandmother Rukmini-bai.

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A strong believer in the after-life, Rukmini won- dered what sin Apu had committed in his past life to merit a fate like this.

In true karmic zeal, however, she did not question the happenings of nature. She accepted, after some moments of anguish,, almost any- thing that was doled out to her - without so much as a protest against life's unfairness.

In this deformed boy, she saw her dead hus- band's eyes. They would gleam the same way that his did, when excited. Memories - faded, lost, distant, hesitant - re- turned to her more than once. Her husband had died so long ago. Apu's eyes were probably what kept his memory alive.

Ever since Apu was born, his mother, Saritha, had disowned him deep

GOA TODAY H MAY 201 1 57

Her appearance - leathery, dark brown skin that clung tightly to every bone in her body - stood in sharp con- trast with her physical capacity. At an age that she had not kept count of, she would rise at the crack of dawn, heat water for the bath, wake up Apu, take him to the toilet, then bathe him gently before anyone else awoke. She would burn the dry coconut leaves to start the kitchen stove, and let the tea simmer.

She lovedApucompletely: shenever treated him like the crippled, retarded child that everyone knew he was. But even she was not spared the thought that plagued her son Damanna. What have we done to deserve a crlppled child?

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k' ICTION down within her veiy being. In actual fact, the source ofApu's affliction was some local herbal medication she had taken to abort the child, and failed. She had been punished aptly, Rukmini thought.

Damanna was silent throughout the entire episode ofApu's birth, the discovery of his handicap and his wife's total rejec- tion of their son. He was silent too because he hated Apu as well, but was not brave enough to admit it.

Apu entered the bedroom to see his grandmother spread his clothes out and double them one by one. "Help me fold these," she instructed him without looking in his direction. Apu obeyed hesitantly. He wanted to go out in search of the peacock, but had learned well through past beatings not to stray too far from home. Rukmini left him with the task, as she went to draw water from the well a few feet away from their house.

The house, an ancient structure, built with red stone and red Mangalore tiles to create the sloping roof, had withstoad years of heavy, tropical rainfall and unbearably humid summers. The red oxide floor with its characteristic smell, reminded Rukmini of the first few months of their marriage; when the bed was infested with termites, and they had to sleep on the floor. The smell, even now, brought back memories ofthe wild, passionate love-making, which had died with her husband 20 years ago.

Rukmini walked towards the well, the rim of aluminium pot tucked below her elbow. Saritha was already there, draw- ing water.

"How many pots did you draw?" she asked Saritha, as she approached the well.

"Five. We need five more."

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"You go wash the dishes. I'll get the water." Saritha left as Rukmini loosened, then tightened, the noose

around the rim of the pot. As she drew up the water, her back hull. She had been in pain for some time now, and had told Damanna about it. That miserl)~ boy! He 'd take me to the doc- tor orily if1 were sick enough 170t to make,foodfor him, she thought to herself.

But the pain was different this time. She sensed mild cur- rents running down her legs. Similar in character, but not in intensity, to what she had felt when her husband had entered her for the first time. She smiled, but the pain became worse with every pot of water she drew up. May be it is his spirit warning me of something bad, she mused.

In a timeless, continuous moment, she heard the pot drop to the ground, clanking out a metallic crash of pain, as if it mirrored her own. She let out a cry, it seemed distant, yet so personal. The pain completely dwarfed her now. She realised that she had fallen to the ground and bruised her head. She saw Saritha running towards her in a heightened state of panic and desperation. Then Rukmini passed out.

From a distance, Damanna saw the vague blue figure prostrate on the ground, with the fallen pot moving to and fro in the pool of water. He ran. The smell of urine filled his nostrils as he approached her. He tried to lift her; he heard a faint crack. He ignored it as he took her inside the house and laid her down on the bed.

The doctor peered at the CT scan and prepared himself mentally to break the news to the worried couple that sat in front of him. The damage was irreversible, he told them. She would never walk again. She had lost all control of her bowel and bladder movements and would have to be cared for the

rest of her life. The couple made their way back in shocked silence, and

sat on the red floor when they reached home. Saritha, with her head resting on her hand, spoke out, "I can't take care of them both.. .Apu is too much to handle."

"We have no choice," Damanna replied. "1 like your mother more. Besides, she won't live long.

As for Apu, we will have to think of an alternative." In a fit of impotent rage, Damanna stood up and yelled,

"There's nothing we can do. We have no choice. You and I are both stuck with them!"

Apu sat at the far end of the hallway, meekly observing them, quivering in fear. Saritha, devoid of all options, looked around and saw him. Her rage erupted. She stormed towards him, slapped and kicked him, screaming without speaking as Apu retracted into a foetal position. Completely spent, she rcturned to the bedroom to lie down.

Dainanna looked on in helpless silence. He thought of his son, l~is mother, his wife and himself. His eyes moistened. He wept silently; less at the thought of the misfortune that had bcfallen his family, more at the realisation of the monsters thcy had become.

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