Moving Your Grandchild Into Your Home

Moving Your Grandchild into Your HomeMoving to a new home brings a variety of emotionsand feelings for any child. Like adults, children grievefor the people, places and things they are leavingbehind. For many children, moving into their grand-parent’s house is complicated by other stresses, suchas the loss of regular contact with a parent.

Don’t be surprised if your grandchildren feel sadnessduring the transition to your home. Treating yourgrandchild’s feelings with sensitivitywill help make the adjustment a lit-tle easier. Keep in mind that childrenof different ages will need differentkinds of support to deal with thistransition.

Young children(Infants to 5-year-olds)Many adults mistakenly believe thatyoung children adjust to changeseasily because they don’t understandwhat is happening. But researchersstudying the brain have found thateven very young children feel stress

during major transitions, such as moving. Even if theycan’t tell you what they feel, your young grandchildrenpick up on your stress and anxiety. Some extra timespent with you every day can help reassure them thattheir world is safe.

Also remember that young children need routines tohelp them feel secure. Try to make their world pre-dictable. Keep familiar toys or books nearby. Stick toa schedule for meals and bedtimes. Set up a few clear,

age-appropriate rules for their behav-ior, and enforce those rulesconsistently. And be patient — yourgrandchildren will need time to learnthe rules of their new home.

Elementary-School Children(6- to 12-year-olds)School-age children are old enoughto understand that moving meansleaving things behind. They may beupset about losing friends and wor-ried about finding new ones. Someschool-age children are excited dur-ing the move, but feel stress a month

Raising your grandchild can be both rewarding and challenging. The transi-tion to this new relationship can be stressful for the entire family. While your grandchildren are getting used to anew home and caregiver, you must readjust to the responsibilities of parenting. The adjustment will take time andpatience on everybody’s part. But with some planning and a lot of understanding, you can adapt to the challengesof raising your grandchildren. Some of the most common adjustment problems are discussed below, along withsuggestions for making the adjustment easier.

Moving Your Grandchild Into Your Home

or so later, when they realize how muchtheir lives have changed.

Teenagers (13-year-olds and up)Teens are able to understand the move bet-ter than younger children. This may leadthem to have stronger feelings of anger orgrief. Give them your attention to expressthese feelings. Teens also rely on friends tohelp them adjust to changes. It’s importantto help them find new friends and maintaincontact with old ones.

What can you do?Although it is natural for children to needtime to adjust, there are things you can doto help them cope with the changes in theirlives.

Give extra time and attention, espe-cially to younger children. Plan specialtime where you sit and talk to each other,without the television or other distractions.But you don’t always have to discuss thechanges in their lives. Plan fun things to dotogether as well.

Involve children in the moving process.School-age children and teens can helpmake lists and finish up the packing. Evenyoung children can help with simple tasks.Let children help decide how to decoratetheir new room. Giving them some controlmakes adjusting to the move easier.

Set up a routine. Routines and scheduleshelp children feel more secure and com-fortable. Set up routines for mealtimes,bedtimes, and getting ready in the morning.Do things in the same order every day.Come up with a special ritual that you andyour grandchildren can share, such asreading together before bed.

Help children find things to do. Getthem involved in sports activities. Findsome friends in the neighborhood they canplay with. Take them to visit their newschool or child care program before theystart.

Recognize your grandchildren’s feel-ings. Listen without getting upset orlecturing them. Let them know that youunderstand how hard these changes are.Encourage them to share their feelings,both good and bad. Read children’s booksto start a discussion about feelings withyoung children.


Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Cooperative Extension, The University of Georgia

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Set and enforce a few rules. Childrenfeel more secure when they know what isexpected of them. Make a few clear rulesfor children’s behavior, and enforce themevery time they are broken. Don’t let mis-behavior “slide” because you’re afraid ofhurting their feelings. If you don’t enforcethe rules, it will be harder to teach childrenhow to behave later. But remember thatchildren can’t remember too many rules, sokeep them simple. (See GrandparentsRaising Grandchildren: Discip liningYour Grand child for more help with set-ting and enforcing rules.)

Give children time and space. Everychild adjusts at his or her own pace. Don’tbe surprised if children aren’t cheerfulright away. Some children may seem angryor withdrawn. Others may go back tobehaviors they had outgrown, such as bed-wetting or thumb-sucking. Be patient —adjusting to change takes time.

Helping Around the HouseOne way to help children learn responsi-bility is to find ways for them to helparound the house. From a very young age,children can help out with specific jobs orchores. These chores will help you getthings done around the house. And doingchores helps children recognize that theyare an important part of the household.Giving children a chance to feel useful canalso boost their self-esteem.

What kinds of chores are appropriate foryour grandchildren? Young children canhelp out with simple tasks. Putting awaytheir toys, carrying their clean laundry totheir room, and helping set the table arethings a 3- or 4-year-old can manage easily.5- and 6-year-olds can be in charge of set-ting and clearing the table, emptying thewastebaskets, running the vacuum cleaner,and feeding pets. Older children and teenscan help with many of the things thatadults do (such as laundry, dusting, clean-ing the bathrooms, and walking the dog).



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Children feel moresecure when theyknow what is

expected of them.

Make a few clearrules for children’sbehavior, and

enforce them everytime they are

broken.

As children get older, you can also beginteaching them how to do things like iron-ing, mowing the grass, and cooking. Makesure you emphasize safety first!

Making It Feel like Their HomeChildren need to feel like they belong. Oneway to make them feel at home is to carveout personal space where they can keeptheir special belongings. Even if space inyour home is limited, it’s important to setaside a specific space just for your grand-child.

If grandchildren have their own rooms, letthem help decorate the room. Allow themto decide what pictures to hang or tochoose some colorful rugs. If grandchil-dren don’t have their own bedroom, besure that your house becomes their homein other ways. Find a special place to keeptheir toys, or let them choose new sheetsfor their beds. Consider hanging children’s

artwork on the refrigerator, and put upphotographs that include them.

Children need places where they can havesome privacy. If they don’t have their ownroom, you may need to be creative in defin-ing “private space.” Use dividers to set upa small private area in a bigger room. Setup a schedule so they can be alone in cer-tain areas at certain times of the day. Ifgrandchildren are sharing a bedroom, con-sider allowing the older child to stay up alittle later. Spend some one-to-one timewith each child before bed.

Making your grandchildren feel like a partof your home will reassure them that theirliving situation is stable. Whatever yourspace limitations, make sure your grand-children feel like your home is their hometoo!



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What Should Grandchildren Call You?Some grandparents who are raising theirgrandchildren don’t know what the chil-dren should call them. Many grandchildrenalready have a favorite name for theirgrandparents before they move in. If you’vealways been “Nana” or “Papa,” it’s fine tokeep using that name. Help your grand-children understand that there are manydifferent kinds of families, and other chil-dren also live with their grandparents.

Some very young children might begin call-ing you “mom” and “dad” because theyhear other children using those names fortheir caregivers. If you feel comfortablewith this, don’t worry about it. If it makesyou uncomfortable, gently remind yourgrandchild that you are Granny. If yourgrandchild has regular contact with hismother or father, you may need to remindhim who “mom” or “dad” is. Show him pho-tos, and talk about what he does with hisparents. (For more tips on parent-child

relationships, see Grandparents RaisingGrandchildren: Helping GrandchildrenStay in Contact with their Parents.)

Above all, don’t let the name questionworry you. Choose whatever works bestfor both you and your grandchild.

In SummaryAlthough bringing grandchildren into yourhome brings new challenges, it can also bevery rewarding. You will get to have expe-riences that most grandparents don’t have,such as getting to see them when they firstwake up and watching them grow anddevelop. With time, patience, and caring,you can adjust to your new role and helpyour grandchildren feel comfortable intheir new home.



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Making yourgrandchildren feellike a part of yourhome will reassurethem that theirliving situation is

stable.

ReferencesHoutman, S. (1999). To Grandma’s house, we....stay.Northridge, CA: Studio 4 Productions.

Oesterreich, L. (1993). Moving to a new home. In Understanding Children. Ames, IA:Iowa State University Extension.

Establishing Rules. In Todd, C.M. (Ed.) (1992), School-age connections. Urbana-Champaign, IL: University of Illinois Cooperative Extension Service.

Sands, R. G. & Goldberg-Glen, R. S. (2000). Factors associated with stress among grand-parents raising their grandchildren. Family Relations, 49, 97-105.

Strawbridge, W. J., Wallhagen, M. I., Shema, S. J., & Kaplan, G. A. (1997). New burdens ormore of the same? Comparing grandparent, spouse, and adult-child caregivers. TheGerontologist, 37, 4, 505-510.

Solomon, J. C. & Marx, J. (1995). “To grandmother’s house we go”: Health and school adjust-ment of children raised solely by grandparents. The Gerontologist, 3, 386-394.

Szinovacz, M. E. (1998). Grandparents today: A demographic profile. The Gerontologist, 38,37-52.

Ehrle, G. M. & Day, H. D. (1994). Adjustment and family functioning of grandmothers rear-ing their grandchildren. Contemporary Family Therapy, 16, 67-82.



The University of Georgia and Ft. Valley State University, the U.S. Department of Agriculture andcounties of the state cooperating. Cooperative Extension, the University of Georgia College ofAgricultural and Environmental Sciences, offers educational programs, assistance and materialsto all people without regard to race, color, national origin, age, gender or disability.

An EqUAl OppOrTUniTy EmplOyEr/AFFirmATiVE ACTiOn OrGAnizATiOnCOmmiTTED TO A DiVErSE WOrk FOrCE

publication # CHFD-E 59-1 revised July, 2009

Developed and released by Dr. Diane Bales, Human Development Specialist,

Cooperative Extension, The University of Georgia. The Grandparents Raising

Grandchildren series was adapted, with permission, from the Grandparents as

Parents series originally developed by the University of Kentucky Cooperative

Extension and released by Sam Quick. For more information, go to

http://www.gafamilies.org or call 1-800-ASK-UGA1.

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Moving Your Grandchild Into Your Home