Single Parenting Challenges - Suhaib Webb

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Suhaib WebbSingle parents

Single ParentingMunira Lekovic Ezzeldine| October 17, 2011 5:00 am

Parenting is a tough job, but single parenting is an even tougher challenge, as one parent tries to

fulfill the roles of both a mother and a father to their child. Single parenting is highly demandingphysically, emotionally and financially. There can be numerous reasons and circumstances forsingle parenting, such as divorce, a spouse working abroad, a child born out of wedlock, or even

the illness or death of a parent. Sadly, the Muslim community often alienates and ostracizes

single parents and is often selective regarding which single parent deserves compassion, based

on the reasons they are single. A judgmental attitude does not help encourage single parents tobe the best parents possible to their child(ren). Compassion and support from the community is

necessary to help single parents on their challenging journey. This article seeks to offer

constructive support to single parents as they seek to raise their children, inshaAllah.

Numerous examples exist in the Islamic tradition of single parents who successfully raised

children to become strong individuals. These individuals then left a legacy for humanity whichshines more brightly, specifically because of being raised by single parents. Hajar, the mother ofProphet Ismail (pbuh), Maryam, the mother of Prophet Isa (pbuh), and Amina, the mother of

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), all raised their sons alone due to different circumstances. They all

put their trust in Allah and worked hard to be the best parents they could be to their children.Also, the mothers of Imam al-Shafi, Imam Ahmed and Imam Bukhari raised their sons alone, all

of whom later became renowned figures that left a major impact on the world. The reality is that
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single Muslim parents do exist today. They need support as they strive to raise resilient Muslim

children for the future.

Children raised by single parents thrive in homes where there is stability, safety, love, and

consistency. A single parent that is committed to providing loving discipline will create an

environment for the child to truly flourish. Raising secure and successful children requiressingle parents to confidently implement the following parenting skills.

Discipline

Sometimes single parents may feel guilty or overwhelmed by their parenting duties, so theyresort to weak enforcement or bending of rules in order to make their child happy and reduce

potential conflict. Some parents may compensate for the absence of the other parent by being

permissive in their parenting style. Single parents must be careful to not allow children to

dismiss rules set by the parent or to become their friends. Setting boundaries for childrencreates much needed structure in all households (single and dual) because children want to know

that their parent has rules and has set limits and expectations. Boundaries also create a sense ofsafety for a child because the roles of the parent and child have been clearly established. Parental

limits teach the child to respect the parent and solidify their role in the family.

Consistency

Children dealing with a divorce or a death will crave stability as they adjust to their new life with

one parent. Establishing routines, schedules and traditions are important for children whenadjusting to a new family dynamic. A child wants to know what to expect and look forward to on

a daily basis. Consistency in everyday routines gives the child(ren) a feeling of security and

stability. Focusing on creating morning routines, weekly schedules and dinners together are

small ways that single parents can create constancy for their child. Availability by the parent interms of attention and physical presence will assure the child(ren) a sense of belonging. Also,

creating new traditions and memories during holidays and special occasions reaffirms the new

family identity.

Emotional Support

Single parents and their children may struggle with various feelings and emotions surrounding

their new family structure. The parent and child may struggle with changes and upheavals in

their life, and may share with one another the challenges of the new family structure. Parentsneed to listen and truly hear their child(ren) when they share their thoughts and feelings. Parents

must not make disparaging comments about the other parent as a means to gain the sympathy of

the child(ren). Despite common stress, parents must not turn to their child for emotional support

nor burden them with the personal struggles they encounter. Parents must turn to their socialcircles and confide in other adults and friends only. Confiding worries or complaining to a child

is inappropriate, regardless of the level of maturity of the child. It is extremely detrimental to

children to absorb the thoughts and feelings of their parents. Children need to remain childrenand should not become a friend or therapist to the parent. Parents who feel stressed,


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depressed, anxious or lonely, should seek professional guidance or support from other adults as

they adjust to single parenthood.

It takes a Village

Single parents will need help and support with the endless tasks and responsibilities of raisingthe child(ren) . This requires being comfortable asking for help from family and friends. Seeking

support with childcare, such as carpooling, help in case of emergencies, or schedule conflicts at

work, will benefit single parents when they are stretched in multiple directions. Creating ateamwork environment at home where the child(ren) have chores and responsibilities is also

important so that the child(ren) understand their role in the family and feel like capable

contributors.

Take Care of Yourself

Single parents work hard to care and provide for their children; many times, they neglect

themselves or may feel guilty taking time away from their children. However, it is necessary forparents to take care of themselves physically, emotionally and spiritually. Giving withoutreplenishing will limit a parents ability to be their best. Scheduling time for hobbies and

enjoyable activities like reading, watching a movie, having coffee with a friend, etc. are ways

parents can find personal fulfillment. Creating time to exercise, eat properly and focusing onprayer and reconnection to Allah will help with managing stress and living a more balanced life.Developing a social network of close friends or other single parents will also empower parents so

they do not feel alone in their journey. Strong support systems can enable single parents to share

and feel accepted by other adults who understand their context. Ultimately the child(ren)semotional well-being hinges on the parents healthy and balanced lifestyle.

Single Muslim parents who have a positive attitude and express resiliency will model strongcharacter to their children. Single parents must be kind to themselves and focus on doing their

best. They will not be perfect nor will they be able to fill the shoes of the second parent.

Being the best parent is being present and connected with your child(ren) in a manner that isloving and encouraging every day. These are the most important things you can do as a parent,

single or otherwise.

Tags:Children,Islam,Muslims,Parent,Single parenting

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1. hazimsays:October 17, 2011 at 6:54 am

assalamualaikum , just wanna ask , why we cant make our child as our friend ? do theylater will unrespect us or by doing that have any explaination for that ?

Reply

o Kiranasays:January 14, 2013 at 1:07 am

I guess because the child needs a parent first.

Reply

2. Jamilasays:October 17, 2011 at 10:08 am

Salaams, I am a single parent mother of two children and I am Muslim. The reason for

being a single parent is due to my divorce. I have basically withdrawn myself from the

Muslim community because there is no support for me there as a single parent. And itseems as though the women I try to befriend are all afraid their husbands are going towant to add me as a second wife. I just dont get it. I truly love and admire the religion of

Islam but its followers are another thing. I have found that solitude is my only desirable

place within any Islamic community at this point. Thank you for this article. I agree100%.

MA

Reply

o abdullah hakeemsays:October 17, 2011 at 1:59 pm

asa, the social circles are really bad in the muslim community. it seems that

everyone is agoraphobic at the moment. its sad to hear of your plight sister but ido think that the ummah has become really unsociable and the boring mosques
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dont cater to anyone except those who fund it and the oldies in the committies.

may Allah make you his freind ameen

Reply

o Mikesays:October 17, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Try making friends in the Arab Muslim community; especially Egyptian

community. They have no problems with it; they might even add you as a second

wife. South Asians do have problem with single parents whether due to divorce,

out of wedlock, or even widow who doesnt get married again within a year ortwo if she under 50. I cant tell you why but it is.Arabs are much free in that

regard. I read about a two Arab best friends and when his friend Dad died; hes

says dont worry Ill marry your Mom. Thats little too much for me Butwhatever is halal I make no judgements.

Reply

o Taimur Ijlalsays:October 18, 2011 at 4:07 am

Dear Sister,

May Allah (SWT) reward you for your patience and grant you good

companionship from the muslim community.

Reply

o umm alifsays:March 15, 2013 at 10:31 pm

I could only find the emotional support through qiyamul lail or nafl salah. The

more the better. I prefer to contribute more in the Islamic community, but notseeking advice. I normally find a clue to opening the door of my misery by

participating in their activities. May Allah swt always guide you sister.

Reply
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o MNsays:July 23, 2013 at 12:01 pm

You dont want to be a second wife. You need someone who is there for you as afull husband, not half a husband. First you want to focus on your child and you.Friends can be of all backgrounds, they dont have to be Muslim. And if you are

seeing a gap in something, fill it somehow. Maybe you should be the one startinga new halaqa or a group and invite people to it. Ive been to the same mosque for

two Ramadans now and only was able to have a 5 min conversation with a sister,otherwise everyone keeps to themselves. There must be at all Muslim

communities, a welcoming committee that welcomes new people and introduces

them to others. What a shame. Keep the faith. Were all fighting the lonely battle.

Its no fun. Take it day by day. Workout, visit a new park, start a blog, pray, keepgoing to the mosque as often as you can. It will hopefully become familiar and

comfortable to you. Inshallah. Love, MN.

Reply

o naqeebullasays:October 19, 2013 at 6:12 am

hi i am naqeeb from bangalore single i am doing aadhar card buisness i am project

manger i am searching for friends and if she intrested i will date with him if you

intrested [email protected] add me in [email protected] mesage me 9036871416 if u intrested another wise u

can share if u any contacts in bangalore who want date with me thanks

Reply

o Salarsays:May 4, 2014 at 6:53 am

Assalaam Jamilaji,. Can I have your contact??.. Im looking for a single mother

to marry..

Reply

3. Rashaan Muhammadsays:
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October 17, 2011 at 10:18 am

An excellent article, Sister Munira.

I happen to be from a poor, single parent household and the very things you mentioned

were employed by my mother, and, sadly, her mother before her as well.

Im afraid I dont understand the stigma and the prejudice of many Muslims concerningsingle parent households or people from single parent households, especially since some

of the pillars within our tradition, including some of the Prophets themselves (peace be

upon them), come from less than ideal family situations. What is the source of thisprejudice? Im a convert from an area where unfortunately most people hail from single

parent households (or even worse) and growing up I thought these family scenarios were

rather normal. (Given the divorce rate, I wasnt too far off, among other things). At the

very least, I didnt judge anyone for not being from a good family, whatever thatmeans. As someone who comes from this background, I find it difficult to interact with

Muslims who hold these negative perceptions of this unfortunate reality. Any tips on howto shed some light about this situation?

JazakAllah Kheir!

Reply

4. Safurasays:October 17, 2011 at 10:52 am

We need more articles like this especially since increasingly mothers are finding

themselves as single parents for some period of time. It seems our communities expect us

to either remain in bad marriages, marry lesser desirable men because we already have

children or become nuns!!! May Allah strengthen all of he single moms out there, andgrant u ur knight in shining armor one day too! Ameen.

Reply

o alishasays:October 18, 2011 at 5:50 am

well said.allah gave us a choice and choosing to leave a bad marriage issomething that benefits both parent and child(ren)..

Reply
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5. Yasminsays:October 17, 2011 at 11:14 am

Jazakallah khair for this very important and insightful post! I also feel that the Muslimcommunity is not doing enough to address the issue of single parenting.

Reply

6. Yunussays:October 17, 2011 at 8:34 pm

JazakAllah. This was a helpful article. As a Muslim single father, I feel exceptionally

isolated. Allah chose to have me convert after having a child and the best response is

alhamdulillah. I assume when most people conceptualize single parents, they often thinkof single mothers. I dont know how many others like me (single dads) exist, but its at

least good to know that us single parents are being thought about. May Allah reward you

for your time and thoughtfulness.

Reply

o Yusufsays:October 20, 2011 at 10:51 am

Im certainly glad this topic has actually addressed. I am a single Muslim father

and Im struggling so much right now. Ive turned almost entirely to my Muslimcommunity and theyve helped me deal with a lot of my stress, but Im waiting

for the light at the end of the tunnel. Finding other single Muslim fathers is tough

since its so rare.

Reply

Muhibasays:August 27, 2013 at 12:43 am

Salam to all
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I too have experienced the great hardship of being a single muslim mother

due to divorce, and have found very little support within my muslim

community.As an educated and working mother, I have little time to take on thinking

of how to find a kind and suitable practicing muslim man. Since Allah swt

created men and women to be together, to me it feels more as a obligationto find the right, pious muslim to satisfy Allahs requirement. Sadly thesedays, people have hard time recomending people to others. So, what is

there left to do? I would love to see a group of pious single muslim parents

(men and women) get together in a local mosque (perhaps a conferenceroom or like) and engage into islamic activities like reading Kuran and

other islamic topics, as well as discuss the joy or challenges of single

parenting. That way we may all find a right partner and I do not think that

that would be anything wrong as long as there are multiple men andwomen at all meetings. We could bring our children with us, share a

simple potluck and everyone may have something good to share to help

each other on this not-so-easy journey. May Allah swt grant us allpatience, good judgment and trust in Him. Amin

Reply

7. Uzzmasays:October 18, 2011 at 4:35 am

thankx alot for letting us know with these important issues in religion. i like da part

Islam is not a state of being but it is a process of becoming.. i appreciate the way uanswer, very motivating nd convincing.excellent article. good work.

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8. M.Bsays:October 18, 2011 at 5:07 am

I love how you addressed the issue of how people are selective with which single parent

deserves compassion. Whatever the reason is for their single parenthood, they deservecompassion as human beings striving to do the right thing and raise their family.

jazakallah khair for writing this article!

Reply
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9. alishasays:October 18, 2011 at 5:46 am

ameenwell said. may ALLAH give us single parents the guidance we need and the sabr togrow our children in the most Islamic way possible..

Reply

10. N.says:October 18, 2011 at 12:34 pm

very good read and topic. Jazakum Allahu khairan. Im divorced and mostly raising my

children on my own.

Big however I have some issues with the term single parent, especially as it appliesto me. Because 1) I was not single when I became a mom, and certainly did not become a

mom on my own, and 2) even if their parents divorced, my kids still have a dad. The term

single parent seems to negate that.

Alhamdulillah, despite a very ugly divorce process at the timeI give him credit where

due: he pays child support, he spends time with them on the weekends, and is still a

caring presence in their lives. No matter what, he is their father.

Even in the case of those dead-beat dads or a deceased fatherin terms of our kids

sense of dignity and belonging, ties of kinship, etc. they need to feel from us that yes,they have a lineage through their father as much as kinship through their mom.

Finally, I feel the term kind of puts me in an identity ghetto of being alone.

So while the term is apt because how it describes the situation of parenting on its ownit has some negative connotations for me.

By the waythis is not a criticism of the article and obviously single parent is thepopular term used to describe this situation and the author is justified in using it. I hope

there is no need to defend the author, because again I am not criticizing the use of the

term.

Merely sharing some of the negative meanings that term has for me. Hopefully this adds

another dimension to the discussion.
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Reply

11. Kareemasays:October 18, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Great article. I definitely relate to this situation, as I am a single mother to my 4 yr old

daughter. I have a few challenges. One is being a fairly recent convert to Islam, and

working to transition my daughter from celebrating the pagan holidays the rest of myfamily still observes, into our Muslim holidays. Its been really important to me to try to

create a support system for ourselves, with other Muslims who can be there for us and

offer advice.

But I had my daughter outside of marriage, years before I converted to Islam, and I feellike I am judged for it. I find myself having to explain my daughter, which I resent

having to do. The way I put it is that she is the best part of my old life =). But I do not

feel as welcomed by my new community as I would have hoped. InshaAllah, we will getall the strength and guidance we need.

Reply

o seemasays:October 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Sr. Kareema

You are only answerable to Allah; I know it is hard, when one has to survive inthe community, to answer their unreasonable and intrusive questions, but part of

being a muslim is NOT to ask personal questions. I have now started staying

away from them and only dealing with people who do not judge me (I amdivorced, no kids, but am still kept away by other south Asian wives who see me

as a threat to their marriages when I would not want their husbands even if they

were offerred to me!). So trust me, kids or no kids, women treat women poorlybecause of their cultural baggages, and not bec of Islam. try to find your own

comfort zone with/out them

Reply

Kareemasays:October 23, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Sr. Seema, thank you for your encouraging words and support. =)
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12. Muslimsays:October 18, 2011 at 10:33 pm

As-salaam Alaikum,

Thanks for raising an important issue in our society.Single Parenting could be really challenging sometimes. May Allah guide the single

parents to raise their child in Islamic way. Also in Islam, it is encouraged to get married if

possible as in save a person from indulging in sin.

As an Ummah we should show compassion towards single parents. However the only

point which as a Ummah that we should discourage is supporting a culture where a child

born out of wedlock becomes normal. The only way to prevent and discourage this sin,is to have fear of Allah. May Allah SWT make us follow His path, and keep us from

compromising our religion.

Reply

o Mikesays:October 20, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Ur lucky ur not a woman Its stupid really, that Muslim women dont help other

Muslim women; worried about spouse stealing etc. As a Muslim man I cant

really help a Muslim women because she or society will think I have someulterior motive and generally its advisable to maintain distance from unmarried

women.

Reply

13. abdullah hakeem cartersays:October 20, 2011 at 4:12 pm

salaam, this all shows the great need for communities to rediscover themselves and re-

learn what the term ummah means. the stories about the early migrants to medina would

and should be enough for people to open their doors and forget the crude manner bywhich this cynical world looks at situations. Im irish, and the only way is open that


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bloody door and leave it open (this is the time to act out our islam and without doing so

our time in this world has truly been wasted) peace

Reply

14. Fatimahsays:October 28, 2011 at 11:20 am

Being a converted muslim single mom and raising my daughter in Islam alone, I would

appreciate the single moms group at MCA meeting at the mosque. Currently the group

meets at a private home, but this makes me feel that Im hidden. I am single due to

divorce and this life transition has been so difficult that Im surprised the mosque has sofew accessible resources to address this all-too-common pain.

I have found ummah tends to be rather harsh and judgmental so its best to be persistent(have a thick skin) and find those true sisters who will support and encourage you in the

truth & straight path, inshallah. As several brothers & sisters have said, we always have

Allah and the teachings of the Prophet, peace & blessing be upon him. Recently aTurkish friend told me, Why go to the mosque? Your home is a mosque!

Our family & muslim friends in our home are our congregation!

Thanks be to Allah for Sister Muniras work. I hope I get to meet the very single parents

who have responded so warmly to this Sisters article. Why not get creative and arrange a

singles event just for single parents (or would the 100 women outnumber the 2 menhaha)? Marriage is a fulfillment of our deen, and why should we not have a second chance?

Allah SWT forgives us daily for our sins. Arrahmanir Rahim. ameen

Reply

o Muhibasays:August 27, 2013 at 12:57 am

I too posted similar article before I saw yours.

I do agree; since Allah swt advises man and a woman be united, why cant we

have a group meeting in a local mosque(s) where single muslim mothers and

fathers can get together through prayers, Kuran study, tips and recomendationson education, parenting, education, job search etc. while our kids too can be in

the same room with us and everyone can bring a dish to share. Its not like a

one man and one woman are left in a room on their own (whether be muslim orany other religion).

Any single muslim women and men in Seattle area We can find a way to meet,
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even if that be a library (they do offer free conference/rooms for community

needs). Whats wrong with that?

Reply

15. Soraiyasays:November 19, 2011 at 2:46 pm

AA

I came across this article by chance and it makes me happy to know that I am not alone. I

am in a difficult situation and would greatly appreciate some advice. My marriage broke

down while I was pregnant. My ex husband is pakistani and we lived alone for the

majority of the marriage. He was very nice during the engagement but he changed when

we married. His family were very good to me while we were married. My ex husbandwas very forceful and I left while I was pregnant. When I left I was three months

pregnant. I rang his family a couple of times but they didnt really want to speak to me.

My exhusband contacted me once when i was 6 months pregnant but I was verydistressed and would not speak with him. Neither him or his family ever contacted me

again. My son is now nearly three years old. I have sent many emails to my exhusband

with photos of his son and asking that he meet him but he never ever replied. I made a csaclaim but he never paid at all and there are huge arrears. I spoke with his father a while

ago and he just said that I was like his daughter but he didnt mention his grandson or ask

to see us.

I feel so lost and for some reason I just cant let go of the fact that he wont ever meet hisson. He and his family are practising muslims. I still email him asking him to see his sonbut he never replied.

Should I ring his parents again? Its so hurtful that they and he act as though we dont existand even if they would just tell me to get lost I would at least know. Should I ring him?

My dad says I need to let go and forget it but for some reason I cant. My son is so

beautiful and I am so happy to be a mother but I dont know what to do about thissituation.

Reply

16. Soraiyasays:November 19, 2011 at 2:56 pm


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In relation to the article- I live alone with my son and am working and studying to

support us. I live in an area where there are many muslims. I see my muslim neighbours

everyday and they tend to keep their distance, my immediate neighbours dont speak tome at all. Although I feel very alone I also think that the keep their distance because a

single parent is something that is feared. I represent what the women who live around me

would never want to be and to some extent I can understand that they do not want tospeak to me much because my situation is so controversial to them. Although it would bevery nice to have some friends around here I think we are all guilty of shying away from

things that we dont understand and I dont begrudge them for not talking to me. Although

saying that a Good Morning wouldnt hurt!! Additionally, I do not know any othermuslim single mothers and wish I could have a friend or two in a similar situation to me.

I have searched around on the internet for forums but havent found anything.

Reply

o haleemasays:December 20, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Asalaamu Alaikum Soraiya,

Where do you live? Please email me. I am a single muslim mother looking forother sisters in a similar situation.

Reply

Soraiyasays:December 22, 2011 at 12:27 pm

ws Halima

Thank you for your reply!!

How would I get your email adress?

I am in London.

Regards

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Jumanasays:March 9, 2012 at 2:04 am

ASA,

I am also a single mother searching for some contact or ladies who

are in a similar situation.

Wa salam

Farahsays:June 19, 2013 at 4:13 pm

I know its been sometime since this post but I would also love to

have some Muslim single parent friends as Im in the same boat!

My email add [email protected]

o summayasays:February 3, 2013 at 4:38 am

asalaamualykum sister,its been one and a half years since my divorce now and i still havent found anyother single muslims (mum)friends.i can relate to how difficult it is ,and its a

mystry as to why. im studying and working too and it can be hard to find time to

socialise.I think a reason maybe due to not telling people im a single parent ,imnot ashamed or anything of that sort but i dont like the numerous questions that

follow.

A lot of sisters on here have spoken about creating a group at mosque for loneparents to talk etc,i think that would be great if there were any but here in

birmingham there arent any.I might consider starting one.see what happens.

Reply

o aieshasays:October 11, 2013 at 12:28 pm
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salaam, I am a new convert thinking about my future in Islam and the future of

my children. I came from a very abusive household and bullied at school also so it

was a constant stream of violence and bullying till I was 18 so by the time Istarted dating anyone saying I love you well you can guess, I have now got three

children by three fathers who obviously dont want to know except one who is

non Muslim and a drinker who I dont see he lives quite far away but keeps intouch by phone. I love my kids and instead of crumbling I remain strong. and nowI have Allah I feel invincible even though I still get days of loneliness and I know

what you mean about people and society cutting you of. even though I am a single

parent I am a woman and one day I would actually like to be asked to marry oneday not just for me but to have a real male pious role model. now I know that this

may well most likely wont happen but I sometimes feel like on the day of

judgement I will be standing there not as a Muslim but a failure even though my

kids are amazing wonderful a tad spoiled human beings who while I was writingthis were washing up for me because they could see I was tired after a very long

week. even though I am a single mom I dont fall into what you would call the

stereotypes I love Allah with all my heart and so now try to live according to whathe wants even though thats easier said than done and even before I converted I

didnt drink I did smoke cigarettes (outside of the house) because of the stress but

now I have Allah I stopped and I turn to him instead. will any Muslim brother

ever think of me as there future wife lol im laughing because its so unlikely itsactually funny.

Reply

17. sabinasays:December 18, 2011 at 8:23 am

Assalamualaikum to all my brothers & sisters.I am humbled to see all of you so strong &

resilient.Myself being a single parent with 2 daughters and a son,its maddening at

times.When i am able to balance the financial part I lag behind in some other area.And

then those huge shining tears in my childrens eyes when they hungrily look at otherfathers hugging their kidsthere are good days too when my kids sense my sadness &

say that they dont miss their dad what with such a wonderful mother!They r aware that

he has married and moved on.Still they miss him.May ALMIGHTY ALLAH give us allthe strenght and patience to be strong in our deen & to be good parents.Ameen.

Reply

o Muhibasays:August 27, 2013 at 12:59 am


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Love to you Sabina from a muslim sister in Seattle I hear you

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18. Fsays:January 13, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Assalam o Alaikum, reading all these comments just make me want to express how I feel.I am living alone with my two kids for almost 2 yrs. My husband due to his job and his

family decided to move back home. I was left here with two kids to take care of.

I live in a community full of very practising Muslims but everyone seems to be so busy

that they have no idea what goes on next door. I work full time and have to strugglebetween my job, kids, chores, grocery etc. There are times when I dont have the time to

cook at all and my kids are waiting at home alone for me to come back to feed them. I

always wonder none of these nice muslim friends ever extend any help. Instead I had aHindu neighbor who sent me food on few different occasions. I have always tried to help

in the community in any way I can and Alhamdolilah it was only to please Allah. I have

learned to live all alone without anyones help or support. I get everything I need fromAlmihty Allah. I just ask Allah for all the help and his mercy and I have been very lucky

with that. I have no social life at all but I feel I dont need such friends that are only

friends when there is a party at my place and the rest of the year I never hear from them.Some of them pass by my house but never stopped to ask my kids if they needed

anything at all. Alhamdililah, Alhamdoliah Allah has put me in a position where I dont

beg anyone for anything at all. I have been trying to manage everything myself by the

blessings of Allah. To all my sisters who are single parent please find your strength in

Allah and Allah only. He is the only one who can provide. No one else can.Wassaalam

sister F in North America

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19. muslimahsays:January 22, 2012 at 8:08 am

I am a single mother, I have two boys, and they are my miracle from God, a gift fromAllah. I want to say to all the single mothers in our muslim community not to worry or

stress out being a single mother, just all you have to do is to be a good parent and seekAllahs help to guide u and your children for sure Allah is the best provider. say

Alxamdulilah for having children because only Allah can give children and dont forget

only Allah can help u raise your children no one else, I am proud to be a mother to mysons and belief that Allah made me single mother to be safe and live harmonny with my


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boys. so be thankfull to Allah and seek his help to be a good parents insha Allah

everything will workout

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20. Sister M in Indonesiasays:February 4, 2012 at 10:37 am

I only want to say thank you for this article. I read all the comments and some of them

really make me sad. I also a single parent for more than 10 years. I have 3 children. I also

experienced all the things that a single mother has to face (especially in muslim

communities)so I can understand completely the issues mentioned in the article andcomments. Im still young now, but my oldest son is already in college and he is my best

friend in the world. My doughter, and my youngest son, they are also my best friends (the

youngest son is already 13). They are bright, kind-hearted and always been helpful to me.With all the troubles I have to face, I enjoy my life with them. For all single parents here,

I believe Allah will give you your rewards, in this dunyaa and in the akhirah, InsyaAllah.

Reply

21. Jumanasays:March 8, 2012 at 5:00 am

ASA,

it made me almost crying to read all the stories here. And they are all so similar to mine. Iam a single mother of a two years old kid. We should support each otheralthough

living in different countries, we could at least do it by email or so. I would love to be in

contact with somebody of you guys. The feeling of being guilty and the lonelinesssometimes make me mad.

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o hammoursays:August 27, 2012 at 10:40 am

asalamu alaykum sister amsigle father ihave one boy 10 yers old dessableamloken after hem because he lost his mums 3yers gow und am loockeng for


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singles mother whit one kids und ichalaah am happy togo haad inchallah wa

salaamu alaykum

Reply

22. Yasmeen Asays:May 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Thank you for this article, the stigma has to stop! I have been a single parent for under a

year and already the stress is beginning to wear on me and the friends who were quick to

support in the beginning are pulling away with their own busy lives and it gets quite

lonely at times. I wish there were support groups through the masjid, or at least online. Itwas refreshing to even just read the comments and realize there are others out there!

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23. Scara Dommallosays:May 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

Thank you for this lovely article it was very splendid

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24. MNsays:July 5, 2012 at 9:15 pm

To parent and raise a child alonewell it sucks. I wouldnt wish it on anyone. Their dadis involved but i do most of the work. Grocery, errands, entertainment, stopping fightsa

24 hr job. My patience runs thin and i feel i am so behind in teaching them things esp abt

the faith. I dont like ppl seeing me as a bird with a broken wing. They see me as

incomplete and more of a burden to get to know when infact, in the U.S its not a big

deal. I dont like that i am a statistic.

I dont mind being on my own even though it was not my choice. I was in it for life!

What really really sucks? The income downgrade. I was a professional then a stay homeparent. I was destroyed financially. I couldnt even get a credit card. Im poor, i work part-

time and cant have any savings. A vacation is a fantasy. What else? Its very very lonely.

Thats the hardest part. Not having another grown up around to support you. I would love


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to have a regular gathering, but even that has been hard. I dont get invited to places bc

well, i dont have a husband that their husbands can get to know. I dont think anyone

thinks i would steal their spouse bc trust me Ive seen the guys, not interested. I wouldlove to meet a normal moderate muslim who knows islam but can also go see a movie.

That is the challenge.

I know other women have it worse. Or they r dealing with the death of a spouse. My kids

still see their dad and love him to death. I made sure of that.

No matter where you are as a Muslim parent, from U.S. to Indonesia to England, i hope

you know you are strong and certainly not alone. Ive given ip on the community for most

part and do things alone. I had to realize that . Its ok. Its hard but it is what it is. Maybe adiff community would be bettet. I dont have all the resources but IM STILL

STANDING! God bless you all

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25. maidasays:July 8, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Assalaamu Alaikum

Its really hard being a single mom. I have been throught a divorce and I have two girls. I

presently live with my mom in one room with my kids. there is no breathing space. I do

have a job but cannot afford a rent with my salary. I got an offer after my divorce ,thinking that this person would assist me financially, but this was not so. He want me

only to satisfy his carnal desires and often got angry when I spend time with my kids. Sohe ask for divorce. Most men in my country are like this to us single moms, they justwant to use us, even the muslim brothers. I dont know where and how else to turn. I

desperately need a home for me and my kids, I cannot get a loan because my salary is too

low for the amount that would be required for a home Im so depressed.why do we

muslim women have to give our bodies in exchange for basic necessities. this may alsomean neglecting your kids to fulfil the mans desires.

I make dua everyday, so too does my kids.but we are losing hope

need some guidance .khuda hafiz.

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o dejasays:July 26, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Salaam maida,


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Your story brought me to tears. Being a single mother myself for five year, with

also 2 girls, i really understand your situation. Dont lose hope. Never stop

making dua to Allah every single day. Have faith in Allah always.Always bepositive. The time will come when you & your kids will live in your own home.

May Allah grant us patience and strength.

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o mnsays:March 17, 2013 at 9:07 am

One has to take it day by day sometimes Maida. Sometimes, it is hard for me tobreathe also. Its claustrophobic. But realize you are still a full individual and find

what you have to do to get yourself through the moments of depression. Locally,

find a gym and go workout, exercise is great for the mental health. Your mentalhealth is imp. Sign up for something, they also do membership based on income

so ask around. Watch movies, pray, whatever it takes to get over that hump. Go to

your local library and spend time there. Just dont give up hope. And personally,dont wait for a man. You are strong and you can do it. I hope this helps you and

not offends you.

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26. jasminesays:September 13, 2012 at 4:49 am

welcome to the secret world of todays modern muslim muslimahs. why am i single? i am

single because i was promised marriage and a last name but once the baby happened he

ran away with his tail between his legs. i was not born into islam, i am a convert. hisfamily knows about him and yet has never met him. we will not marry due to his violent

behavior. i know i was wrong but at least im facing the concequences rather than running

away. my only thought is that i wish the babys father wasnt so violent, then we could be

together. the islamic community wants nothing to do with me, and hope to find a goodmusim brother is dwindling. inshaAllah all will work out fine.. i just feel so alone. right

now i am working at mcdonalds sleeping on my moms couch trying to find anapartment and get a car. life sucks.

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27. annushasays:


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December 10, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Hey Everyone,

I am a 31 year old widow with a 4-year old daughter. My husband, an angel, expired just

two months ago. I am gathering all courage to raise my child as single parent. People arediscouraging me and undermining my will by showing me scenarios of single parent.

But, remarrying anyone means doing injustice for my child. It is not my will to find a

person and impose a father on my little girl. I want to be her sole friend and share herhappiness and sorrows with me. Do you think it is more advisable to live single or is it

difficult.

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o Binaahmadsays:January 15, 2013 at 11:55 am

Hold firm my love people are horrible but be strong and contact me if you would

like a friend or just someone to listen. If you feel like you can alone and protect

your self from sin and provide for her then why not ?But know there is no sin in marrying again

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28. UmmuMuhammadsays:January 12, 2013 at 11:22 pm

well said through & through (in regards to the article & comments),Parents can beparents and friends at the same time with their children, i am living proof as my mother is

my bestest friend!

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29. Misbahsays:March 15, 2013 at 7:24 am

Asalaamualaikum, wonderful article mashallah. To any single mums out there, we have

an amazing support group on Facebook called single Muslim mums, there is both a page
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-63028http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-63028http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=63028#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=63028#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-66036http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-66036http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=66036#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=66036#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-65766http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-65766http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=65766#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=65766#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-73209http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-73209http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-73209http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=65766#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-65766http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=66036#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-66036http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=63028#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-63028


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and group. Inshaallah we aim to create a charity too for single Muslim mums. Please

check us out and spread the word.

Reply

30. Nohasays:July 22, 2013 at 2:20 pm

Asa, Im a single mum. I work full time and I do not receive any child support. My dad

and my sister have moved 9n with me 2 yrs ago. Im the only one working in the home. I

have a special needs child, and Im considering moving out by myself simply because I

can no longer afford supporting my father and sister. Im not sure if by doing this Ill becommitting a sin. My sister has not been able to find a job and my father has put me in a

situation where I cant tell him to go back home (he has a pension there and an

apartment). Im really not sure what to do. The burden is huge and I can no longer affordit anymore. Any advise would be appreciated

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31. aieshasays:October 11, 2013 at 12:54 pm

salaam ask them for help there is always a solution Allah made it so, cherish your familywho love you and show it by being there with you and your child, keep them close as

close as you can because if they were not there you would soon know believe me. your

situation now is well it needs tweaking a bit but your situation is somebodys dream Imean having family around them dont worry sister Allah will show you the way.:)

Reply

32. Mnsays:November 15, 2013 at 4:16 pm

Its Friday night. Im not going anywhere just hanging out with my kids and just want

you all to know you are not alone. Im thinking of you guys!

Reply
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=73209#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=73209#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-90096http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-90096http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=90096#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=90096#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-99474http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-99474http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=99474#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=99474#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-107381http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-107381http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=107381#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=107381#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=107381#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-107381http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=99474#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-99474http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=90096#respondhttp://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-90096http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/?replytocom=73209#respond


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33. francoisesays:April 21, 2014 at 4:22 pm

I really enjoyed this article. Im a convert that is a single mom of an autistic child ( andIm single due to divorce). I feel the same way pretty muchalone, because in the muslimcommunity there is not much support and it gets worst when you have a special needs

child. May Allah grant us all peace.

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34. Sharifasays:May

Documents

Single Parenting Challenges - Suhaib Webb