Peer Review Sheet: Final Reflective Essay

Author’s name: _____Bryan Murr_______

Reviewer’s name: ______Sydni White____

Author:  Before exchanging papers with one of your classmates, fill in the following information about your draft.

1.         State the main purpose of your Final Reflection: What aspect of your extended inquiry topic are you trying to explain to outsiders? What divide or differing views from within the subculture are you focusing on? Which side do you favor, and why?

 

2.         Write out one or two questions about your draft you would like your reviewer to answer.

 Reviewer:  Read the writer’s comments above, and read the entire draft through once without making any comments. Then reread the draft in order to answer the following questions.

Introductory paragraph(s): Write down the sentence or sentences that contain this reflection paper’s main idea (according to you). Does the author focus on an overarching main idea (a theme/metaphor/quote/symbol, etc.)? Suggest how the thesis statement/main idea could be strengthened, clarified, or otherwise improved. Does the author state which “evidence” (research sources, artifacts and/or menu items) will be examined in the rest of the essay? Suggest how the author could improve this part of the essay.

I feel that something in the first paragraph that gives me an idea of what the author’s main idea is “Should I give that homeless man money?” and “…most of us, deep down have some sort of conviction to help those in need because we feel bad for them, or because it will make us feel good about ourselves.” It gives me the sense that the author is focusing on our internal instinct to help one another, and whether or not people feel morally obligated to help someone when we see they are in need. The only thing I would suggest for the thesis is to just strengthen it a little bit more, maybe just make the main idea/overarching main idea a bit more clearly. The author discusses the evidence used for their research.

Supporting paragraphs: Check to make sure the content of the paper supports the thesis and that additional evidence or content is not needed to support it. Indicate one paragraph in which the writer’s evidence is strong, and state the reasons why you think so. Then find one paragraph that needs more evidence. Drawing from your own experiences or understanding of the type of assignment the author is

discussing, suggest evidence from menu items (or other areas) that might work to better illustrate or develop the main idea or subclaims.

The supporting paragraphs do support the thesis. I feel that evidence is the strongest in the paragraph where the author discusses the “Strategic Action Plan on Homelessness” since the author goes into detail as to what it is and the goals of the plan, and the author discusses the outcomes that the plan could provide.

Organization: Number the paragraphs in the author’s paper. Then, use the space below to describe the purpose or main idea of each paragraph. Check to make sure the paper follows a consistent organizational pattern and is effectively organized with clear paragraphs (focused around one sub-claim) and smooth transitional/topic sentences. When you finish, suggest where the writer might improve the organization of the paper through the use of transitional sentences, by focusing on one topic in each paragraph, by restructuring the order of paragraphs, etc.

1. Main Idea: Give the reader an idea of what the author thought about before beginning the literary process. Could improve this section by making the thesis more clear, but overall the main idea can be interpreted easily.

2. Main Idea: Author discusses initial reflection on topic chosen, and states position on the main issue being discussed within the topic. Nothing here that I feel needs improvement.

3. Main Idea: Author goes into detail about discussion about homelessness with a teacher he knew previously who participated in a social experiment where he did a homeless simulation. I feel that this paragraph is detailed and shows how it affected the author. Nothing here I feel needs improvement.

4. Main Idea: Discussion of “Storify” menu item and a specific item in the storify that the author felt was necessary to discuss in relation to their topic. I feel that everything here is explained well, and there is nothing to improve. I would only suggest adding more in about how you felt about the video personally.

5. Main Idea: “Strategic Action Plan on Homelssness” is dicussed. I feel that this is the strongest paragraph in regards to the detail included and there is nothing here that needs to be improved.

6. Main Idea: Discussion of “Hard Times Generation: Families Living in Cars”/conclusion. This is a strong paragraph as well including personal opinions and high detail. Nothing to improve.

List the 2 most important things the author should focus on during revision.

Making the thesis more clear

Adding a bit more detail to a couple of paragraphs

Respond to the author’s questions in prompt number 2 above.

Author: When your essay is returned, read the comments by your peer reviewer and do the following:

1. Compare your description of the thesis statement with your reader’s. Consider your reader’s comments and revise your thesis statement if necessary.

The reviser for this paper said that I needed to strengthen my thesis statement. I agree with them, I have a good idea for the intro paragraph, but I am lacking a strong thesis statement.

Choosing whether or not to give a homeless man money is a moral question that we all should have a clear answer to.

2. What additional evidence from the research you’ve read, from your experiences, from your observations, etc. would strengthen the support for your thesis?

I should add in a conclusion to wrap up my final reflective essay, and I should think about using a few more menu items to support my claims.

3. Make a revision plan. List, in order of importance, the 3 most important things that you need to do as you revise your essay.

1. Strong thesis statement.

2. Make a strong conclusion paragraph.

3. Add in any necessary information to conclude my essay.