One Ugly Pie

The Real Episode 14

Good day readers. Let me start by saying that I will not so easily allow my brother Chuck to ever give me a noogie again. It just plain hurts and messes up my hair. Not to mention the fact that sometimes he knocks my glasses off when he finishes.

My siblings and I are all enrolled at the local Private School. Mom had a huge want for us to get in, so Dad did his best. The other sibling of mine is Abignale.

Abignale loves nothing more than playing with the toy helicopter Dad got us some time ago. Whenever there is a spare moment, that thing is always buzzing around the house.

The final sibling to complete the quad of youngsters in the house is Ralph. Not quite old enough to go to school, I’m not certain at this time if he will be going to private school with us.

Right now there is only one important thing on my mind. A very special phone call to a very special person. I just hope she answers.

“Hello? Hello! Um, it’s Jerry. I was kinda wondering if maybe you’d like to come over and hang out for a spell. That is if it’s ok with you. You will? Alright, see you in a jiffy.”

And here I’m thinking she would have said no. Of course she wouldn’t. She likes me. In a like ‘like’ kind of way. At least I hope she does. I mean, she did ask to meet up one time late at night. It is just a touch odd she hasn’t asked me out since. Guess I had to nerve up and… Oh my gosh.. She’s here!

“Oh uh, hey there Jeannie. What’s happening?”Jeannie, “Can you believe this freak weather? It’s been so cold for the past few hours. And what on earth are you doing in just shorts and sleeveless shirt?”“I uh… guess I didn’t realize how chilly it is out here. Ya know, being the desert and all. I just thought it’d be warmer.”Jeannie, “You guys must have the heat cranked to the max in there for you not to notice.”“Uh huh, yea. That’s it. Heat cranked to the max. You got me there.”

“So um. Hi.”Jeannie, “Yes, yes hello. Are you going to invite me in or are we gonna freeze our tails off out here?”“Oh, of course. Would you like to come inside?”Jeannie, “I would. Lead the way, skipper, or do I have to just waltz in past you?”“Oh no, course not. Right this way.”

Once inside, the first thing she does is give me a tickle.Jeannie, “Gootchie, gootchie, goo!”“Hey quit that, I’m not a kid. Stop it!”Jeannie, “Aw, did I hurt your feelings.”“No, it just… um… embarrassing.”Jeannie, “You need to relax, Jerry.”

Chuck, “Do I hear laughter?”“Oh no, please Chuck, just go away.”Chuck, “But I just got here. Oh hey, was up, Jeannie? Come to visit have you.”Perfect, this is just perfect.

Chuck, “Has he told you that we’re Maxoidians from outer space and we’re working on our rocket ship? It’s this big so far.”“Don’t be stupid. This is Jeannie, remember? Childhood friend and all that jazz?”Jeannie, “Is he always like this?”“Sadly, yes.”Chuck, “No, I’m just being silly.”

Chuck, “Besides, I know the way you’re looking at her. Our eyes might be big and black, but I know the look where she doesn’t.”“Chuck, would you kindly take your foot out of your mouth?”Chuck, “What foot, yours or mine?”“Ugh, you’re being impossible.”Jeannie, “You two done sharing secrets?”

“As a matter of fact, I don’t share secrets with…”Jeannie, “Can you believe the price of make-up nowadays?”“…Chuck.”Right, so now she’s talking to him. Way to steal the limelight, brother. I hope you just keep your mouth shut.

I mean, after all, it’s no problem that they are talking. It doesn’t bother me one bit at all. I am, after all, the one who invited her over. So technically, she’s here with me, not him. And there isn’t anything remotely interesting about Chuck except his impulsive behavior and inability to know what from what anyway.

Which is why Jeannie will start talking to me again. Naturally.Jeannie, “…do you think?”“Uh, think about what?”Jeannie, “My joke.”“Oh! Um… I thought it was very funny and tasteful at the same time.”Jeannie, “Right.”

Chuck, “Wanna play red hands?”Jeannie, “Sure!”“Ha ha ha, look, Jeannie. I’m laughing. I thought your joke was really good. See?”Great. Just great. Now he’s got her attention again. Think, how can I get it back? Think darn ya, THINK!

Maybe I could chat with her some more. Or maybe share in the latest gossip. Like how yet another one of our breadfruit trees caught fire again. Or maybe share a joke I know. Come on, it’s gotta be good.

“Uh… game of red hands?”Chuck, “You totally stole that move from me.”Jeannie, “Of course.”Yes!

Great now he’s got her attention again.Chuck, “Pearly white necklace? Would you like one?”Jeannie, “No way. Something like that just doesn’t work for me, understand?”Yes! He drops the ball and… and… and what’s that stuff falling from the sky?

What is that white stuff?Jeannie, “It’s snowing.”Snowing?Jeannie, “Wow, I didn’t think it would ever snow in Strangetown. This must be some kind of freak occurrence. Though it does explain the freezing cold.”

“Snow. Snow. That sounds exciting.”Chuck, “Sounds stupid. What the heck is snow anyway?”Jeannie, “Don’t you pay attention in science class?”Chuck, “It’s the perfect time to nap.”Jeannie, “It’s like crystallized water or something. I’m not really certain though. It’s been a while since the weather chapter.”

Chuck, “Yea whatever. Thing is, what good is snow anyway?”“You are just an idiot aren’t you?”Chuck, “I don’t hear you suggesting anything.”“That’s because I’m not going to make stuff up off the top of my head.”Chuck, “Better than standing around looking stupid.”“I leave that to you.”

“Look, maybe you don’t care about snow, but I do.”Chuck, “Only since now, when Jeannie showed interest.”“Maybe so, but… wait where’d she go anyway?”

Jeannie, “Seems all too easy that both of them are fighting for my attention.”

Chuck, “Hey hey, Jeannie, getting a bite to eat I see. Think I’ll join you.”Jeannie, “I’m sure I’ve got the only good parts of the otherwise questionable chili. How old is this stuff?”“Uh, dad. Maybe you should go somewhere else.”

Jeannie, “Are you really eating that?”Chuck, “Sure am.”Jeannie, “That doesn’t sound at all… healthy.”Chuck, “Ain’t gonna stop me. I’ve got the endurance to tolerate this stuff.”Show off.

Well if he can tolerate it, so can I.

Jeannie, “You’re eating bad chili too?”“It’s not that bad. And it’s all in the art of getting the parts that aren’t bad at all. If that makes sense.”Jeannie, “But there’s green stink clouds of badness oozing out of it.”“Optical illusion.”Chuck, “Think I’ll have a second serving.”

Jeannie, “I really don’t see why you two are both being so… gross. Bad chili is bad chili. No need to go eating it. With the digs you two have, I’m sure fresh food is easy to come by.”

“It’s not about showing tolerance or being… um… what’s the word? Stingy? No… Frivolous? No… Thrifty! Yea… It’s not about being thrifty, it’s just.”Jeannie, “Just what?”“Well… it’s a guy thing.”

Jeannie, “A guy thing. Eating rotten food?”“Yea. Like when we play tennis and don’t cry when the ball smacks us in the face.”Chuck, “I think I’m gonna hurl.”

Jeannie, “Whatever. You two enjoy your meal. I’m going to go home. It’s getting rather late anyway.”This is all Chuck’s fault. If he didn’t…“Sorry you couldn’t stay longer. Well, goodbye.”…start eating this rotten food, Jeannie would be staying. Way to go, bro! Gross her out!

Chuck, “Ok. Now that she’s gone, how could you stomach eating this horrible stuff?”“I didn’t. I just faked eating.”Chuck, “Oh…”

It snows all through the night. So much snow, that the buses are canceled from picking up kids and taking them to school. Those kids that ride the bus are dismissed for the day. The better part? It’s FRIDAY! WHOOOOO!

With no school for the day, I head back to bed for some more shut eye. After all, I’m gonna need all the rest I can get for the plans I have for today.

Abignale, “Good job potty training us, mom.”

“I’d hate to interrupt this family bonding session over a game of kicky bag, but I’m going out. Be back later.”Xerxes, “Just don’t take the car.”“But dad!”Xerxes, “No buts!”“Fine. I’ll just walk.”

Jeannie, “Have you been waiting long?”“Uh, not really. Glad you could come out.”Jeannie, “Well it is kinda hard to get from the trailer park out here. So remind me…”

Jeannie, “…why the roller rink?”“I’m not sure myself. Just felt right is all.”

Our time together starts off with a friendly game of punching each others’ shoulders. Except I never get a chance when Jeannie punches me far to much for my own liking.

I repay the punch with a quick prank.

Which Jeannie quickly returns.

“You know, Jeannie. You’re a swell person to hang out with. I mean, it’s not like I have many other friends, but you are definitely at the top of the list. Someone I feel I can talk to without feeling like there’s peanut butter in my mouth.”

Jeannie, “Well, we are best friends, so I don’t see how that could be a problem. You really feel like there’s peanut butter in your mouth when you talk to other people?”Only girls. But then, I haven’t really tried talking to other girls.“Um, yea. I guess so.”

“So what’d you think of my skating. Great huh?”Jeannie, “To be honest, every time we got out on the rink the first thing you did was fall on your butt.”“Well, I mean after that part.”

Jeannie, “You did alright, I suppose. So now what?”“Well, it’s getting dark out. Guess we should be heading home.”Jeannie, “If that’s what you want to do.”“Um, well…. I guess so.”

“Uh, Jeannie, wait. Just one more thing before you go.”Jeannie, “What is it?”

We part ways and I head for home. Only to find a few persons waiting outside.

“Uh, hello. Can I help you?”“Yea, your dad called. He invited me and my dad over.”“What for?”

Twitchy Subject, “He said you could use a girlfriend.”