Power and Boundaries Workshop

Northeastern Minnesota Synod

April 3, 2014

Boundary Basics

Any line or thing marking a limit

“Good fences make good neighbors.”

Highway boundaries make it safe to be on the road together

The parking lot!

Keep us faithful to the purpose of the relationship; make it possible to be in relationship in ways that are helpful, meaningful, and safe

Boundaries protect and preserve Boundaries provide focus and direction Boundaries are self-discipline Boundaries clarify our intentions Boundaries are not arbitrary Boundaries convey respect

Relationship Boundaries

Explicit boundaries Ethical codes, laws, policies, personnel

manuals

Implicit boundaries Informal, contextual, common, traditional

expectations

Blurred boundaries

ELCA Landscape

Written ethical expectations Vision and Expectations

• Ordained Ministers• Associates in Ministry, Deaconesses,

Diaconal Ministers

Established disciplinary procedures Definitions and Guidelines for Discipline

Boundary concerns not new Not private or personal

Consequences for victim Consequences for professional Consequences for congregation Consequences for whole church

Not just about clergy sexual misconduct

In the ELCA:

Not all disciplinary cases involve sex Most sexual cases involve male rostered

personnel and adult females Have been cases where perpetrator is female Have been homosexual cases since 2009,

male and female Child sexual abuse cases are rare, but

especially egregious

Discipline administered through synod of roster

Written synod policy

Zero tolerance No report ignored Proven misconduct has consequences Truth is told

Church’s Response to Sexual Misconduct – Synod Policy Preparation Initial Contact – First Response Initial Investigation Conversation with the pastor Assess information Consultation Formal Hearing Disclosure Follow-up

Minnesota Civil LiabilityStatute 604

Action for Sexual Exploitation; Psychotherapists

Clergy defined as psychotherapists 5-year background check

MN Child Victims Act Six year Statute of Limitations if victim over 18 NO SOL is victim under 18 Action for damages against a person who committed

sexual abuse or was negligent “person” includes a natural person, corporation, LLC,

partnership, organization, association, or other entity Now in effect 3-year open window for old cases

Boundary Crossings

Roles are reversed Often not a single event It’s about behaviors, not feelings You control what you do/say; you can’t

control what the other hears/experiences It’s ALWAYS the responsibility of the

professional

Frequent Boundary Struggles

• Church finances

• Dual relationships

• Separation issues

Situation 1:

You are in your fourth month of a new call. A long time member has just passed away after a long illness. When meeting with the member’s spouse, he/she says the family would like the previous minister to conduct the funeral. The spouse is very clear that the previous pastor “knows the family better than you ever could, especially because you are new to the congregation. So, I’ve already contacted the previous pastor who has agreed to come.”

• How do you respond to the member?• How do you respond to the previous pastor when

he/she calls?• How would you respond if you should get such a call

from a former member?• When is it appropriate to return to a prior call to

conduct funeral, wedding, baptism, confirmation, pay a pastoral hospital visit?

• How do you respond to a former member’s criticism of the new pastor?

• What would be some “best practices” that might prevent this situation?

Confidentiality

Mandated Reporting – MN law Know or have reason to believe within the

preceding three years Professional or professional’s delegate Member of the clergy, while engaged in

ministerial duties, provided not privileged Any person can voluntarily report

Privileged Communication

Minnesota Law• Rules/practice of the religious body• Consent of the party making confession• Shall not be allowed to disclose• Cannot be examined

ELCA Constitution (7.45.)• Historic discipline and practice of the Lutheran church • true to sacred trust inherent in the pastoral office• confidential disclosure received in the course of the care

of souls or observed• while working in a pastoral capacity• except with express permission of the person or if person

intends great harm to self or others

However, the ELCA encourages immediately reporting to the civil authorities all instances of child abuse regardless of personal confidentiality issues.

Call local law enforcement or go to the state government website to find the appropriate office for reporting child abuse.

• Use of power• Physical contact• Place and space• Time and access• Gifts and services• Clothing and language• Self-disclosure

Power

Ministry• Credentials• Knowledge• Training, skills• Opportunities, access• Freedom• Traditions• Colleagues• Gifts, charism• Respect, trust• Expectations

Cultural• Age• Physical size, strength• Gender• Social class• Economic status• Health• Social contacts• Race/ethnicity• Experience• Marital status

Vulnerability

• Danger• Pain• Doubt• Loss• Isolation• Illness• Confusion• Anxiety• Shame

• Ignorance• Guilt• “Overload”• Depression• Naiveté• Fear• Grief• Panic• Estrangement

Vulnerability Formula

• Relative presence/absence of pastor’s resources; esp. as perceived by parishioner, pastor; measured alongside

• Resources/conditions operative in parishioner’s life; plus

• Assumption/expectation pastor will provide skilled care in parishioner’s best interest

Risk Factors (pastor)

• Isolation• Few outside interests• Family relationships ignored• No accountability• Long hours/days; pastor does everything• Financial problems• “Counseling”

• Know your turf

Consistent with the faith and practice of the ELCA,

a) Every ordained minister shall:

4) provide pastoral careELCA Constitution 7.31.12

NOTE: NOT counseling

• Substance abuse• Coping without professional help• Needy; one of the gang• Too personal• Too much time on computer; overuse of social

media• Personal history

Risk Factors (congregation)

• Past history, known or unknown

• Unequal balance of power– Leadership controls everything– Leadership is weak

Situation 2:

Use your own role in ministry: A parishioner is very complementary to you, very supportive, has sent notes on occasion and verbally expressed appreciation. Recently, he/she has given you a couple of small gifts. You are aware of some uncomfortable feelings you have with this situation. You talk with the person about your concerns—this only serves to fuel an even more positive reaction. You get more cards and letters expressing respect and admiration for your honesty—which has only increased their attraction to you.

• What are some of the dynamics going on?

• What are some of the risks? Or benefits?

• What do you do/how do you respond? What are your options?

• How do you balance the needs of the parishioner with your responsibilities as a pastor?

Keeping balance

• Keep routine schedule, work locations, esp. when working “alone”

• Keep some record of professional activity, review own pattern

• Take time/days off• Maintain confidentiality• Regular supervision, collegial consultation• Pay attention to health

• Pay attention to relationships, esp. family• Pay attention to your spiritual needs• Seek professional help in dealing with personal

issues• Watch out for one another• Be self-aware• “Would you want. . .?”

Lifelong Ethical Practice

• Awareness

• Alliances

• Attention

• Action

Social Media

Immediate and interactive

“Social media are a collection of online platforms and tools that people use to share content, profiles, opinions, insights, experiences, perspectives, and media itself, facilitating conversations and interactions online between groups of people.”

-Doreen Moran, Digital and Social Marketing

Quick--

• Name as many social media sites as you can think of

– Are you a cyber-native?– Or a cyber-immigrant?– Or cyber-ignorant?

• How do you use social media in your ministry?– Communication– Pastoral care– Evangelism– Building relationship– Sharing resources

• What challenges have you had?– Time-consuming– Saying negative things about others– Cyber bullying– Over-sharing– Facebook ranting– Public/private

Social Media Boundary Issues

• Initiation• Setting an example• TMI• Responding to inappropriate activity• Leaving

Social Media Best Practices

• Have a congregational social media policy• Think about getting a social media buddy• Practice the

– “church announcement rule”– “30 minute rule”– “Thumper’s mother’s rule”

• Protect identity and maintain confidentiality—especially information about children

Disclaimer

The information and material shared with you today has been put together by Pastor Karen G. Bockelman and does not represent an official position on the part of the Northeastern Minnesota Synod or the ELCA. It does not constitute legal advice to anyone. This material may or may not be appropriate for your specific needs or congregation. Members of the ELCA, rostered leaders, congregations, synods, and others affiliated with this church should always consult their own attorneys, accountants, or similar professionals in the development of policies, procedures, forms, etc. or whenever legal issues or problems arise.