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A POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

APPROPRIATE GUIDANCE FOR YOUR CHILD

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE Every parent and caregiver struggles

at one time or another with how to

set limits on children’s behavior.

The goal of positive discipline is

to teach children to develop safe,

socially responsible behavior that

promotes self-respect and respect for

the feelings and property of others.

©2017 Children’s Home Society of California

Corporate Headquarters1300 West Fourth StreetLos Angeles, CA 90017

(213) 240-5900(213) 240-5945 Fax

For additional CHS Family Education Program materials, please call (714) 712-7888. For more information about CHS Early Learning andEducation Programs, call (888) CHS-4KIDS.

Family Education Program materials and podcasts,and information on CHS programs can also be found on our website at www.chs-ca.org.

Discipline_2017_English 8/3/17 10:12 AM Page 1

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Camarillo730 Paseo Camarillo,Suite 130Camarillo, CA 93010(805) 437-1910

Long Beach330 Golden Shore, Suite 20Long Beach, CA 90802(562) 256-7400

Orange333 South Anita Drive,Suite 350Orange, CA 92868(714) 456-9800

San Diego8765 Aero Drive,Suite 300San Diego, CA 92123(858) 715-5515

Yuba City1650 Sierra Avenue,Suite 102Yuba City, CA 95993(530) 673-7503

For Child Care and Development Services, call (888) CHS-4KIDS or one of the following CHS offices:

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

APPROPRIATE GUIDANCE FOR YOUR CHILD

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE Every parent and caregiver struggles

at one time or another with how to

set limits on children’s behavior.

The goal of positive discipline is

to teach children to develop safe,

socially responsible behavior that

promotes self-respect and respect for

the feelings and property of others.

CHILDREN’SHOMESOCIETY OFCALIFORNIA

©2007 Children’s Home Societyof California/Rev 2011

To receive additional CHS Family Education Programmaterials, please call (213) 240-5988.

Corporate Headquarters1300 West Fourth StreetLos Angeles, CA 90017(213) 240-5900(213) 240-5945 Faxwww.chs-ca.org

Although we seek to provide current and correctinformation, some of the information may havechanged since the printing of this brochure.

00_En_Discipline_2011_print 5/2/12 10:36 AM Page 1

BOOKSBECOMING THE PARENT YOU WANT TO BELaura Davis & Janis Keyser

HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN AND LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALKAdele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

WITHOUT SPANKING OR SPOILINGElizabeth Crary

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE FOR PRESCHOOLERSJane Nelsen, Ed.D., Cheryl Erwin, M.A., & Roslyn Duffy

T O L E A R N M O R E

CONSEQUENCESRemember that discipline and punishment are

not the same. Discipline is guidance and teaching

that promotes positive behavior. Punishment is

a penalty imposed in reaction to unacceptable

behavior. Positive discipline is more effective than

punishment because desirable behaviors that last

a lifetime must come from within the child rather

than be imposed by external force.

Natural ConsequencesHelp children understand that behaviors andchoices have consequences. Natural consequences— what naturally results from actions — can bepowerful teaching tools. For example, if you standin the rain, you get wet and you are more likely to remember your umbrella next time. When possible and safe, use natural consequences tohelp children limit their behavior. Gently point out what happened and why. For example, if you break your toy, you have no toy.

Logical Consequences When natural consequences are not appropriate orsafe, set a logical consequence — something that isrelated to the behavior. If a child does not stay inthe yard to play, the natural consequence may bethat he gets hurt. But parents and caregivers can’tallow that consequence to happen! So a logical consequence of leaving the yard would be having to play inside the house instead. You could say:“When you leave the yard I’m afraid you could get hurt, so I need you to stay inside the fence. If you leave the yard again you will have to playinside today.” Then, always follow through withyour actions. Make sure the consequence is respectful of the child and is reasonable for him to follow. For example: “We must not use markerpens on the wall. Let’s get some soap and water and I’ll show you how to get the marks off. Then you can color on paper at the table.”

GUIDELINES FOR SETTING LIMITS- When you discipline children, always make sure

they understand that they are accepted andloved, but their behavior is not. Humiliating children, scolding them in front of others, or telling them that they are “bad” will only cause them to feel badly about themselves and do little to promote good behavior. Focus on the unacceptable behavior, teaching the child to correct the mistake. For example, “Hitting me is not ok, use your words instead,” rather than, “You are a bad girl for hitting me.”

- Keep rules simple and specific. When a rule is broken, state the rule and direct the child toward correcting the mistake. For example, “Sand is not for throwing; keep it in the sandbox, please.”

- Avoid a power struggle, especially with two- to four-year-olds.

- Don’t confuse children by offering choices when the choices should be yours. For example, “It’s nap time,” instead of, “Do you want to take a nap?” which offers the child the chance to refuse.

- Avoid overusing “no.” Instead, save it for when you really need it. For example, if a child asks for a cookie too close to lunch time,say, “Yes, you may have a cookie right after we finish lunch.”

- Use a warning first, and then follow through. “The next time you throw the sand, you will have to leave the sandbox.” Redirect the child toward acceptable activities.

Children prefer positive attention rather thannegative attention, and you can encouragedesirable behavior through the following positive techniques:

- Make sure your expectations for your child are developmentally appropriate for his or her age.

- Model desirable behavior. Your children will learn from your example.

- Be consistent. Children need to know what the rules are, and that they can trust the rules not to change.

- A child-proof and appropriate environment can reduce behavior problems.

- Provide age-appropriate materials and a safe place where children can use them.

- Maintain a balance between quiet and active play.

- Empower children by providing choices and decision-making opportunities whenever possible.

- Set rules that are respectful of children and keep their interests in mind.

- Always acknowledge children’s feelings, especially when you must set a limit on their behavior. How they feel is important!

- Establish regular routines for busy times like meals, getting ready in the morning, and going to bed. Children need structure.

SETTING THE STAGE FOR SUCCESS

PROBLEM-SOLVINGState the problem and askthe child to brainstormsome solutions. Point outthe effects of the differentsolutions, and help thechild decide on a courseof action. With olderchildren, problem-solving can also be used to set family orgroup rules. Whenchildren help to make the rules, they are morelikely to follow them.

Teaching problem-solving skills takestime, but the resultsare long-lasting.

00_En_Discipline_2011_print 5/2/12 10:37 AM Page 2

BOOKSBECOMING THE PARENT YOU WANT TO BELaura Davis & Janis Keyser

HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN AND LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALKAdele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

WITHOUT SPANKING OR SPOILINGElizabeth Crary

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE FOR PRESCHOOLERSJane Nelsen, Ed.D., Cheryl Erwin, M.A., & Roslyn Duffy

T O L E A R N M O R E

CONSEQUENCESRemember that discipline and punishment are

not the same. Discipline is guidance and teaching

that promotes positive behavior. Punishment is

a penalty imposed in reaction to unacceptable

behavior. Positive discipline is more effective than

punishment because desirable behaviors that last

a lifetime must come from within the child rather

than be imposed by external force.

Natural ConsequencesHelp children understand that behaviors andchoices have consequences. Natural consequences— what naturally results from actions — can bepowerful teaching tools. For example, if you standin the rain, you get wet and you are more likely to remember your umbrella next time. When possible and safe, use natural consequences tohelp children limit their behavior. Gently point out what happened and why. For example, if you break your toy, you have no toy.

Logical Consequences When natural consequences are not appropriate orsafe, set a logical consequence — something that isrelated to the behavior. If a child does not stay inthe yard to play, the natural consequence may bethat he gets hurt. But parents and caregivers can’tallow that consequence to happen! So a logical consequence of leaving the yard would be having to play inside the house instead. You could say:“When you leave the yard I’m afraid you could get hurt, so I need you to stay inside the fence. If you leave the yard again you will have to playinside today.” Then, always follow through withyour actions. Make sure the consequence is respectful of the child and is reasonable for him to follow. For example: “We must not use markerpens on the wall. Let’s get some soap and water and I’ll show you how to get the marks off. Then you can color on paper at the table.”

GUIDELINES FOR SETTING LIMITS- When you discipline children, always make sure

they understand that they are accepted andloved, but their behavior is not. Humiliating children, scolding them in front of others, or telling them that they are “bad” will only cause them to feel badly about themselves and do little to promote good behavior. Focus on the unacceptable behavior, teaching the child to correct the mistake. For example, “Hitting me is not ok, use your words instead,” rather than, “You are a bad girl for hitting me.”

- Keep rules simple and specific. When a rule is broken, state the rule and direct the child toward correcting the mistake. For example, “Sand is not for throwing; keep it in the sandbox, please.”

- Avoid a power struggle, especially with two- to four-year-olds.

- Don’t confuse children by offering choices when the choices should be yours. For example, “It’s nap time,” instead of, “Do you want to take a nap?” which offers the child the chance to refuse.

- Avoid overusing “no.” Instead, save it for when you really need it. For example, if a child asks for a cookie too close to lunch time,say, “Yes, you may have a cookie right after we finish lunch.”

- Use a warning first, and then follow through. “The next time you throw the sand, you will have to leave the sandbox.” Redirect the child toward acceptable activities.

Children prefer positive attention rather thannegative attention, and you can encouragedesirable behavior through the following positive techniques:

- Make sure your expectations for your child are developmentally appropriate for his or her age.

- Model desirable behavior. Your children will learn from your example.

- Be consistent. Children need to know what the rules are, and that they can trust the rules not to change.

- A child-proof and appropriate environment can reduce behavior problems.

- Provide age-appropriate materials and a safe place where children can use them.

- Maintain a balance between quiet and active play.

- Empower children by providing choices and decision-making opportunities whenever possible.

- Set rules that are respectful of children and keep their interests in mind.

- Always acknowledge children’s feelings, especially when you must set a limit on their behavior. How they feel is important!

- Establish regular routines for busy times like meals, getting ready in the morning, and going to bed. Children need structure.

SETTING THE STAGE FOR SUCCESS

PROBLEM-SOLVINGState the problem and askthe child to brainstormsome solutions. Point outthe effects of the differentsolutions, and help thechild decide on a courseof action. With olderchildren, problem-solving can also be used to set family orgroup rules. Whenchildren help to make the rules, they are morelikely to follow them.

Teaching problem-solving skills takestime, but the resultsare long-lasting.

00_En_Discipline_2011_print 5/2/12 10:37 AM Page 2