One Ugly Pie

No Need for Stargazing

The return home is not something I fully expected. I truly wished I was nothing more than a mere spare. At least then I’d be able to climb to the top and be a real Rock Star. Instead, I’m stuck with the drudgery of inheriting the family business. Thanks a lot people. Thanks a whole lot!

Home certainly seems to be the same. Ever right down to the burning tree that I thought dad cut down after it supposedly ruined mom and dad’s wedding ceremony. How I *bleep*ing dread who I end up married to. I just want to get back to Ratna. I don’t care that she’s a pretty diva. She means everything to me.

My welcome is a harrowing glare from a plant sim, Rosie. She fills me in that basically her and her kin were to die so that me and mine would be able to get away scant free from the oh so dreaded ghost color hunt. Whatever it that may be, apparently mom and dad fell victim as well and Rosie is spared.“And to think they planned to have me just lock myself in a room and set myself ablaze just so you and none of your kids ever have to accidentally face such a fate. I guess it’s better that my rotten son Oak went out that way instead of me.”“Gee, thanks for the enthusiasm. I’ll just leave you to your business then.”

“Before you leave, Xerxes, this is for you.”“What is it?”“It’s a hoard of fruit. Your parents wanted you to sell them at the businesses that you will inherit from me once I’m dead.”“Creepy. Yea, know what? You just keep’em to yourself. I’ll stick to what I do best, mkay?”“And what is it that you do best?”Besides sewing? “I’m a singer. Or are you totally oblivious that the band Deception took the land by storm several months back?”“Never heard of them.” Cripes, no wonder dad wanted her dead.

With Rosie off doing whatever, I’m going to make a very important phone call. I just hope that she answers for a change.“Hello?”“Hello, Ratna. It’s Xerxes.”“Xerxes. Oh right, Xerxes. How are you.”“In the dumps. Listen, I need you to come over. There’s something important I need to tell you.”

“Well, here I am”I’m utterly speechless at the speed she arrives. “How did you do that?”“Do what? The door was unlocked so I let myself in. You’re only standing right there.”“I mean… never mind.”“Oh, you mean how I got here so fast. I don’t mean to brag, but I just happened to know where you live and that you were going to call.”“I don’t believe that for a second.”“Believe what you will, but that’s the truth, lover.”

“Whatever. I just have something really important to say.”“And what would that be, Xerxes?”

“You’re a great kisser.”“I already knew that.”“No but seriously. Let’s have a seat. I’m just tired of standing around.”“As you wish.”

“Now whatever could be on your mind that would have you invite me over at such an hour and also so soon to just moving back into your family home.”“I’d ask how you know all of that, but at this point I don’t care.”“smart cookie. Here’s what I think: I think you’re going to propose. And I accept.”

“Are you serious? I’d do a lot better if that were the case. A lot better! No, I’m not proposing. In fact, I can’t even do that.”“Why not? Word is that you’re the family heir and certainly you’re obligated to fulfill certain duties to carry on the family legacy.”“That’s just the point. Listen, this relationship would be so much easier if I were just some toss-away spare. I’d rather be sitting on some lot, abandoned, but with you.”

“Now my poor eyes are open. Xerxes, this is a break-up isn’t it? I should have known. My dreams are dashed and so is my love. Oh darling, what a game you played with me.”“Ratna, no. That’s not it.”“Then stop being so coy about the subject and say it.”“I’m trying. Just shut up for five seconds and I will.”

“I’m the heir to an Uglacy. That means that to carry on the family line, the kids have to be born with a pretty messed up looking face. There. I said it. Now does that explain why this is so complicated? I’d rather be with you, but a bunch of people I don’t even know determined that I be the one to be heir. Understand?”

“So? This is your excuse?”“It’s not an excuse.”“Please, Xerxes, listen to what I have to say. Just because you are heir to an Uglacy does not mean we cannot be together.”“Ratna, last I looked, you are very pretty. I don’t think it would work out.”“it can and it will. There are other ways. Other ways to get around this complication.”

“And how the hell am I supposed to get around it, huh? Hope kids between you and eye pass off as scary?”“No, but it did strike my mind. I am thinking of another method.”“That being?”“Quite simple.”

“Get abducted by aliens.”

“Are you out of your flicking mind? They took my sister for several years. I didn’t even get to really know her as a person until the both of us were in college. And even then, my own mother practically forbade it. After Marcie disappeared, she took away all the telescopes. It’d be an insult if I did something like that.”“still listening to your mother. Sources say she screamed her lungs out to death. But I understand if you truly don’t want to make this work, Xerxes. I’m sure you find some splendidly horrid looking thing with no personality.”

“That’s not what I meant.”“So you’re just scared.”“No. It’s complicated.”“Very well.”

“Listen to me once more. I will allow you to ponder this matter for some time. If it behooves you that you are willing to put aside what your dead mother demands and pursue my suggestion, feel free to let me know. If your decision is otherwise, I request that you never call me again.”

“Do I make myself clear?”“Yea, yea.”“Good. I bid you farewell.”

“Good-bye, Xerxes.”“See ya.”I don’t like this. Don’t like it at all.

Still...“He’s going to do it. I just know it.”

Apple juice3 applesHelps sims do homework faster

Beauty cocktail2 oranges, 2 cucumbersLove potion

Eggplant juice2 eggplantsRandom skill point gain

Lemonade6 lemonsCools a sim down

Orange juice6 orangesCures colds

Orangeaid4 oranges, 2 lemonsMinor random badge skill increase

Pepper punch2 peppers, 1 pole bean, 1 appleBoosts a sims energy meter

Pureed boot1 bootFreak out!

And that’s when it hit me. “Maybe getting abducted won’t be a bad thing. At least with an alien baby, it should still look like a freak. And I’d be able to be with Ratna.”

Come on aliens. Don’t make this difficult.It’s just a shame that I spend the entire night without a single bite.

Tomato Juice6 TomatoesWarms-up a sim

Vegetable Cocktail1 tomato, 1 cucumber, 1 pole bean, 1 pepperSim builds skills faster

Being the new head of the house, I decide that I’m not the only one that could use a change. It’s time the house reflect a little more of my own tastes.

I have the left side of the house torn down and add a second floor.

Definitely loving the new TV I got myself.

I did leave the conservatory alone and intact out of respect for mom and dad. I was told that’s where they shared a first kiss.

Night two: things are going well enough. I just wish the aliens would come out and get this thing over with. Staring at the sky is getting dull and I have much better ideas of how to spend my time.

“What are you doing out here?”“What’s it look like? I’m looking at the stars through a telescope in case you hadn’t noticed.”“Didn’t Miss Piggy ban that?”“Uh no. Only Marcie was told not to.”“Oh. Well carry on then. I’m going back to painting.” I really wish this woman was dead.

Another fruitless night of searching. Only thing I notice out of the ordinary is a pink ghost. I think that might have been on of Rosie’s kids.

“Hello, Marcie. It’s Xerxes. How are you doing? I see. I’m doing alright, though I am really tired. Because I stayed up all night. Um, partying real hard. Just because I can’t be a real rock god doesn’t mean I can’t act like one. Mom? Uh well... She’s gone. Yea, I’m sorry. What do you mean you didn’t get a chance to talk to her? Didn’t you at least try back in college? I thought... Well, I don’t know what to say. Honestly I don’t. Maybe you could come over some time and pay respects or whatever it’s called. Sorry to have had to be the one to tell you. I know. I’m sorry.”

Dad... He’s gone too. I know, I’m sorry again. I’m sorry. I’ll just let you go now. No, it’s just... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I really just wanted to say hello and then... I’m sorry. I’m gonna go now. Bye.”

While I’m not too ashamed of the bubble blower, I did stash a sewing machine away in my little hideaway. Not that Rosie needs to know about my little hobby.

Tonight feels lucky. I’ve discovered an alien world. Maybe now they’ll come and get me since I know where they live.

Dag nabbit! No aliens for another night. This is starting to piss me off. How come Marcie made it look so easy? What’s her secret?

Not tonight... I’ve got a plan. I’ll just sew up an outfit that screams to them that they just have to take me. The only other explanation would be that the aliens are just idiots.

“Hello? Ratna? Hey! I thought you... Well, I couldn’t resist your charms. I’m going through with it. No I haven’t been abducted yet, but I have a plan. I’ll call you back when I’ve got news. Bye.”

Come on aliens! With this super cool space suit and clown make-up, I’m just a fool waiting to be abducted and put through, uh... Whatever it is you do. Or maybe you’ll just ignore me.

“No Yarby, Xerxes is sleeping at this hour. He stays up late at night doing who knows what. I don’t care, I’m too busy painting pictures. Call back in a few hours to ask him yourself.”

That combo didn’t work, but I’m not ready to just give in yet. Maybe I just haven’t found the ideal outfit and whatever else I might need to attract the attention of the aliens.

Those aliens must find the crop circles on my face of some value. They just need to come out and look for themselves.

The attention I get is unwanted. Instead of aliens, the supernatural visit from a snide green ghost visits me. He was brought to the house by me. I received the urn from Sharla who told me it was part of the ghost colors. This one was eaten by a cow plant, I’ve been told.

With another night left without abduction, I decide to take a little time for myself. A little party time!

Out of all six party guests I invite over, only two make it. I don’t know why. Perhaps throwing it so early in the morning is the main reason. Guess some people have to work at real jobs.

“Heir, yes? Perhaps someday you have a daughter, I marry her. We make beautifully ugly children together.”“Just don’t go thinking just because you’ve got the looks means you’re gonna join the family. Keep your suitcase unpacked buddy.”

“Guess what? You know who made another enemy.”“That’s great. Uh, who exactly is you know who?”“You know.”“Zayl? Wouldn’t doubt it if that asshole finally decided to pick on someone else.”“No! Not him. The other guy that makes enemies.”“Who?”“What? Don’t you know the latest gossip. How couldn’t you?”

The party ends with mild success thanks to a wonderful game of billiards and some refreshing ‘juice’. It also ends right as the phone starts ringing.“Hello Ratna. No, I haven’t been abducted yet. I don’t know why they haven’t dropped by. If I did, then I’d have good news. Gimme a break. I’ll give you a ring when it happens.”

I spend the entire night glued to the telescope. Yes the entire night glued to it. Not literally ‘glued’, but I never leave it. Stupid frickin icky, green, nasty, perverted aliens!

It turns out yesterday was Rosie’s birthday. Apparently I threw her a party without even realizing it and without cake. So to make it up to her, we spend the entire afternoon smustling.

After that, we both head out to the garden. Some strawberries are ready for harvest and I’m feeling a mighty quench.

Strawberry Juice3 strawberriesClears furious a bit

Strawberry Lemonade2 lemons, 2 strawberriesPlatinum mood

+1 point for drinking all juices

“How goes the stargazing?”“Terrible. Just terrible. I’m not seeing anything that I’m looking for.”“What are you looking for?”“Uh... Orion’s belt.” “Who’s Orion?”“A formation of stars and... Stuff.”

“Well, you enjoy your search for that guys belt. Maybe you should try checking the dresser or something. Doubt it’d be up in the sky.”“Yea sure, whatever.” Idiot.

Another night of searching.Another night gazing at stars.Another night of disappointment.This is getting old.And I ain’t getting any younger.

“Hello? Yarby. Hey, how are you doing? I’m doing alright. Marcie... Uh yea I told her about mom and dad. Would you have preferred I just said things were hunky dory? No I didn’t mean to... Sorry. I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what else to say. No she hasn’t come to visit or see the urns. Invite her over? Uh, well, I’m busy a lot of the time. She should just come over if she wants to. Maybe she isn’t ready. And maybe she isn’t. And maybe you should tell her to come over then. Listen, I’m not gonna talk about this if... Well, fine. Good bye.”

Twinkle, twinkle little starHow I wonder what you areUp above the world so highLike a diamond in the skyWon’t you grant me a wish tonightMake those aliens come through, alright?

Again, with the no aliens. So instead of moping straight to bed, I decide to take a chance at the pottery wheel. It’s recommended that beginners start with plates. I’m just a little upset that mine doesn’t turn out so well in the end. I think I’ll stick with sewing and belting vocals.

Tonight... Just doesn’t feel like it’s going to be my lucky night. Sigh.

“Ratna. It’s Xerxes. We need to talk. Just come over.”

“What do you mean you haven’t been abducted yet?”“Exactly that. It’s like I’m wearing some anti-alien deodorant or something.”“Are you sure you’re bathing properly? Maybe you just plain stink.”“It’s not the hygiene. I’ve got these plants that keep me healthy and all that jazz so I don’t need to worry. I’m just... They’re avoiding me without any good reason at all. I’m getting frustrated and anxious that by the time they do abduct me, it’ll be too late.”“Too late is not a good time at all. You’re absolutely right. And just what do you plan to do about it?”“Well... I don’t rightly know right now. I thought you might have an idea.”

“I’m sorry, darlin', but my poor rattled mind just doesn’t have a clue what to do. Wait, can’t you use some of that magic elixir?”“I can’t, it’s against family policy. If I do, then the whole thing is over. Or rather, we’d be out of some special thing; I don’t remember which.”“Well what about that machine that scrambles your brains?”“Oh hell no! I wouldn’t use that thing even if I could. And by that, I mean it’s off limits as well.”

“Listen, Ratna. I’m not sure what to do right now. The main reason I invited you over was more than to discuss this. I thought we could spend some time together.”“I’m fine with that. Just so long as while we’re together, you get it through your head how you’re going to overcome this obstacle.”“Alright. Let’s head inside.”

“Hey Xerxes. I don’t mean to brag, but remember that time we had that great date with each other. I had the time of my life and it was one of the highlights of that point in my life.”“I remember that. Oh and if you could excuse me, I need to take a nap.”“Now why do you need to take a nap after you invited me over?”“Because I’ve been up all night trying to get abducted. If you stick around long enough, I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Good, you’re finally awake. I’ve been meaning to tell you something that’s been bothering me for the past few minutes.”“And that would be?”“That downstairs bathroom.”“What about it?”“It’s utterly filthy. It’s got water puddles all over and the bathtub is broken. To think you used to run a business on this lot.”“And what do you want me to do about it?”

“I expect you to clean it up and fix that tub.”“Are you outta your mind?”“So that’s how it is. Is this nothing more than a sign of our future together? A lay about man who doesn’t want to please his wife by taking care of the very house he lives in?”“No I don’t mean that. What I mean to say is, there are people who can handle this. I’ll tell Rosie to take care of it. She might be old, but she’s a genius. Gets it from my dad.”“I see. And when she’s gone, then what?”“Then I’ll hire people to take care of these things. You won’t have to lift a finger. Alright?”“Sounds wonderful.”

“Now how about a pillow fight?”

“So, have you thought of how to overcome that problem yet?”“Actually, I have thought of something.”“And that would be?”“I’ll tell you if it comes to it. For now, I’m just going to settle with trying to get abducted before going through with my plan.”“As you wish, lover.”

“Actually, I did want to discuss something else. I happened to notice that bookshelf you have in your room. At first, I thought nothing of it, but then it struck me that it will be wonderful to have such a literate husband. Not often are there men who keep books so close to the bed.”

“Bookshelf... Yes right. Literate. Well, probably not in the sense of topics of popular or well read books, but just my own, uh private stash of reading... Material on music and the like. Remember, I was a lead singer so, I just wanted to know about others in my situation. Before the whole heir thing ruined my plans.”

“Well, it’s night time. Best I start my search for aliens again.”“I’ll take my leave for the night. Just don’t forget to go through with your plan if the time comes, Xerxes.”“I will.”And after this wonderful good-bye kiss I get to searching.

Sigh... Maybe tomorrow night.

Side Plotz

Ripp, “Is there a reason for you being here, Elmyra? Or do you just get your kicks for walking into random people’s homes and dancing when they just happen to have the stereo on.”Elmyra, “Shut it, Ripp. I heard a good song that had a beat I can dance to. But I came over for a good reason.”

Elmyra, “I just thought I’d stop by and thank you for doing a good job during last night raid. You did an excellent job guarding the door without a distraction.”Ripp, “Excuse me?”Elmyra, “Forget about it. Just wanted to tell you that thanks to our efforts and a little help from my dearly departed friend, we’ve got the Servo in custody. It’s just a shame we weren’t able to get Gargamel as well.”

Ripp, “Listen, Elmyra, I’m sorry about that kiss. It’s just came to me. And you didn’t dismiss it either. If it makes you feel any better, I would have said something to the lawyer, but...”Elmyra, “You didn’t.”Ripp, “You’re not going to hold a grudge against me are you?”

Elmyra, “Ripp, just keep an eye out for Gargamel. We need to bring him in for questioning. For all we know, the servo could have been acting on it’s own, but we need to know for sure.”Ripp, “So you’re not going to hold a grudge.”

“Well?”

Elmyra, “Just don’t go doing something like that again, on duty.”Ripp, “On duty, gotcha. So that means you must of felt something.”Elmyra, “What?”

Ripp, “Tell you what, I’m free tomorrow night. I know a place downtown we could go to. Let’s say, seven? Seven sound good to you?”

Elmyra, “Ripp...”Ripp, “Yes?”Elmyra, “What kind of woman do you think I am?”Ripp, “A lucky one.”Elmyra, “Don’t you think you’re the one who thinks he is lucky.”Ripp, “Is that a yes?”

Elmyra, “Don’t push it.”Ripp, “So I’ll see you at seven?”

Buck, “Who was that?”Ripp, “Tomorrow night at seven.”Buck, “...”Ripp, “Ok, her name is Elmyra. Co-worker.”Buck, “Thought you swore off co-workers.”Ripp, “Did I?”

Buck, “I’ll just leave you to your business, Ripp. I actually wanted to tell you that Tank called.”Ripp, “And why would I care?”Buck, “Because he’s our brother. He hasn’t been stateside for nearly a year now.”Ripp, “So what? He wanted to follow dad’s footsteps. Let him. I’m just happy for him.”

Buck, “I’ll just tell you anyway: he got promoted to captain recently and they extended his tour.”Ripp, “Great... Seriously, Buck, I don’t care.”Buck, “Why not?”Ripp, “I don’t need to tell you why I hate that brown noser when I’ve got a perfectly good brother standing right in front of me. Besides, I thought I was going to be driving you to the university today.”Buck, “I know.”

Ripp, “Now unless you want me to retract my hospitality by talking about Tank, then keep talking. Though if you still want that ride, I suggest you put on something besides your PJs and get your stuff together. I got a date with Ophelia tonight and I don’t want to be late.”Buck, “Alright. I’ll grab my things.”

Ripp, “And Buck.”Buck, “Yea?”Ripp, “Don’t forget to get all your zombie stuff. I don’t want the girls thinking I’m into your hobby.”Buck, “I won’t.”