Session 3-1Session 3-1

March 22-23, 2002March 22-23, 2002

Joy Luck Club: The MothersJoy Luck Club: The Mothers

Suyuan: JuneSuyuan: June Lindo 15 year old bride: WaverlyLindo 15 year old bride: Waverly Ying Ying: who drowned her own son, Ying Ying: who drowned her own son,

depressed: Daughter Lena has no spiritdepressed: Daughter Lena has no spirit An Mei’s mom was raped and killed herself An Mei’s mom was raped and killed herself

with opium dumplings: Rosewith opium dumplings: Rose

Joy Luck Club: The DaughtersJoy Luck Club: The Daughters

June (main character): Failed at Piano June (main character): Failed at Piano Waverly (Chess player): Smile naturally Waverly (Chess player): Smile naturally

now mom! I always do Waverly! now mom! I always do Waverly! Lena: Has no spirit for I have none to give Lena: Has no spirit for I have none to give

her. Married a miser Harold, everything is her. Married a miser Harold, everything is fifty fifty. Love yes, false dependency nofifty fifty. Love yes, false dependency no

Rose: Divorced husband of rich family, Rose: Divorced husband of rich family, winery and publishing house. Mrs. Jordanwinery and publishing house. Mrs. Jordan

Order 3: Older brother and younger brotherOrder 3: Older brother and younger brother

兄弟如手足兄弟如手足Brothers (older and younger) are like hands Brothers (older and younger) are like hands

and feet and feet (they are irreplaceable, blood is thicker than water)(they are irreplaceable, blood is thicker than water)

Older-brother in command during father’s absenceOlder-brother in command during father’s absence Facilitates family operations: Internally-externallyFacilitates family operations: Internally-externally AuthoritarianismAuthoritarianism:: Do as the brother says, obey Do as the brother says, obey

– Reinforces dependency: “Must please brother”Reinforces dependency: “Must please brother”– Externalized locus of control: Reduced personal responsibilityExternalized locus of control: Reduced personal responsibility

Order 4: Husband and Wife Order 4: Husband and Wife

夫妻如衣服夫妻如衣服Relationships between husband and wife is Relationships between husband and wife is

similar to clothing (change them at will)similar to clothing (change them at will) Women’s identity begins after marriageWomen’s identity begins after marriage

三從三從 : : 在家從父 出嫁從夫 老來從子在家從父 出嫁從夫 老來從子 Authoritarianism: Do as the husband says, obeyAuthoritarianism: Do as the husband says, obey Reinforces dependencyReinforces dependency: “Husband-pleasing”: “Husband-pleasing” Externalized locus of control:Externalized locus of control: Reduced personal responsibility Reduced personal responsibility

Faithfulness in marriage: Wife must be chasteFaithfulness in marriage: Wife must be chaste

Dependent Identity of WomenDependent Identity of Women

Dependency vs. Independency TasksDependency vs. Independency Tasks

Seasons of DependencySeasons of Dependency

Developmental Dependency of WomenDevelopmental Dependency of Women

Three stages of Identity formation Three stages of Identity formation 三從三從 Depends on father when young Depends on father when young 在家從父 在家從父 Depends on husband when marriedDepends on husband when married 出嫁從夫出嫁從夫 Depends on son when oldDepends on son when old 老來從子老來從子

Husband and Wife RelationshipsHusband and Wife Relationships

Women suffer and sacrifice silently Women suffer and sacrifice silently She becomes a martyr-sacrificial lamb of the She becomes a martyr-sacrificial lamb of the

dysfunctional family & inflicts the same pain dysfunctional family & inflicts the same pain upon her daughter and in-lawsupon her daughter and in-laws

She copes by Denial and Resignation: “fate”She copes by Denial and Resignation: “fate” Poor husband-Wife relationship is the normPoor husband-Wife relationship is the norm Extra-marital affairs, Informal Mistresses, Extra-marital affairs, Informal Mistresses,

Concubines, PolygamyConcubines, Polygamy

Common Marital DisordersCommon Marital Disorders

Angry Husband - Depressed-Hurt WifeAngry Husband - Depressed-Hurt Wife Angry Wife - Withdrawn HusbandAngry Wife - Withdrawn Husband Avoidance of Emotional InvolvementsAvoidance of Emotional Involvements

– Focus on the Concrete, Practical issuesFocus on the Concrete, Practical issues– Over-Rationalization, Over-IntellectualizationOver-Rationalization, Over-Intellectualization– Judgment Passing: Reason, Right or WrongJudgment Passing: Reason, Right or Wrong

Rigid Structure, Non-Cohesive:Rigid Structure, Non-Cohesive: Stress prone Stress prone

Seven Facets of Chinese Face WorkSeven Facets of Chinese Face WorkAfter Bond and Hwang “Six types of face work“After Bond and Hwang “Six types of face work“

© Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D.2001-2002© Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D.2001-2002

LevelLevel DescriptionDescription ManifestationManifestation Chinese pinyinChinese pinyin

11 Enhancing your own faceEnhancing your own face Etiquette consciousnessEtiquette consciousness yao mianziyao mianzi

22 Enhancing other’s faceEnhancing other’s face ReciprocityReciprocity gei mianzigei mianzi

33 Losing your own faceLosing your own face Shame, humiliationShame, humiliation diu mianzidiu mianzi

44 Hurting other’s faceHurting other’s face Retaliation for shame feltRetaliation for shame felt shang mianzishang mianzi

55 Saving your own faceSaving your own face Avoid shame, be properAvoid shame, be proper baocun mianzibaocun mianzi

66 Saving other’s faceSaving other’s face No criticism, give apologyNo criticism, give apology mian mian ju yuanmian mian ju yuan

77 Tearing your own faceTearing your own face Relationship destroyed Relationship destroyed mou mianmou mian

Origin of shameOrigin of shame

The lack of a personal identity: Who am I?The lack of a personal identity: Who am I?

External vs. Internal shame mechanismsExternal vs. Internal shame mechanisms– Parents against their children: Name callingParents against their children: Name calling

– Children’s cruelty against their peers: Name callingChildren’s cruelty against their peers: Name calling

– Personal handicaps: “Imperfections”Personal handicaps: “Imperfections”

– Compares & Contrasts: Athletes, models & starsCompares & Contrasts: Athletes, models & stars

– Physical features: Aging, race, skin colorPhysical features: Aging, race, skin color

– Need for acceptance & “measuring-up” Need for acceptance & “measuring-up”

Shame & BlameShame & Blame

Projection is a defense against shame: anxietyProjection is a defense against shame: anxiety Blame is externalizing of an internal conflictBlame is externalizing of an internal conflict The person does not take ownership for shameThe person does not take ownership for shame

– ““It is easier that shame is on you & not on me”It is easier that shame is on you & not on me”

– ““I will be a no body when I am not perfect”I will be a no body when I am not perfect”

– ““I am not worthy, to be rejected when I am wrong’I am not worthy, to be rejected when I am wrong’

– This is a homeostatic approach to balance anxietyThis is a homeostatic approach to balance anxiety

There is little introspection: No learning-maturityThere is little introspection: No learning-maturity Self-Defeating, tragic outcomes: Hiding SecretsSelf-Defeating, tragic outcomes: Hiding Secrets

Basic Human Conditions & Basic Human Conditions & Chinese Cultural PerspectivesChinese Cultural Perspectives(Adapted from Rev. Daniel Ng, Chinese Churches Today, 26, Dec. 2000)(Adapted from Rev. Daniel Ng, Chinese Churches Today, 26, Dec. 2000)

Issue of Existence: Reasons for LivingIssue of Existence: Reasons for Living

生存問題的解答生存問題的解答Issue of Life’s Crises: Reasons for PainIssue of Life’s Crises: Reasons for Pain

危難問題的解答危難問題的解答Issue of Death: Perspectives on DyingIssue of Death: Perspectives on Dying

死亡問題的解答死亡問題的解答

Confucius Thinking Confucius Thinking 儒家思想儒家思想Existence Existence 生存問題的解答生存問題的解答

Confucius thought is the most practical based Confucius thought is the most practical based on the here and nowon the here and now

To be a good person is to follow “Heavenly To be a good person is to follow “Heavenly Reason” and your “Conscience”Reason” and your “Conscience”–鬼神素重孝爹娘 天道遠人道近 修心養性 鬼神素重孝爹娘 天道遠人道近 修心養性

Meaning of live is to be a moral person, not be Meaning of live is to be a moral person, not be influenced by outside forces but governed by influenced by outside forces but governed by internal goodness internal goodness 本心本心

Confucius Thinking Confucius Thinking 儒家思想儒家思想Dealing with Crises Dealing with Crises 危難問題的解答危難問題的解答

Confucius thought is the most practical based on Confucius thought is the most practical based on the moral strength of an individualthe moral strength of an individual

Unlike Buddhism & Taoism: Cause & EffectUnlike Buddhism & Taoism: Cause & Effect–鬼神 業報鬼神 業報

Acceptance of crises as unavoidable as fateAcceptance of crises as unavoidable as fate–命也乎 人生不如意的事常八九命也乎 人生不如意的事常八九–不怨天不怨天 , , 不尤人不尤人 , , 下學而上達下學而上達–天將降大任於斯人也天將降大任於斯人也 ,, 必勞其筋骨必勞其筋骨 ,, 苦其心志苦其心志

Confucius Thinking Confucius Thinking 儒家思想儒家思想Death & Dying Death & Dying 死亡問題的解答死亡問題的解答

Through a person’s descendents and blood-ties Through a person’s descendents and blood-ties to establish an ever-ending genealogyto establish an ever-ending genealogy

To establish achievement & recognition morally & verballyTo establish achievement & recognition morally & verbally

–立功 立德 立言 三种的不朽立功 立德 立言 三种的不朽 There is no after-life, after-death, a person exists There is no after-life, after-death, a person exists

historically & in the memories of love oneshistorically & in the memories of love ones

–祭祖觀念祭祖觀念

Confucianism: The DrawbacksConfucianism: The Drawbacks

Professor Fu Wei-Feng, UC San Diego Professor Fu Wei-Feng, UC San Diego 94-Nov-14 Harvard Divinity School94-Nov-14 Harvard Divinity School

Community relation is not emphasized Community relation is not emphasized or developed. Focused too much on the or developed. Focused too much on the individuals & family individuals & family 各家自掃門前雪各家自掃門前雪

Lacks social responsibilities Lacks social responsibilities Not critical enough of negative Not critical enough of negative

characteristics of men characteristics of men 人初性本善人初性本善

BuddhismBuddhism

An Indian prince’s response to human painAn Indian prince’s response to human pain– Prince lived a life of pleasure within palace gatePrince lived a life of pleasure within palace gate– Noticed pain of peasants when outside gateNoticed pain of peasants when outside gate

Pondered about the sad human conditionPondered about the sad human condition– Personal guilt of pleasure that was for grantedPersonal guilt of pleasure that was for granted– Social sufferings: Birth, aging, illness, deathSocial sufferings: Birth, aging, illness, death

Bad things happen to you because you have Bad things happen to you because you have done something wrong: “Karma”done something wrong: “Karma” 因果報應因果報應

Death: Reincarnation: Good deedsDeath: Reincarnation: Good deeds

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking 佛教思想佛教思想Existence Existence 生存問題的解答生存問題的解答

人生觀在乎人生觀在乎 : : 禪修 坐禪 參禪禪修 坐禪 參禪 (( 靜慮靜慮 ))強調心靈的開放強調心靈的開放 ,, 解除個人執著的結解除個人執著的結 ,, 讓生活讓生活

中更多靈活的空間去适應環境的變化中更多靈活的空間去适應環境的變化Personal practice of Zen: “Restful-sitting position of Meditation” Personal practice of Zen: “Restful-sitting position of Meditation”

and “Quiet Meditation” to purity the spirit and the body to and “Quiet Meditation” to purity the spirit and the body to adjust to the changes of the complexities in livingadjust to the changes of the complexities in living

Similar to the New Age practice of Yoga & meditation: Personal & Similar to the New Age practice of Yoga & meditation: Personal & convenientconvenient

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking 佛教思想佛教思想Dealing with Crises Dealing with Crises 危難問題的解答危難問題的解答

Temple Worship is based on ReciprocityTemple Worship is based on Reciprocity

無事不登三寶殿 無事不登三寶殿Crisis Worship (Transactional) Crisis Worship (Transactional)

平時不燒香 臨急抱佛腳 平時不燒香 臨急抱佛腳Crises-Bad Things happen: RetributionCrises-Bad Things happen: Retribution

危難災禍的來源來自業報危難災禍的來源來自業報

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking 佛教思想佛教思想((karma karma 因果報應因果報應 ))Is FateIs Fate 是命中注定是命中注定

Accept or Change Fate by Prayers-Accept or Change Fate by Prayers-Chants-Mantras or be Vegetarians Chants-Mantras or be Vegetarians

(Not kill animal life-Preserve life to gain life)(Not kill animal life-Preserve life to gain life)

解救方法是接受命運或念經祈福持素解救方法是接受命運或念經祈福持素Performing good works, “Set Animals Performing good works, “Set Animals

Free” to score points to Alter FateFree” to score points to Alter Fate

和積德積善放生來逆轉危机和積德積善放生來逆轉危机

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking 佛教思想佛教思想Death & Dying Death & Dying 死亡問題的解答死亡問題的解答

Reincarnation: Three Changes & Six CyclesReincarnation: Three Changes & Six Cycles

三世流轉 六道輪回三世流轉 六道輪回

Punishment for the bad is in 18th level of hellPunishment for the bad is in 18th level of hell

打落十八層地獄打落十八層地獄

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking 佛教思想佛教思想To prevent the deceased from being cast into To prevent the deceased from being cast into

the 18th level of hell, family members (son) the 18th level of hell, family members (son) must perform good deeds to make upmust perform good deeds to make up

后人和子孫与先人做些功后人和子孫与先人做些功德來隬補德來隬補These Rituals become parts of mourningThese Rituals become parts of mourning

因此因此 ,, 先人死后的失落感可以減少先人死后的失落感可以減少It takes 18 years to return to adulthood (new life)It takes 18 years to return to adulthood (new life)

佛教輪回觀念佛教輪回觀念 :: 十八年后又一條好漢十八年后又一條好漢

Chinese Sexual BeliefsChinese Sexual Beliefs (Role of Women) (Role of Women)(Adapted from (Adapted from Christian Ethics: Principles and Applications, Christian Ethics: Principles and Applications,

Dr. Ping-Cheung Lo, Hong Kong Baptist University ‘92)Dr. Ping-Cheung Lo, Hong Kong Baptist University ‘92)

Taoism Taoism 道教思想道教思想 Tenets: Longevity, Transcend to Become a god Tenets: Longevity, Transcend to Become a god

Methods: Diet, Qigong, MeditationMethods: Diet, Qigong, Meditation By Practicing Special Sexual TechniquesBy Practicing Special Sexual Techniques

– ““Take from Yin to Compensate Yan”Take from Yin to Compensate Yan”» Virgins & Women used as means to an end Virgins & Women used as means to an end

to benefit the Men’s desire to have longevityto benefit the Men’s desire to have longevity

– ““Return Sperm to Compensate Brain”Return Sperm to Compensate Brain”» Sex to benefit Men’s desire for longevity & staminaSex to benefit Men’s desire for longevity & stamina

The Five-Hierarchical Harmonious Relationships The Five-Hierarchical Harmonious Relationships (The Five-Orders “Wu Lun”) (The Five-Orders “Wu Lun”) 五倫五倫

Copyright (C) Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. 1996-2001Copyright (C) Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. 1996-2001

Orders Relationships Virtues Manifestations Emotions Pathologies

1. The King & his subjects

Loyalty 忠

Obedience “Kowtow” Corruption

Domination- Fear

Antisocial

2. Father and son Filial Piety 孝

Deference Respect of

Elders

Respect-Shame

Rage

3. Older-brother & younger brother

Brotherly Love 愛

Dependency Respect-Conspiring

Divisiveness

4. Husband & Wife Love-Chastity

貞

Acceptance Power-Bitterness

Neurasthenia

5. Between Friends Trust 信任

Harmony Tactfulness Face-work

Biblical Order of RelationshipsBiblical Order of Relationships“The New Five-Orders” “The New Five-Orders” 新五倫新五倫

Copyright © Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D. 1999-2001Copyright © Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D. 1999-2001

1.1. Christ the King and His ChildrenChrist the King and His Children ((Isaiah 9:6-7)Isaiah 9:6-7)

Love and SacrificeLove and Sacrifice

2.2. Father and Mother (Exodus 20:12)Father and Mother (Exodus 20:12)Love and Honor (Leave, Cleave becoming one flesh)Love and Honor (Leave, Cleave becoming one flesh)

3.3. Husband and Wife Husband and Wife ((Ephesians 5:21-25Ephesians 5:21-25 ) )Love and CommitmentLove and Commitment

4.4. Parents and Children Parents and Children ((Ephesians 6:1-2Ephesians 6:1-2 ) )Love and AcceptanceLove and Acceptance

5.5. Fellowship of Believers, Friend-Foe Fellowship of Believers, Friend-Foe ((1 John 4:11-121 John 4:11-12 ) )

One another love, Hospitality & Forgiveness One another love, Hospitality & Forgiveness (Mat 22:39)(Mat 22:39)