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Mcguffy's News Brockville, Jokes, Facts, and other interesting reads!!
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Brockville and1000 Islands
Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.comVO
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Free!Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist
Jon: 613 342 [email protected]
State Farm • Canadian Head Offices: Aurora, Ontario • statefarm.ca™P045003CN 12/04
WE SHARE THE SAME COMMITMENT.We share a commitment to serve our community. Thank you
newspaper readers for voting us #1 for all your insurance needs.Rick Beer, Agent
522 King Street WestBrockville, ON K6V 3T2
Bus: [email protected]
$5 OFF Canpar Select or UPS Express
Some conditions apply. See store for details. O�er expires to February 13th, 2012.
We Pack & Ship• Worldwide Courier Services
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Visit our NewLocation at
4504 South Ave(Hillcrest Plaza)
Near Tincap BerryFarm
February Cash & Carry Only!
The Shake That Tastes Like A Cake!
613-341-7846 [email protected]
Start Your 90 Day Challenge!
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ViSalus Independent Distributor
LOSE WEIGHTSAVE MONEY
9 minute oil change!No appointments!
And Warranty approved!Rust Proo�ng $79.99!
Snow Tires From 59.99!
613.342.3000103 Broome Road , Brockville ON
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Snow Tire Installations Available!
Get With The PRO`sOpen 7 Days A Week
PORTABLE RENTAL SIGNS· FLEET TRUCKS· PAINT PROTECTION· HEAVY EQUIPMENT· SOLVENT PRINTING· VEHICLE STRIPES· REAL ESTATE SIGNS· ILLUMINATED SIGNS
PROFESSIONAL [email protected] FAX: 613-925-1556
SPECIALIZING IN: VEHICLE WRAPS
51 King St. West, Brockville, ON613 - 498 - 2200 Fax 613 - 498 - 2205
Designed & made in CanadaDi�erent colours & frames to choose fromExclusive to Brockville & only in Rosemary’s Optical Shop!
ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP
Townsman Ltd., BrokerageIndependently owned & operated 116 King Street W., Brockville, On
48 Cedar Street In Maitland$244,000!Well Maintained 3 bdrm Bungalow Helping You Make The Right Move!
Rick Burt C.E.T.Sales Representative
Direct: 613-498-7547O�ce:613-345-2121 ext 316
“Visit my listings!”www.c21burt.com
Call Jon (613) 342 0428
This double size adis available foryour business!
SEE OPPORTUNITY. SEE WHAT’S
HUMANLY POSSIBLEAT MANPOWER.COM
613-342-0250
C - Way Services
Airport ShuttleTel: 613-345-4915
www.cwaylimo.comBrockville • Ontario • Canada
Thousand Islanders Chorus Singing Valentine
Here is something you don’t see or hear everyday. This Valentine’s Day on Tuesday February 14th surprise your loved one with a special singing tele-gram from the Thousand Islanders Chorus. If you are in the Brockville area and wish to have the chorus visit your sweetheart, Mother, friend in their home, business, restaurant, retirement home the chorus will sing 2 songs and bring a rose and chocolate to have a Valentine’s Day Gift to remember.
Call Gidget @ 613-345-0628 to arrange the visit ($35) or a phone call singing telegram ($15) long distance charges may apply.
For ladies interested in singing A Cappella style and maybe joining a rehearsal or finding out information about the Thousand Islanders Chorus go to www.thousandislanders.com “Find your Voice and Let your Spirit Soar”
Fire Dog's Duties
Perfect HearingAn elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doc-tor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
A school teacher was delivering a bus full of children home one day when a fire truck drove by. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian.
The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be."They use him to keep crowds back," said one girl."No," said another, "he has to be for good luck." A third child proclaimed. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"
Empowering Thoughts
Qui
ck
Funn
yBacon Roll-ups
Finish The Slogan
Answer:
Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. ~ Helen KellerThe ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. ~ Martin Luther King, JrIt isn’t what the book costs. It’s what it will cost you if you don’t read it. ~ Jim Rohn
God has given us two hands, one to receive with and the other to give with. ~ Billy Graham
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. ~ Waldo Emerson
Use what talents you possess, the woods will be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. ~ Henry van Dyke
By the time a man realizes that his father was righthe has a son telling him he is wrong.
1 loaf white bread, crusts trimmed1 8-oz. package softened cream cheese1 pound slice bacon
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Cut each slice of white bread and each bacon slice in half. Spread each slice of bread with the cream cheese. Roll the bread tightly, wrapping the bacon slice around the roll. Secure with toothpicks. Arrange the roll-ups in a single layer on a medium baking sheet. Bake for 30 minutes or until the bacon is no longer pink and the bread is lightly toasted.
Serve warm. Enjoy!
Aren’t you glad you use ______ ? Don’t you wish everybody did?
Dial Soap
Famous advertising slogans. See if you remember.
Mobile VacuumSales & Service
Central’s - Canister’s - Upright’sNew & Used Vacuums
We Repair Most Makes & Models
FREE Delivery ~ FREE Pickup ~ FREE Estimates
613-802-4477
www.CanadianTaxMan.ca
Need Help? We are Your Accounting & Income Tax Service Specialists!
• Accounting, Bookeeping & Consulting Services• Deliquent Tax Filing Specialists• Personal & Corporate Income Tax Returns
(613) 499 4944Marc Wigle
“In �e Of Brockville”
What Do You Want
To Re�ect?
Guys & Gals Full Service SalonSteph Saunders Owner
[email protected] 165 King St W Brockville613-498-9898
HENDERSON JOHNSTON FOURNIERLAWYERS
Service Integrity Efficiency
WILLS & ESTATESCORPORATE LAW
CIVIL LAWSUITSREAL ESTATE LAW
NEVILLE C. JOHNSTONPAUL J. FOURNIER
61 KING STREET EAST BROCKVILLE, ONTARIO
TEL: (613) 345-5613 FAX: (613) 345-6473 [email protected]
www.hendersonjohnstonfournier.com
Shawn PittmanLori Plume
163 Perth St., Brockville, ON613-345-0311
City A-1 Radiator & TireFull Service For Your Vehicle
Brakes - Exhaust - Tune-upsSuspension - Computer Diagnostic,Safety Inspections - Emission Testing
Check your anti-freeze or coolant for your car! Winter service package $49.95!
You’re Reading this soyour customer will see your
business card sized ad here also!
613-342-0428
Stump Grinding Free EstimatesTree Removal Fully Insured
Maple Heights Tree ServiceServing the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable
1-877-MAPLE-10(1-877-627-5310)[email protected]
DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT
A Blast From The Past
Remember the T.V. show 'Mad About You' ? Can you guess who’s that play-ing the piano on the theme? A. Why it’s Paul Reiser himself.
Feeling Young
Best Advertising Slogan
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 89 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.” “Really!? Like a newborn baby!?” “Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”
These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is (said to be) given out in honor of GM’s fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Cen-tral and South America. “Nova” in Spanish means, “It Doesn’t Go”.
• The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are You Lactating?”
• Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer From Diarrhea.”
• Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.”
• Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “Manure Stick.”
• When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what’s inside, since many people can’t read.
Random Facts
True Colors
I don’t paint things. I only paint the difference be-tween things. ~ Henri Matisse
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man “could bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat”.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or “upper crust.”
Glad you live today? Be thankful.
Those Were The Days
1. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
2. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.3. John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.4. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.5. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.6. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand
on a keyboard7. Our bodies use approximately 2,500 calories of our daily intake of
calorie-laden food to fuel the body.8. Many birds have an eye on each side of their head. Each eye sees a com-
pletely separate area.
Amazingly So
We usually refer to it by 3.63% of it’s rightful name: L.A. The full name of the city of Los Angeles is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”. How’s that for a mouthful?
Tongue Twister
Try saying this four times as fast as you can!
Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.
Pirate Humor
Two pirates pass each other on a ship’s deck. “Aye, captain!”, says one. “Shouldn’t that be ‘Aye, aye, captain!’?”, asks
the captain. “Ehh... I believe in an ‘Aye’ for an ‘Aye, aye’.”
RebusA Rebus is a picture or word representation of a name, work or phrase.
How fast can you guess this one?
Answer:
(Shifting Gears)
G EA R G E AR
McGuffy’sDesigned Ads
Produce For You!
613-342-0428Call for details.
This double size adis available foryour business!
LETSA MAIDResidential, Professional O�ce, Business Cleaning Services
COME HOME TO A CLEAN HOUSE!
Call TodayFor A FreeEstimate!
Serving Brockville/Prescott and Surrounding Area!Leticia Navarro
Owner/Manager613.246.6889 (cell)613.640.1565
Ph: 613-925-0000Fax: 613-925-0129
24/7 Service
Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.
3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT.
Call the plumbing & water experts today!
Need a special Book?Give us a call613-342-5728
This areas #1 supplier of topographical maps and river charts. [email protected]
Courtney SadlerOwner
73 King St WBrockville, ON
Open 7 Days aWeek!
Check out our New Arrivals for 2012!
Tracy SeedOwner
87 King St WestBrockville, ON
613-345-7925 ext.101
Gift Certificates
make a greatt gift!We are your #1 Gift Store for your child’s educational
Toys/Puzzles/Puppets/Clothing/Accessories/Cards
www.chartwellreit.ca
MAYFIELDRETIREMENT RESIDENCE
248 Park St. W., Prescott
Call 613-925-3784for more details!
Ask about our short term and convalescent stays!
SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKS
Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shu�eboardBig Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays
AGE
OF
MAJORITY
Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke
Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm
24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919
Feb 3 - JourneyMenFeb 10 - Blues Highway Feb17 - Gypsy MoonFeb 24 - City Limits
Sam’s February Line-Up:
Pick up McGuffy’s News every week!!
At over 140 Locations in Brockville/AthensNorth Augusta/LynMallorytown & Rockport
Qui
ck
Rid
dle
Tips for a Well Behaved Dog
Rudolph A. Marcus ~ The Nobel Prize in Chemistry 1992 – for his contri-butions to the theory of electron transfer reactions in chemical systems.Marcus was born in Montreal, Canada, where he attended McGill University.Willard S. Boyle – The Nobel Prize in Physics 2009 – for the invention of an imaging semiconductor circuit – the CCD sensor – shared with Charles K. Kao and George E. Smith.Willard S. Boyle was born in Amherst, Nova Scotia.
Canadian Facts
Why do hurricanes travel so fast? ~ Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.
It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s a.......lawn chair? They do it on TV all the time. It’s a classic comic setup. Even Winnie the Pooh did it! Looks easy. Kent Couch thought so after seeing a story on TV and decided to fulfill a child-hood dream to fly in the sky! While most do it in a plane, hot air balloon, or at the very least, a hang glider, Couch did it in his lawn chair!
The fellow in the collapsible pilot seat lifted off from Bend Oregon and at-tracted a lot of attention as he flew over the small community of Cambridge Idaho where he touched down in a field outside of town. Landing gear: a Red Ryder BB gun for popping balloons for landing. Rigging a lawn chair with GPS trackers tied to 150 helium filled colorful party balloons, Couch did what he set out to do – fly across the great state of Oregon; a trip that took 9 hours and covered 235 miles.
Couch trained rigorously for the corporate sponsored flight by taking hang gliding and skydiving lessons and although he has made 2 earlier lawn chair flights (one in which he has to deploy a parachute after popping too many balloons with the BB gun), it was this third try that made it worth the $6,000 price tag.
Real AdsThe following are real ads, classified and otherwise, published in newspapers.
1. Free one can of pork and beans with purchase of three bedroom, two bath home.
2. American flag, 60 stars. Pole included $100. 3. Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog. 4. Whirlpool built-in oven—frost-free. 5. Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
Sign At Real Estate Office
Buy land. They ain't making any more
of the stuff.
Today's RiddleLogically Speaking
Flo, Moe and Jo live side by side on Main Street. Each won top prizes in
their favorite flower category at the annual garden show.
Who lives in what color house and grows which flower?
Flo doesn’t grow irises. Joe never painted his house blue. The gardener who
lives in the red house is the one that grows irises. Moe’s passion is for roses.
The one who loves sunflowers doesn’t live in the yellow house.
Flo - blue house, grows sunflowers. Moe - yellow house, grows roses. Jo - red house, grows irises.Answer:
My head and tail are both equal,
My middle slender as a bee.
Whether I stand on head or heel
Is quite the same to you or me.
But if my head should be cut off,
The matter's true, though passing strange -
Directly I to nothing change. What am I???
(Eight)Very Punny
• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
Across: 3. Order8. Civil War battlefield10. His full first name11. Slim13. Where he was shot15. Moral
16. Basic unit of society17. The UnionDown1. Primary2. Formal discussion4. Remembrance5. Opponant of Lincoln
6. Leader of U.S.7. Celebration day9. Wed12. Outstanding14. Competent
CRO
SS
WO
RD
L i n c o l n
Guides to Good Writing
1. It’s better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.2. Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without
an object.
3. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should. begin with a capital and end with a full stop
4. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.
5. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.
Christie Aluminum Products
Custom windows that are a perfect �t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!
900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874
613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ON
Loose?Cracked & Worn?Over 5yrs old?In Your Pocket?Missing Teeth?Causing Gum Pain?
Take The TestAre Your Dentures?
• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!
“Let Us Restore Your
Natural Smile!”
TODAY IS A GOOD DAYTO mAke ThInGS SImplerInsurance and investment solutions that fit your life. I can help.
© Sun Life Assurance Company of Canada, 2012.
Anna Trakas613-545-9660 ext [email protected]/anna.trakas
Thousand Islanders Women’s A Cappella Chorus
Wednesdays 7-10pm First Baptist Church, 9 Pine St. Brockville
Membership: Gidget 345-0628 Performances: Barbara 345-6649
and let your spirit soar!
We’ll help you
156 King St. West Brockville, On
613-345-2244
Pauline’s Lingerie�is Valentine’s Day
Romance �e Woman You Love!Romantic LingerieBras & PantiesSleepwearSwimwear / Cruise wearAccessories
Call Jonfor details.
(613) 342-0428
Advertise Your Spa Specialties.
Canadian Hearing SocietyFree home or o�ce visits• improve communication
• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries
Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209
Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7
Itrix
51 King St. West, Brockville, ON613 - 498 - 2200
Fax 613 - 498 - 2205
• Quality Eyewear• Contact Lenses• Eye Exams Arranged• 24 Years of ExperienceRosemary
ColemanOwner
ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP
Golden Soles
Gift CertificatesAvailable 46 King Street East Brockville, ON
613-342-7111 Cell: 613-340-6330
Comfort Diabetic Socks
All In Stock Winter Footwear25% - 35% O�
43 King St. W., Suite 202, Brockville, ON K6V 3P7
Your Local Mortgage Solution
With access to over 60 lenders, we will work with you to findthe one that best suits your needs!
We give you “The Power To Choose” call today!
613-345-5284
Glen RickerbyMortgage Agent
Mark ReillyMortgage Agent
(866) [email protected]
Residential & Commercial
Gas ~ Oil ~ Propane FurnacesHeat Pumps ~ Boiler Service ~ Ventilation
Repairs & Service to Farm EquipmentJoe Cooke
Owner24 Hour Emergency Service
613-802-0384
100 Stewart Blvd. Brockville(Inside Quality Hotel) 613-345-1400 (ext 163)
A true health & wellness center focused on your success!Physical fitness & nutritional programs tailored to meet your needs.
We offer:Pool/Squash
Sauna/Steam RoomHot Tub
Private Fitness GymPersonal Training
“A Total Approach to Health & Fitness”
The Dog’s Diary
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
I thought to myself
Crossword SolutionSudoku Solution
A Fresh Perspective
Good Questions• Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the pre-
views, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself ?
• Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
What the fire didn’t burnMy sister’s husband was an alco-
holic, which saddened my sister who was a sober alcoholic herself. They had separated and he lived just a ways from her and their two boys. She re-ceived a phone call saying that he was sober and was coming to see the boys, aged 9 and 7, and would that be OK. She said that it would and he said he would be there in a few hours.
Later, she received a phone call telling her that her husband had been in a car accident, sober but swerved to miss a dog. He was seriously burned - 60% of his body but was still conscious which was a miracle in itself as he had been given strong drugs for the pain, he was determined to see his boys. They asked him how he was, and he replied, “Oh, I’ve had a bit of an accident, but that’s enough about me, how are you two?” They spoke for a little while but their dad had to go to the burns unit in the capital city for urgent treatment, so they sadly said goodbye and he was wheeled away.
He lived for 10 days, and the boys were able to visit him on two occa-sions in that time. On the last occa-sion their dad had his eyes open and watched them, but he couldn’t speak as he was still heavily sedated. Again,
the staff didn’t know how he had opened his eyes. He just looked at his two boys as they played near his bed.
At the funeral the priest said that, among other things, he had given Jack a special blessing which meant that all the people around the world who were praying for “the unknown soul” at that moment, their prayers would go to Jack in his hour of need. I thought this was amazing. An ob-scure but suffering alcoholic prayed for by people around the world! His two little boys were so brave at the grave side, as they struggled to come to terms with what had happened to their dad.
The police had found a most un-usual item at the scene which puzzled them greatly as to how it wasn’t burnt. It was a blue plastic container, like one used in a kitchen, which con-tained all the photos of the boys with their dad when they went and stayed with him during school holidays. It was found in the vehicle scarcely affected by the heat. The edges of some photos were slightly yellowed, and the contained slightly warped, but apart from that, the photos were still intact. What a great gift the boys were left with. To treasure and remember their father.
Redundant Again!
Dark night
... and etc.
Delete out
Automatic ATM machine
Famous QuoteI always advise people never to give advice. ~ P. G. Wodehouse
